Marriage For Baby

Kate straightened in her chair.

Jared felt her tension. It wasn’t so bad, though. They were living. They were still married. They were fine.

At least as far as the baby was concerned.

Of course Cassidy would become part of the divorce settlement. No doubt Susan would want Kate to have custody.

“Are there any provisions if our marriage ends at a future date?” Kate asked, her voice cool.

“Actually there is. Again both wills contain the same wording.” Don flipped the page. “‘If Jared Reed and Kate Malone are not married to each other on the date of such appointment or become separated or divorced at a later date, I appoint Jared Reed to solely act as the guardian of each child of mine who is a minor or under a legal disability.’”

“What?” Kate asked.

Jared sat stunned. “Me?”

CHAPTER TWO

KATE’S heart pounded. Every muscle tensed. She didn’t believe her ears.

She couldn’t.

“There must be some mistake.” Her gaze darted between a shell-shocked Jared and a contemplative Don. “Susan would never have agreed to that.”

“It’s not a mistake,” Don said matter-of-factly as if they were discussing the custody of a pampered pet not Kate’s precious goddaughter. “Brady and Susan were clear with their wishes and made sure I understood them.”

Kate flexed her fingers, fighting to grasp the situation. Fighting for control. “But it makes no sense.”

“I agree.” Jared’s confident voice reassured her. “I may have been nominated as the personal representative, but the sole guardian? Kate and Susan were as close as sisters. There’s no reason I should be the one named in the wills.”

Relief and gratitude washed over Kate. Thank goodness he understood how ridiculous this was. No doubt Jared would support her in getting this overturned.

His gaze met hers. They were on the same side for once. And that felt…good. Satisfying. In a way it hadn’t for a very long time.

“Remember that’s only if you and Kate divorce,” Don added. “As long as you are together, the provision doesn’t apply.”

Her relief ebbed.

The split of assets had been agreed upon; the paperwork had been filed. It was only a matter of time, weeks really, until the divorce was official.

Panic threatened. Kate grabbed onto the chair. She couldn’t lose control.

Not when she had to think. Kate needed to figure out a way to fix this. First, they had to be named guardians. Together. Then she and Jared could challenge the validity of the will so she could gain sole guardianship of Cassidy. Of course, Jared would have whatever visitation rights he wanted.

She eased her death grip on the chair arms. Now that she had a plan formulated, she could cope.

“If it’s any consolation, Kate,” Don said, his voice startling her. “You are named sole guardian if Jared dies.”

“Don’t give her any ideas.”

His wry humor reminded Kate of the time he playfully accused her of poisoning him when she made juice using organic kale, rhubarb and strawberries after a trip to the Farmer’s Market. A smile pulled at her mouth. She caught herself. This wasn’t the time for fun. She pressed her lips together.

“What happens next?” Jared asked the lawyer.

“Well, since you’re married you will both receive guardianship if you accept the nomination,” Don explained. “But I’m sure this is something you want to discuss in private. No guardian can be named until the personal representative is officially appointed and the wills submitted for probate.”

She struggled to make sense of his words, to understand their implications. “What about Cassidy? What happens to her in the meanwhile?

“Cassidy is currently under state custody,” Don said.

That was one thing Kate understood all too well. “No. Susan would not have wanted that for her baby.”

“But since Cassidy’s in the hospital, she won’t be put into a foster home, correct?” Jared asked.

“Yes, as long as guardianship has been determined by her release,” Don said. “If we run into any snags, we can petition to have a temporary guardian named until final guardianship is determined.”

Jared covered Kate’s hand with his. “We’ll make sure there aren’t any snags.”

She fought the urge to hug him. With everything they’d been through these past months, she’d forgotten Jared Reed was still a good guy. His reassurance meant so much.

Kate stole a glance at him, and he winked. Her pulse quickened. She mouthed the word thanks and looked away. As fast as she could without seeming rude. Gratefulness. That was all her reaction was, all it ever could be.

“Susan and Brady left letters for you.” Don handed Kate a large, thick manila envelope, and Jared received a thin, standard business-size one. “Would you like to read them now or later?”

She clutched the envelope as if it were a winning Powerball lottery ticket. A part of her was afraid to look inside, but the other part wanted to rip the flap off and start reading. “Now.”

