I Found You

“We’re going on the subway,” she said, hooking her little purse bag over her arm again. “So don’t take your hat and scarf, you’ll only lose them in the club––”

“And freeze on the way home either way…”

“You won’t notice the weather on the way back you’ll be too drunk.” She grinned at me, her devilish come-on-live-a-bit-wild grin.

I grinned back, a sucker for a beautiful woman in a hot dress. “I wish all my friends looked as good as you,” I whispered to her as we went out the door.

She glanced back, flashing me another bright smile. Then she said, “Likewise.”

When we got on the subway train we sat on opposite sides of the carriage, grinning at each other, like a couple of kids. But then my cell buzzed in my pocket as it pulled away.

I took it out.

It was Lindy.

“Yeah.”

“What, not hi, darling, or, great to hear from you.”

“I’m on the subway, Lindy. I told you I was going out.”

“Right. I just wanted to check you’re okay.”

“I’m, okay.”

“You always call me, I just wanted to surprise you and call you for a change.”

“On the one night I’ve gone out for a drink since I’ve been here, cheers, Lindy, thanks for thinking of me.”

I didn’t look at Rachel. It was embarrassing to have Lindy check up on me. She was jealous of Rachel. Lindy had always held other women at a distance from me, it was just part of what she did, and the way she was. I knew it was because she was insecure, but I was a little sick of her insecurity lately.

“Lindy, just give it a rest. Be the one to call me tomorrow if you like, it’s a Saturday, surprise me then…”

She hung up.

She’d be pissed off and angry now.

My good mood deflated like someone let helium out of my balloon. I made a sorry face at Rach and stood up, then moved further along the carriage, and with one arm looped about the bar to hold me steady, I called Lindy back. The subway was coming off the far end of the bridge. I’d lose my signal soon.

“Hi,” she answered, sounding annoyed.

“Sorry.”

“Yeah, right…”

“I’m trying my best to make this work, Lindy. You know I haven’t been out, or really made friends here. Rachel just offered to get me out of the apartment and help me get to know the city a bit, to cheer me up, alright… It’s nothing.”

“It isn’t nothing, Jason. She’s living with you in a one bedroom apartment. She’s after what she can get. She’s taking advantage, and…”

And of course in Lindy’s opinion that could only be about money, nothing to do with the fact Rach might actually like me.

“Think whatever you want to think, Lindy.” I kept my head down so my voice didn’t carry. “I know why she’s staying, and it isn’t to get money out of me. I like her, alright? She’s good company. I’m sorry you’re jealous, but I’m not making her homeless just ‘cause you’re jealous. This has to stop, understand. You can’t keep running her down every night.”

Lindy stayed silent for a minute. Then she said, “You know, Jason, if you were really trying at this, you wouldn’t even be in New York, you’d be here, where you belong, with me and your mom and dad. Bye.”

She hung up again.

I didn’t call back.

I slipped the cell into my inside pocket where my wallet was and went to sit back down opposite Rach again.

“How’s Lindy?” She gave me a sweet smile. I looked for sarcasm in her expression and found none. She understood. I could see it in her eyes. She knew I felt like trash because I could do nothing right for Lindy.

I smiled back as her smile turned sympathetic. “Fine.”

“It’s alright, tonight’s gonna cheer you up and put a smile back on your face, Jason Macinlay.”

I got up and shifted to the seat next to her and then started asking her about the club she was taking me to. I wanted to lighten the mood again. I’d felt good when we’d left the apartment, now I was feeling all small-town-guy-in-a-big-city.

She had me laughing by the time we got off the subway, although it wasn’t a belly laugh. I still felt a bit down over my argument with Lindy. I wasn’t sure Lindy and I would ever work out now, and yet we’d been together forever, and I’d thought it would just go on like that. I couldn’t see my future anymore. It was ridiculous, I’d been so sure of everything until I’d come to New York. Or perhaps Lindy had just been sure of everything and I’d fallen in line…

“Do you wanna go to a bar first?”

“You’re the party planner…” Lindy’s call was seriously flattening this for me.

“Then we’ll go to a bar, and I’m buying the first round, and you’re having a shot, not just beer.”

