The Lawman's Baby

It was midmorning and the sun was shining despite the chilly wind. Mike got the car seat out of his car on his own. Benjie was covered up in that blanket that Paige had tucked around him, but even so, Mike hurried to unlock the front door, balancing the car seat in one hand as he fiddled with his key ring in the other.

The door swung open, and Mike gestured Paige in ahead of him.

“Here we are,” he said, casting a quick glance around the place. It looked like the bachelor pad it was. He had a couch—relatively new—a TV, a kitchen table that sat between the tiny kitchen and the living room. The master bedroom was down the hall, along with a second bedroom that was full of packed boxes. Where was the baby supposed to sleep? The thought only occurred to him now. He looked over at Paige in mild panic.

“What?” she asked.

“I only have one bedroom that isn’t full of boxes right now,” he said.

“I’m not staying the night,” she said wryly. “You’re doing night duty on your own.”

“No, I meant—” He smiled at her dry humor. “The baby. Where is he going to sleep?”

“He’s a newborn. He’ll be in your bedroom,” she replied.

“Yeah?” It wasn’t very big in there, either.

“I’ll suss up a bassinet for you and a couple other necessities. But he’ll sleep in your room so that when he cries, you can feed him more easily. It’s good for bonding, too.”

“Bonding.”

“He needs to know that there’s someone who will respond when he’s lonely, or when he’s hungry, or when he’s scared.”

“A mother,” he murmured.

“A parental figure,” she corrected him. “That’s you.”

“Yeah, right.” He was still getting used to that concept. He was going to be like a dad to this kid. For a while at least. It felt wrong, though. He was Benjie’s uncle. This was Jana’s child. Not his.

“Your sister...” Paige began, then winced. “Can I ask about her?”

Jana was out there somewhere—alone, for all he knew. She’d be recovering from childbirth, and he had no way to find her. At least not immediately.

“Why not?” Mike sighed. “The administrator at the hospital told me that she gave my name and said I was a local cop. She didn’t know I’d moved out to Eagle’s Rest—I had no contact information to even let her know. Anyway, the Denver department passed along the message.”

“But what’s her situation?” Paige asked.

“Jana’s an addict.” He swallowed hard. “I haven’t seen her in a long time. She ran away as a teenager a couple of times. The second time, she didn’t come back. This was the first contact I’ve had with her in about three years. And I’m not sure it really counts as contact, if I never saw or spoke to her, does it?”

“I guess not,” Paige said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well...” He wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t talk about his sister—she wasn’t an easy topic. There weren’t any answers.

“What caused her to run away?” Paige asked.

“We were raised by our grandmother when our mom took off. Grandma wasn’t really equipped to raise two kids. Her health was failing, and frankly, she was just tired. But it was better than nothing. Anyway, Jana and I handled our upbringing a little differently, I guess. I toughened up, and she...didn’t. She was sensitive, and we went to a rough school. I didn’t notice that she was struggling until it was too late.”

“Was there abuse in your home? Addiction?” Paige asked. Yeah, that was the social services shining through. She would probably have seen a lot of this sort of thing in her career.

“Mostly it was neglect,” he replied. “We raised ourselves, and I was pretty busy with my own friends, drowning my own sorrows. I thought she was doing the same thing—just riding it out. Grandma hated Jana’s boyfriend. He got arrested a couple of times, and Grandma had enough, told Jana to stop seeing him. So she ran away with him. She came back when they broke up after a couple of months. I thought it was over, but she never did settle back in, and the next time she took off, she never came back. And we didn’t find her.”

“How old was the boyfriend?” Paige asked.

“Three years older than her. She was fourteen. He was seventeen. Looking back on it now, they were both pretty young.”

“You didn’t find her until now?” Paige asked.

“No, I tracked her down a couple of times. Once she found me and asked for money. Another time I found her when her name came through the system—arrested for petty theft. I don’t know where she is right now, though. They can’t tell me anything under the Safe Haven law that gives a mother the right to relinquish her infant within three days of birth, no questions asked. I guess she did the same thing Mom did with us—dropped her kid off with someone she knew would care, and left.”

“The police are still looking for her, though, right?” Paige asked.