“Later,” Jared said at the same time.

Deadlock. They never could agree on anything. At first their differences had been a joke, and they’d laughed about it. Over and over again. But their disagreements had been a sign. Even though she might have loved Jared, even though she might sometimes long for him, they didn’t work well together.

“You can open yours later,” she said. “I’d prefer to open mine now.”

Jared ran his finger under the flap of the envelope. “Now is fine.”

Don rose from the desk. “I’ll get the paperwork started.”

Kate mumbled a thank you. As she focused on the envelope in her hand, she heard paper crinkle and unfold and a chuckle.

With trembling fingers, she opened the manila envelope and pulled out several typed pages.

Dear Kate,

If you’re reading this, I’m dead and it’s a good thing I decided to write everything down for you. Brady thinks I’m being morbid, but until I had Cassidy I didn’t give much thought to what would happen if I weren’t here. And now in the middle of all this estate planning, I’ve been thinking about it too much.

The corners of Kate’s mouthed curved. That was so like Susan. She thought about things too much. As did Kate. Obsessive? Perhaps. But she and Susan had called it analytical thinking.

By now, Don Phillips has told you that we want you and Jared to raise Cassidy. This should come as no surprise. What would come as a shock is if Don told you that Jared would gain custody of Cassidy if the two of you divorced. I know you’re confused and mad at me.

Kate wasn’t mad. How about stunned? Hurt? Bewildered? Betrayed? Her gaze strayed to Jared before returning to the letter.

My hope is you and Jared have resolved things by the time of our untimely and unfortunate demise (gotta love that phrase!) and are living happily ever after. You are truly meant for each other.

Oh, Susan. She was such an optimist. Even under the most horrible situations growing up, she had never stopped believing her life would improve. No matter what the odds. But this dream of Susan’s wasn’t in the cards for Kate.

And that realization hurt. Badly.

She had wanted a family with Jared, but the timing always seemed off. They spent so little time together with their jobs. He wanted her to have a baby right when her company took off. And then he asked her to give up everything she’d put her heart and soul into and move to Seattle. When she wouldn’t do what he wanted, he left without her. Kate squeezed her eyes shut, but that didn’t stop the memories or erase the pain.

“Here,” Jared said.

She opened her eyes. He held a tissue out to her. She wasn’t sure if his offer was out of compassion or pity. She didn’t want him to think she was weak. Kate stiffened. “I don’t need it.”

“Just in case.”

His half smile unfurled warmth inside her. And made her feel like an idiot. Jared was only trying to help her, not point out her weaknesses. She had to stop thinking of him as the enemy. Kate took the tissue. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

His dark eyes seemed to see right through her, to her secret thoughts and feelings.

Heat. Fire. Passion.

Kate forced herself to breathe.

Okay, some sort of volatile chemistry remained between them. She’d go so far as to admit her physical attraction to Jared had increased during their separation.

No big deal.

A marriage couldn’t survive on desire alone. She’d learned that lesson. She looked away.

“Are you finished?” Jared asked.

“No.”

“I’ve read mine three times.”

Did the letter mention her? Old inadequacies floated to the surface. Had Brady questioned her ability to care for Cassidy? Kate bit the inside of her cheek.

“What did the letter say?” she asked.

Jared smiled. “Typical Brady stuff that helps.”

“I’m glad.” She only hoped hers helped, too. Up until now, Susan’s letter hadn’t. “I need to finish mine.”

“Go ahead.”

Kate read how proud Susan was over Kate’s accomplishments, their friendship and their love for one another. As she continued, the paper shook and Kate realized her hands were trembling.

You and I know family doesn’t have to mean blood relation, and that’s what I’m counting on because I want Cassidy to experience what being part of a loving family is all about. Jared with the crazy, meddlesome Reeds can provide that for her. She can have what we didn’t have growing up. I need that for my child.

As tears streamed from Kate’s eyes, she struggled to read the rest. She didn’t like what Susan had written, but Kate understood and somehow that hurt more. Each word felt like a wound to her already aching heart. She fumbled for the tissue.

Jared handed her another one. She muttered thanks and wiped her eyes.

