Matt's Family

After the bath fiasco this afternoon, he should know what to expect. As far as Erin and Jenny knew, Luke was their father. The hard part for them was understanding what had changed, why their mother had divorced him and married another man.

The hard part for Matt was being that other man.

SUDDENLY UNABLE to sit still, Kristin got up and walked to the deck railing to stare out toward the ocean. Usually the sound of the waves and the warmth of the sun made life seem simpler, easier to manage.

Not today. Not with Matt closed off from her by a wall of hurt and misunderstanding. Not when she just kept making mistakes, each one more destructive than the last. Like getting pregnant nine years ago without being married. Then getting married to Luke because her baby’s father—Matt—was dead. And, finally, divorcing Luke and marrying Matt.

Out by the water, Luke and Sarah chased the girls. Jenny squealed as Luke caught her around the waist and lifted her high in the air. They made quite a picture—the handsome black-haired man and his precious silver-blond daughter.

Erin outran Sarah, then kept on running, just for the sheer joy of moving. She loved being outside, like her father. And she moved with the same easy stride, the same long-legged grace Kristin had always adored in Matt. Erin would be tall one day, with Matt’s blue eyes and his serious, considering stare. Luke was tall, too—cops had to be a certain height—but his eyes were a laughing gray and his body more compact than his brother’s.

When would Erin notice the differences? When would she ask to be told the truth?

“Is the grill ready, Matt?” Mrs. Brennan stepped out onto the deck.

“Yes, ma’am. Whenever you are.”

“Where are the girls?”

“On the beach with Luke and Sarah.”

Even from across the deck, Mrs. Brennan’s sigh indicated impatience. “Why does he always take them away just when we’re ready to eat?”

Matt didn’t answer. Kristin glanced at his back, which was all she could see, then turned again to the ocean and her own thoughts. Almost two years ago, before he’d even asked her to marry him, she’d made Matt a promise. One day, as soon as possible, Erin would be told that she was Matt’s daughter, as Jenny was Luke’s.

Every time Kristin thought about explaining, though, she felt physically sick. The revelations wouldn’t stop with Erin. Matt’s parents—and her own—would have to be told. When Erin was born, Kristin had let them all assume she was Luke’s daughter. Now everyone would be privy to the mistakes she had made, the poor judgment she’d used. Could she ever look anybody in the face again?

Especially her daughter?

Out on the beach, Erin stopped her cartwheels and waved. Kristin waved back, then motioned for them to come in. Mrs. Brennan would be waiting.

Matt was waiting, too. He never said a word, but Kristin could see the question in his eyes. When? he wanted to know. When can I tell her she’s mine?

She turned to watch her husband as he stood at the grill, flipping burgers and hot dogs. His straight back, his square shoulders filling out his blue knit shirt, were as much a part of him as his military haircut and his natural air of command.

But she could read the tension in his body. Luke’s relationship with the girls tortured Matt. Erin and Jenny were comfortable around Luke, sure of themselves and him. They spoke the same shorthand language, as people who lived—and loved—together often did. Erin and Jenny and Luke had been a family.

Until Kristin tore them apart.

BEFORE MRS. BRENNAN could get really upset, Luke brought the girls back. They rushed up the steps and across the deck toward the house. Erin stopped in the doorway. “Come on, Mommy. Let’s eat!”

Kristin joined the rest of the family in the kitchen. The air-conditioning raised goose bumps on her skin. She rubbed her arms, trying to get warm.

“Memorial Day is important.” Seated at the kitchen table with an arm around each granddaughter, Colonel Brennan started his annual remembrance speech. “Americans should take time to remember the men who have died serving their country.”

“And women,” Sarah said quietly. Kristin would never have been confident enough to make that comment, but Luke’s wife possessed a special brand of courage.

With a glance at his daughter-in-law, the Colonel cleared his throat. “For five years our family celebrated this day thinking we had lost someone we loved in the cause of freedom.”

Kristin fought back a shudder. For five years she’d thought Matt was dead, because the Army said so. She’d made herself a life during that time. A different one than she’d hoped for, true. But her daughters had been happy, and safe. Luke was a good man and a great dad.

The Colonel continued his comments. “Now we celebrate in thankfulness at having him returned to us.”

Then Matt came back. And everything changed.

