Marrying the Mistress

‘No. My work doesn’t run like clockwork. I have a large estate, and I do things as and when they need doing. When I send for Jamie I shall expect him to come, and that will vary from week to week. I shall also expect him to stay, sometimes. You too, if you wish. I shall have rooms put aside for your personal use.’

Alarm bells rang. ‘For my personal use. How thoughtful. So tell me, my lord, what kind of signal that will send to family and friends? Will your current mistress vacate her rooms for my benefit? Shall I be seen as the newest member of the harem? It could get quite cosy.’

He didn’t react, this time, as he’d done before, but looked down his straight nose at me with his eyes narrowed, his mouth beginning to lift at the corners. ‘So…o, that’s what’s bothering you, is it? Ah, I see.’

Suddenly I was having to defend myself to him in a way I’d never had to do for years. Linas seemed so very far away, which was good, for I did not want him to hear this conversation. ‘Yes,’ I snapped, heading for the door, ‘that is what’s bothering me. How could you be so insensitive as to think I would ever agree to stay there after…’ My cheeks flamed. Why had I brought that up now, of all times?

I stalked off into the room next door that I had always used, scarcely more inviting than Linas’s, especially in the cold blue light of winter. ‘You must know,’ I mumbled, ‘that for me to be seen as one of the Abbots Mere crowd is the last thing I ever wanted, even when Linas was with me.’ I started to rummage. ‘I have a few things to look for. Treddle said he’d send them on, but if you’d rather I left them, I shall quite understand.’

He caught up with me and perched on my delicate stool with the petit-point cushion, his greatcoat swamping it, his long booted legs looking very out of place in a lady’s bedroom. I glared at him, bristling with hostility.

He held my glare with those supercilious brown eyes. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘You wish me to hell. But some matters have to be tackled head on, and we’re going to have this out whether it embarrasses you or not. You must have learned by now that you’ve met your match, Miss Follet.’

What I had learned was that Linas and his brother were even less alike than I thought, one refusing point-blank to discuss the future, even mine or his son’s, the other one impatient to settle every detail. One, a prevaricator with no future to see into, the other with bountiful years ahead. Linas must have thought my future would take care of itself. I was not his wife. Why should he bother?

‘Shall we postpone the debate about whether or not I have met my match, my lord? If you’re asking whether I ever felt a certain imbalance in my relationship with your brother, then, yes, I cannot deny that. It could hardly be otherwise, could it, with Linas unable to see far ahead. Happily, I can see far enough for myself, so I shall not go hungry. You must tell me how to apply for Jamie’s allowance each month, and perhaps arrange for Mr Brierley to make it available. I shall keep every receipt, naturally. I pride myself on being able to keep my own accounts.’ It was immodest of me, but I thought he may as well know.

‘Mother. Mistress. Businesswoman. Is there anything at which you are not proficient, Miss Follet?’

‘Yes, I am not a good liar, my lord. The other day you were kind enough to remind me that your high-minded act of self-sacrifice was entirely for Linas’s benefit, not mine. So I would be lying if I failed to point out, in case you should misunderstand, that I thought only of him too. I wonder you did not hear me call out his name, once or twice.’

‘We spoke no words, as you well know.’

‘Which only goes to show the limitations of your memory, my lord.’

‘I’m flattered to know that yours is still sharp, Miss Follet.’ He stood up, damn him, as if to claim the last word on the subject. ‘And since you were also kind enough to point out the undesirable nature of what you call the Abbots Mere crowd, perhaps I may be allowed to voice similar concerns about your dubious connections. Not quite the kind of thing Jamie ought to know about. You entertained young Solway for a few months, I believe, as well as Standish’s middle son. What’s his name? Bertrand, is it?’

‘For money, my lord,’ I snapped. ‘I was obliged to sell myself.’

‘Ah, of course. For money. Well then, you need hardly be too concerned about visiting Abbots Mere with my ward, since none of the women who stay there are ever paid a penny. They do it voluntarily.’

‘In which case, then, one would expect to see the place swarming with your other little wards. That part must cost you a small fortune.’

‘No!’ he said, picking up a porcelain plate from the mantelshelf and looking at the back. ‘You and Jamie are the only ones to cost me anything.’

‘How sad. That’s something I can easily fix, my lord.’ Boiling, churning, seething with anger at being outmanoeuvred, I gulped down the rest of my venom in a pointless threat that meant nothing at all, since there was no way in which I could fix it, except permanently.

Looking back on it later, I suppose that’s what he thought I meant, for when I moved towards the door again, thinking only to get away from the haunting place, he slammed it shut before I could reach it, catching me like a silly sheep against the wall.

‘Admit it or not, lady, as you please,’ he said, but no more than that before he pushed my head on to his shoulder and brought his mouth down to cover mine, making me forget what it was I was not admitting, and a lot more besides.

He must have known…oh, yes…he must have known how much of that night I remembered. He must have known too how desperately I needed comfort instead of conflict and how much I would have preferred matters to go my way, for a change. He must have known, with Linas no longer to care or be cared for, that I felt both free and guilty, grieved and confused and not as well organised as I pretended to be. So I half-expected his kiss to taste of revenge after our session of deliberate wounding, our first close contact in all those difficult years. I thought he was about to put me, finally, in my place.

But it was not like that, not bitter, but meant, I think, to remind me of the magical beauty of that night without words, passionate but tender too, wanting, taking and giving. Predictable was not the way to describe Burl Winterson, yet I could taste the hunger in his kisses that roamed slowly across my lips, and I felt the desire in his hard arm across my shoulders, the soft hand holding my face. Feel, taste, scent…ah, yes…the scent was there too. Moorland. Fresh linen. Trees after rain. How could I not be reminded?

He must have heard the moan, faintly, in my throat.

‘You’re right,’ he whispered, ‘about not being a good liar. I think we’d both better stick to the truth in future. And let us get another thing straight before we leave. You and Jamie will continue to live under my protection on Blake Street without any more argument. You will bring him to visit me and you will both accept my authority as you did with Linas. I do not need to remind you again whose son he is.’

‘And I suppose the next thing will be that you’ll expect him to call you Papa, will it?’ I said, trying to stiffen in his embrace, and failing.

‘That’ll come too. One thing at a time.’

Squirming out of his arms, I steadied myself against the blue-flocked wallpaper. ‘I was being sarcastic,’ I said, pettishly. ‘I have no intention of giving you that satisfaction. And what is it I’m to admit, or not, as I please?’

‘That you’ve met your match, at last. Now, where are these other things of yours? Come and show me.’

Chapter Four

No expectations, I had said, choosing not to hear the unreality of such a boast. But it was not true. I had

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