Journeys in the Search for the Meaning of Life. A story of those who have found it

It was a bad scene – many dead and wounded, especially among our intervening forces.

In their platoon, six had died, among them Sergeant Zubin, who'd had so little time left to serve out and who had rescued wounded during the engagement, dragging them behind boulders. At the end of the battle, a dazed engineer had jumped out of a burning tank and Zubin covered him with his body. He received a posthumous Order of Glory. His mother and a girlfriend, whom he had loved from school days, were left to live without him in Leningrad.[7] He had studied with his girlfriend at the Polytechnic Institute and they had planned to marry. Later, when Parkhomin spoke of him, he said that only such a man, who could love truly, could honestly be called a hero.

Ten were wounded, virtually all seriously. Their radio operator, Saulyus, had lost his leg below the knee. He groaned and came in and out of consciousness. There was only one doctor, trying to help everyone. Helicopters started arriving, receiving the dead and wounded. In the half-collapsed mosque they found a large cache of weapons, mines, and books.

Zheka had earlier prayed to God, asking for his protection, but this time he turned to Him with despairing questions: "Why? Why do the innocent suffer? Why do the young become cripples? What is this useless war for? What did these good men do that displeased God so? Why are the mujahedeen become crueler the more religious they get? Tell me God, why is it happening? What good is our suffering to you? Why am I here, and Saulyus, and Zubin? I wasn't wounded but these good men, who have loving young women, and parents, and who studied well, were. I want to know – why? And, I want to do something so that it will never happen again."

They returned to base. Morale was low; everyone was despondent. They were given two days off to recuperate. There were 15 new soldiers, straight from boot camp, coming in as replacements. The second lieutenant brought some hard liquor to drink in memory of those fallen, and everyone drank except Parkhomin. He never drank or smoked and didn't encourage it. Bad habits make a person a slave and weak in every way, he was sure. But this time he didn't bother them about it; he was very busy and hardly ever left his quarters.

Two days later they received another assignment – establish a position at a high elevation and report on all enemy activity, trying not to engage them. They headed to a deserted village and took up positions. Already the next night some mujahedeen tried to enter the village. When they got close enough, they were shot. Two were killed but a third managed to escape. It was clear it had been a scouting operation and now the mujahedeen knew where they were.

And in fact, early the next morning they were back, shooting. This turned into a grim battle. Parkhomin took Zheka, two other experienced men, and the radio operator into an empty house standing a bit higher than the rest apart. This afforded the best vantage point from which to see the attacking mujahedeen and coordinate battle orders.

Parkhomin ordered them to hold their positions, to conserve their rounds, and only to shoot when they were sure. They were told that reinforcements would arrive, but hours went by and – nothing. As it turned out, that morning two helicopters had been shot down and an entire convoy destroyed. So now, the soldiers were shooting back as best they could, yet, slowly but surely, they became encircled.

The mujahedeen made subtle advances under cover of continual machine gun fire, making the fight very challenging. It was clear that they were seasoned fighters.

The village's houses had virtually no roofs and one mujahedeen who had been able to creep up closely enough undetected was able to throw a grenade in.

As Zheka was telling this part of his story, he blushed, closed his eyes and said, "I've heard people in similar situations say how at such times you feel an intensity to what is happening, and that everything slows down. That's how it was with me. Everything started going as if in slow motion."

The mujahedeen were attacking from the east and south sides, the sun was blinding, and then something flashed. Zheka looked up and saw the grenade flying slowly, to the side, a little closer to Parkhomin. He watched it spinning in the air, slowly falling. He was paralyzed with fear. His whole life literally flashed before his eyes and he knew, this was it – death.

He saw that he hadn't done anything in particular in his life, that it had been useless. He was afraid. Moments passed as slowly as syrup; everything had stopped. He looked at Parkhomin, then at the grenade. Parkhomin shouted something to the radio operator and suddenly noticed the grenade. Zheka saw a giant wave of fright in his eyes to be replaced a moment later with regret. He briefly glanced at the clay partition in the shelter. He still had a chance to save himself, but the other two – Zheka and the machine gunner – didn't stand the slightest, even theoretical chance. What's more, if the grenade blew up it would most likely tear through the thin clay walls and bury anyone in the other room.

There was only one thing to do. Parkhomin's face showed his clear decisiveness as he threw himself on the grenade. Zheka repeated several times, "I remember it clearly. Everything was in slow motion."

Just as in a rugby match, Parkhomin grabbed the grenade and curled up with it under a small table – a simple, wooden one, but solid. He yelled, "Lay down!" Zheka and Ruchnikov, both from the Ryazinski region, threw themselves down and covered their heads, as they had been trained, and then a deafening blast let out. They walked away from it without a scratch, just some temporary deafness. The mujahedeen aborted their attack on the house, having decided that everyone had died.

A little bit later you could see something flashing in the sky – helicopters, forcing back the mujahedeen advance. Reinforcements had arrived and they were saved.

The next events were a bit foggy for Zheka. He knew that Parkhomin had saved them from sure death by paying a dear price – his own life. Sappers from the reinforcement group laid mines through the village and everyone was ordered back to base. Back at the base, the wounded, and those who had carried them onto the helicopters, said that one man had died, but that they couldn't really carry him back because his body had been torn apart. They presumed he was the radio operator or a commander. No one wanted even to think that it might be Parkhomin. When it came out that it had indeed been his body, everyone took off their helmets and many soldiers cried openly.

