The Story of Us: The sweeping historical debut of 2018 that you will never forget

Natasha didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know what to expect. German occupation, what did it mean? She turned to her mother, who was fidgeting in her chair and not looking at Natasha. She turned to her father, who was smoking grimly and not looking at Natasha. She turned to Lisa and Alexei, who were staring out the window in stunned disbelief. Natasha suspected that her sister, who thought she knew everything but knew nothing, and her mother, too afraid to think straight, and even her father, who ruled their family with an iron fist, didn’t have any answers.

The only thing Natasha Smirnova knew for a fact on 19th September 1941, when Hitler entered Kiev, was that life as she knew it was over.

*

All was quiet in the city at night, and Natasha, who had become accustomed to the distant sound of war, couldn’t sleep. For three months she had dreamt of being able to go to bed and not hear the buzz of the cannonade, and not hear the explosions and the mortars that were getting closer and closer, as if seeking her out. But now, as she lay in bed with her eyes wide open, she didn’t rejoice at the peace in Kiev. She didn’t rejoice because of what this peace signified. The silence meant there was no Red Army, no planes with red stars on their wings and no chance of a Soviet victory. Instead, the enemy troops were finally here. Like an oppressive shadow, Natasha could sense their presence, even here in the safety of her bed. How would they treat the local population? What if right now, while Natasha was asleep, someone marched through the door and – and what? She didn’t know what exactly she was afraid of, but she was afraid all the same. It was an abstract fear of things to come, a fear that pulled on her chest and made her heart ache. From this moment on, Kiev was a city oppressed, occupied and enslaved. And no one she knew and loved was safe.

The clock in the corridor chimed midnight. Natasha, who was sleeping on a small folding bed in her grandparents’ room, could hear Lisa tossing and turning in her bed in the room next door. Natasha got up and crossed the small space that separated the two rooms, peering in. Her eyes were used to the dark and she could make out Lisa’s shape as she curled up in bed. Instantly she felt less lonely, and her heart felt lighter. The weight she was carrying wasn’t hers alone. She had her sister to share it with.

‘Lisa, are you awake?’ she whispered, and her voice came out eerie and unfamiliar. She perched on the edge of her sister’s bed.

‘I am now.’ Lisa didn’t sound scared or uncertain. Just annoyed at being disturbed. ‘What is it, Natasha? It’s late.’

‘What do you think is going to happen to us?’

‘I guess the same thing that’s been happening to us since June.’

‘But now they’re here.’

‘There’s nothing we can do about it. We’ll just have to learn to live with it.’

‘How do we do that, Lisa? How do we learn to live with it?’

‘You heard Papa. It won’t be for long,’ said Lisa. ‘Before we know it, our army will come back and boot the Nazis out.’

‘Yes, but what if they don’t? What if it takes months or even years?’ Natasha shuddered under her warm blanket. Years under German occupation? She couldn’t imagine living like this for another day. Although she didn’t know what to expect, her whole being rejected the idea.

‘Let’s take it one day at a time. Don’t think about it now. Think about it tomorrow. Try to get some sleep. Goodnight, Natasha.’

‘Goodnight, Scarlett O’Hara.’

It had always been like this. Natasha would be upset about something, and Lisa would tell her not to worry. Although a year younger, she never showed weakness, never opened up. But this wasn’t another teenage drama. It wasn’t a fight with her best friend Olga or a failed geometry test. It was the end of their life as they knew it.

Back in her own bed, Natasha dozed off, a troubled sleep with dreams of being pursued and lost. When she woke up, it was still dark. She wondered what time it was. What was it that had woken her? Footsteps! There they were again, soft and careful. Petrified, Natasha curled into a ball, trying to make herself smaller, less noticeable. She wished she was invisible, so that no one could find her and nothing could hurt her. And then she thought, Is this it? Is this what my life has become? Is this what I have become, afraid of my own shadow?

Through the paper-thin wall, she heard an urgent whisper. ‘Lisa, wake up!’

‘Alexei! What are you doing here?’ Lisa seemed happier to be woken up by Alexei than she was by Natasha. She sounded honey-sweet. Natasha wondered if their voices would wake their grandparents but no, they continued sleeping, their breathing regular.

‘I can’t sleep,’ said Alexei.

‘I can’t sleep, either.’

‘That folding bed is so uncomfortable. And it’s cold in the kitchen. The window is open.’

‘Have you tried closing it?’

‘No, I thought I’d come here instead.’