“I’m personally looking for her,” Mike retorted. “I’m not going to let her down again.”

The baby started to whimper from the car seat, and he looked over at Paige expectantly.

“I told you that you’d be the one doing the baby care,” Paige said with a small smile. “No time like the present to get started.”

He stared down at the little guy, trepidation rising up inside of him. He reached down and undid the buckle.

“I’m not sure how...” he admitted.

“One hand under the bum, one hand under the neck and head,” she said, standing back, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Right.” He did as she instructed and lifted the infant out of the car seat. The little arms and legs flailed as Benjie opened his mouth in a plaintive wail. Mike pulled the baby into his chest, and Paige draped a blanket over him as Mike got adjusted. Benjie felt so small in his hands, and as the baby wriggled, squirming toward his neck, he was surprised as the little guy’s strength. Mike boosted him higher on his chest, and Benjie let out a soft sigh as his head made contact with Mike’s neck just under his chin. He couldn’t see the baby anymore now—just feel him as he settled over Mike’s heartbeat.

“Okay...” Mike breathed. “Got it. He’s really small, isn’t he?”

“They start out that way,” Paige said. “Especially if they’re born a little early. I’ll cut you some slack and get the bottle ready. At his size, he’s going to be eating every hour or two. He’s got some catching up to do.”

“As in twenty-four feedings a day?” Mike asked incredulously.

“Give or take.” She bent down, picked up a box of supplies that had come from Social Services in Denver and headed toward his kitchen. Her cheerful voice filtered back to him as he heard the tap turn on. “You’re about to find out what tired really feels like!”

And then she laughed, this buoyant, cheerful tinkle of laughter that made him feel a little better, in spite of it all.

CHAPTER TWO

PAIGE STOOD BY the kitchen sink shaking up a bottle of formula. Mike’s kitchen was neat—a pot in the farmhouse-style sink waiting to be washed, but other than that, the counters were wiped and everything looked in order. Paige could appreciate a neat kitchen. It was soothing.

The milk frothed in the bottle, and she paused, let it settle, then shook it again. The view from the kitchen window opened up into a backyard with a lawn that seemed to fade into some brush and forest. Trees flamed red and gold; the wind rippling through autumn leaves clung resolutely to the branches. Beyond the trees, the mountains loomed. A cape of evergreens mingled with a few deciduous trees that were in full fall display climbing up the mountainside toward the bare, rocky peaks that were obscured by cloud.

“It’s quite the view,” Mike said behind her, and she turned. The baby was still snuggled up under his chin.

“It really is,” she agreed, and she turned on the hot water tap to warm the milk in the bottle. “I’ve lived here my whole life, except for my college years, and I never get tired of that view.”

“Really?” Mike raised his eyebrows. “All your life?”

“It’s as good a place as any to grow up,” she said, turning off the tap and shaking up the bottle again. “I love this town. We have more than our fair share of eagles, which draws in a lot of tourists. Have you ever seen one up close?”

Mike shook his head. “Not yet.”

“It’s only a matter of time around here,” she said. “Most people want to come out this way for the wildlife.”

“Not me.” His voice was a low rumble.

“So why did you?” she asked.

“I didn’t have a whole lot of choice,” he replied. “My boss strongly suggested I transfer out, and Eagle’s Rest was the only place hiring.”

“What happened?” She eyed him for a moment, standing there with the baby in his arms and an irritable look on his face. “Never mind. I think I can guess.”

“Yeah?” He shot her an amused look. “Go ahead. Give it your best shot.”

“My brother’s a cop, and I’ve worked with police officers for a long time. The one thing you all seemed to share in common is a tendency to balk at authority—ironically enough. It takes a certain personality type to want to chase down bad guys...and that personality doesn’t like authority, either.”

He laughed softly. “You’re insightful.”

“I am.” She shot him a smile back. “So, I’m right?”

“Sort of,” he said. “I want to join the SWAT team, but that involves both a passing mark on the qualifying exams and a recommendation from my boss to even get into the Denver SWAT training. Chief Vernon wasn’t going to give me the recommendation. He said if I wanted to start fresh somewhere else, I was welcome to. There was an opening here, and I figured I’d take his advice and see if I couldn’t get a new chief to help me get there.”

