Trusting Sarah

River sighed and tried to bring his thoughts back to the wagons and the stock. They were peaceful and couldn’t hold his attention. Sarah had been arrested that very night. He hadn’t seen her again except briefly at her trial.

But he had tried. Fool that he was, he had gone every day and asked to see her. The jailer consistently reported that she did not want to see him. He had even begged her attorney to get him in. Again he had been refused. He had been slow to believe that she had betrayed him.

“Why, Sarah?” he murmured under his breath. “Why did you do it, and why are you here?”

At her trial, she had denied everything, pretended she couldn’t understand what was going on. She had been sent to prison, supposedly for twenty years. But he was sure his father would have been willing to work for her release in exchange for the money, and his father usually got what he worked for. Something like that must have taken place after he had left New York.

The law might have forgiven her, but he hadn’t. She had pretended to love him when all along it had been his money she wanted. When she realized the old man would never allow her into his family, she had found another way to use him. Well, he wasn’t such a fool now; she wouldn’t use him again.

The moon was making a feeble attempt to light the sky, and River could make out the wagons more clearly. As he watched, one shadow broke away from the others and moved toward the stock.

* * *

Sarah slipped out of the wagon after moonrise. She wasn’t sure how to find Daniel, but she had to try. She was equally unsure of what she would say to him.

The guard was supposed to watch the stock to see that nothing frightened them. Therefore, that was the direction she headed. Moving about in the pale moonlight was more difficult than she had anticipated. The tall grass and brush tugged at her long skirts and made her afraid of stumbling.

She walked what seemed to be a long way from the wagon but saw no sign of River. This was a stupid idea, she told herself. But how else could she talk to him with no danger of being overheard? When she stumbled over a loose stone and came close to crying out, she decided she was never going to find Daniel out here in the dark. If he was any kind of guard he would have found her by now! In frustration, she turned toward the wagons.

One step was all she took. A strong hand fell across her mouth, forcing her head against a hard shoulder while another arm went around her waist, lifting her off the ground. Long quick strides carried her farther from the wagons.

Sarah was horrified! She had wandered away from the wagons and was being carried off by an Indian! That was, she had learned, the worst fear of all the women on the train. She had thought it was foolish. Now she was paying for her disbelief. In her horror she imagined Daniel witnessing her capture and not bothering to come to her rescue.

When her feet were on the ground again, her knees were too weak to hold her weight, and she found herself leaning against the man who still held her. A voice near her ear spoke as the hands slipped away from her. “What do you think you’re doing out here?”

“Daniel,” she breathed, weak with relief and thrown off-balance as he drew away.

He saw her sway and caught her shoulders, turning her to face him. “So far, that’s all I’ve heard you say.”

She pretended a courage she didn’t feel. She could barely make out his features in the dark, and his voice hadn’t given much away. “I have to talk to you,” she said, surprising herself with the coolness in her voice.

Feeling the narrow shoulders straighten, River slowly dropped his hands. “There are a few answers I’d like myself.”

Now was her chance, but she still didn’t know what to say. How could she make him listen long enough to explain everything? She wasn’t even sure where to start, and he might walk away at any moment. “I just want to start over,” she blurted.

“Not with me!”

She was taken aback by the force of the statement. “No,” she whispered. “Of course not.”

River wanted to pace. His arm could still feel the softness of her body; he absently rubbed the spot on his shoulder where her head had rested. “How did you find me?”

“You found me.”

“I don’t mean tonight. I mean the train. How did you know to ask for Milburn’s train?”

“I didn’t. I didn’t even know you had come west.” She took a step toward him. “I went home to find you, but no one would tell me where you had gone.”

“It’s just bad luck then,” he said.

Sarah tried not to be hurt by his words. She had seen his arrival that morning as a stroke of bad luck, as well.

River sighed. “Once you decided to come west, I guess it isn’t that surprising that we’d meet. There are only about three major jumping-off points, and Leavenworth seems to be the most popular this season. Milburn’s is the largest and best-equipped train. Was,” he added almost under his breath.

They watched each other while an owl called its question to the night. Sarah shivered and finally spoke. “No one knows. I don’t want them to know.”

