The Brass Bottle: A Farcical Fantastic Play in Four Acts

Fakrash

He is on some journey – for in Jerusalem itself could I find no sign of him.

Horace

Oh, come! You can't have flown as far as Jerusalem and back already!

Fakrash

Know'st thou not that, to a Jinnee of the Jinn, distance is but a trifling matter?

Horace

So much the better! You'll be back in the East all the sooner. And when you are there, you stay there. Don't get disheartened if you don't find Suleymán directly. Keep on pegging away till you do! Why, the mere travelling will be a pleasant change for you!

Fakrash

[On right of table; sententiously.] Well and wisely was it written: "In travel there are five advantages. [Proceeding to enumerate them on his fingers.] The first of these is – "

Horace

[Impatiently, as he moves to his bedroom door on right.] I know, I know! Don't you bother to run through them now– I've got to dress for dinner. Just you bundle off to Arabia and search for Suleymán like billy-oh. Good-bye!

Fakrash

May Allah never deprive thy friends of thy presence! Never have I encountered a mortal who has pleased me so greatly!

Horace

[At bedroom door.] Awfully good of you to say so!

Fakrash

Farewell! Prepare to receive a reward beyond all thine expectations!

[He waves his arm, and for ten seconds the room is in utter darkness. There are sounds as of a rushing wind and crashes and rumblings. Then the glimmer of three Arabian hanging lanterns is seen faintly illuminating a large central arch and two smaller side ones. An immense perforated lantern hanging from the domed roof then becomes lit, and reveals an octagonal hall with four curtained arches, the fourth, down on the right, being where Horace's bedroom door had been. The walls are decorated in crimson, blue, and gold arabesques. Above the bedroom door is a low divan with richly embroidered cushions. Opposite to it, on the left, is a similar divan. High in the wall overhead is a window with gilded lattice-work, through which is seen a soft blue evening sky.Horace

[With his back to the audience.] Great Scott! What's that old idiot let me in for now?

Mrs. Rapkin

[Heard outside the arch up on right of central arch.] Oh, whatever is it now? What's 'appened? [She enters.] Goodness gracious! Mr. Ventimore, sir – what's come to the 'ouse?

Horace

Then —you see a difference, Mrs. Rapkin?

Mrs. Rapkin

I don't see nothink as ain't different. For mercy's sake, sir, 'oo's been alterin' of it like this?

Horace

Well, I haven't.

Mrs. Rapkin

But where are you going to 'ave your dinner-party now, sir?

Horace

Where? Why, here! There's lots of room.

Mrs. Rapkin

But I don't see no dinner-table, nor yet no sideboard.

Horace

Never mind – never mind! Don't make difficulties, Mrs. Rapkin. You must manage somehow.

Mrs. Rapkin

I'll try, sir, but – not to deceive you – I feel that upset I 'ardly know where I am.

Horace

You – you'll get used to it. [Persuasively.] And you're going to see me through this, I'm sure. I must go and dress now. [Looking round the hall.] I suppose you haven't any idea where my bedroom is?

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