Heaven Knows

“Cleaning off the battery terminals.” Alexandra bent over the engine compartment. “That’s probably why my car isn’t starting.”

It took only a few seconds to wipe the terminals down and tighten the connectors.

“Something tells me you’ve been on your own a long time.” Bev eased closer. “No boyfriend? No husband?”

“No husband. Yet.” But there had been a man who’d proposed to her after three years of dating. A man she’d been ready to marry.

Panic clawed in her chest and she said nothing more about Patrick. She wanted to forget him, to forget she’d ever known him. She slammed the hood and took a deep breath. “This should do it.”

“If it doesn’t start,” Bev warned, apparently expecting the worst, “then you’d best come with me and no arguments. I can’t in good conscience leave you here.”

“She’ll start.” Alexandra gave her car a pat on the dash and turned the ignition. The engine rolled over, coughing and sputtering, but that was normal. “See? I know she doesn’t look like much, but she really is a reliable car.”

“I don’t know about that!” Bev didn’t look convinced. “It’s Saturday afternoon, and it’s sure to be dark soon. What if this car of yours breaks down again?”

“Then I’ll fix it. The great part about having a car this old and uncomplicated is that I can fix nearly everything that can go wrong with it.” She liked Bev, and wished her own mother could have been more like the woman standing before her now. “I’ll be fine, so don’t worry. You’ve helped me more than you know.”

“I feel as if I haven’t done a thing. Maybe you should come home with me tonight. I’ve got a little rental cottage out behind the garage. It’s as tidy as could be.”

Alexandra bit her lip, not at all sure what to think. She’d been too long living in a city and had forgotten what it was like to live in a small town. Forgotten that in small towns, the world seemed kinder. It was hard to trust in that kindness—in the belief of that kindness.

Her chest ached, as if a part of the defensive wall around her heart crumbled a little. She’d learned long ago that kindness hurt, too, because sometimes it hid pity. “Thanks for the offer, but I want to reach Bozeman by nightfall. Once I’m there, I’ll see where my path takes me.”

“But you’re alone. How old can you be? Twenty?”

“I’m twenty-four.”

“Why, my youngest daughter is that age. I’d hate to think of her alone, driving across country in an unreliable car.” Bev opened her leather purse, which exactly matched her shoes. “Let me see…where is it? Here, my husband’s business card. You promise to give me a call tonight, when you get settled.”

“Sure.” Alexandra took the card and ran her thumb across the embossed letters.

Gerald Corey, Potatoes And Soybeans, it said, and listed an address and phone number. There were different logos, probably farmer organizations she didn’t know anything about, but she did know one thing. Bev was genuine in her caring.

It had been a long time since someone had truly cared about her. A long, lonely time.

Bev was a stranger, and she probably treated everyone she met this way. With warmth and concern. As if they were family.

“I’ll call when I’m settled,” Alexandra promised, tucking the business card into her back pocket.

As she settled behind the wheel, she couldn’t help feeling hopeful. That this short stop in this little town was a sign of things to come. Good things the Lord had in store for her.

It was hard to say goodbye, but she managed it. Harder still to put the little car in gear and ease onto the road. Waving, she shifted into Second, watching Bev grow smaller in the rearview mirror.

Alexandra felt as if she were leaving something of great value behind, and she didn’t know why. Bev Corey climbed into her luxury sedan, and then the road turned, taking Alexandra around a new corner and down a new path.

It made no sense, but the feeling remained.

“Here’s Grammy,” Hailey announced from the front of the store. “See ya later, Dad!”

“Don’t forget your bag.” John watched to make sure she grabbed the pink backpack from the counter, damp from the towel and swimsuit inside from her stay at Stephanie’s. “And wait up. I’ve got something for your grandmother.”

The bell above the door jangled and the screen door slammed. Hailey hadn’t heard him. Through the front-window display, he could plainly see his mom circling around the front of her car, dressed perfectly as always, and greeting Hailey with a big hug.

His pulse skipped a beat—then he noticed the passenger seat was empty. Mom hadn’t brought Alexandra back with her. Disappointment washed through him like a cold ocean wave, leaving him troubled.