Daniel took a step closer. “Let’s do each other a favor. You stay the hell away from me, and I’ll keep my mouth shut. Will that satisfy you?”

Sarah nodded.

“Can you make it back to the wagons?”

“I think so,” she said, but made no move to go.

River sighed. “I’ll walk you partway.” He took her arm and led her back the way she had come. “Answer me one question,” he said. “Is the law after you?”

“Of course not!” She shouldn’t have been surprised by the question, considering what he thought of her.

“Of course not,” he mumbled.

At the sarcasm in his tone, she turned to him. “Daniel, let me explain.”

“Listen! You had a chance to explain in court,” he said, holding her at arm’s length. “My name is River, and I don’t know you. Can you remember that? You see, I’d just as soon these people didn’t know what a fool you made of me six years ago.”

Sarah slowly nodded. He walked with her until they were some fifty yards from the wagons, then his hand left her arm, and he slipped away.

* * *

The next morning in the wagon seat beside Rice, Sarah tried to pretend that this was the same as any other morning. It seemed, however, that everything had changed. Milburn was dead. Daniel was here. Somehow neither seemed quite real.

She tried to sort out her feelings about last night. She should be grateful for Daniel’s promise. River’s. She must remember to think of him as River. That had been a condition of his promise. She didn’t know him; he didn’t know her. If she called him River, her secret was safe.

Wasn’t his silence all she had wanted from him? He had promised that much, and she should be relieved. Why had she found herself crying when she returned to the wagon? Why had her mind been full of questions about him and his life these past years? She wished she had plied Rice with questions about his friend during that first week and a half of travel. Now she was afraid to ask.

At midmorning they came to the trail crossing and could see wagons coming from the southeast and more ahead of them. The wheels stirred up a fine dust, and Sarah, holding a small white handkerchief over her nose, wished for a large bandanna to tie about her face. For the first time she understood what the passengers in the rear wagons experienced.

Rice didn’t seem to be bothered. “Some places the dust is so bad you can’t hardly see the team, and where the soil’s white it’ll about take your skin off.”

There seemed to be wagons everywhere. It was as if with Daniel’s arrival, the rest of the world had taken the opportunity to intrude, as well. She thought she had accepted the fact years ago that what they had was over. She would never have guessed it would be so upsetting to see him again. Her feelings were a mixture of fear that he could ruin her new life, anger that he refused to listen and sorrow for what was lost. How was she going to live so close to Daniel and never call him by name. River, she told herself again. His name is River. I must think of Daniel as dead.

“It won’t always be this bad,” Rice said, startling her. She turned toward him and saw the concern in his face. “You can wet your handkerchief and wipe the dust out of your eyes. It’ll work better to breathe through when it’s wet, anyhow.”

“Thanks,” Sarah said, ashamed to discover she was crying again. She found the canteen they kept under the seat and poured a small amount onto the cloth.

“We’ll be stopping at the store soon,” Rice went on. “You gonna buy anything?”

“I don’t think so,” she answered.

“I want to get something pretty for the von Schiller girls, but I don’t know what. Besides, I don’t think their mama likes me at all, only I can’t understand what she says.”

Sarah smiled at the boy’s perplexed tone, glad for the distraction. “Maybe you should find something pretty for Mama, too,” she suggested.

Rice wrinkled his nose but fell silent, and she guessed he was thinking over her suggestion.

Suddenly he called a friendly greeting, and River reined in beside their wagon. Sarah tried not to look at him but found him impossible to ignore.

“We’ll make noon stop just past the Hollenberg Ranch so you and the others can go spend your money,” he said with a grin.

“It’s still there, then?”

“Looks like he’s had a good year. He’s added a stable that could hold a hundred horses, I reckon.” Rice laughed in disbelief, and River went on. “It’ll be a little later than the usual nooning, but it saves us stopping twice.” His only acknowledgment of Sarah was “Ma’am,” and a touch to his hat before riding away.

The sun was high enough for Rice to complain about hunger before they reached Cottonwood Creek. As they crossed, they could see the long low buildings of the Hollenberg Ranch a few hundred feet away. The stable was every bit as large as River had said, and Rice whistled in admiration. “Don’t you want to come in, Miss Sarah?” He craned his neck to see, and Sarah worried he wasn’t paying close enough attention to the team.

