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Coming Home For Christmas: Warm, humorous and completely irresistible!
Then together with Noel and their son James, they walked slowly out of the kitchen, down the oak beamed hallway, and out of the house, awkwardly manoeuvring Angela along the snowy path and into the family car.
It was a twenty minute drive to the hospital, but fortunately, it being Christmas Day, they were seen very quickly, and the cheery doctor pronounced Angela to be suffering from bruises and shock. In light of her age, and there actually being room on the wards, he wanted to keep her in for observation overnight, so within a couple of hours, as Angela insisted they get back to continue Christmas with the children, Cat and Noel found themselves on their way home.
‘That didn’t go quite as expected did it?’ said Noel with a wry grin. He looked pale and shaken, as well he might. Noel hadn’t always got on with his mother, but Cat knew how deeply he loved her.
‘You can say that again,’ Cat agreed. ‘Honestly, why does it always happen to us? It was the perfect Christmas till then.’
‘You don’t think—?’ Noel started, looking sombre as he pulled into the drive.
‘What?’ Cat asked, but she had a feeling she knew what he was thinking.
‘That this – might be, you know, the start of something? I mean Mum is in her seventies now.’
Cat squeezed her husband’s arm. She knew how he felt. When her mum had started her long slow decline into Alzheimer’s, it had been little things that had gone awry at first. Cat knew at first hand how hard it was to see a much-loved parent going downhill. She hated the thought of Noel having to go through that too.
‘Don’t fret,’ she said, trying to remain positive. ‘You heard the doctor, Angela will be fine by tomorrow.’
‘And if she isn’t?’
‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,’ said Cat.
Pippa stood in her kitchen, sipping a glass of wine, staring into the garden, as the last embers of the setting sun leached away, setting the snow-filled hills alight with flaming reds and golds and casting a gold, warm light across her battered kitchen table and Welsh dresser. This was the bit of Christmas Day she’d always liked best when the children were younger: lunch eaten, presents unwrapped, everyone sprawling around the lounge either watching TV, or playing games, and most certainly gorging themselves on chocolates they really didn’t want. In the past she’d have relaxed with them all, letting Dan take over the clearing up, but not this year; this year everything was different. Everyone was being so polite and friendly, she’d wanted to scream. So as they all settled down to late afternoon boozing in front of the telly, Pippa had escaped out here, claiming tidying up duties, to avoid the feelings of suffocation which threatened to oppress her.
It had seemed like the best thing to do – the grown-up thing to do – a year on from her split with Dan to have a family Christmas as they’d done in the past. While she might have been able to cope with another Christmas without Dan, she couldn’t let the kids down, they’d been through too much already. They’d all begged her individually if Dad, Grandpa and Grandma could come like they used to.
‘It wasn’t the same last year,’ Nathan her oldest son had said a little mournfully.
‘I want things the way they were,’ added George, though at thirteen, he was old enough to know that couldn’t be the case.
Her lovely boys had coped so well and maturely with the events of the previous twelve months – Nathan in particular, who’d tried to become the man of the house, would have been enough to sway her. But as ever, it was her wheelchair bound twelve-year-old daughter Lucy, whose cerebral palsy gave her enough to deal with, who made the decision for her. Lucy had been stoical about her dad moving out, though she missed Dan keenly. So when one night she typed on the computer which allowed them to communicate, ‘Can Daddy be with us for Christmas, please,’ Pippa felt any resolve she may have had dissipate.
One of them, Pippa could have resisted, but all three? And so it had been agreed that Dan, his mother and father would come for Christmas Day.
And it probably would have been fine, if Richard’s plans for Christmas hadn’t gone catastrophically awry. Richard normally stayed with his mum and sister and visited his daughter, apparently, but his sister had suddenly announced she was going skiing with her new partner, which led his mum to declare that she was spending Christmas with an aunt whom Richard detested. This was all new to Pippa, last Christmas she’d only just met Richard, while organising a Christmas Ball to fundraise for Lucy’s respite care, and their relationship was still at a fairly tentative stage. She hadn’t factored in him coming for Christmas Day.
But what could she do? Without thinking about it, Pippa had said, ‘Well of course you must come here,’ ignoring the black looks from Lucy and the unasked what the—? questions from the boys. Richard was still new enough for her not to be sure about letting him into her home territory; still new enough for the children to be wary of him, especially Lucy. In an ideal world she would have never invited him, but in for a penny, in for a pound, she decided it would be make or break.