‘So sleep here with me. I’ll keep you warm.’

‘Are you sure? What if your father finds out? He’ll kill us both.’ Lisa’s bed creaked once, and then again, as Alexei climbed in.

‘Who’s going to tell him?’ asked Lisa.

‘He’ll come into the kitchen in the morning and find my bed empty. What is he going to think?’

‘You’ll just have to wake up before him, won’t you?’

‘What about Natasha?’

‘She’s a sound sleeper. Besides, she’d never tell on me. She’s my sister.’

There was a moment of silence that lasted far too long. Were they kissing? Natasha felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment. Maybe she could go and sleep in the kitchen on Alexei’s folding bed. But that would mean admitting she had been awake all this time, listening in. And what would Father say if he found Natasha in the kitchen? Alexei and Lisa wouldn’t be the only ones he would kill.

A pitiful sound reached her, like a kitten meowing. Lisa was whimpering softly and blowing her nose. It had been years since Natasha had heard her sister cry.

‘Are you okay?’ asked Alexei. ‘Why are you crying? Do you want anything? What’s wrong?’

‘Everything,’ said Lisa. ‘Everything is wrong. What are we going to do?’

Natasha felt a wave of affection for her sister, who tried to comfort her and give her strength, even though she herself felt weak. Lisa was being so brave, and only now, in front of Alexei, did she show how she really felt. Natasha wanted to hug her sister, hold her in her arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. But Alexei was already doing that.

‘Please, don’t cry,’ he was whispering. ‘The most important thing is that we have each other.’

‘That’s all that matters to me, you know. That we are together. Nothing bad can happen to me while I’m with you. You’ll protect me, won’t you? From everything?’

‘Of course I will.’

His voice cracked, and Natasha knew instantly something was wrong. But Lisa didn’t seem to notice. ‘We’ll get married,’ she was saying, ‘and we’ll start a family. We’ll be so happy.’

‘I have to tell you something,’ said Alexei. All of a sudden, he sounded short of breath, as if he were walking fast up a steep mountain.

‘What?’ she prodded.

‘I’ve been thinking and thinking about it.’ He paused.

‘Tell me.’

‘I might have to go away for a little while.’

He waited for Lisa to reply but she was silent. The clock chimed three in the morning.

‘I can’t stay here and do nothing, Lisa. It’s war. I need to do my bit for our country. I keep hearing rumours about the partisans. I’m going to find them, make my way east, join the Red Army. Before you and I can be together, we need to beat the Nazis. You do understand, don’t you?’

‘No, I don’t understand,’ Lisa sobbed.’ I don’t understand why you’d want to leave me.’

‘I don’t want to leave you. It’s the last thing I want. But how can we be happy while Hitler is in the Soviet Union? First we fight and then we build a life together. A happy, married life with children and grandchildren.’

‘Grandchildren? Really?’

‘I’m just thinking ahead. I love you, Lisa. I want to grow old with you. I want everything with you. But first, we fight. We can’t take this lying down. We can’t turn the other cheek.’ Alexei’s voice grew louder in the dark. ‘Before we can start our lives together, we fight and we beat this,’ he repeated.

‘If you leave, you’ll never come back. I can feel it! I’ll never see you again.’

‘Of course I’ll come back. How could I stay away?’ said Alexei. ‘How could I stay away from you?’ he added.

‘Don’t go!’ Lisa pleaded. ‘I don’t want you to go. I can’t imagine living without you.’

‘It’s only for a little while.’

‘I can’t imagine living without you even for a little while.’

‘And I couldn’t live with myself if I stayed here and did nothing. Even you wouldn’t respect me if I did.’

‘I just want you here with me. I want you safe. I love you.’

‘And I want to be with you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But we can’t be selfish, Lisa. Boys as young as fourteen are running away to enlist. To fight, to make a difference. How will it look if I do nothing? Please, try to understand.’

‘You would walk away from me, say goodbye and leave me in Kiev?’

‘What choice do I have?’

Lisa sobbed and said nothing.

‘Will you wait for me?’ asked Alexei.

‘What choice do I have?’ she replied, and Natasha heard heartbreak in her voice.

‘You could forget about me and marry someone else.’

‘Not if you marry me first.’

‘I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.’

They were silent for a while. Then Lisa said, ‘Do you remember the day we first met?’

‘When you refused to dance with me and pretended you already had a sweetheart? How could I forget?’

‘When you told me I was the most beautiful girl you’d ever seen. And I did dance with you eventually.’