“I’ll look forward to your description, Rice,” she said.

When they stopped, Rice unhitched the oxen in record time. Eli was unpacking bread and last night’s venison when he hurried by. “Rice!” Eli called, stopping him in his tracks. “Eat!”

“Miss Sarah can save me something,” he said, backing away. “I’ll eat it on the road.” He turned and ran before Eli could argue.

“No-account fool boy,” Eli muttered, and Sarah felt her pulse quicken when she heard River laugh.

“I suppose I better see he stays out of trouble,” River said, reaching around Eli for a slice of bread.

“Well, who’ll keep ya out of trouble?” Eli tried to pull the meat away before River could grab a chunk with his fingers.

River’s arm was longer, and he soon balanced his prize on top of the bread. “You could come watch us both, Eli,” he said, grinning.

Eli grunted and shooed him away. Sarah watched as his long easy strides moved him quickly toward the store. She turned to get her own lunch to find Eli eyeing her. She wasn’t sure what he might have asked if Amy hadn’t interrupted.

“We’re gonna go to the store,” the child called, running ahead of her mother and brothers.

“That sounds like fun, Amy,” Sarah said, trying to pretend Eli wasn’t still watching her.

Martha joined them in a minute, holding one small boy by the hand while balancing the other on her hip. “We need to look for a couple things,” she said, a little breathlessly. “Would you like to come along?”

“How will you carry anything back with your arms full of boys?”

“Tom’ll be along,” Martha said, glancing over her shoulder.

“Let me watch the boys,” Sarah offered. “I hadn’t planned on going, anyway. You’ll stay with me, won’t you, Allen?” Sarah reached for the younger boy, who wailed and hid his face in his mother’s shoulder.

Martha laughed. “You come with us. He’ll go to you in a little bit. Or you can carry our things. Trust me, they won’t weigh as much as he does.”

Sarah ignored Eli’s grunt as they started away. Amy’s hand was soon in hers. “I think Lizabeth needs a new dress. You think they’ll have one here?”

“Hush, Amy,” Martha scolded. “The child doesn’t understand money. The food seems to be lasting like we expected, but I’m almost out of thread. I think I’ll try to find Tom a new shirt and use one of the old ones to patch everything else. Seems like all I do is mend. I tried mending as we traveled and almost ran the needle through my finger.”

“I could help with some of it if you’d like. I plan to open a dress shop when I get settled.”

“That sounds wonderful. I’ll ask Tom if we could pay you a little.”

“If you like to sew,” Amy piped up, “you could mend my dolly.”

“Amy,” Martha scolded. “Your dolly’s fine.”

“Her leg’s loose again, Mama.”

Sarah looked down at the little girl. “I think I could mend your dolly, Amy. Bring it by the wagon as soon as we get back.”

The little girl beamed up at Sarah as she skipped along beside her.

The store was crowded with emigrants, and Allen, who had stared at Sarah all the way up the hill, decided she was safer than the dark noisy building. His eyes never left her face as she carried him around the yard.

* * *

Young Allen wasn’t the only one staring at Sarah. River had taken a look at the horses Hollenberg had for sale and had noticed Sarah with the baby as he turned toward the store. He froze, forgetting the horses and the people milling around him, aware only of Sarah and the small child in her arms. She was thinner than he remembered, and he remembered all too well.

She had left the sunbonnet at the wagons, and her hair shone with the sun’s reflected fire. It reminded him suddenly of lamplight and red ribbons, ribbons he would loosen to allow her hair to cascade around her shoulders. He could almost feel the silken tresses between his fingers.

He watched her point out things to the baby, who refused to turn his head. After a few minutes he began to squirm, reaching toward the door where he had last seen his mother. River was surprised Sarah’s thin arms could hold the determined child, but, after a brief struggle, she won the battle, pulling the little body against her chest. She rocked him slowly, and he gave in, resting his head on her shoulder. She began to turn in a circle, continuing the rocking motion, caressing the tiny head as she comforted him.