After all, in the last difficult year, when Pippa had finally had to accept that Dan was lost to her, Richard had been a bright ray of hope, giving her comfort that life could move on, and she could be happy once more. Never intrusive, but kind and supportive, Richard had been a rock of empathy to her during the most difficult period of her life. He made her laugh, and was thoughtful and sweet, as well as being very attractive. In the last few weeks, their relationship appeared to have gone onto a more permanent footing, and though Pippa was still not sure where they were headed, she’d decided she owed it to Richard to give things a go. Dan wasn’t coming back, that was clear, and Pippa decided for her sanity’s sake she couldn’t sit moping about forever. Second chances didn’t come every day. Maybe Christmas Day was the day to accept this one.
Luckily, she’d invited her cousin, Gabriel, his wife and her best friend, Marianne, and the twins over too, thinking there was safety in numbers. In such a potentially awkward situation, she was grateful she had done. Marianne was tact itself, and she liked Richard, and could happily be relied on to entertain him if necessary.
As it was, everyone was on their best behaviour and it was only Harriet, her ex mother-in-law who seemed to find it difficult, despite the fact that Pippa had made it clear that Richard was sleeping on the sofa. Their relationship, if it even was a relationship was still at a very tentative stage. Harriet came sobbing into the kitchen early in the day, after one too many glasses of sherry, hiccupping that she was so sorry about what had happened.
‘Harriet, I’m sorry too,’ said Pippa, fighting back tears of her own, ‘but Dan left me, remember. I am allowed to move on.’
Except, was she moving on? Could she, when she had spent the whole day watching Dan, so natural with his daughter, who loved being with her dad, comparing him to Richard, so ill at ease, yet making an effort. Seeing the pair of them in the same room had sent her into total turmoil. What did she really want?
Was it Richard, who was so kind to her, and had gently reintroduced her to the idea that she might still be attractive, or was it Dan, who even now felt like a part of her that she would never get over losing?
‘Maybe I’m rushing things,’ she said aloud as she stared out of the window. She sighed, and sipped her wine, as she pottered around, tidying in the kitchen. Her two closest friends, Cat and Marianne, didn’t think so, pointing out that she and Dan had been living apart for over a year now and that he’d made his feelings perfectly clear. But part of Pippa felt guilty for finding someone new so soon. Even though it was illogical. As she’d reminded her mother-in-law, Dan was the one who had left.
‘Need any help in here?’ Pippa turned round with a start to see Dan standing in the doorway. Her heart pounded that bit harder. Should she still be having this reaction to him, when she had Richard? Guilt tightened across her stomach once more. ‘I rather think that’s my job, isn’t it?’
Not anymore, she felt like saying, but didn’t.
‘Go on, sit down, Pippa,’ said Dan. ‘If I know you, you’ve been on the go since six this morning.’
And that of course was the point. Dan did know her. And understood her, and got her. Did Richard? It was too soon to say. And unfair to consider, she scolded herself. She was just getting to know Richard. They both needed time.
But it was nice to be bossed about by Dan, so Pippa let herself be persuaded to sit at the table with a glass of red wine, while he loaded the dishwasher, dealt with the remains of the turkey, and even cleaned out the roasting dish, which she’d left to soak, intending to do it in the morning. Pippa wondered if Richard would ever do that if they stayed together – then felt guilty again for making the comparison. Richard brought different things to the table. She shouldn’t dismiss him for not being like Dan.
It was then that Dan dropped his bombshell, quite casually as he wiped fat away from the roasting dish, just as Pippa was beginning to feel mellow for the first time that day. For a second it felt like old times, and if she shut her eyes, she could imagine that things were as they’d always been, Dan in the kitchen by her side.
Before Dan said the words she’d never wanted to hear.
‘You and Richard look good together,’ he said. ‘I’m pleased for you.’
‘Oh,’ said Pippa who had been worried about his reaction. It had taken all her courage to ring Dan to tell him that Richard was coming for Christmas lunch, after her first aborted attempt. ‘You’re sure you don’t mind? I mean, I wouldn’t have had him over this Christmas, under normal circumstances, it’s a bit soon …’ her voice trailed off. How soon, was too soon, when your husband had rejected you?
Dan put the tray on the rack, and then turned to her, in such a familiar gesture it made her throat catch.
‘You had to move on sometime,’ he said. ‘I’ve been expecting it.’
‘Oh,’ said Pippa again. Her palms were sweating. Where was he going with this?
After a long and pregnant pause, Dan eventually said, ‘I think you should give it a go.’
‘But—’ Pippa wasn’t quite sure how to react. Whatever she’d been expecting, it wasn’t such calm acceptance of the situation. It really was over. She’d have to face it now.