So much for challenging the will. She couldn’t. Not when she knew what Susan wanted for her daughter. Kate would want the same for her own child. Wasn’t that one reason she found Jared Reed with his large, supportive family so attractive when they’d first met? He’d had everything she hadn’t had growing up.

But knowing the reasons and understanding them didn’t make the circumstances any easier on her.

“Katie?” Jared placed his hand on her shoulder. The warmth of his touch nearly did her in, but she couldn’t—didn’t want to—pull away.

He and Cassidy were all Kate had left.

She dabbed her eyes with a tissue again. “I’m not finished.”

Forgive me if I’ve written something that has hurt you. I’m only doing what I feel is best for my daughter. I love you, Katie. I always have and I always will.

Take care of my baby and love her the way we wanted to be loved!

Hugs and love,

Susan

She didn’t want to let Susan down, but Kate didn’t think that kind of love, the kind you didn’t have to earn, was possible. Not any longer. But for her best friend, she would give it her all.

She traced Susan’s name—the only word handwritten on the many pages—with her fingertip. Tears dropped onto the paper, and Kate dried them off. She didn’t want the letter to be ruined. She wanted to keep it. For herself. For Cassidy.

Kate inhaled and exhaled slowly. Steady. Calm. In control. She squared her shoulders. With a steady gaze, she met Jared’s inquisitive eyes. “They want you to have Cassidy.”

“I know.”

“It’s…okay.” Or would be. Someday. Somehow.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” No matter how much Kate would have liked to blame him for this, she couldn’t. If only she knew what to do next. “I want to see Cassidy.”

Jared nodded. “Let’s sign whatever papers Don has prepared then go to the hospital.”

The children’s wing of the hospital was painted with bluebirds, colorful flowers and rainbows, but the cheery decor did nothing to ease Jared’s growing anxiety. He’d been trying to come to terms with a divorce he didn’t want and now he was about to become a guardian. A father.

A dad.

He thought about Brady’s letter.

You’ve always wanted kids.

Jared had wanted to be a dad. After he and Kate first got married, she was enthusiastic about wanting kids, but they’d agreed to hold off for a couple of years to concentrate on their careers. Still he’d imagined having a family, the perfect family to go with his fantasy of the perfect marriage—two children, a fancy double stroller and a fully loaded minivan. But when Kate’s company exploded onto the PR scene, she resisted starting a family. And then the Seattle opportunity arose. He thought the promotion and transfer was a way to have the family he desired, not destroy his marriage.

Divorce.

Jared hated that word. Divorce meant failure. He hated failing or losing at anything. But there didn’t seem to be a damn thing he could do about it.

He was the first to admit they’d both made mistakes that contributed to the collapse of their marriage, but whereas Kate called the problems irreparable damage, Jared believed they could work through them. He missed Kate so much. If only she would get off the divorce kick and give their marriage a go…

Jared waited in the lobby for her. He would have preferred driving together, but she’d wanted a few minutes by herself. He didn’t like her being alone when she was tired and stressed, but he understood. Their lives had been changed completely. Whatever the future held, however, they were in this together.

“Sorry.” Kate’s steps echoed on the tile floor. “I couldn’t find a parking place.”

Her red eyes suggested she’d been crying again. He wished she would let him help her get through this. “I just got here.”

She adjusted the strap of her purse. “I hope Cassidy’s okay.”

“Don said she would be.”

“I know, but there’s okay and there’s okay.”

Her nervousness reminded him of the first time he invited her home to meet his family. She’d brought flowers and a bottle of wine. Kate had been pleasant, personable, perfect. He’d later discovered she’d bought a new outfit and had her hair done that day. Her efforts had touched him and taken their dating to a new level. Jared took her hand in his. “Let’s find out how okay Cassidy is.”

As they followed the yellow bricks painted on the floor and stepped onto the elevator hand in hand, he felt as if nothing had changed between them and they were still together. Still in love. Those had been the days.

He’d been attracted to Kate since the moment he first saw her, and that attraction had only grown once he realized her brain matched her beauty. They’d been a perfect match. The perfect couple.