For a moment River was in a lamp-lit room, watching her dance with someone else. He felt the stab of jealousy and pushed it away. It was a remembered emotion and had nothing to do with how he felt now. He looked toward the waiting wagons to bring himself back to the present, but she was still in front of him, dancing with the baby in the dusty yard, and there was nothing he could do but watch.

When Rice joined her, she quit turning but continued the rocking motion. The baby looked up to see who had interrupted and, with a little shudder, settled against her again. Rice held something up for her to see. Ribbons. Sarah nodded as they discussed them. Finally Rice folded the ribbons inside a paper and carefully tucked them in a pocket. He looked around the yard, catching sight of River. He waved, and Sarah turned, as well. Their eyes met for only a second before she turned away. The family returned, and Rice came running toward him.

“I bought ribbons for the von Schiller girls,” Rice told him eagerly. “I bought three like Sarah said. I’ll give the light blue one to their mama.”

“Ready to go, then?” River asked, looking over the boy’s shoulder to find Sarah. She had started toward the wagons, having traded the baby for the purchases. She held the hand of a little girl who was crying harder than the baby had been.

Rice interrupted his thoughts. “Did you ever give a girl something like a ribbon?”

River looked at the worried face and laughed. “Once or twice.”

“It don’t seem like much.”

“They’ll like the ribbons if they like you.”

“But I thought a present would help them like me.”

“I’m not sure it works that way,” River said. He glanced again at the retreating family. “Look, Rice, do me a favor. Tell Eli to pull out as soon as everyone is back. I’ll catch up in a little bit.”

“Sure thing,” Rice said, and started away.

“And, Rice...” The boy turned back. “The girls would have to be crazy not to like you.” Rice grinned and hurried toward the wagons and his previously forgotten lunch.

Chapter Four

“Now where’s that fool boy gone off to?”

Sarah decided Eli was muttering, not asking, and therefore didn’t require an answer. She could guess that Rice had gone to the von Schiller wagon, but she hadn’t seen him go, and he hadn’t told her. She saw no reason to share her guess with Eli.

“I was about to go for the wood,” she told him. “Do you want me to look for Rice instead?”

“Well, I’ll need more wood than ya’ll find on the ground. Get River to go with ya and chop down one a them trees.”

River had just entered the camp. He dropped his saddle and gear near the supply wagon. “I got better things to do,” he said without sparing Sarah a glance.

“Don’t see what. Ya already assigned guards, and ya ain’t one a ‘em. Don’t see nobody askin’ for yer help with nothin’.” To illustrate this, Eli looked around the busy circle. “Go help Sarah bring in enough wood to fill the possum bellies in case we don’t make it to the Little Blue tomorrow and have to stop in the hills somewheres.”

River glared at Eli before chuckling in defeat. “I’ll get the wood, but what do I need her for?” He cast Sarah a dismissing glance, grabbed the ax and headed for the creek.

Eli called after him, “To help ya find yer way back.” He eyed Sarah curiously for a moment. She tried to pretend he hadn’t embarrassed her. “Fetch the water,” he directed.

Sarah unfastened the buckets from the side of the wagon, glad River’s long legs would keep him well ahead of her. She had barely left the camp when Rice caught up with her. He took one bucket from her and hurried on, making her walk faster. “I’m sorry I’m late. Is Eli mad?” He looked over his shoulder then walked faster still.

“I don’t know, Rice. With him it’s hard to tell. River’s gone after the wood, and he sent me for water.” To her dismay, Rice’s pace was threatening to make them catch up with River.

“I’ll get the water,” Rice offered, taking the second bucket. “See if you can keep Eli from being mad.”

Sarah stopped, too out of breath to argue, and watched the boy hurry away. At camp, Eli was muttering but no more than usual. She told him Rice would bring the water and went on to other duties. She had no idea how to keep the grumpy old man from being angry at Rice.

Rice and River returned at the same time. Before Eli could do more than stand up, pointing his paring knife at Rice, River said, “Introduce me to the folks, Rice. I’ve barely met some of them. We can start with that German family.” He threw an arm over the boy’s shoulder, steering him away.

Sarah failed to hide her amusement from Eli. “Just a clever way to get outta work, if ya ask me, which ya won’t. I suppose ya want to go, too. Well, go on. You ain’t met all these people, neither. Ain’t enough folks left for it to take long, anyhow.”

