Mums Just Wanna Have Fun

Nancy couldn’t argue with that. ‘Fine, but I’m paying for the taxi to the airport and any drinks or food we have at the airport.’

‘Deal. Mine’s a prosecco and a sushi meal.’

Nancy laughed. ‘I don’t know how you run your own business with two kids. I feel like half the time I can’t even get the washing and housework done on time, let alone put together contracts and marketing portfolios and all the other zillion things you do.’

‘You could totally do it, stop putting yourself down.’ Harriet dipped into the jar for another biscuit.

‘I actually don’t think I could. I don’t have the businesswoman persona that you have. I would crumble under the pressure.’

‘Oh shush! Although I would get more done if I didn’t have a child who was as stubborn as hell.’

‘I wonder where she gets that from,’ Nancy said under her breath with a smile.

‘What’s that?’ Harriet questioned, clearly having heard exactly what Nancy had said.

‘I said, are the kids OK?’ She poked out her tongue.

‘Yeah I’m sure you did. They’re fine. How’s Jack doing?’

Nancy’s stomach dropped a little. ‘He’s doing alright, could be better.’

‘School?’

Nancy nodded. ‘He’s just not fitting in. I can’t help but worry that this school isn’t right for him. It breaks my heart every morning when I take him in and he cries because he doesn’t want to be there. I walked past at playtime the other day and he was playing by himself.’

‘Did you ask him about it?’

‘Yeah, he said he likes to be by himself.’

‘Well there you go – as long as he’s not sad about it.’

Nancy exhaled. ‘That’s the thing though; he doesn’t really get the emotions so I’m worried that he doesn’t understand how he’s feeling.’

‘But if he doesn’t feel sad, and he’s OK, surely that’s all you want?’

Nancy nodded. ‘I guess so. He’s apparently not the same in the classroom though, seems to be constantly agitated and emotional, the teacher tells me. I’m going to go in again after the holidays and ask for an update meeting – they need to reassess his plan and see what needs changing. It can’t stay like this.’

‘Chin up, things will be OK. And now you have a holiday to look forward to.’

The doorbell rang and as Nancy stood, she said, ‘I won’t have the chance to look forward to it; it’s the day after tomorrow!’

‘Look, we have to go now because the kids only get two weeks off for Easter so we need to make the most of it.’

Nancy walked to the front door laughing. A holiday seemed like just what she needed right now. Maybe it would be the perfect antidote for her stress? At least she was eating properly again and sleeping a little better. She opened the door half expecting the postman to be there, but instead got the shock of her life.

‘Hi Nance, can we talk?’

Chapter 2

Nancy stared back at Pete, frozen to the spot half in surprise and half in frustration that he had chosen this moment to turn up on her doorstep when she’d been trying to get him to come and see Jack for the past year.

‘What do you want, Pete?’

‘Aren’t you going to invite me in?’ He brushed his hand through his dark brown hair, which had grown longer over the past year than she had ever seen it, and leaned on the doorframe, seemingly trying to look more relaxed than he was feeling.

‘Can’t say that I particularly want to,’ she said, but then caught sight of her neighbour in her front garden pretending to be doing some weeding when really she was ear wigging. ‘You’ve got ten minutes.’

The atmosphere between the two of them was tense and things only worsened when Pete walked into the kitchen and was faced with Harriet.

‘What in God’s name are you doing here?’ she scowled, putting her hands onto her hips and frowning at him.

‘Nice to see you too, Harriet.’ Pete forced a strained smile across his face.

‘I didn’t say it was nice to see you. In fact, I feel quite the opposite.’

‘Hari, it’s fine.’ Nancy manoeuvred around her friend and placed a brief hand onto her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze as she grabbed her cup off the side.

‘It’s bloody well not fine. He thinks he can just walk out on you and Jack and disappear for months on end, ignoring your calls and then swan up on your doorstep like nothing’s happened? I don’t bloody think so.’ She glared at him.

‘Last time I checked, this wasn’t your house or your business, Harriet!’

Harriet marched towards Pete at speed and Nancy quickly put her mug down and stepped into Harriet’s path just as she reached him. ‘And last time I checked, Pete,’ she spat his name viciously, ‘you don’t just abandon your wife and your child the second shit gets hard in life.’