‘Not before you made me beg for it.’

‘See, that’s why I could never marry anyone else. Who would put up with me?’

For a few minutes all Natasha could hear was Lisa’s sobbing and Alexei’s ‘sh-sh-sh’, like he was comforting a child. Then the sheets rustled, and suddenly Lisa was no longer crying. Alexei whispered, ‘Lisa, what are you doing?’

‘What does it look like I’m doing?’

‘Are you sure about this?’

‘Positive.’

‘I thought you wanted to wait till our wedding night?’

‘That was before.’

‘Before what?’

‘Germans in Kiev.’

A minute passed, then another. ‘Are you sure?’ repeated Alexei.

‘We don’t know what will happen to us tomorrow. We don’t know if we have a tomorrow. I’m sure.’

Natasha squeezed her eyes shut and put a pillow over her head. Where was sleep when she needed it? If only she could summon it at will, then she wouldn’t have to think about the grey uniforms flooding the streets of her childhood and she wouldn’t have to hear her sister’s bed creaking-creaking-creaking.

Chapter 2 – The Barbaric Hordes

September 1941

Early the next morning, Natasha opened the bedroom window. Four storeys below, Kiev looked like it always had, with its lush chestnut trees embracing the nearly empty streets and the autumn sky an unblemished blue. Nothing indicated that something out of the ordinary had happened. She could almost believe that she had imagined the devastating event of the day before if it wasn’t for the occasional German soldier making his way down the street, if it wasn’t for the fear on the faces of the handful of Soviet citizens who dared venture outside.

Their fear was contagious. Natasha closed the window.

Lisa burst into the room, grabbing Natasha in a bear hug and attempting to dance with her around the room. ‘You’re never going to believe it!’

‘Let go of me,’ exclaimed Natasha, extricating herself from Lisa. ‘What’s gotten into you?’

Lisa brought her face as close to Natasha’s ear as she could and said in a theatrical whisper, ‘Alexei and I. Last night we finally did it.’

Natasha couldn’t help but smile. ‘Did what?’

‘Did what?’ Lisa mimicked. ‘Are you serious?’

Their younger brother Nikolai poked his head through the doorway, looked around to make sure their parents were nowhere to be seen and said, ‘They had sex, silly.’

‘Hey!’ Lisa shouted indignantly.

‘You’re fifteen. What do you know?’ exclaimed Natasha.

‘Clearly more than you.’ He poked his tongue out.

Lisa grabbed Nikolai’s collar with both hands. ‘Are you spying on us, you pest?’

Although shorter than his sister, Nikolai was stocky and well built. It didn’t take him long to break free from Lisa’s clutches and escape down the corridor. ‘Come back here right now!’ screamed Lisa.

Father’s stern voice was heard from the kitchen. ‘Quiet, girls. What’s all this nonsense? This is not the time for silly games.’

‘You can’t tell anyone,’ Lisa whispered to Natasha. ‘Not even Mama. She’ll just tell Papa and he’ll kill me.’

Natasha had to pretend Lisa’s revelation was news to her, otherwise she would never be able to look at her sister without blushing again. At the memory of the night before, of Lisa’s tears and Alexei’s heartbreak as he told her he was leaving, Natasha felt an emptiness inside her that even her sister’s smile couldn’t fill. But for Lisa’s sake, she faked enthusiasm and said, ‘Wait a second. I didn’t hear anything last night. Where did you and Alexei…’

‘You were probably out like a light as always. We could have done it in your bed next to you and you wouldn’t even have blinked.’

‘You didn’t, did you?’

‘Of course not. Alexei snuck into my room at night.’

Natasha laughed. ‘You’re crazy, you know that? Anyone could’ve heard you.’

‘Well, it didn’t last very long. He was back in his bed in no time.’ There was a dreamy expression on Lisa’s face. ‘This is the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me.’

‘I’m so excited for you,’ said Natasha, tickling Lisa. ‘Can I tell Olga?’

‘Argh, no tickling!’ cried Lisa, shoving Natasha’s hands away. ‘What did I just say? No one, not even Olga.’

‘Oh, come on. She’s my best friend. I can’t keep this from her.’

‘Okay. You can tell Olga and no one else. Promise.’ When Natasha half shrugged, half nodded, her sister continued, ‘I’m so in love, Natasha. I just can’t believe it. I think this is it, you know. I feel it.’

‘I should hope so. You are getting married, after all.’

‘Don’t worry. One day you’ll meet someone, too. Then you’ll know what I mean.’

