In Too Close

“Sorry. You make me nervous,” she admitted. “I don’t like feeling out of control.”

“Too bad,” he said with a cocky grin. “You do like other parts of me.”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Oh, I won’t,” he said. “You have a way of reminding me of my place in your, uh, friend zone.” He’d wanted to see how she’d react. Agreeing to be more than just friends was one thing, but even after that smoking-hot kiss in the elevator she’d backed away. She was sending him mixed signals and he needed to be very sure before they moved forward that he was what she wanted.

He’d been waiting in the wings for too long to risk anything else.

“We’re not in that zone any more. We’re changing,” she said, taking a sip of her water.

“Are we?”

“Yes, of course. I mean, after today...well, I think that proved we are definitely in a different place. Friends with...”

“Benefits,” he said, with a grin.

She reached over and tentatively stroked her fingers over the back of his hand. “One of the things I admire about you is your tenacity.”

“I’m not afraid to go after what I want.”

“You’ve never been one of those guys to take the easy path,” she agreed quietly, almost more to herself. “You’re so different than the other men I know.”

“In what way, Elizabeth?” he asked huskily.

She leaned back in her chair. He noticed she reached into her purse for her phone and then shook herself as if she realized what she as doing.

She licked her lips and he saw her swallow before she nodded slowly and then folded her arms on the table and leaned forward.

“You make me dangerous,” she said. “I’m acting in a way that I wouldn’t with any other man. But you have always called to the wildness inside me.”

“Why not let it out?” he asked. He’d always sensed that there was more to her than the studious competitor. Normally, brainy girls weren’t his type, but from the first moment he’d met Elizabeth she’d inspired scorching-hot dreams.

Now that he was sitting across from her, asking him if he wanted more, he was afraid to admit he did. Afraid to let her see just how much he wanted her, because if she started to let him in and then pushed him away, as she had a million times before, he knew it would hurt.

And then he would have to walk away for good.

* * *

THIS WASN’T GOING the way she’d planned it in her head. She didn’t want to talk about the way he made her feel or the fact that she even had a wild side. But then nothing with Bradley ever went according to plan. He was mercurial, which explained why she’d tried so hard to keep him at arm’s length, even though it was hard for her and she struggled with that a lot.

“I’m not like you, Bradley. I can’t just let loose. Control is the only way I can be safe,” she said. When she’d been twenty she’d gone a little crazy. Bradley had graduated and she’d felt as though she’d missed out on being young and she had been so afraid that life was passing her by.

She’d started drinking a little too much, to let off steam, and had started an ill-advised affair with someone older. And it had lead to a lot of problems. Problems that she’d had to reach out to her parents to solve.

And they’d helped. They had always been there for her, and that time was no different. She’d promised them no more of that kind of behavior and had kept her word...until now.

She felt the wildness coursing through veins. That feeling that she was going to do something crazy again. Well, crazy for her. An affair with the one man she’d wanted for the longest time. The one man who made her feel like she was more than the cautious girl she’d always had to be.

The one man who was looking at her as if he was waiting for a response.

“What?”

He quirked a brow. “Where did you go?”

“To the past. I don’t want to talk anymore. We should just keep on pretending this is a booty call.”

He looked at her as though she’d gone mad.

“It would be easier to keep our roles as friends and lovers separate that way.”

“Um...no,” he said.

This was going to be tricky. Luckily, their waiter came back to take their order. “I’ll start with the gator fritters, Etienne, and then have the prime rib as a main,” she said, turning her attention to the waiter and off the man annoying her. She took a sip of her mint julep and tried to let it soothe her, but it wasn’t working.

Bradley placed his order and leaned back in his chair as Etienne walked away. He crossed his arms over his chest, which drew the fabric taut against his muscles and made her remember very clearly how he’d lifted her off her feet with ease in the elevator.

“So, where were we?” he asked.

She shrugged. But her body tightened and her heart hammered so loudly she was surprised he couldn’t hear it.

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, looking over at her with that intense green gaze of his. “I’m sorry. I just needed to know that you were sincere and not looking to blow off some sexual steam now that you’ve accomplished your business goal.”

Except that was exactly what she wanted to do. “Um...that is what you proposed. Friends plus, remember?”

“I already regret saying that.”

“Why?”

“After years of keeping your distance, now you’re willing to try something very intimate with me....” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “You’re not the only one who’s entitled to be cautious.”

She took another sip of her drink, trying to bide her time and assess if he was telling her the truth. But Bradley had never lied to her. It was one of the things she really liked about him.

He took her hand in his and rubbed his thumb over the back of her knuckles. His gesture was soothing and arousing at the same time and when she met his gaze again, he gave her a half smile, the kind that always made her shiver inside.

“I have wanted you since that first moment we met in college, but you didn’t want that from me so I was happy to let you set the tone of our relationship.” There was a long pause. “But that’s all changed now,” he said.

“Okay. So, what now?”

“I guess we figure out what each of us thought we were agreeing to,” he said.