Beside her, he shifted his weight. Kristin glanced up at his face and saw that his cheeks had reddened. His embarrassment was endearing, and she smiled at him, linking her elbow through his. He pressed her arm closer into his side.

“Daddy Matt was gone for five years?” Erin counted on her fingers. “He left before Jenny was born?”

Tension struck the room like a lightning bolt. Across the counter, Luke gave a quick smile and a small shrug, which left the answer up to Kristin. “That’s true, Erin,” she said. “Even—even before you were born.” Was that the right thing to say?

“Mommy, did you know Daddy Matt before I was born?”

“Of course, love. I knew…all the Brennans then, and for a long time before.” Matt had gone still as a stone beside her.

“But—” Erin stopped and seemed to reconsider her question.

“I’m hungry,” Jenny announced with a five-year-old’s directness.

“Of course, Jennifer, dear.” Mrs. Brennan placed a smooth, pale hand on Jenny’s shoulder. “Let your grandfather say grace, and I’ll make you a plate.”

During the prayer, Matt’s stiffness subsided. He didn’t draw away from Kristin, but he didn’t press her close again, either. Had she disappointed him? Should she have told the whole story right then, to everyone?

What, in God’s name, could she say?

With dinner finished and cleaned up—a task for which Mrs. Brennan refused to accept any help—the adults sat on the deck finishing coffee while the girls splashed in the pool. Matt seemed preoccupied—Kristin could guess with what.

After a pause, Luke sat forward and braced his elbows on his knees. “Sarah and I wanted to run something by you, Kristin.” He glanced at his brother. “And Matt. We’re spending a couple of weeks in the mountains in June and we’d like the girls to come with us. What do you think?”

Kristin couldn’t think at all, for a moment, couldn’t decide what her reaction should be.

“You’ll be back for our annual Independence Day party, of course,” Mrs. Brennan stated firmly. It was not a question.

Luke flashed his mother a grin. “Definitely.”

“We’re renting a condo with two bedrooms and a kitchen,” Sarah said, putting a hand on Kristin’s arm. “They’ll have lots of room.”

Kristin’s doubts had nothing to do with the accommodations. Before she could quite grasp her reasons, Matt stirred.

“I think it sounds great,” he said. “They’ll have a good time.”

Luke sat back in his chair. Obviously, he hadn’t missed the hint of reluctance in Matt’s comment. Just as obviously, he’d decided to ignore it. “Okay, then. We’ll be away the last two weeks of June—I’ll wait a while to tell them or they won’t sleep between now and then.”

“Good idea.” Matt stood up and held out his cup. “Anybody else want a refill?” Everyone shook their heads. He looked at Luke’s wife. “Sarah, you sure you don’t want some coffee?”

She smiled—more brightly than the question called for, Kristin thought. “No, thanks. I’m cutting out caffeine.”

Kristin watched Sarah and Luke smile at each other in the soft light of sunset. “Um…do you two have something else you want to mention?” she asked.

Luke’s grin widened. Sarah looked over. “It’s that obvious?”

Kristin smiled back, though her insides felt as if she’d taken the first hill on a roller coaster. “Now that I think about it, yes.”

The Colonel drew on his pipe. “What’s obvious? What’s going on?”

“A minor detail, Dad. We’re having a baby.”

“Congratulations, son.” Colonel Brennan got up to shake Luke’s hand and give Sarah a hug. “Maybe we’ll get us a boy this time.”

“Another little girl would be wonderful,” Matt’s mother said firmly, still seated in her chair. “When are you due, Sarah?”

“Around the first of December.”

Elena Brennan sighed softly. “A Christmas baby. How lovely.”

Babies were lovely at any time of year, Kristin thought. But she couldn’t help worrying about Erin and Jenny. What would a new baby do to the precarious balance they were reaching for, after a divorce and two new marriages?

Especially if she rocked their world at the same time with the announcement that Matt was Erin’s father?

Matt had stepped over to shake his brother’s hand. He bent to give Sarah a kiss on the cheek. “Let’s hope, boy or girl, the baby gets your looks, not his.” He nodded sideways at Luke.

“Thanks, bro.”

“Anytime.”

Kristin knew she had to say something. “I’m so happy for you both. You’ll love having a baby. Who’s your doctor?”