I smiled at her, my hands in my pockets again.

“Come on, cheer up,” she said. “A girlfriend who wants to take over the world won’t end your life.”

“Just limit it…” My gaze caught hers, and for the first time in days she gripped my arm.

“Come on, I’m on a mission now, I’m cheering you up whether you like it or not.”

Her touch felt reassuring and comforting. I really wasn’t a bastard, was I? Lindy made me feel like I was.

Chapter Six

I picked a quieter bar to start with, to break Jason’s ill-mood. I thought a noisy bar straightaway may be annoying as he wasn’t in the right mind. It wasn’t empty though. Nowhere was empty in the middle of New York on a Friday night. I’d deliberately picked a place Declan wouldn’t go to, but even so, I scanned the place looking for him when we walked in. It was safe. I knew everywhere I’d chosen would be safe. They were too down-market for Declan.

We found space at the bar and I gestured for Jason to occupy a bar stool as I waved my hand at the guy who was serving. “Hey!” He was up the other end. He’d just finished serving someone else but he came straight over.

“What can I do for you, pretty lady?”

“Two of your best beers and two shots of tequila, with lemon and salt; we’re slamming them.”

“Coming right up.” He gave me a broad sidelong smile, flirting a little, but I wasn’t interested tonight. Tonight was all about giving my new friend, and official knight in shining armor, Jason, a good time.

When the bar tender set the tequila shots down in front of us, I picked one up and gave it to Jason.

He looked at it and then at the quartered lemon and salt pot. “What are they for?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never in your life slammed tequila?”

“Uh-uh.” He shook his head.

“Jason Macinlay, you seriously need to live a bit more.”

“That’s what I’m meant to be doing here isn’t it? That’s why you planned all this.”

“I planned all this so we could have some fun. I’ll pay for these and then I’m gonna teach you how to drink tequila slammers.” I handed the barman my money and he gave me a wink, obviously inwardly laughing over Jason’s naivety. I made a face at him. He laughed as I turned back to Jason.

“I guess I’m going to be the clown tonight.”

“You’re not. Okay, what you do is put some salt on the side of your hand first, like this…” I showed him and he copied, with a concentration frown marking his forehead.

I wanted to laugh. He did look funny, and puzzled, I seriously couldn’t believe he’d got to twenty-two and never drunk tequila shots. But then I’d been drinking long before the legal age.

“Then take a piece of lemon.”

He smiled, and copied me again.

“So now you lick the salt, drink the tequila and then suck the lemon; easy.”

I picked up my shot glass, licked the salt off with one sweep of my tongue, downed the tequila in one, and then sucked on the quarter lemon, grinning at him and meeting his questioning, smiling brown gaze, with the lemon still between my teeth.

His eyebrows lifted. “You’re mad.” But as he said it he picked up his shot glass then licking the salt, he drank the tequila and made a face a moment before sucking the lemon. His gorgeous face was all screwed up when he put the sour lemon down.

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him and the night had only just begun. Sister… Sister… Sister…

“I’m not sure I liked it.”

I laughed. “It’s not a drink to like, it’s a drink to get drunk on and have fun with. Anyway now you can have your beer while the tequila starts running through your veins and making you relax.”

His smile lifted. He looked seriously sexy tonight. He’d worn a dark navy shirt with really thin white stripes breaking it up in places. The dark color set off his eyes and his long black eyelashes.

He’d had his hair cut too, and it was short and cut close to his nape and behind his ears and I really wanted to run my hands over it. I’d been itching to touch it ever since he’d picked me up from work.

He probably thought I hadn’t noticed, but I’d noticed.

He sipped from his bottle of beer, his legs splayed as he sat on the bar stool, with his feet on a rung and his elbow on the bar.

His facial features were as cleanly defined as his body, his jaw, his chin, his nose, all chiseled masculine definition and fresh, clean nice guy looks. Not marred by anger or bitterness, or obsession, as the faces of the older men I’d been with were. I wondered what he’d be like in ten-years-time, at thirty-two. That was the kind of age of the men I usually went for. He’d probably have kids with Lindy and look harrowed and beaten down by life.

I climbed up to sit on a bar stool, inelegantly, and picked up my beer.