“Sex,” she said. “I’m only interested in keeping this casual, Bradley. I don’t have the time for a relationship.” She cleared her throat. “I think I’m saying the wrong things. Does this make you want to run for the hills?”

“It should,” he said. “If any other woman but you said this...”

“That’s B.S.,” she retorted. “You have been dancing through life since the moment I met you. It’s the only reason I feel safe going into this with you. Other men see me as this girl-next-door type. The kind of woman who wants all the trimmings.

“But not my badass best friend who likes to keep things light.”

He gave her a cocky grin, one she was very familiar with seeing on his face. “Can’t argue with that.”

The fact of the matter was that if this didn’t work out with Bradley she’d more than likely spend the rest of her life with her vibrator. She didn’t know how to manage a man and her career, and this no-strings-attached thing was the only chance she had of true intimacy with a man. Well, the only chance she was willing to take.

If Bradley seriously wanted more, she would have to turn him down, because they were friends and the last thing she wanted was for him to be hurt by her. She met his dark green gaze and held it steadily, trying to read some sort of emotion in his eyes, but he had his guard up.

She had hers up as well, which was part of the problem if this was going to be anything but a booty call. Someone was going to have to open up. She wanted it to be her. In her mind she saw herself dropping her guard, but in reality it was a little too scary.

5

THEY ENDED UP talking about movies and books throughout dinner. But she couldn’t really relax. She knew she wanted more from Bradley. The sexual desire he’d awakened earlier was winding her up, and she felt that same tight knot of anticipation in her gut as Bradley tried to keep the conversation going.

After dinner, they got their coats for a walk along the lodge’s scenic trail. She avoided going through the lobby because right now she needed her focus to stay on Bradley. For the first time in a while she wanted a chance at something that was just for her. When they stepped outside they found a light snow was falling.

“I love snow early in the season,” she murmured.

“Me, too,” he said, joining his hand with hers and leading her toward the head of the trail. “When I was a kid I didn’t like it so much.”

“Why not? It always seemed magical to me as a child,” she said. “My dad was often home for the day because of travel delays and complications and he’d build a snow fort for my sisters and me.”

The memory of it was nice. Her dad had traveled a lot and she’d missed him when he’d been gone. But November snow always reminded her of him.

“My recollections aren’t that much fun,” he said quietly. “Snow is cold. And heavy at times, and like you said, that meant not going to work, which meant not getting paid, which meant...”

How different they were. She wanted to hug Bradley when she thought of his past and how he’d struggled, but because he was just stating facts, she felt it might make him uncomfortable. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It made me who I am today,” he said gruffly. “And I love that your dad made a snow fort for you. I know you didn’t have that much time with him.”

She looked over at him. Normally on a first date, there was lot of getting to know the other person, but she and Bradley had known each other for a long time. A part of her wondered if her idea for a relationship with him had come too late. Was she kidding herself when she thought she could change the dynamic of it? She leaned closer, trying to feel him out, but it was hard to read his expression in the dim glow of the lamps that were placed at intervals around the path.

“You know I always think of you as a smart-ass?” she asked at last, deciding that it was probably better to lighten up the mood.

“Do you?” he asked.

She nodded.

“I guess it’s not sexy to talk about our pasts.”

“We said we’d keep it light,” she reminded him. She could see something in his eyes that reminded her of impatience. And she knew that, more than the fact that they knew a lot about each other, he wouldn’t let her hide behind the little verbal games she usually liked to play.

“Can’t deny that I can be a joker,” he said with that arrogant grin of his. “So, tell me...what magic did you think the snow held?”

All kinds of magic, but tonight, standing here next to him, walking in the bitter chill...she wondered if that little girl’s dreams even existed inside of her anymore. When she thought of that time and thought of telling him about it, she felt...well, silly.

“Never mind.”

He stopped and turned his intense gaze on her. “Not ‘never mind.’ If we are going to do this, then I want to know every bit of you.”

“I don’t like every bit of me,” she admitted. The little girl who believed in magic had been weak and made dumb mistakes. And she hoped she was nothing like that anymore.

“Tell me, Lizzie. Let me see the parts you don’t think measure up.”

“Why?” she asked. Why would he want to know that?

“Because I haven’t seen anything about you that I don’t like. Not yet.”

She sighed. “It’s silly and childish.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” he said.

Glancing out across the darkened landscape with the snow falling softly through the light provided by the lamps on the table, she found it easy to talk. “I thought there was a snow queen who was waiting for me to come outside and be in her court. I used to make Marina act as my lady-in-waiting and follow me around in the snow as we searched for her.”

“And she did that?” he asked softly.

“You forget I was her big sister and she didn’t like making me mad,” Elizabeth said with a snort. “Actually, I was mean when we were little. I don’t know why. I’ve apologized since then.”

“Kids are just built that way,” he said. “There are some guys I see in Boulder and do business with who were jerks when we were in school.”

“Were you bullied?” she asked.

“Nah, one of the positives to working from a young age is I was always strong. Kids sometimes said mean things about my secondhand clothes or me not having a dad. Stuff like that. I tried not to let it bother me, but it was difficult.”

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