Nikolai reappeared in the doorway. There was a mischievous grin on his face. ‘So how was it? Your first time? Did you enjoy it?’ Lisa roared and hit out at her brother, while he ran in the direction of the kitchen, shouting for help. Laughing, Natasha followed her siblings.

The whole family huddled around the kitchen table, talking, eating, drinking, and pretending their lives hadn’t come to a halt when Hitler’s Army Group South entered Kiev.

Natasha’s grandparents – her mother’s parents – were sitting pensively with their elbows on the table, meatballs and soup untouched in front of them. Only a year and a half ago, they had moved to Lvov, a beautiful old town west of Kiev, on the outskirts of Ukraine, just seventy kilometres from the Polish border. To Natasha, who had never been overseas, Lvov seemed exotic and almost European. On the first day of war, it had been bombed just like Kiev, but it was much closer to the front line and no longer safe. To Natasha’s delight, her grandparents had returned shortly after and were staying with them once more.

In July, to the disbelief of the Smirnovs, Lvov had fallen. And now, despite Stalin’s assurances to hold the Ukrainian capital at all costs, Kiev had followed suit.

*

Father was hidden behind a newspaper, but Natasha knew he wasn’t reading. He’d been staring at the same page for what seemed like forever. Finally, he folded the paper, took his glasses off and wiped them, as if doing so would enable him to see more clearly. ‘Who would have thought?’ he said. ‘Such a shock. Such an absolute shock.’

‘It was to be expected.’ Grandfather shrugged, downing his vodka and spooning mashed potatoes onto his and grandmother’s plates. ‘Hitler’s actions were predictable. I only wish Stalin saw that before it was too late.’ Before he retired, grandfather was a history professor at Taras Shevchenko University. He still approached every problem in life with the logic and precision that his profession required. It was thanks to his respected position at the university that the family had their large apartment on Tarasovskaya Street in central Kiev.

‘Deda, why were the Germans able to advance so quickly?’ asked Nikolai, his gaze not leaving his beloved grandfather’s face.

‘We believed in the non-aggression pact with Germany so much that we ignored countless warnings. As a result, we were completely unprepared for the attack.’

‘But the Red Army will come back. Comrade Stalin won’t let the enemy deep into the country,’ said Mother.

Grandfather shrugged. ‘After all the Soviet atrocities in Ukraine, no one wants to fight this war for the Bolsheviks. The rate of desertion is almost unheard of. Men are mutilating themselves to avoid mobilisation.’

Natasha nodded. She saw them on the streets of Kiev every day. Men with fake beards that made them look older. Limping men, men with broken arms. ‘Olga told me their neighbour tried to shoot himself in the foot. He missed and ended up killing himself.’

‘Germans in one of Russia’s most ancient cities! The idea is preposterous. No wonder Stalin’s been telling us until the end that Kiev will remain in Soviet hands,’ said Natasha’s grandmother, an older, miniature version of Natasha’s mother. She sighed and crossed herself, her face white with fear. Grandmother was deeply religious, something that even two and a half decades of Communist regime couldn’t change. During the Great War she had been a nurse, and sincerely believed God had protected her from the horrors she had witnessed on the front line. After the war she had worked in hospitals, first at Central Military in Kiev and then at the Children’s Hospital on Tereshchenkovskaya Street. When Natasha was a little girl, Grandmother often told her about the war and the horror it brought in its wake. The little Natasha had listened to the stories as if they were fairy tales that had no place in reality. Never had she imagined she would experience the horror first-hand.

‘They are here now. Stalin will have to accept it. There’s nothing he can do,’ said Grandfather.

‘Do we have to accept it?’ demanded Mother.

‘There’s nothing we can do,’ repeated Grandfather.

‘Stalin should have protected us better,’ whispered Natasha.

‘All these fires in Kiev,’ said Mother. ‘A friend of mine lives in a village nearby. She told me the Soviets confiscated all her crops, and then one day the tractors came to destroy the fields. Her neighbour threw herself in front of a tractor and was arrested by the NKVD. No one’s heard from her since.’

‘Scorched earth policy,’ said Grandfather. ‘Just like at the time of Napoleon’s invasion, the Soviet government destroyed everything that could be used by the enemy. Train stations, bridges, factories, power stations.’ Softly, as if hoping no one would hear, he added, ‘Food.’

‘But, Deda, we are still here. We need food.’ Natasha’s hands shook as she scooped potatoes with her spoon.