‘OK, OK, enough you two.’ Nancy placed her hand onto Harriet’s shoulder. ‘Let me talk to him and see what the deal is. I’ll call you later and we can talk about the holiday, OK?’

‘Nance, don’t let him wheedle his way—’

‘Hari, I’m fine … honestly.’

Harriet glared at Pete before grabbing her bag and walking out of the kitchen towards the front door.

‘And as for you,’ Nancy pointed at Pete, her expression dropping into a serious tone, ‘don’t you dare think for one second that it is OK to walk into my house and be rude to my friends.’

‘Nancy, this was our house.’

‘Exactly, Pete, this was our house – and then you left.’

They both stood for a second staring at each other and then as her words sank in, Pete admitted defeat and nodded.

Ten minutes later, Nancy had made Pete a coffee and refreshed her own mug and the pair were seated at the table clasping their mugs, neither one making moves to speak. Eventually, Nancy said, ‘So are you going to tell me why you’ve suddenly turned up here after a year of silence or am I supposed to just ignore that part?’ Her anxious heartbeat had still not recovered from the moment she’d opened the door to him.

He exhaled but didn’t shift his glance from the mug of brown liquid in front of him. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘Too damn right, it’s complicated, Pete, because I’m struggling to understand why you would leave us. I tried my best to make everything work, even when things got really tough with Jack but clearly it wasn’t good enough – maybe I wasn’t good enough.’ She looked down at her hands as she spoke, saying the words that she had been thinking for months now.

This time he looked up, sadness etched on his face. ‘Nancy, no! It wasn’t you – you were the best wife.’

‘I can’t have been that good otherwise you wouldn’t have left. No matter how hard life gets, when you have someone you love by your side, you get through it. But you just left. I obviously didn’t do a very good job at being a supportive wife.’

This time he didn’t respond, instead choosing to drop his gaze back down into the mug. Nancy didn’t probe any further because she didn’t want to hear that she was right – even though she knew she was. After a minute, he spoke again. It was barely audible but was still loud enough for Nancy to hear perfectly. ‘It was too hard.’

‘Life is hard.’ She felt her exterior harden slightly. The ‘it’s hard’ line wasn’t going to wash with her. She was too far into protection mode now, especially as she’d had to deal with the last year on her own.

‘It’s easy for you.’

‘How is it easy for me? He’s my son too, I feel how hard it is too, you know!’

‘Yes but you know how to deal with him – with it.’

‘You’re talking about him like he has a disease – he’s not sick, he’s autistic!’ Rage was beginning to boil in her chest. She was sick to death of people treating Jack like there was something wrong with him, like he didn’t belong on this planet and should be hidden away.

Pete flinched noticeably when Nancy said autistic and this made her even angrier.

‘What is it you’re even here for Pete? Because it clearly isn’t to apologise.’

‘I am sorry, of course I am. Do you really think that I wanted to leave? That under normal circumstances I would have chosen to leave my wife and son?’

‘So, why did you?? What was so bad that you felt the only way to deal with this was to leave? That you didn’t have any other option in this whole world other than to walk out and leave your son without his daddy and your wife without her husband?’

His head was facing the table in shame but his feeling sorry for himself stance only fuelled her anger. ‘I had to deal with months and months of him asking me where his daddy was. Do you know what that was like? Do you even have the capacity to understand how heartbreakingly painful it was to watch him have meltdown after meltdown because Mummy couldn’t tell him where Daddy was?’ He was still looking at the table. ‘I have had to not only be Mummy, but Daddy too. I am trying to work to support us because you weren’t answering my calls. But then when Jack has a bad day at school and I have to go and pick him up, I can’t work. But do I have that choice? No! And when Jack has a bad night and won’t sleep – because he still doesn’t sleep, you know, in case you’re wondering – I still have to work having had an hour’s sleep and having been punched and slapped and kicked all over because he is anxious but can’t tell me why.’

Pete shook his head in despair.

‘Or when I have to have a cereal bar for dinner because there’s only enough pasta for Jack but a trip to the shop is out of the question because I haven’t pre-warned him and the sudden change in routine would warrant another meltdown. Do you know how hard it is to be a single parent, let alone a single parent to a child who is struggling like Jack?’ She waited, watching his pathetic response as he shrugged. ‘DO YOU?’ His head snapped up in surprise.