“SWAT.” She eyed him for a moment. “That’s elite. Have you done the exams?”

“Yep. Just waiting on the results.”

“If the chief didn’t think you had what it took, why let you sit for the exams to begin with?”

“I think he was hoping I wouldn’t pass and he could shut me down for a while. I’m more stubborn than that.”

She could see it now—the cocky cop, the determination, the attitude... Now this officer was here in quiet little Eagle’s Rest with a newborn. He was going to hate this.

“You don’t plan to stay, do you?” she asked.

“Only as long as I have to, honestly,” he replied. “I know what I want. I know where I can contribute the most. And it isn’t here.”

Paige handed him the bottle. “Benjie’s going to be hungry pretty soon.”

The baby wriggled and opened his mouth like a little bird as if on cue. Mike’s confidence seemed to evaporate and he looked from the bottle to the baby and over to her with an expression of misgiving.

“How do I do this?” he asked.

“Here—” She took the bottle back. “Just tip him onto his back in the crook of your arm.”

Mike took a moment to get the baby into the right position, then she handed him the bottle again.

“Test it against your wrist,” she said. “There are a lot of nerve endings there. The milk should feel warm but not hot.”

Mike tapped the nipple against his wrist, nodded, then held it over the baby’s face. A drip of milk splattered across the infant’s forehead, and Benjie let out a squawk of annoyance. Paige chuckled, then stepped closer, put her hand over Mike’s broad one and guided the bottle to Benjie’s searching mouth. The baby latched on and started to suck.

“There you go,” she murmured.

Paige was standing close, and when she looked up at him, she found his steely gaze locked on her. He smelled good—the wrong thing to be noticing right now.

“Thanks,” Mike said.

“Sure.” She shot him a brief smile, and his gaze moved back to the baby. He probably had no idea what that stare of his did to a woman. He was just so...male. It had been a while since she’d noticed a man in this way.

The bottle was dwarfed in Mike’s big hand as the baby drank, the milk in the bottle steadily disappearing.

“So, you’ve figured me out,” Mike said quietly. “What about you? How come you want to quit? You have that trouble with authority, too?”

“No, not me. I just...lost my faith in being able to make a difference.”

His eyes flickered up toward her again. “One case in particular?”

“It was a dad with two young children,” she said after a beat of silence. “He struggled with alcoholism and was doing well for a while, but then slid back down into it. I came by to check on the family and found the kids alone in the trailer. It was a mess. No food in the fridge, just a TV blaring to keep them company. I had to call in Children’s Services, and they were taken away.”

“Sounds like it was the only call you could make,” he replied.

“It was.”

“So what was the problem?”

“The dad came by my office a week later, sober again. He sat down and sobbed. His heart was just breaking. He said he loved his kids. This was the kick in the pants that he needed. He’d never drink a drop again.”

Mike was silent, watching her, and the memory came back with the force of a load of bricks. That heartbreaking sob torn from the chest of a broken man. The way he’d pleaded with her, begged for another chance. She couldn’t give it. She knew she’d made the right call...but somehow, that man’s desperation had sunk past all her defenses.

“I had his kids taken away,” she said, bracing herself against the memory. “And while I know I had to, I broke three hearts that day.”

“It was the right call,” he said.

“I felt it too deeply, though,” she said. “I didn’t have that professional glass between me and that man’s pain. I used to have it...”

“You don’t think you’ll get it back?” he asked.

“I don’t think I want it back,” she replied. “That’s my problem! When I think about getting professional reserve back, being able to protect my heart from other people’s pain... It’s kind of depressing. Maybe I don’t want to be tough again. Maybe I just want to be normal.”

“What’s normal?” he said with a short laugh.

He meant it as a rhetorical question, but Paige had a very good idea of what normal looked like.

“I want a regular life,” she said. “I want a job that doesn’t break my heart. I want a white picket fence and a view of the mountains. And that’s it. I want hobbies, and friends and work stories about Karen from Accounting.”

“You want to be a civilian again,” he said quietly.

“I really do.”

“No one likes Karen from Accounting,” he added, his expression deadpan, but she could hear the humor in his voice. “She’s awful. You might want to consider that.”