The question led them into a discussion of symptoms and signs and preparations. The men dropped out—Luke went into the pool to play with the girls while Matt and the Colonel talked basketball. Mrs. Brennan unbent—babies had an amazing way of softening her up. The Brennans had lost a daughter, before Luke was born. Kristin tried to remember that tragedy when her mother-in-law became a challenge.

Like now. Mrs. Brennan broke into a short silence. After a moment, she said, “You know, Kristin, you and Matt have been married longer than Sarah and Luke. Don’t you think it’s about time we heard the same good news from you?”

“Maybe not just yet, Mom.” Answering his mother, Matt felt Kristin’s stare as she turned in her seat to face him. “My career is kinda up in the air—if I take a transfer back to Special Forces, we may need to move. Two little girls is plenty family for us.” He cleared his throat. “For now.”

“But surely, Matt—”

“So you are thinking about going back in. I knew it!” His father pounded the arm of his chair at the same time, drowning out his wife’s argument. “Good man!”

Kristin didn’t say a word. Matt felt her gaze leave him, felt her withdrawal like a drop in air temperature. He should have kept his mouth shut. Hadn’t he learned long ago to let his mother assume whatever she wanted, just to avoid the hassle of a discussion?

But he couldn’t imagine a baby in their house, especially after today. Erin and Jenny hadn’t come close to accepting him as their dad. How would they feel about having another child—especially his child—in the family?

Late that evening, as he made the drive home from his parents’ house with the girls asleep in the back seat and Kristin silent beside him, Matt laughed at himself.

Family—us?

Not by a long shot.

CHAPTER TWO

LUKE AND SARAH had the girls over for dinner on the Wednesday before their trip and broke the news about the mountain vacation. Erin and Jenny came home that night dancing on the air.

“We get to go to the mountains!” Erin gave Buster a hug and then flopped down on the floor beside him, her chin on her hands and her legs bouncing off the floor in alternate arcs. “Isn’t that neat, Mommy?”

“An’ Daddy says there’s a castle we can see.” Jenny had climbed into her mother’s lap. “We get to see a real castle.”

“It sounds just wonderful.” Kristin smiled but Matt didn’t think the effort quite worked. He could see the sadness behind her eyes. “I know you’ll have a lovely time.”

“You could come, too, Mommy.” Erin cast a guilty glance in Matt’s direction. “I mean you and Daddy Matt. We could all go to the mountains.”

Matt set his jaw, waiting for Kristin’s response. When she didn’t seem to have one, he figured he’d better say something. “I think you and Jenny will have fun with your…with Luke and Sarah by yourselves. We’ll stay home, and then the four of us can take a trip later. Two vacations in one summer. How does that sound?”

Jenny stared at him with her mother’s serious brown gaze and sucked her thumb. Erin shrugged. “Okay. Maybe we can go back to the mountains. Daddy says you can see for forever in some places, and in some places the clouds are so close to the ground you can’t see anything. That’s why they’re called the Smokey Mountains. Can we get a book from the library on mountains, Mommy? I want to know all about ’em before we get there.”

Erin was still talking about mountains when Kristin herded the girls up to bed. Matt dropped his head back against the chair and stared at the ceiling, keeping his mind a careful blank until Kristin returned.

“Did they go to sleep?”

She sighed and dropped onto the couch. “Jenny did. Erin’s still reading. She found that book about North Carolina Indian tribes that Luke gave her and is learning all about the Cherokee Nation.”

“Oh.” In the silence that fell between them, he argued with himself about mentioning—again—the possibility of telling Erin the truth. Nothing major had changed in their lives to warrant a new request. Kris would never agree to break the news just before the girls left for a vacation with Luke. Why say anything at all?

Because…because the awkwardness and the dishonesty of the situation were tearing him up, dammit. He couldn’t keep quiet. “You know, I’ve been wondering if this summer would be a good time to explain…things…to Erin.”

Kristin stared at him. “Now? Before they go away?” She shook her head. “I don’t think—”

He held up a hand. “No, not right now. But afterward, we could go somewhere, like I said—a theme park, or maybe Stone Mountain—and talk about it while we’re there. Neutral territory, and all that.”

“But—” Kristin didn’t know what to say. The suggestion made sense…and it terrified her. “I’m not sure Erin is…is ready.”