He missed their conversations, even their disagreements. He missed everything about her from the sound of her laughter to the birthmark on her left shoulder. He especially missed the lovemaking. Their problems had never reached the bedroom. Yet somehow the marriage had gone wrong. Bad. But that didn’t mean it was over. Maybe he could make something new, something good happen between them to show Kate they could still be together.

He stopped at the nurse’s station. “I’m Jared Reed and this is Kate Malone. We’re here to see Cassidy Lukas.”

“I’m Rachel.” The nurse smiled. “Don Phillips said you were on the way.”

“How is she?” Kate asked.

“Cassidy is recovering well. She’s in Room 402.” The nurse picked up a file. “I’ll make a note to have the doctor speak with you.”

“Thank you,” Kate said.

The small room had a chair in one corner, a sofa bed under a bank of windows and a strange looking crib against the far wall. The four-month-old baby girl slept oblivious to them or any of the machines connected to her. Cuts—some that had been stitched—and bruises—some purple, others yellow—covered her arms and face. A white bandage was wrapped around her head.

A wave of protectiveness washed over Jared. This baby was his and Kate’s responsibility.

“She’s so beautiful,” Kate whispered with a hint of awe in her voice.

Seeing the compassion in her eyes as she stared at the baby triggered something deep within him. This—Kate, him and a baby—had been his dream.

She sighed. “Cassidy looks so much like Susan.”

He saw the resemblance especially around the mouth and eyes. “But she’s got Brady’s chin. I hope that doesn’t mean she’s as stubborn as he was.”

Kate smiled wanly. “Let’s hope not.”

He glanced around the room. A stuffed bear and a basket of flowers sat on a cart. He read the cards. The bear was from Don Phillips and his wife. The flowers from Brady’s work.

Why wasn’t the room full of flowers, balloons and cards? Where were all the visitors? Jared didn’t get it. “Why is Cassidy all alone?”

“What do you mean?” Kate asked.

When his sister Heather gave birth to her third child, his family camped out in the waiting room. “There isn’t anyone here with Cassidy. How come?”

“We’re all she has.”

“But friends. Surely Brady and Susan had some friends—”

“Who have their own families and lives,” Kate explained. “Not everyone has a family like yours, Jared. A lot of people end up in the hospital alone. Even babies.”

His mind accepted the truth of her words, but his heart and his upbringing rejected it. “That’s not right.”

“She won’t have to be alone again. We can take shifts.”

Shifts meant they wouldn’t be together. He’d been apart from Kate for so long, too long, and wanted to make the most of this time. He needed to show her they could save their marriage.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

The sight of the baby hooked up to beeping machines gave Jared second thoughts. His needs came a poor second to hers. “You want to take the first shift? I need to meet with Don.”

Kate hung her jacket on the back of the chair, tidy as always. “That will be fine.”

But it wasn’t fine with Jared. He felt funny leaving them alone. His gaze returned to Cassidy.

“The baby will be fine, too.” Kate’s voice sounded a little strained.

He wasn’t worried only about the baby. Kate looked so tired. Jared wondered if she’d eaten lunch. He would be gone for at least a couple of hours. What if she or Cassidy needed something?

“Go.” Kate motioned to the door. “The sooner you’re named personal representative, the sooner we get guardianship.”

“If you need anything—”

“I’ll call.”

Would she? Kate, ever capable, never had called in the past. But he wouldn’t stop hoping. “Please do.”

He wondered if she heard him or if it mattered to her because she didn’t look up as he walked to the door.

“Jared.”

He turned.

“It’s been a full day and—” she moistened her lips “—please be careful.”

The concern in her voice brought a smile to his lips. Maybe she wasn’t so indifferent to him after all. Maybe he stood a chance. “I’ll be back, Kate. Just as soon as I can.”

CHAPTER THREE

AN HOUR later, Kate struggled to keep her heavy eyelids open. A sleepless night and overloaded emotions had taken their toll on both her body and her brain, but she wasn’t about to give into the exhaustion plaguing her. Not here in Cassidy’s hospital room. What if the baby woke up, and Kate didn’t hear her?

Sure, nurses came in and out with regularity, but she didn’t want to let Susan down. Or, Kate realized, Jared.