‘Speaking of food,’ said Grandmother, ‘I went to the water pump this morning and saw a notice glued to the wall of our building. The Nazis want us to hand in our food supplies. And our radio.’

Putting her spoon down, Mother said, ‘We can’t give our food away. It’s a death sentence. We need to hide it.’

Father looked up from his plate. ‘Hide what?’

‘The food.’ Mother looked around, as if making sure there were no German officers around to overhear. ‘Not inside the apartment. In the garden maybe.’ Breathing heavily as if fighting back tears, she turned to her husband. ‘Where’s your shovel, Vasili?’

‘It’s in the corridor, Mama,’ said Nikolai. ‘I just saw it behind—’

But Father interrupted. ‘Are you serious? You want to hide the food?’

Mother fidgeted under his glare but nodded.

Father snapped, ‘Hide it from the Nazis? Are you out of your mind?’

Natasha winced. Father’s voice was too loud for the crowded kitchen. She looked at her brother just in time to see a piece of chocolate disappear into his mouth. ‘Hey,’ she hissed. ‘Where did you get that? It’s mine.’

‘It’s mine now. Finders, keepers.’

‘Not fair. You ate your share yesterday.’ But Nikolai only smiled and swallowed the remainder of the chocolate.

Mother mumbled, ‘I just thought—’

‘Well, think again. They will shoot you for hiding food.’ The cup Father was holding in his hand quivered and some of his tea spilled on his shirt.

‘Yes, and if we don’t hide it, we’ll starve. What do you prefer?’

‘You’re seriously asking me if I would prefer…’ Father waved his hands dismissively.

Grandmother glared at Father and said, ‘You’re right, daughter. We need to hide the food.’

Father shoved his chair back and stormed out of the kitchen. For the rest of the morning, he remained on the couch, searching through his newspaper for news from the front.

*

After breakfast, Nikolai and Alexei joined the sisters in their room.

‘Germans in Kiev,’ said Alexei. ‘Can you believe it?’

‘I can’t believe it,’ said Natasha, looking up from her book. ‘What’s it going to be like?’

‘Not much fun, I guess,’ said Nikolai.

‘I guess,’ whispered Natasha.

‘Soviet Union should have attacked first. Then we would have had a strategic advantage,’ said Nikolai, as if he knew about such things. ‘Have you heard what they’ve been doing in Poland? Burning, looting, killing, and…’ He glanced at the girls and, to Natasha’s relief, didn’t finish his sentence.

Lisa, who was rummaging through her drawers, looked up and asked, ‘Has anyone seen my blue notepad?’

‘You mean your diary?’ There was a teasing note in Nikolai’s voice that he attempted to hide.

‘Yes. My diary. I’ve been looking everywhere for it.’

‘Haven’t seen it,’ said Natasha.

Lisa proceeded to search the bookshelves, peering behind every book.

Natasha turned to Alexei. ‘Are you staying here with us?’

Alexei nodded. ‘Your mama said I could stay for a bit.’

Lisa said, ‘I’m so happy to have you here. It’s like we’re already married.’

Alexei laughed. ‘Don’t let your papa hear you say that.’

Coming close to Lisa, he attempted to draw her into a hug but Lisa pushed his hands away, muttering, ‘I don’t understand. I had it yesterday. What did I do with it?’

Watching the sly expression on Nikolai’s face, Natasha whispered, ‘Have you seen it?’

Nikolai whispered back, ‘I hid it.’

‘You hid it?’ Natasha suppressed a giggle. ‘Where?’

Nikolai reached under the mattress and extracted a blue notepad, opening it on a random page. ‘I love him, I love him, I love him,’ he read in a high-pitched voice. ‘Yesterday we talked about—’ A book expertly thrown by Lisa hit him, making him jump.

‘Ouch,’ complained Nikolai, rubbing his shoulder. ‘You think violence is the answer to everything?’

‘What’s the matter with you two?’ exclaimed Lisa, ripping the diary from her brother’s hands. She left the room, dragging Alexei behind her and slamming the door.

‘You’ve done it now,’ said Natasha. ‘You’ve really upset her.’

‘You think she’ll tell Mama?’ For a moment Nikolai looked worried.

Seconds later, Mother entered.

‘I guess yes is the answer to your question,’ whispered Natasha.

Mother’s hair was hidden under a kerchief. Dark circles under her eyes were clearly visible despite a thick layer of make-up. Her face was thunder. ‘You two! Stop behaving like children. You heard your father. This is not the time for jokes.’