Just how will you know when she’s ready?” Matt’s voice was dangerously even.

She gripped her hands together in her lap. “Well, when she’s more accepting. When she counts less on Luke.”

“And how’s that going to happen when she spends two weeks with him in the mountains?”

“You liked the idea!” The words exploded before she thought them through. “ You said yes before I could even decide.”

He shrugged and looked away. “I figured you’d agree.”

“I’m not sure whether I would have or not. But you didn’t give me a choice.”

“However it happened, there’s no going back. So let’s plan what to do about the rest.”

Kristin pressed her fingertips to her pounding temples. “I don’t think I can do that right now. Why don’t we just get through the next couple of weeks, get them back home, and then figure it out?”

“That’s what we’ve been doing for the last two years—postponing the inevitable, waiting for the ‘right’ moment. Or…” He looked over, his eyes suddenly those of someone Kristin wasn’t sure she knew. “Maybe you’ve changed your mind about ever telling her.”

The last thing she wanted was for Matt to know that she’d considered that option seriously. “N…no. I think it’s the right thing to do. I just want to be sure that the timing is…right.”

Gathering all her courage, Kristin met her husband’s stare. Right away, she saw that he recognized her hesitation, interpreted it correctly. His face held disappointment and anger and a deep, deep hurt.

But he was a grown man—a soldier, in fact—who was used to dealing with difficult situations. Erin was still a little girl who needed care, understanding…protection. Whose view of the world would be forever changed when she finally knew the truth.

“Well.” Hands pushing against his knees, Matt got to his feet. “I won’t argue with a mother’s instinct. You know Erin better than I do, so I guess you’re right.” The tone wasn’t sarcastic, but the words stung. “I think I’ll head on up to bed. Are you ready?”

She was exhausted, yet too keyed up to sleep. “I think I’ll watch TV for a little while. You go ahead.”

Matt lifted his chin, as if to take a punch. An instant longer he stood still, gazing at a horizon beyond the walls of the room.

Then with his quick, long stride, he crossed to the couch. Bending, he kissed her on the forehead and briefly, on the lips. “Okay. I’ll see you later, then.”

“G’night.” She wanted to add, “I love you.”

But somehow she didn’t think she’d be believed.

“IS IT REALLY wise to let Erin and Jenny go so far away?”

Kristin looked up from folding little-girl underwear. “They’ll love the mountains.”

Her mother picked up a pair of socks and rolled them together. “But—”

“Just tell me what’s on your mind, Mom. Where do you see a problem?”

“It seems strange to take a vacation apart from your children. Especially when they’re so young.”

“That’s what happens in divorce.” She set a neat pile of laundry in the basket, then shrugged. “Strange arrangements have to be made.”

“I wish—”

Kristin simply waited.

“I wish this had all turned out differently for you.”

Didn’t they all? “How?”

“If Matt had never gone away—”

“He’s in the Army, Mom. That was his job, and still is.”

“Well, maybe he needs another job. At least he could stay out of the Special Forces.” Her mother folded the last nightgown. “A man owes his wife and family consideration in matters like this. I imagine if you spoke to him—”

“But I’m not going to, Mom.” She held her temper with an effort. “I married Matt knowing he was Army, knowing he was Special Forces. That’s a commitment I made. It wouldn’t be fair to ask him to change now.”

A worry line deepened between her mother’s eyebrows. “But if something happens…how will you manage?”

Kristin put her arms around the other woman’s shoulders and squeezed. So much had already happened. “I survived five years thinking Matt was dead, and I survived him coming back. I survived ending a marriage. I know the risks of Matt’s job, but I’m not going to ask him to give up the career he loves. We’ll deal with whatever comes up.”

Irene Jennings sniffed, and returned the hug. “I just want you to be happy.” She stepped back and smiled. “Shall I make some coffee?”

“That sounds good. I’ll take these upstairs. Be right back.”

But in Erin’s room, Kristin sat down on the bed and put her face in her hands. Her brave words aside, she wasn’t at all sure what would happen next in her marriage, or how to face it.

And the one person who could help—her husband—was the last person she could ask.