First lieutenant Semenko – soldiers just called him 'Sema' or 'jackal Sema' – felt no shame, cried and groaned at them, "Why could not you take care of him? You dogs." He cussed them out. Semenko had become good friends with Parkhomin. While he was first arriving at the base, they fell under artillery bombardment. Two men were sitting in HQ – a sergeant, assistant to base security, and a friend, the sentry chief. They were going to be demobilized in a few weeks. Seeing a 'green' junior lieutenant on his way to headquarters, they started yelling at him on the base speakers once the shells started falling. "Lieutenant Semenko, take cover, immediately! Duck, now. Good grief, get down!"

They were laughing at him. They were all in a safe zone where the shell shrapnel couldn't hit, and they were just entertaining themselves: "Duck for cover! Crawl! Cover your head and crawl." When the lieutenant really did start crawling to the battalion he knew that they were making fun of him. But he couldn't just ignore a seasoned sergeant, much less since he was from another division. It happened when Parkhomin appeared and furiously laid into them: "You're playing games?! Are you nuts? I guess you've been on headquarters staff for so long, you've forgotten what it's like out there. I'll fix that with an assignment tomorrow. You'll join me in a convoy to protect a diesel transport. I'll set it up with the battalion commander." Ashen-faced, they fell over themselves apologizing. They had good reason – they only had two weeks left to serve in combat. In their thoughts and dreams – they were already back home. They knew Parkhomin didn't make idle threats.

Parkhomin set off for the lieutenant, embraced him and said, "Don't let it bother you. Here – anything can happen! Everyone is afraid at first. The main thing to know is whether you can overcome your fear." And that was so; he didn't say anything special, he just reached out to him, man to man.

Lieutenant Semenko also earned the respect of his soldiers in time, because he knew how to lead well. After several battles he earned the order of the Red Star[8] and just in half a year, the rank of first lieutenant. In a year he was experienced enough that no one laughed at him anymore. He never forgot those words of encouragement, though: "Don't let it bother you. Everyone is afraid. The main thing to know is whether you can overcome your fear."

Now this man, the hero, having overcome his fears and paid his life to save others, is no longer with us. He'd had so little time left to serve in Afghanistan, too.

* * *

The soldiers with minor wounds were brought back to base and given two weeks rest and rehab. The first week they didn't even don their uniforms. The battalion's political officer came by and gave Zheka the task of writing an unofficial funerary speech in remembrance of Parkhomin to give to his parents and wife. He wanted them to know the details of his heroic death. He told him, "We're sending his valuables back home, but everything else, you take with you and give them personally. After all, your tour of duty is almost at an end."

Zheka found Parkhomin's old paratrooper knapsack in the weapon's room. In it were photos of his family, some T-shirts, books, two thin notebooks full of writing, and a letter to his son. Under some things in a drawer of a small table in the captain's quarters, Zheka found a black book. It was in English and had some comments and a few unidentifiable words written in the margins. There were also some pages of full translation. He started to read some of it and understood – this was a Bible.

He found Parkhomin's diary and was taken aback, because if something like this were found with a soldier, it could mean disciplinary action for the whole battalion. Now he remembered that half a year ago, before Parkhomin went on leave, they had gotten word from the regiment's military intelligence that there was an American mercenary in one of the villages. It hadn't been the only time; these mercenaries operated right under their noses. Their spying operations were highly professional. This time was no exception. Once they reached the spot, their scouting party couldn't find any mercenaries, but they did get some trophies, so to speak. They found assorted weaponry and various things, among which were books, apparently a Bible.

Zheka read the translation of biblical passages and he was stunned by the text's depth and unusual nature, calling to mind a message sent from another world. It was forbidden to keep a diary, especially with entries detailing where they had been and what their assignments had been. But on these diary pages were philosophic ideas, written in very small, but legible handwriting.

It was clear that the handwritten notes were for him, not others, which pointed to the fact that Parkhomin was a spiritual, deep person. Several prayers were even written out. In his things, Zheka found an Orthodox Russian Christian prayer and an amulet (as it turned out, it belonged him before the war), though, for some reason Parkhomin hadn't taken it with him on the last mission. Later, after meeting Parkhomin's relatives, Zheka found out that his grandfather had kept it with him throughout World War II, and so he finally understood the source of Parkhomin's ideals.

There was also a letter to his son. On a large envelope was written: "If something happens to me, send it to my son. Let him read it when he turns 16."

Zheka read a few paragraphs which had been translated from the Bible. They impressed him deeply, even though they were only words. Since that time he began to pray and remembered how his grandmother had taught him to cross his heart and he did same, too. He did it when nobody was near because no one would understand it.

Insofar as he had been slightly wounded, they assigned him to security detail on the HQ and warehouse. Now he had a lot of his own time to reflect on his life. He gave his word of honor to God yet again, but this time with much greater awareness: "God, if I return alive, I want to serve You; I want to read and learn the Bible. I am only alive because such people as Captain Parkhomin sacrificed their lives for me. I have no right to live without virtue."

In a few months, he returned to the Soviet Union. He later remembered going through the border crossing station. He had used his saved-up soldier 'scrip', at the time valued higher than regular rubles, to buy himself a Japanese radio/ tape player and a watch. At the border crossing, the guards were being excessively attentive to customs rules and took it away from him, reprimanded him, and, to top it off, right in front of him discussed which of them was going to get to keep them. (At the time, these were unusual, valuable items.)

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Примечания

1

This book won millions of hearts with its sympathetic and incredibly noble heroes.

2

Perestroika, literally 'rebuilding', was the period during which the Soviet Union changed its economy to a capitalist-style open market.

3

Orlovsky, or Orlov, comes from the Russian word 'oryel', which means 'eagle'.

4

The USSR held a draft into mandatory service in their armed forces twice a year.

5

The Course for Young Soldiers – CYS

6

A sapper is a mine-clearing engineer

7

Now called St. Petersburg

8

The Order of the Red Star was a military award of the Soviet Union for bravery.