Had he been looking forward that much to seeing Alexandra again?

Then maybe it was for the best that she wasn’t here. He had no right to feel any caring—however remote—for any woman. Not after how he’d failed.

Through the screen door, he heard his mother talking, and his daughter answering. He could hear a hay truck downshift as it eased through town. It all sounded far away at the memory of his failure long ago now, but yet, in an instant, it seemed like only moments ago. When his world had changed. And a pretty young woman had lost her life.

The container felt heavy in his hand. Praying for the memories to leave him, he pushed blindly through the door, stumbling and dazed. He’d do anything to have the chance to go back and change the past. Anything.

Mom’s merry voice brought warmth to the afternoon suddenly turned cold. “Hailey, that bag of yours is as wet as your swimsuit. We’d better put it in my trunk because I just cleaned my car. Is that everything?”

“Yep.” Hailey took tight hold of Bev’s hand, as she always did, and climbed into the back seat.

A typical Saturday afternoon, like a dozen others so far this spring. Mom’s cheer, Hailey’s charm and his life in this small town—the same as ever. The weight of his guilt made his step heavy and slow.

“John, are you all right? You’re as quiet as could be, and that’s not like you.” Mom peered at him carefully. “You don’t seem flushed.”

“I’m fine. Just wondering if you found Alexandra,” he hedged.

Why was his pulse racing when he mentioned the woman’s name? It was guilt—plain and simple. As if he could help enough people, that would atone for the one person he couldn’t have helped.

“Heavens to Betsy, John, I’m so glad you called me. I found poor Alexandra walking along that road all by herself. That just isn’t safe, not at all.” A deep look of sorrow passed over Mom’s gentle face. She’d always been tenderhearted, caring about everybody.

“I insisted on giving her a ride, and you were right, she was stubborn at first, but that shows sense. A young woman can’t accept rides from strangers these days. So I stayed with her until her car started. But do you know she doesn’t have a soul in the world who cares about her? No family at all. No one to worry over her arriving safe and sound. It’s a shame, it is, a nice girl like that.”

“That’s why I called you.” John’s throat tightened until he could hardly speak. “Thanks for helping her out.”

“She bought us ice cream,” Hailey volunteered from the back seat. “And she had a dog when she was little. Just thought I otta mention it.”

“We heard you, Miss One Track Mind.” Bev tried to hide a chuckle. “We’ll pray Alexandra has smooth roads ahead of her. You were a good man to help her out, John.”

“The least I could do, seeing as she came into my store.”

“You don’t fool me with your modesty act. You’re one of the finest men I know, and I’m proud to call you my son.”

Not true, but it made some of the pain in his chest ease. “I come from good stock,” he told her because he knew it would make her smile, and he turned to his sprite of a daughter playing with the seat belt buckle. “You stay out of trouble, you hear?”

“I’ll try.” Hailey grinned like the angel she was.

Such sweetness. Love for her filled his heart as he set the bin of rose food in the trunk with Hailey’s backpack. She was a good girl, and he was grateful to his mom for the time she spent with Hailey, making up for a mother’s absence.

His guilt felt as dark as the storm clouds overhead.

“Bye, Daddy!”

John watched his mother’s car pull away from the curb. Hailey’s purple-painted fingernails flashed as she waved.

The Lord had forgiven him long ago, or so Pastor Bill assured him time and time again, but that hadn’t erased the guilt. John would never forgive himself for his wife’s death.

Ever.

Because he’d stopped by Mrs. Fletcher’s house, John was late arriving at his Mom’s. The kitchen was a flurry of activity. The oven timer buzzed loud and shrill, and the potatoes boiling too hard on the stove spit sizzling water onto the burner.

“Good, you showed up just in time.” Mom poured water from the green beans at the sink. “Give your dad a shout, would you? He’s out tinkering with that tractor and I can’t get him away from it.”

“Daddy!” Hailey looked up from coloring at the table. Crayons flew as she tore across the room, winding her arms around his knees. “Grammy’s making my favorite potatoes.”