Paige chuckled. “I want regular, civilian annoyances. Including Karen. At least she doesn’t break my heart.”

“I suppose.”

“Don’t you see the appeal of that?” she asked, meeting his gaze. “I mean, after all you’ve seen...don’t you ever look at a regular Joe and think how lucky he is?”

“Nah,” Mike replied as the baby drained the last drop from the bottle. He pulled the nipple out of Benjie’s mouth with a pop. “I’d rather know the worst.”

“Really?” She eyed him for a moment.

“I missed out on what was really going on with my sister,” he said. “I just wanted to focus on my own stuff back then. I was only seventeen, after all. Same as her boyfriend. I liked cars and girls. But if I’d opened my eyes and actually recognized what was happening with my little sister, I might have been able to help her. So, no. I don’t want to shut my eyes to it again. I want to chase it down and toss it behind bars. I want to find out who’s to blame and make them pay. That’s how I feel better.”

She nodded. Sure. Faced with the tough stuff, he wanted to beat it up. But when she faced the same tough realities, she was left a heartbroken mess. He belonged out there in the middle of it all. She just didn’t think that she did.

The baby started to squirm, and Paige grabbed a dish towel and tossed it over Mike’s shoulder. “Time to burp.”

He took a moment to awkwardly reposition the baby up on his shoulder.

“Just rub some gentle circles on his back,” Paige instructed, and Mike did as she told him with the tips of two fingers. Benjie squirmed and lifted his head, then dropped it back onto Mike’s shoulder.

“Is he okay?” Mike asked, turning his head to look at the baby.

“He’s working up a burp,” she said.

“He doesn’t like this towel,” Mike said, and he pulled it out from under the baby. “Do you, buddy?”

“You might not want to—” Paige began, when Benjie came up with a resounding, wet burp. The dribble of milk ran down Mike’s uniform, and the baby stopped squirming, settling down into comfort. Mike looked from the towel to the baby, then over at Paige.

“That’s why we use a cloth,” she said with a small smile. “Live and learn.”

She picked up the towel again and came over to wipe up what she could. Mike’s breath brushed the top of her head as she wiped, the heat from his chest emanating against her. He felt comforting, and she knew that had very little to do with who he was and very much to do with her current state of mind. She was feeling vulnerable, and a big, strong guy was comforting on a DNA level. Who didn’t want to be protected by a man like this? Except the reality was, this bulky cop was filled with attitude and misgivings and was hip-deep in the life she was running away from.

“You’re going to need a bassinet for him to sleep in,” Paige said, stepping back and tossing the towel onto the counter. “And a few other things I can pick up for you. If I keep the receipts, you can reimburse me. I won’t be long.”

“Wait...what?”

And the tough cop seemed to evaporate, leaving behind a slightly panicked man with a stain on the front of his uniform. His hand on Benjie’s rump covered the baby almost up to his little shoulders, and those gray eyes softened to charcoal as he met her gaze in dismay.

“You’ll be fine,” she replied, forcing herself to smile. “I’ll make up another couple of bottles for you before I leave, but this will be good for you. I promise.”

And Paige would be even better once she got out of here for an hour or two and could think straight. Maybe what she really needed wasn’t a muscular cop or a job that could let her get her feet wet again...but a nunnery. She needed some solitude and then some bracing older women to tell her what to do.

But that wasn’t likely, and she’d already taken the job.

* * *

PAIGE WAS GONE longer than Mike had anticipated. He didn’t have anywhere to put the baby down besides the car seat. Funny, he hadn’t thought of that before—where to put the baby. The car seat was by the door, and he moved it over to the couch and tried to get Benjie settled inside it again, only to have Benjie’s little mouth turn down. Then his eyes welled up and that plaintive cry erupted from deep inside his tiny chest. So Mike picked the baby back up and paced through the living room to the front window, then across again to the kitchen, all the while wondering what he was supposed to do with himself. If nothing else, he was getting his steps in on his fitness tracker.