‘Sweetheart, come on, don’t shout.’

‘What did you expect, Pete? That I would open the door and see your face and be happy to see you? That I would welcome you back with open arms and tell you how much I’ve missed you and how happy I am that you’re back in our lives – not to worry about the last year? Is that what you thought would happen?’ she pressed.

‘Well no, but…’ he trailed off, obviously seeing his error in judgement.

‘Pete, you walked out on your family when times got tough. I needed you and you weren’t there.’ Her voice was gentler but the tone still firm.

‘You don’t know what it was like for me. You completely understood everything the doctor was saying and seemed to know what you were doing.’

‘Are you kidding me?’ she exhaled in disbelief. ‘I didn’t have a clue what was going on! I don’t think anybody ever does when they get an autistic diagnosis. I had the same thoughts and questions going round in my mind as you did.’

‘But you were nodding and smiling and sounded like you knew exactly what the doctor was saying to you – you were asking questions about what to do around the house and how we could make life easier for him and—’

‘So because I opened my mouth and asked the questions that were inside my head instead of shutting off and refusing to acknowledge that our son needed help, I’m now a pro at it all?’

‘Well no, but it sounded like you were fine with it.’

‘We had no choice but to be fine with it – he’s our son no matter what. You should’ve felt the same.’ Her voice trailed off as unexpected emotion caught the back of her throat.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘It was just too hard.’

‘So, you’re just giving up on him?’ She asked the question but wasn’t sure she was ready for the answer.

‘I’m here, aren’t I?’

‘So this is you trying, is it?’

He nodded and then sipped his coffee.

‘Well, I suppose late is better than never.’ He seemed to perk up. ‘But don’t think you can just swan back in here like nothing happened. It took Jack a long time to change his routine; he’s used to you not being here now. I’m not even sure he will be OK with seeing you.’

‘What do you mean, “OK with seeing me” – I’m his dad!’

‘His dad who left him!’

‘Fine,’ he conceded, realising he didn’t have a leg to stand on.

‘We’ll have to come to an arrangement, sort out a plan as to how we’re going to reintroduce you into his everyday life.’ As much as she hated him for leaving, Nancy couldn’t ignore the fact that this was potentially the moment that Jack got his dad back. No matter how much she might be angry at Pete, she wouldn’t be the one to stop Jack seeing his dad.

‘OK,’ he grunted, acting like a teenager who had just been told they could have twenty quid if they washed the car first.

‘But we can’t do anything right now; we can sort it out once we get back from our holiday.’

‘Holiday? Since when are you going away on holiday?’

‘Since my shitty husband walked out on me, and my son and I have had to tear myself into twenty-five gazillion pieces just to make ends meet – I think we have earned a little break away in the sun, don’t you?’ She glared at him, daring him to argue. ‘Exactly.’ She stood and cleared away the mugs, taking his before he had a chance to finish the last mouthful. ‘So, if you don’t mind, I have some packing to do.’ She indicated towards the front door with her head.

Pete stood up and marched towards the door. ‘Oh, and this time,’ Nancy began, and Pete turned around looking hopeful. ‘When I call you – answer the bloody phone!’

She watched him exhale in frustration as he exited their family home, the home he’d decided to abandon. Pushing the door shut behind him, she returned to the kitchen and began loading the dishwasher. It felt strange seeing Pete after all that time. Her reaction had not been what she’d expected – emotionally or physically. She’d spent the last year believing that when – if – he walked back through that door, she would be overjoyed to see him. She would wrap her arms around him and thank him for returning to them, for making their family complete again. Instead, she felt an overwhelming feeling of anger and betrayal. Instead of begging him to come back, she had been blunt, stern and regimented in her responses to him. All the memories of the struggles over the last year had catapulted into the forefront of her mind. She wasn’t falling apart emotionally without him and after seeing him today, she actually felt that little bit stronger knowing that she had coped. He hadn’t been there and she had managed. A small part of her felt sad for the loss of respect for her husband, but she needed to suppress that and focus on making the right changes, for Jack. If Pete wanted to be in their lives, that was fine. But there was no way she was letting him back into her head. The consequences of letting that happen were too difficult to think about.