He gave me another sweet smile. “You don’t drink the beer much back at my apartment. I thought you’d have picked something else.”

“Na, I just don’t drink much unless I go out, I’m an all or nothing kinda girl.” That was too true. I had a tendency toward addictions. It was all part of my nature.

He smiled again. “So, have you been here often?”

“Fishing again, Jason Macinlay…” I laughed. He was forever trying to draw out little snippets of my past. I rarely answered. I didn’t wanna talk about the past, only the here and now.

He moved his beer to clink against mine. “Cheers for this suggestion, and here’s to a great night.” I recognized his intent, to shove aside his conversation with Lindy and his worries about home and work. I think I heard him make some comment complaining about the asshole he worked for every day. I knew he didn’t really like his current life.

I knocked my beer against his in return. “And to letting our hair down.”

He flashed me a grin, “Well yours anyway…”

“What are you gonna let down then, Jason?” I pushed, joking with him. “Your guard?”

“My guard?”

“Yeah, no being-on-your-best-behavior, no looking out for me like some guardian-angel, and no holding back.”

He grinned again and shook his head.

“You’re relaxing tonight, and that’s an order, I want you so drunk you’re thinking about nothing but the moment––”

“And how I’m going to peel myself off the sidewalk…”

“Ha, ha, very funny. You’re gonna enjoy it, wait and see.”

He sipped his beer, then smiled.

He didn’t look convinced.

“I need the ladies’ room, I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Yeah.” I lifted my beer saluting her as she climbed off the stool, a little awkwardly. I smiled to myself as I watched her walk away, my gaze instinctively dropping to her ass. The red dress hugged it perfectly. Then I thought of Lindy and looked up and realized half the guys sitting at the bar were also watching Rach’s ass.

Dammit. I felt trapped in a dilemma tonight––devil versus deep blue sea scenario again. I wasn’t in the right mood to simply forget everything and enjoy myself. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to let Lindy down, but… But I didn’t think I could keep doing this anymore. Something had to break. It wasn’t working. Either I gave up and simply went home and lived the life Lindy wanted me to live, or… Or I called it all off and carried on trying to work out how I fitted in to New York.

I sighed, then remembered Rach and remembered how I’d found her, only a little less than a fortnight ago, and realized if I didn’t cheer up I was going to spoil her evening. She deserved better. She was doing her best to get on with life again, rather than run from it.

When she came out of the restroom she looked straight past the other guys watching her and right at me. Our gazes held as she walked back toward me and her smile shone in her eyes as well as on her lips. Something gripped tight in my chest, forcing me to exhale again. She was just such a gorgeous looking woman. I fancied her. No it was more than that, I was seriously into her. She was hot as hell in that dress.

Surely if I really felt anything for Lindy I shouldn’t have such urges for Rachel. I’d probably been kidding myself for years. Lindy and I probably ought to have been over long ago.

I breathed in. This night was for Rachel.

Looking away from her, I lifted my hand to call the barman over.

“Yeah, what can I get you?”

“Two more shots and two more beers.”

“Coming up.”

Rach’s fingers touched my shoulder. I felt her touch run through my insides too, and my abs tightened.

“Good boy. I see you’re learning.”

Her fingers slid off my shoulder.

I was learning, since I’d come to New York… Mostly about myself. The thing was, I didn’t particularly like what I was learning.

When the barman put the shots down, Rach said, “This time we see who can do it the fastest,” and threw me a devilish smile.

I smiled back, feeling a decision begin shifting inside me. Surely if Lindy and I weren’t right for each other it was best to have realized it now and let her down at this point rather than in five years’ time when we had kids to let down too.

I took out my wallet and paid the guy. Then we did the shots. I won. But my face screwed up as I tasted the lemon.

Looking sexy as hell, even when she sucked on a lemon, Rach’s eyebrows lifted. “And you’re a fast learner.”

“Sure am…” I could already feel the alcohol running in my blood. “Case in point…” I began telling her tales from my college days, seeing as she’d gone tight lipped again when I asked her about her usual night life in New York. I made my stories funny to make her laugh.

She did laugh.