Mike glanced toward the TV as he headed back into the living room, and that seemed like a good idea, so he sank into the couch, the baby on his chest, and flicked through some channels, keeping the volume low. Benjie wriggled a little bit, but when Mike put a hand over his back, he settled down and fell asleep. Twice, Mike tried to sit up to get Benjie into that car seat, but Benjie woke up each time, and that cry would start up again, so he’d lean back again and flick through a few more channels.

An hour passed, and Benjie woke up, his little mouth searching against Mike’s shirt, so he got another of the bottles Paige had prepared from the fridge and warmed it under the tap like she’d shown him. Feeding the baby was a little easier this time because Mike didn’t have an audience, and he sat down on the couch, a talk show keeping him company, the baby propped in his lap. Benjie’s eyes were wide open as he slurped back on that bottle, and Mike couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re cute,” he murmured as milk dribbled down Benjie’s chin. He was so tiny yet so solemn as he went to town on that bottle. And in the baby’s face, Mike thought he could see a little bit of his sister.

Jana had always been overly solemn, too. He would tease her when she was little. And when she’d get upset about something at school—some mean girls making fun of her clothes, a teacher telling her off for not trying hard enough—he’d counsel her to just ignore it. It was what he did, after all. He always blocked out the stuff he didn’t want to see. He’d been just as abandoned as she was, after all, and he didn’t let it get him down.

Looking back on it, he wished he could change some of those reactions. He hadn’t been helpful. But then, he’d been a kid, too, and it wasn’t fair to expect him to know how to fix problems that adults struggled with. Jana hadn’t needed him to tell her that the things that made her sad shouldn’t. She’d needed...what? Maybe just to be understood. And he hadn’t even managed that much for her. She’d run away from home...and from him.

“I’m going to do better by you, buddy,” Mike murmured, and he felt his throat tighten with emotion. Somehow, even with all his failure when it came to his sister, she’d still chosen him to take care of her little boy.

Did she think he’d do better now that he was grown, or was she simply desperate?

And where was she now? If he knew, he’d find her, bring her here. He’d keep her safe at long last. But his only connection to his sister was her tiny baby.

Benjie finished off his bottle, and Mike dropped it onto the couch next to him. He looked around for a cloth, found one and put it up on his shoulder. He wouldn’t make that mistake twice.

Mike’s cell phone rang, and he glanced down to see the station’s number. Work—that was actually a good thing right now. He flicked off the TV and hit the speaker button, then lifted Benjie up to his shoulder for that burp.

“Officer McMann,” he said.

“Hi, Mike, it’s Ellen.” The receptionist at the station. “How are you?”

“Not bad. You?”

“I’m fine.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “The chief wants to know if you’re free Sunday afternoon.”

“I don’t think I’m scheduled to work,” he said. Benjie squirmed and let out a little whimper, and Mike kept doing those circles on the little guy’s back with his fingertips.

“Good, because we want to throw you a baby shower,” she announced.

“What? No.”

“Yes.” She sounded so matter-of-fact.

“Ellen, I appreciate the thought, but I’m not really a party kind of guy. Besides, I’m not...a mother...”

“We’re having a baby shower,” Ellen said. “If you don’t come, it’s going to be a really awkward party.”

Mike sighed, and shut his eyes. Benjie let out a loud burp, and Mike looked down at the little guy, who looked rather pleased with himself.

“Sunday,” Ellen said when he hadn’t replied. “This is coming from the chief.”

Great. It was an order from the one man he needed to impress. If he’d come to Eagle’s Rest without family complications, he would be spending his time at the firing range and doing physical training. How was he supposed to prove to the chief he was SWAT material when he was being mollycoddled at the precinct?

“Thanks, Ellen,” he said.

“No problem,” she replied cheerily, and hung up.

The very last thing he needed right now was some stupid baby shower. This wasn’t funny—some joke played on the muscle-bound cop who now had a baby to take care of by himself. Hilarious. He hardly knew these people.

It was then that he felt a rumble in Benjie’s diaper. It started out small, and then started to grow. Mike looked down at the baby in surprise and saw that Benjie’s face was scrunched up in a look of intense concentration. The smell came next, and Mike held Benjie out in front of him like an unwanted Christmas fruitcake.

“Better out than in,” Mike said. He felt the obligation to say something encouraging, and he waited until the rumbling stopped. “Done?”