Kate & Alf

With lowered eyes and stilted words, he’d consciously tried to explain to Megan that he had an overwhelming sense of loneliness. He’d been struggling with feelings of rejection and emotional neglect. Given that he knew Kate had no real family to speak of, he’d hoped to find a kindred spirit in her. After all, she’d made references on numerous occasions in the past to the fact that she, too, had felt empty. He thought she’d understand and maybe have some answers.

It had pained Megan to hear of her brother’s troubled feelings, but she was grateful that he’d passed out before he’d had a chance to open up to Kate. She knew her friend well and although she’d have done everything within her power to help Jonnie, Kate would have also been torn apart at revisiting the emotions associated with her parents’ and aunt’s death. She’d spent so long trying to make peace with everything and the emotions would have undoubtedly opened old wounds. It wasn’t a subject Megan wanted Jonnie to raise again – and she’d warned him of this, explaining that Kate had her own issues she was struggling with, without the extra burden of his, too.

Sidetracked by her thoughts, Megan realised she hadn’t been paying attention to Kate’s chattering. She caught the end of a sentence about visiting Tea Cup Viv for a reading and made what she hoped was the right reassuring response.

‘Great. So you’re going to have one, too, then?’ her friend asked in surprise. Without waiting for Megan’s response, she carried on enthusiastically. ‘I’ll tell Viv. I don’t want to do it alone; I’d prefer to have you there. You know – just in case. And it’ll be so interesting to see what she gets for you, too.’

Trying to sound enthusiastic, Megan said she’d look forward to it – with no real intention of undertaking anything of the sort. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in psychic abilities it just didn’t interest her. She had no desire to know anything about the future – she was much more content living day by day.

Kate knew this too, which was why she’d been a little taken aback at Megan’s keenness. She’d expected her friend to instantly dismiss the suggestion. She herself had been toying with the idea for most of the morning; gradually she’d come to the conclusion that she needed answers and although she didn’t really believe in it, perhaps it would offer some. She was at a loss as to what more she could do. Short of sitting down and having the frank conversation with Alf that was needed, she first wanted some guidance from somewhere – and if Viv could give that in some small way, then why not?

The previous evening, although it seemed to improve as the hours passed and the wine flowed, had left her once again wondering where their relationship was headed. Things, perhaps, wouldn’t have been so questionable if Marcus hadn’t raised the subject of travelling and holidays. She’d been more than surprised when Alf had piped up with the unlikelihood of them taking a long-distance trip in the foreseeable future. She vaguely recalled the words ‘workload’, ‘financial restraints’ and ‘priorities’ being bandied around by him, but the entire time she’d stayed silent, solemnly wondering why her input on the matter hadn’t been requested. Only when Marcus had looked at her for confirmation had she managed to mutely nod her head in agreement, not wanting to cause another quarrel in front of their guest.

Kate couldn’t understand what had happened to their plans to spend two weeks road- tripping around California. Alf had seemed so eager to discuss the trip at the start of the year and they’d even looked into excursions. It was now only spring – so when had his change of heart taken place?

So many uncertainties seemed to be dancing around inside her and she knew it wouldn’t be beneficial to open up to Alf unless she could make some sense of their meaning first. Besides, the idea of talking to him about things and not hearing the response she wanted to hear, terrified her. She’d lost so many people in her life already. What if there was a possibility that Alf didn’t want the same things as her for the future? The devastation that rippled through her at the very idea wasn’t an emotion that she even wanted to acknowledge. The fear of being alone once again, of someone she desperately loved leaving her, was too overwhelming a thought to consider.

So she needed to be prepared first within herself. Just in case….

She tried to pay attention as Megan’s voice boomed excitedly down the phone, telling her about an opening party of an exclusive cocktail venue in the City. As her eyes flitted towards the large staffroom clock, she was dismayed to find that her lunch hour was rapidly drawing to an end.

‘I’ll let you know if Shilpa can get me an extra free entry for opening night – it’s going to be a ticketed event. I think you’ll enjoy it.’

Kate groaned. ‘Oh, I don’t know, Megan, it doesn’t really sound like my scene…’ she tailed off, wondering why Megan was extending her the invite. Shilpa was usually her partner in crime for these sorts of things.

Megan cut her off before she could protest further. ‘Kate, you’ve been moaning that you want to dress up and go out more lately. This is your chance. You need to let your hair down – de-stress. Come on, it’ll be fun.’

It didn’t take long for Megan’s words to have an effect. Kate knew it was true – since her birthday party, she’d once again gotten lost in a swamp of insecurities and forgotten the glamour and zest for life that she’d briefly rediscovered. She thought of the new cream-chiffon dress, still marked with nail varnish and banished to the back of her wardrobe. Hadn’t Alf promised to replace it? In a split second she’d made up her mind.

‘Okay, you’re right. Count me in. I need a girlie night out.’

Megan whooped in delight and promised to speak to Shilpa.

Saying goodbye, Kate ended the call on her mobile, pleased with her decision and allowing herself to feel excited at the thought of a fun night out. Getting up to put her empty egg-and-cress sandwich carton in the canteen bin, another thought occurred to her…

Maybe, just maybe, she had found an answer to her worries after all. Perhaps that was the key to understanding her future with Alf. Maybe she just needed to make herself happy again – get back to appreciating who she was and enjoying life again. Otherwise, how could Alf even begin to try to fix things?