“Good. Those are my favorite, too.”

The phone shrilled again just as Mom was reaching deep into the oven to rescue the delicious-smelling roast. Halfway to the door to find his dad, John lifted the receiver from the wall-mounted phone. “Howdy.”

“Is this Bev’s home?”

Wait. He knew that voice—soft, pretty and gentle. “It surely is. This wouldn’t happen to be Alexandra?”

“Hi, John.”

“How’s the car running? Mom told me you were quite the mechanic.”

“I managed to make it to Bozeman just fine. I promised Bev I’d call when I arrived safely. So she wouldn’t worry.”

“That’s my mom. I knew she’d look after you.”

“I should hold that against you, sending me someone I couldn’t say no to. Thank you.”

“You’re more than welcome. Here’s Mom now. Before I surrender the phone—” he held the receiver high so his mother couldn’t reach it “—I meant to say something earlier, and since this is probably my last chance, here goes. I noticed you taking a second glance at the Help Wanted sign I had posted. You wouldn’t happen to be interested in a job, would you?”

“I’m surprised you noticed. I hardly glanced at it.”

“So you aren’t interested.”

“I didn’t say that.”

On the other side of the line, Alexandra could hear Bev telling John something.

John chuckled. “Is that so? Mom said you were looking for a job. For the right opportunity.”

“How do I know working in your store is the right opportunity? I have absolutely no hardware experience whatsoever.”

“You don’t need experience. I’m not looking for help in the store.”

“You’re not?” Her heart gave a little jump. “You mean you need someone like a bookkeeper?”

“Nope. I need someone to watch Hailey for me during the week. Mom’s only filling in temporarily while I find someone new. The last sitter quit to go to Europe with her family, and how can you blame her for that? But it’s left me high and dry. I don’t think there’s anyone available in all of the Gallatin Valley.”

“But you don’t even know me.”

“I know that you like double-dipped ice cream and you’re good with kids. That’s good enough for me. C’mon—” Hailey’s excited chants filled the background as John laughed. “See? Everyone’s in favor of it.”

The panic returned and Alexandra wasn’t sure why. Wait—maybe she did know. The last time she’d been anything more than strangers with a handsome man, it had ended in near disaster.

This was different, she told herself, but the panic remained. Being responsible for a child with all the worries she had about her own safety, that simply wasn’t the right thing to do.

“I’d love to, John, but I’m afraid I can’t.”

“I appreciate your decision, that you might want to keep your options open in case some better offer comes along. So here’s what we can do. Consider it a temporary position and you’re free to leave for a better opportunity. What do you think now?”

“I think you’re trying to make it impossible for me to say no.”

“True,” he admitted, warm and deep, like richly flowing chocolate, and the sound was enough to make her stop breathing and remember how masculine and strong he’d been without seeming cruel or controlling. Just like a hero out of a movie.

Well, men like that weren’t real, she told herself, sensibly. They really weren’t.

“At least tell me you’ll think about it?” he asked.

She held the phone tight to her ear, wishing a part of her didn’t long to accept. To spend her days taking care of a nice little girl, baking cookies and playing in the sunshine. She wouldn’t be alone—at least for a little while.

And that was almost temptation enough.

“I’m afraid I can’t.” It was hard to say the words. Harder still to think about hanging up the phone. “I appreciate the job offer, really I do, but I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for. Goodbye, John.”

“Wait! Alexandra—”

She hung up. It was the right thing to do. For John and Hailey. And for her.

“If it’s a local call, next time I’ll let you use my phone instead of the pay phone,” the lady in the office offered as Alexandra swept by.

“Thanks.” She smiled at the woman, who then stepped into the back room where she lived with her husband. The aroma of meat loaf lingered.

It was suppertime. Everyone in the campground was settling down to eat. She walked past motor homes, where retired couples chatted over their meals, and tents, where families cooked over open fires. Everywhere she looked, people were gathering in pairs and groups.

One day, that would be her. She was certain of it. Surely the Lord didn’t mean for her to always be alone.

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