‘We’re still married?’ said Dan. ‘I know. And I’ve been thinking. We can’t go on as we are, working the farm together as if nothing’s changed. Pip, I’m holding you back.’
Don’t say it, she begged him silently, please don’t say it. The words she’d been hoping never to hear, since he first suggested separating a year before. If he didn’t say them, there was still hope.
‘Pippa, I think it’s time we sorted this out properly,’ Dan said. ‘I think we should file for divorce.’
Marianne picked herself up reluctantly from the very comfortable spot where she had been sitting in Pippa’s cosy lounge. The twins, who had behaved impeccably well all day, were getting into hyper mode. It was only a matter of time before they lost the plot totally. She was so grateful Pippa had invited them for Christmas lunch, as December had been frantic this year, and she was glad to pass up the opportunity to cook on Christmas Day, particularly as her thirteen-year-old stepson, Steven, was going to spend Christmas with his mum, Eve. Gabriel was always moody the years when Steven wasn’t with them, as Eve had been a flaky mum at best, so it was good he had a distraction. Plus Marianne knew it would help Pippa (she and Gabe were closer as cousins than a lot of siblings, Marianne knew) to have more people there to minimise the awkwardness of the first post-separation Christmas together with Dan and his family. When they’d arrived and realised that Richard was there too, Marianne had worried the day was going to be more difficult than she’d imagined. But thanks to superhuman efforts from both Pippa and Dan, there had been no histrionics, and everyone had had a lovely day.
Marianne started to gather coats, bags and presents together with a sigh. It was so warm and mellow inside, she wasn’t looking forward to braving the east wind whistling off the hills.
‘Oi, lazybones,’ she said, gently giving Gabriel a kick. He was sitting sleepily by the fire, having uncharacteristically for him, tucked into the port after lunch. Gabriel’s parents, David and Jean, had opted for a quiet Christmas this year, and David had volunteered to do the evening shift on the farm, so for once Gabriel could relax. Marianne was pleased that he’d been able to enjoy himself, but he looked firmly ensconced where he was, and she had a feeling it was going to be hard work prising him out.
‘Come on, Gabe, it’s time to go,’ she said, as she’d had no response to her first foray.
‘Oh do we have to?’ said Gabriel, looking at his half full glass longingly. ‘It’s still early yet.’
‘The twins?’ said Marianne pointedly, trying not to feel irritated. Gabriel didn’t often do this to her, but she didn’t really want to go home on her own. ‘It’s nearly their bed time.’
‘Ten more minutes,’ pleaded Gabriel.
A further ten minutes elapsed, and Marianne was going to suggest they left again, particularly as Harry and Daisy erupted into a squabble, which was threatening to turn into all-out war. She glanced over to Gabriel, and saw he was deep in what looked like an important conversation with Dan, who’d emerged from the kitchen where he and Pippa had been closeted quite a while, looking rather gloomy. Marianne didn’t feel like she could disrupt them, and neither did she want to. Gabriel and Dan were good mates, and since his accident two years ago, she knew Dan needed to offload from time to time. Marianne hoped Pippa was all right. She’d followed Dan in five minutes later, looking a little bright-eyed, but, being Pippa, was now laughing and joking as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Marianne settled back to give it another half an hour, by which time the children were climbing the walls.
‘I really think I’d better take the twins home,’ said Marianne, hoping Gabriel would take the hint. Which he didn’t. I’m your wife, she wanted to say, and it’s Christmas. Was it too much to ask to cuddle up with her husband, while the children were in bed, and watch cosy Christmas telly, drinking wine and counting their blessings? Clearly Gabriel wasn’t even thinking about it.
So, with simmering resentment, Marianne took two overexcited and overfed three-year-olds home alone. They were so hyped up they refused either bath or bed for a whole fractious hour, before Harry shouted ‘I feel sick,’ and promptly threw up on the lounge floor. Followed five minutes later by a wail from his sister who had followed suit. Marianne had just about cleaned up and was about to pour herself a glass of wine, and sit down grumpily in front of the TV waiting for Gabriel to come home, when the phone rang. The instant she answered it, she heard Steven’s panic on the other end, and everything else was forgotten.
‘Marianne,’ he said. ‘It’s Mum. She’s really not very well. She’s locked herself in the bathroom and I don’t know what to do.’
My Broken Brain
Day One. 9pm
I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I’m not the sort to bare my soul. I’ve never ever written anything down about the way I feel. Except a letter to Pippa once, a long long time ago. This is just not me. But then I don’t know who me is anymore …
The old me was calm and patient, and easy going. The new me – is impatient, depressed and angry … So very angry at what’s happened to destroy my family, my life.