ELENA BRENNAN TRACED the edge of the photograph with her finger. Matthew and Luke grinned at her from the paper, posed on the very rim of Arizona’s Grand Canyon. At twelve, Matthew had been tall for his age, gangly in the way adolescent boys are, passionately interested in the canyon and its history. He’d always been a serious, responsible child. With his father gone so much of the time on Army assignments, she’d depended on Matt as more than just a little boy. He had never let her down.

A hand came to rest on her shoulder. Elena jumped slightly, and looked up to find her husband standing behind her. “Didn’t mean to startle you, m’dear. What have you got there?” He sat down at the table.

She turned the album toward him. “I was dusting inside the cabinet in the family room and came across these pictures of our different vacations. We took this one at the Grand Canyon.”

William nodded. “I remember. We lost Luke our second day there and were lucky to find him before he started down into the canyon with a group of climbers.” He chuckled. “That boy could find adventure wherever he went.”

“Scaring us all to death in the process.” Elena didn’t share William’s fondness for Luke’s exploits. She’d worried too much, having to handle such an unpredictable boy on her own. She’d often needed Matt’s help to keep his brother from getting completely out of hand.

“What else is in this album?” William flipped through the pages. “The skiing vacation in Utah…the beach trip…the tour of Washington. We did have some good times when the boys were young, didn’t we?”

“Of course. You made sure we took a special family trip every year.” She leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I knew many Army wives whose husbands made no apologies for missing family times. I always felt lucky.” She got up from the table. “Shall I get dinner?”

“Whenever you’re ready.” He sat at the table, browsing through the photograph album as she prepared their meal. Only as she set their plates on the table did William speak again. “I’m worried about Matt. He’s taking too long on this decision to get back into Special Forces.”

“I expect Kristin is behind that delay. I seriously doubt she supports the idea.”

“You think she would prevent him from returning to his unit?”

“I think she could make it very difficult for him to do so.”

“What can we do to help him get back on track?” As William set down his fork, his face reflected his troubled thoughts.

She reached for his hand. “Perhaps you should talk to Matt alone. Without Kristin listening, you might make some progress.”

William nodded. “I’ll do that. I bet the boy’ll stop looking so beaten once he’s back in the real Army.”

Elena wondered, as they finished eating, how a change in Matt’s career would affect his marriage. She’d never thought Kristin truly appropriate as an Army wife, and she had hoped Matt would realize that in time. But then he had gone missing and Kristin had taken up with Luke, which confirmed all of Elena’s opinions.

The divorce and remarriage, after Matt’s return, had been such a mess, and so embarrassing, that she’d supported him in his plans, just to have things settled.

Now Kristin would have to realize her responsibilities. If she didn’t…

That young woman might find herself even further outside Army life than she expected! And as long as the little girls stayed with Matt, Elena wouldn’t whisper the first word of protest.

EARLY SUMMER was a busy time for recruiters—or what passed for busy, anyway. High-school graduates who didn’t plan on college suddenly realized they needed some means of support, and the military looked like a sure bet. Matt counseled and interviewed and helped with application forms, did the paperwork, and kept his files neat. The easy routine had been a godsend in the months after he came back from Africa.

Now it just dragged him down.

When the bell on the door jingled, he braced himself for another round of question and answer. But as he stepped out of his office, he saw his father standing at the front desk.

They shook hands. “Planning to reenlist, Dad?”

“Don’t I wish.” The Colonel shook his head. “Life outside the Army never feels right.”

“Come on back.” Matt led the way and waved his dad into a chair. “Coffee? Soda?”

“No, thanks. Your mother and I just finished lunch.”

“What’s Mom up to? She’s always got some project going.”

“Planning the Fourth of July party. As soon as Memorial Day passes, she starts on that one. How are my granddaughters?”

“A little bit crazy. Since Luke told them about the trip to the mountains, they’ve been bouncing off the walls.”

“They’re a lively pair.” William Brennan’s hawkish gray eyes softened. “Enough spirit for several more children.”

“That’s for sure.” Matt closed the book he’d been reading and set it to the side.

His father leaned forward. “If you’ve got time to read, son, you need another job. What’s the book?”

“That new account of the battle at Gettysburg.”

“You’ve already got it?” He extended his hand and Matt passed him the book.

“Yes, sir. The guy’s done his homework, and he’s got a way with words. He almost puts you on the front line.”