Alf stirred a generously heaped spoonful of sugar into his mug of coffee. Although the narrow staff kitchen was spacious enough to accommodate two long lunch benches and at least twenty people, he couldn’t help but overhear the conversation between Jeanette from credit control and Bea, the personal assistant to the director of the international division.

‘So the rumours were true, then?’ Jeanette was saying with dismay, replacing a carton of milk in the shared fridge.

‘I think the accounts department will be safe,’ Bea replied reassuringly. ‘It’s mostly the various broking teams and schemes that will be scaled down. Plus a management restructure.’

‘I hope you’re right, Bea. At my age I’m not likely to be getting another job soon in this current climate.’

Alf glanced at Jeanette as she picked up her mug of tea from the countertop and she lowered her voice as she caught his gaze. Pretending he didn’t notice, he picked up his own mug of coffee and made his way back to his desk, a leaden feeling in his stomach. He’d suspected something was amiss, but had naively assumed it was most likely to do with the upcoming salary appraisals being fixed at inflation rate. Despite hoping for an increase, he’d already decided that if he convinced Kate in foregoing any big travel plans, they wouldn’t need to worry if the raise didn’t happen.

Sitting down at his desk, Alf felt shaken up. He’d worked solidly over the past two years to secure his current role as head of the PI Scheme for Engineering and so many sacrifices had been made as a result, financially and emotionally. His career investment was only just beginning to pay off – he was on his way to peaking. Yet overhearing the conversation had confirmed the hushed gossip that had been making waves all around the department for the last two days. He knew that quiet, straight-laced Bea wasn’t the type to involve herself in rumours. Besides, she had direct access to her director, Andy’s, inbox. If anyone was going to be aware of developments on a management level, it was Bea.

Setting his mug down next to piles of paper that were swamping his desk, Alf avoided getting caught up in his team’s current discussion on Indian food versus Chinese food. His mind was abuzz with new worries. Given that the scheme was a success with him at the helm, and considering the further plans in the pipeline to establish Hamilton’s as the leading broker in the engineering industry, he was doubtful that his position was unsafe. Yet there was no guarantee. It was crushing to think that his hard work could possibly amount to nothing. For the first time in a long time, he felt powerless.

Kate was another growing concern. He was sure he wasn’t imagining it, but she’d been acting off with him for the past couple of weeks now. It wasn’t just her emotional distance that he’d noticed; it was her attitude. One moment she was complaining about decorating, the next talking about selling – he couldn’t fathom out the problem. It wouldn’t have been so hard to talk things over if Marcus had moved out by now; as it was, he was still with them. Alf was beginning to regret ever suggesting the idea. It was made worse by the fact that he’d quietly raised the issue with Kate, who’d jumped to Marcus’s defence and insisted he was welcome to remain a lodger for as long as necessary. Given her already stilted attitude toward him, he thought it best to reluctantly agree.

Although Alf enjoyed his friend’s company, the set-up was beginning to wear thin – he hoped it wouldn’t be too much longer before Marcus left.

Blowing out a sigh, he wondered why life had suddenly become so complicated. Things had seemed quite rosy not even a month ago. And now, well, he felt as though everything had shifted in unexpected ways – yet he wasn’t quite able to pinpoint exactly why.

A new email flagged with a high-priority symbol flashed into his inbox; opening it, he stared at the short note and attachment. A request for the third-quarter pipeline figures. His heart sank. It would take the remainder of the afternoon and well into early evening to get the figures prepared. He’d promised Kate he’d be home on time, hoping to take her to their favourite Italian restaurant and get to the bottom of whatever was bothering her – without Marcus’s presence. However, considering the gossip he’d just overheard, a surge of anxiety forced him into necessary action. The idea of leaving on time and rectifying things with Kate would have to be put on hold.

Pushing his relationship concerns aside, Alf opened the attachment and concentrated on the numbers dancing in front of him. He was prepared to do whatever it took to secure his position. Surely Kate would understand and support that. After all, it was of benefit to them both.

‘This is amazing.’ Marcus said excitedly, studying a small, soft watercolour canvas of a pastel dragonfly. ‘Why isn’t it hanging on the wall instead of being tucked away up there in the loft?’

Kate blushed. It had been a long time since she’d seen her own work and now, in the bright light of the living room, she was awed by the beauty of some of the canvases that surrounded her. It was incredible to think that she had been the one to bring them to life. The thought was almost incomprehensible.

‘I don’t know,’ Kate answered honestly, sitting down on the corner recliner and studying a larger canvas of an Indian elephant adorned in traditional festival jhools. ‘I guess after my aunt died, my inspiration dried up.’ She glanced wistfully at the artwork propped up around her. ‘It was as if my art died with her.’

Marcus sat down on the floor, facing her with his full attention. Encouraged by his empathetic silence and seeing the compassion in his bright-green eyes, she carried on instead of withdrawing.

‘She was everything to me. I don’t remember my parents – I was only two years old when they died in the accident and she took me in, having no kids of her own. She’d often tell me stories about Mum and Dad; she made sure they were a constant feature of my life, despite them not being here…’ Kate looked up with a melancholic smile. ‘But, really, if I’m honest, she was what I considered my mum. She was the only mum I knew, the only family I had.’ Wiping a small tear from the corner of her eye, Kate tried to fight the sadness that was engulfing her. ‘I was all she had, too. Her and my mum’s parents had died early, too. Ironic, really.’ She smiled sadly. ‘Maybe there is some truth in life patterns repeating themselves down the generations.’

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