Which is why Jo said it might help to write stuff down.
(Jo’s my counsellor.) Christ. I can’t believe I wrote that. But then, I can’t believe I have a counsellor either.
Five minutes later
I keep sitting looking at the screen. What am I going to write? It’s not as if I have anything interesting to say. My life is pretty fucked up at present. That’s all I know.
I knew this wouldn’t help.
Half an hour later
I’ve had a cup of tea. Come back, sat here staring some more. I’d give up now, but Jo will want to know that I’ve written something down.
Where do I even begin?
Jo says, at the beginning … that sounds like some kind of lame story we had to write at school. I was never much good at that. I was never much good at anything apart from tending to animals, and ploughing the land. And now I’m not much good at that.
So … the beginning.
I used to be happy once. I had a family, a lovely wife, a farm we ran together. I didn’t know it then, but life was pretty damned perfect.
Then, two years ago, I had an horrific accident which caused me brain damage. And nothing’s been the same since …
20 Years Ago
First Christmas
‘You’re here! Already?’ Pippa looked stricken as she walked across the snowy yard, delightfully scruffy in an old raincoat, thick woolly jumpy, jeans, wellies, her auburn curls tied up in a loose ponytail. ‘Just look at me, I haven’t even changed yet.’
‘That doesn’t matter,’ said Dan, his heart singing. Pippa could have been wearing a brown paper bag and she’d still have been gorgeous. He resisted the urge to pick her up and swing her in his arms, just in case her parents were looking out of the farmhouse window. He’d only met them again once, since he and Pippa had got together at the Farmer’s Ball, though of course he remembered them from when he and Pippa had been at school together, a lifetime ago. Pippa’s parents had been nothing but friendly and welcoming, but he didn’t want to get in their bad books this early on in his relationship with their daughter.
‘You did say, Christmas Eve, your place, 7pm, didn’t you?’ said Dan, puzzled. ‘We are still going to the Hopesay Arms, aren’t we?’ They’d made the arrangement earlier in the week, but what with it being Christmas week, he’d been flat out helping his own parents on their farm, and presumably Pippa had been doing the same.
‘Oh!’ said Pippa, her face dropping. ‘I thought we said eight. Mum and Dad like going to the early Christmas service at church, so they can be up early for the cows on Christmas Day. I offered to take charge of milking tonight for them. One of the farm hands was supposed to be coming up to help me, but he’s just rung to say he’s down and out with flu. I’m so sorry, but I’m not going to be ready for hours.’
‘I can help,’ said Dan, who didn’t care where he spent time with Pippa, so long as they were together. Ever since their first date, he’d been pinching himself that she was interested in him. Pippa North, the girl every guy in his year at school had fancied. And now she was his. Permanently, he hoped.
‘Would you really?’ Pippa looked like she might burst into tears.
‘Of course,’ said Dan with a grin. ‘Where do you want me?’ Luckily, he hadn’t dressed up too much for their date, and he didn’t mind if he got his clothes dirty. He’d do anything for Pippa, he realised, anything at all. Every time he met her, she astonished him more. How many other girls her age in Hope Christmas would be milking the cows instead of heading for the pub on Christmas Eve?
‘You’re amazing,’ said Pippa, throwing her arms around him in an embrace which he wanted to last for ever. ‘Let me find you some overalls to wear.’
Which is how Dan found himself half an hour later, sitting in the milking shed, listening to Christmas carols on Pippa’s old cassette deck over the hum of the machines and the cows bellowing, laughing at the way the evening had turned out.
‘And there was me planning to show you a wild night in Hope Christmas,’ he said, grinning. ‘At this rate we’re going to be too knackered to do anything.’
‘That would be difficult,’ said Pippa, smiling as she expertly removed a cow from the stalls and cleaned it up before patting it on its rump and sending it out to the yard. ‘Hope Christmas is hardly a hub of night life. I am sorry I’ve kept you from the pub though.’
He loved that about her, the way she was always so positive and kind.
‘Don’t be,’ said Dan. ‘I don’t care where I am so long as I’m with you.’
She looked at him shyly, and blushed.
‘Me too,’ she said, and he was hit by a sudden revelation.
‘I love you, Pippa,’ he said. It was the first time he’d ever said that to any girl, ever.
‘Oh Dan,’ she said, her eyes shining, ‘I love you too.’
He wanted to kiss her there and then, but there was a cow between them, and work to be done. But as Dan watched her, focussed completely on the task in hand, totally at one with the animals she was dealing with, he was hit by a second revelation. Come what may, Pippa North was the girl he was going to marry.
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