He sat back down and resumed his potato peeling. Sarah looked at him in dismay. Eli’s voice had been loud, and Rice and River had stopped, waiting for her to join them. Rice’s eager face and River’s glower left her torn for a second. But only for a second. She waved them away.

Supper was ready before they returned, and Sarah took advantage of the chance to look through her trunk. Somewhere there had to be something she could use to make Amy’s doll a new dress. Her supply of fabric was small, and she had plans for all of it. Dreams more than plans, she decided. It was what she hoped would get her started as a seamstress, along with taking in mending and probably laundry, as well. Surely she could part with a corner of something. She went through it all again, trying to decide what she could spare.

“You missin’ somethin’?”

Sarah jumped, almost knocking over the trunk. She steadied it as Eli climbed into the back of the wagon. His body blocked the light that came through the back flap. She turned up the wick on the lantern with an unsteady hand.

“No,” she answered him. “I was just trying to decide on something.”

“Didn’t mean to spy, but ya looked like ya’d lost somethin’.” Eli sat on a crate and showed no sign of going away.

Sarah considered a moment and decided the truth might bore him into leaving. “I was looking for something to use to make a doll dress.”

Eli grunted, and Sarah waited for the muttering to start. “Won’t need much to fit that shabby little doll ya was practicin’ surg’ry on yesterday.”

Sarah almost smiled. “That’s the one,” she said. She didn’t look at him but carefully smoothed her pieces as she packed them back into the trunk.

“Pete had a couple extra shirts.”

Sarah stared at him in surprise. He was scratching his whiskered chin. “One was kind of a bluelike gray color. Almost new, I think, when he tore it up some. Oughta work.” He got up and moved some boxes, looking for Milburn’s personal trunk.

There was barely enough room in the wagon for the two of them and all the things that were stored there. Sarah moved to the back and pulled the flap open further. She hoped Eli would think she was trying to give him more light. The last thing she wanted was him asking why the enclosed wagon made her so uncomfortable.

Eli found the trunk and opened it. “Got to go through all this stuff, anyhow. Guess it’s Rice’s now, but he won’t miss the shirt.” He found what he was looking for and closed the trunk, carrying the shirt to Sarah. As he handed it to her, he asked in a lowered voice, “Where’d you know River from?”

Sarah was so startled she was sure she jumped again. “I...I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she stammered.

They heard Rice’s voice and River’s laugh. In a few seconds they would be at the fire. She clutched the shirt and wondered if its price was information.

After watching her a moment, Eli said, “Don’t matter,” and climbed out of the wagon.

Sarah stayed behind, closing her trunk and putting the shirt and her sewing box where she could get to them easily. Last, she blew out the lantern and, hoping she looked calmer than she felt, left the wagon.

The others had already filled their plates, and Sarah did the same, looking for a place to sit away from them. She needed time to think, to decide what to do about Eli.

“Sit here, Miss Sarah,” Rice called, and she had no choice but to sit near him, near River.

“River said he didn’t see no sign of Indians today, did you, River?”

Sarah tried to give the boy her full attention without looking at River. She heard River’s negative response and looked quickly at her plate.

“But we might see some Pawnee anytime,” Rice added, making sure Sarah knew he had his facts straight.

“Could.” There was humor in the familiar voice, and Sarah couldn’t resist looking up to see the face. He was trying not to smile as he continued to eat his meal, but there was merriment in his eyes as he gave the boy a sidelong glance. “You been scaring Miss Sarah with Indian stories?”

His eyes met Sarah’s, and she held them for a moment before she turned to Rice, pretending her heart wasn’t beating alarmingly fast. Were those blue eyes alone enough to cause it? Or was it fear that sent her pulse racing? Even now, she was sure Eli watched her.

“I told Miss Sarah there wouldn’t likely be trouble but we are in Pawnee territory.”

“It’s Pawnee territory as long as they can keep it,” Eli put in. “There’s gonna be more folks who ain’t satisfied to just pass through. Like that Hollenberg fella.”

River chewed his food thoughtfully. “Now, some folks would say that anybody who can manage to take it from the Indians has a right to it. Maybe our Miss Sarah, here, would agree with that.”