All she needed was a second wind. Stretching her arms over her head, she wiggled her fingers. Caffeine would help, but she didn’t want to leave Cassidy alone in case she woke up.

The minutes ticked by. Kate felt her head fall forward. Dazed and disoriented, she straightened. The smell screamed hospital and Kate knew where she was, but she still took in the cream-colored walls, the overhead lighting, a bed couch and a crib surrounded by noisy machines.

Cassidy.

The baby lay sound asleep. So small. So fragile.

And Kate’s responsibility.

She sat with her back straight and the balls of her feet pressed against the wall. Comfortable, no. But napping while on duty wasn’t allowed.

Despite her brave words and determination, she was terrified of doing something wrong, of being unable to care for the baby the correct way. And the last thing Kate wanted was for Jared to find her asleep on the job. He held all the cards, or in this case, the baby. She wouldn’t give him any reason to doubt her childrearing abilities.

From across the room, Kate stared at the crib. The machines lit and beeped, but the baby hadn’t moved from her earlier position. Not since the nurse had been in here before. Cassidy hadn’t made a sound, either. Unease prickled the hair at the back of Kate’s neck.

Check her.

She imagined Susan’s voice saying the words, and a heaviness weighed down on Kate. She’d lived with fear and uncertainty her entire childhood, and she’d moved beyond the two since becoming an adult. She’d put the past behind her, set goals and achieved them. But now Kate felt as if she’d been tossed into a whirlpool of doubt and confusion. She hated feeling that way again, and the million what-ifs running through her mind paralyzed her.

Kate remembered Susan telling her about checking the baby during the middle of the night to make sure Cassidy was breathing. Kate knew Susan’s fears were irrational and told her to take advantage of the free time and sleep herself. Susan had smiled, but said nothing. Now Kate understood the new mother’s anxiety. And she didn’t like it one bit.

She shifted in her chair, uncomfortable with her new needy, uncertain self.

Where was Jared? Shouldn’t he be back by now?

Kate glanced at the clock.

Darn. He’d only been gone an hour and with the paperwork that needed to be submitted to the court he wouldn’t return anytime soon. She blew out a puff of air.

Jared.

Even if they disagreed most of the time, his presence here would comfort her, distract her. Especially if he gave her one of his dimpled smiles, the kind that spread all the way to his eyes. She hadn’t seen one of those…in months. Not that she’d seen him, either.

A light blinked. Kate scanned the bank of machines. Surely if something was wrong, a monitor would sound an alarm and alert the nurse who would come running. She took a slow, deep breath.

Was this how her life would be from now on? Worried something bad would happen? Worried she would somehow fail Cassidy? Worried she would let Susan down in the worst possible way? If only Jared…

Kate shuddered. She had to stop. Now.

She didn’t need Jared. She’d survived all but five years of her life without him. He’d proven he wouldn’t stick around forever, that if she didn’t do what he wanted he would leave. The realization provided resolve and courage, both of which she needed.

She could handle this. On her own. The way she’d always done.

All Kate needed to do was check the baby. She slipped off her shoes, walked softly to the crib and peered down. The rise and fall of Cassidy’s chest brought a rush of relief. The sight of the slumbering child with a peaceful expression on her face blanketed Kate with warmth. How could something so small make her feel so good? She fought the urge to caress the baby’s smooth cheek. The last thing she wanted to do was wake the sleeping infant.

Kate stood by the crib. Watching the machines, with all those blinks and blips, would keep her busy until Jared returned. And then it would be his turn.

But she realized with unexpected clarity, her turn wouldn’t be over. Not ever again. Her life would never be the same. Cassidy would always be a part of her life and link Kate to Jared. Even after the divorce…

The implications, both past and future, swirled through her mind. There would be no tidy goodbye. No tucking the memories away and forgetting about him. No moving on without Jared a part of her life. They would spend the next eighteen years making decisions about Cassidy, a child who would rely upon them for everything—nourishment, shelter, nurturing, advice and love.

The reality of what their new responsibility entailed hit Kate full force. She stood frozen, assailed by a multitude of doubt. She and Jared couldn’t agree on what television show to watch or what they wanted for dinner on the weekends they were home together, how could they agree on what to do with Cassidy? Until she became an adult?