Then when we’d finished the second beer she said, “Right, we’re off to another bar now you’ve livened up. There’s a great karaoke place I know on the edge of Chinatown. We’ll head there before we go to a club.”

Her dress rucked up when she got off the bar stool and flashed the length of her slender thighs. My stomach jolted with a sharp pang of lust. My gaze lifted to her face. Fuck, I shouldn’t be looking at her like that.

Her fingers gripped mine, which still rested on the bar, only for an instant, as though she’d misread my expression as worry over Lindy.

I appreciated her concern though. She was so much more thoughtful than the woman who was meant to love me––but I shouldn’t be slavering all over her, it wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair.

I held the door so she could leave the bar first, and she glanced back and gave me a thank you smile.

We hailed one of the dozens of yellow cabs racing past in the lit street, to get to the next place, avoiding wasted time.

When we walked into the karaoke bar the noise hit me first, then the heat and the smell of a couple of hundred sweaty people. I wasn’t used to bars like this. Rach was right; I’d needed to start in a quieter place. This was packed, it was elbowroom only, and everyone was talking and shouting at one another to be heard.

Rach headed into the mass of humanity, turning one way then the other, weaving her way toward the bar. She got a little separated from me. I saw the guy in front of me reach to grab her ass. I grabbed his wrist and held it tight.

His gray eyes spun to me and I gave him a steely smile, then said, “Fuck off.”

He grinned.

I moved past him so I was close to Rach again and rested my hand on her waist to keep myself from losing her.

She glanced back and smiled.

I bent and whispered. “That guy was going to grab you.”

She just shrugged and looked ahead again like she didn’t care.

God, if Lindy got grabbed she’d be in a steaming fit of anger all night, she’d never let a guy do that to her. She’d slap anyone who tried it.

When we got to the bar I found myself standing half to one side and half behind Rach, to shield her from the crush.

It was her turn to pay. She held out a note and looked up and down the busy bar. The girls working ignored her, but the guy clocked her in a second and turned to her even though probably at least ten people near us had been waiting longer.

“A beer and a rum and cola.”

Of course the reason I’d never been to a bar like this was probably because Lindy would’ve hated it and I’d been with Lindy since long before the legal age we could drink. Lindy’s way of doing things had been a habit of mine for a very long time.

“You’re going all guardian-angel on me again,” Rach said as she handed me my beer.

“Better that than let you get accosted by some scum.”

Her eyes looked deep into mine for a moment. Then she said in a much lower voice, “You’re way too nice, Jason.”

I was happy with nice though. “What’s wrong with nice?”

Her lips pursed for an instant. “Nothing.” Then she looked away from me, down at her drink.

Anyway, I didn’t think Lindy would think me very nice tomorrow when I called everything off between us. But that’s what I was going to do. It’s what I had to do. It was for the best in the long run.

I sipped my beer, feeling the weight of the decision rest on my shoulders. It wasn’t going to be easy to do.

Some woman started singing Beyoncé’s, Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It,) and I glanced up and saw her looking down from the small stage at the crowd, clearly hinting at some guy among them.

Rach gripped my forearm. “Come on, let’s get closer to the microphone, I wanna sing.” Her fingers slid lower to catch a hold of my hand as she began moving to lead the way through the crush. I gripped her long slender fingers in return, smiling again as my other hand held my beer and I watched her assertively cut us a path through the crowd of people.

She was so different to the woman I’d met on the bridge. The two of them were unrecognizable as the same, and Rach was so different to Lindy, a breath of fresh air in my life.

Rach sang Katy Perry’s Firework like she sang it to herself for inspiration, for encouragement… She glanced at me a couple of times smiling as she sang and as the crowd sang along, and I caught the words, and well… Rachel had been travelling a journey the last couple of weeks and she’d found hope somewhere inside herself, when she must have been seriously knocked down by life. I wanted to hold her suddenly, but I stood a couple of feet back in the crowd still gripping my beer. There felt like an ocean between us, but then she looked down at me, properly, as she sang the chorus, and our eyes caught. Those unusual green eyes I’d kept just wanting to stare at all week to try and work out the color. There wasn’t an ocean between us anymore, it was just us in the room and she was right inside me.

Her gaze tore away and spun over the crowd. It was more than lust I was feeling for Rachel.