Chapter 3

Harriet made her way upstairs to see how far Isla had got with her packing. This really went against the grain with her as she was quite the control freak when it came to packing bags and getting organised – it was the businesswoman in her. However, when she had told Isla they were going on holiday, her little girl had insisted on packing her own bag. How hard could it be, Harriet thought to herself.

As she walked into Isla’s bedroom she was faced with piles and piles of clothes strewn about the room with just a small pile on top of the suitcase she had placed on Isla’s bed. Yet her daughter was nowhere to be seen.

‘Isla?’ Harriet called out, scanning the room in a bit of a panic.

‘Yeah?’ came the reply.

‘Where are you?’ Harriet slowly edged further into the room.

‘I’m here!’ Isla shouted, suddenly appearing from a pile of clothes in the corner of the room.

Harriet jumped, unable to control the small shriek that spilt out of her mouth as she threw her hand up to her chest, feeling her heartbeat race. Now that Harriet looked closer, she could see that Isla had built some sort of house with her clothes and duvet.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I built a den! Look, here’s the door, here’s the window and here are the flowers in the garden.’ She jumped around the mound of materials as she gave Harriet the grand tour. ‘Come inside!’ she squeaked.

Harriet was already shaking her head. ‘No, not right now. Mummy’s busy. I thought you were packing?’ Her phone beeped and Harriet took it out of her pocket, reading the email from work as Isla began to whine about wanting her to come inside the den. She exhaled in frustration as she read the email, asking her to a meeting in Ireland next month. Another hassle to organise childcare and have her mum tell her what a failure she was as a mother because she worked instead of staying at home with her two children. She flagged the email so that she could reply once Isla was in bed and she could concentrate better. She looked back at her five-year-old who was expectantly waiting for an answer to whatever question she had just asked her mum.

‘Sorry Isla, what were you saying?’

‘Urgh! Always have to say it again,’ she said, each word spoken with each step she took towards the den. ‘I said, can we have five minutes in the den and then you can work?’

Harriet looked at her watch. She should really be getting the packing finished so that she could reply to her emails tonight before they set off tomorrow first thing. And as much as she wanted to spend time with Isla, these things were not going to get done by themselves. The joys of single parenting. She began to say no but then thought against it. All the parenting books and sites talked about making time for your children even if you were busy – although how practical these things were, Harriet didn’t know. She nodded and walked towards the den just as her phone began to ring. Isla groaned and threw her hands up into the air as Harriet took the phone back out of her pocket.

‘Hello, is that Mrs Fisher, Tommy’s mum?’

‘Oh no!’ Harriet replied and instantly felt her heart sink. ‘I’m so sorry, I’m on my way.’

‘Thank you,’ the nursery assistant replied abruptly and ended the call.

‘Isla, we need to go and pick up your brother.’

Isla found this incredibly unfair and sat on the bed, crossing her arms and huffing.

‘What are you doing? Come on!’ Harriet turned to walk out of the bedroom, so angry at herself for forgetting to pick up Tommy again. She always had so much to do that she seemed to run out of time before she realised. She looked over her shoulder as she reached the top of the stairs only to see Isla sitting back on her floor, getting a puzzle out of its box. She turned on her feet and stormed back into the room. ‘Isla! It’s time to go, come on.’

‘No! I don’t want to – Tommy is stinky and he always cries.’

‘Oh for goodness’ sake, stop being silly and come on.’ She put her hands on her hips to show she meant business but Isla was very much her mini me and had every ounce of Harriet’s stubbornness. She stayed sitting on the carpet, staring back defiantly.

‘Isla…’ Harriet warned and did her best mum look.

‘I don’t want to though,’ Isla groaned, standing up slowly.

‘It won’t take long.’ She turned and walked back to the stairs and again, looked over her shoulder. Isla had stood up but was now just standing still in the middle of her room staring at Harriet. ‘What now?’ she said impatiently, feeling sorry for Tommy sitting and waiting at nursery for her.

‘Can I have a biscuit?’

That girl knew her far too well. ‘Fine! Get a biscuit on the way out – now come on, let’s go!’ Harriet rushed down the stairs and could hear Isla skipping behind her saying, biscuit biscuit biscuit…

As a single parent Harriet knew to pick her battles – and this wasn’t one of them.

Chapter 4

‘OK spill, what did he say?’ Harriet placed the coffees onto the table in front of Nancy and sat down opposite her, expectantly. Nancy shuffled in her seat, very aware that Jack didn’t look too comfortable at the airport. She had sent Harriet a text yesterday and said she would explain all about Pete’s visit today; she knew Harriet wouldn’t just be content with a condensed version.

‘He apologised and said that he wants to be a part of Jack’s life.’

Harriet guffawed and sipped her coffee. ‘You aren’t seriously falling for that tosh, are you?’

Nancy laughed. ‘Tosh? Did you actually say tosh? Who says that?’

‘Oh, be quiet, just tell me that you’re not falling for it?’

Nancy shrugged and sipped her coffee.

‘Nance!’ Harriet picked up her napkin and threw it at her. ‘Come on girl, sort it out.’

‘Hari, it’s not that simple. He’s Jack’s dad – I can hardly tell him to piss off, can I? What about Jack?’ She looked over to her blonde-haired boy and felt the weight of anxiety drop into the pit of her stomach. ‘It’s not his fault his dad is an idiot but if Pete is going to try and make things right, surely Jack deserves to have his dad around?’

‘Babe I get that, honestly I do, but he’s hardly shown the best intentions over the last year, has he? It wasn’t like he was dad of the year even before he walked out.’

Nancy stayed quiet, not wanting to delve into the mess that was her marriage. But it seemed Harriet had other ideas.

‘What about the time that he left you waiting at that restaurant because he decided to go to the game with his mates and not tell you? Or the time he cancelled your weekend away because tickets came up for the F1? Or the time you slaved over a romantic dinner for him on your anniversary and he rolled in from the pub at 11 p.m. with a kebab?’

‘Alright, Hari, jeez!’ Nancy sipped her coffee again. ‘What is this, let’s highlight how shit Pete has been as a husband over the last few years? Don’t you think I know all this?’ It was a sore subject and Harriet knew that. But she was also the kind of friend who was completely honest with Nancy. However, hearing her list these things raised the question in Nancy’s mind of whether had been going wrong in her marriage even before Jack’s diagnosis.

‘Look, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to bring the mood down. I just don’t want to see you and Jack get messed around and quite frankly, you have been so much happier over the last few months since things started getting back on track, I don’t want you to spiral back down into the person you were when he was making your life a misery.’

‘My life wasn’t a misery,’ Nancy replied defensively, but then took in the no-bullshit look on Harriet’s face. ‘OK, well I was unhappy towards the end but my whole life wasn’t a misery.’

‘Mummy? Can I get a magazine?’ Isla was pulling on Harriet’s cardigan.

‘In a minute darling, let Mummy just finish her coffee.’

‘And a chocolate bar?’

‘In a minute.’

‘And a teddy bear?’

Nancy laughed. ‘You can tell Isla’s in holiday mode already.’ She turned to Jack. ‘Would you like a magazine, Jack?’

He shook his head but didn’t look up from the iPad.

‘How about a chocolate treat?’

‘It’s not after dinner time,’ he mumbled, still not looking up.

‘That’s OK, we’re going on holiday mate; you can have a treat.’ Harriet stood up and fished for her purse in her bag. Jack didn’t answer.

‘Jack?’ Nancy pressed but he just frantically shook his head. ‘OK, it’s fine. You don’t have to.’ Nancy looked to Harriet and shook her head.

‘Shall I get him something else?’

‘No, its fine. He’s brought stuff with him; he probably just doesn’t want any change in what he prepared for. But thanks.’

Harriet smiled and walked off over to the shop to purchase the products for Isla who was skipping along behind her excitedly. Tommy was still asleep in his pram, so Nancy focused her attention back onto her son who was still glued to his iPad.

‘Are you excited about the holiday, Jack?’

He shrugged.

‘There’ll be a pool.’

‘I don’t like water.’

‘I know you don’t sweetheart, but it doesn’t have to go over your head, you can just paddle in it or do some swimming.’