“You’ve gotta sing too,” she urged when she’d finished.

“Really, I’m seriously bad. You don’t want to hear me sing.”

“But this is your reckless night, you’ve gotta sing.”

“Honest Rach, I’m not just being modest.”

“Well, I’ll sing with you then. Come on, let’s pick a song.”

My heart was not in it, I couldn’t decide, so making an excuse to escape I fought my way back to the bar to get us another drink for more courage and left Rach to make the choice.

“We’re third up!” she yelled over the noise of the crowd when I returned. “We’re singing Snow Patrol’s, Chasing Cars!”

“Don’t expect anything great from me!”

“It’s fun, it’s not a contest, relax!”

“Relax… Easy for you to say, you can sing!”

“Well now you’re gonna sing!”

“Yeah, right.”

“Seriously, Jason, you need to chill, you shoulda bought another shot! Courage!”

I smiled at her, an open smile. I was trying not to, but I felt like I was spoiling her night.

When I raised my bottle to my mouth she tipped the bottom up so my mouth flooded with beer.

I coughed and sputtered while she laughed. I gave her a wry smile afterwards.

I didn’t know how anyone could stay in a bad mood around her. I leaned forward, my hand resting on her waist to steady myself in the crowd and whispered near her ear, “I’m cheering up. I’ll give it my best shot.”

“You do that, Jason Macinlay, or you’ll have me to answer to!”

I grinned at her and carried on drinking my beer, as the crowd about us started singing along with the guy on the microphone, to Ne-Yo’s, Let Me Love You. The words hit me, just as the words of Firework had.

I doubted Rach loved herself, despite all her bravado.

The words of the Ne-Yo song kept on reverberating as though they were in my chest, and distracting my thoughts, or perhaps it was the alcohol, that distracted my thoughts, or the hot woman next to me, in a tight red dress, whose hip kept brushing mine.

“We’re up!” She grasped my hand and pulled.

“Already?” I was moving but I suddenly felt a cold sweat of fear. This wasn’t me…

“Yep, already!” She shouted down from the stage, smiling at me and trying to tug me after her.

I stepped up. My heart was hammering. Then I looked at all the people. The room was full. Rach shoved a microphone into my chest. I took it without thought.

The guy managing the sound system reached out and grabbed my beer. Perhaps he realized I might well freak and spill it all over the electrics. Rach was still gripping her drink.

The music began and my heart was in my throat. Shit, Rachel, why the hell are you making me do this?

She started singing, in a perfect key, her eyes wide and urging me to pick it up.

If I didn’t, I’d let her down, I wasn’t going to let her down. I opened my mouth and sound came out, it didn’t sound great but her perfect pitch carried it. I carried on trying to match my tone to hers and our voices blended and it didn’t sound too bad at all. It gave me confidence and I forgot the people in the room completely and just looked at her, her green eyes were shining, staring into mine, smiling, like she laughed even as she sang, and I sang with her.

I found myself enjoying it, truly enjoying it, as we sang to each other what was basically a love song while the crowd around us sang along so loud they probably never even heard my voice.

It was possibly the most empowering experience of my life, and my racing heart became enthused by the buzz of adrenaline from the fear. God, I wanted to kiss Rach, just once, right now.

I didn’t, and then the song ended and I realized I’d forgotten everything going on around me. It was over too soon. When we climbed down, I gripped Rach’s hand. “I want to do it again.”

Her gaze spun to me, “Really?”

“Yeah, I enjoyed it.”

She laughed, her arms coming up about my neck at the same time.

Her hug was firm, short and sharp, but the knowledge of it twisted something very male in my gut.

“Hey!” The sound guy held out my beer.

I turned and grabbed it, glad of the distraction.

“We’ll pick another song then.” Rach reached for the lists.

Chapter Seven

We were laughing uncontrollably over nothing, and I gripped Jason’s arm to stop myself stumbling as we stepped up the curb and joined the nightclub queue.

He’d been down after Lindy’s call but the karaoke had cheered him up. He’d been terrified of doing it, I’d seen that, but he’d done it, and loved it, and we’d ended up singing three songs together. He wouldn’t brave it alone.