In a Heartbeat

With a rueful smile, she turned away from the window and went back into her bedroom. Yes, he was probably married and had a half dozen kids. It would be nice if one of them were Hannah’s age. Friendships had been difficult while she’d been ill, and no children her age lived in the neighborhood.

“Mommy, I’m done.”

Erica set her cup down on the counter and hurried back into the bathroom. Grabbing a thick, fluffy towel from the linen closet, she opened it wide to welcome the wet, sweet-smelling child.

“Hmm, you smell like a giant, ripe strawberry,” Erica exclaimed, rubbing Hannah dry as she giggled and wiggled like an eel. “Now, let me see your boo-boo.”

Hannah stood still as Erica gazed at the scar that bisected her little chest. Every day it seemed to fade just a bit more. “It’s looking good, munchkin.”

Hannah nodded solemnly. “But it will never, ever go away.”

It was a nightly routine, one they had begun almost ten months before, right after Hannah’s lifesaving surgery. “No, it will never, ever go away completely.” Erica kissed the puckered skin. “But, it’s the best kind of boo-boo to have. Now you have a new strong, special heart.” Erica knocked on her daughter’s chest. “Hello in there.”

Hannah giggled as Erica tickled her ribs. “You’re silly, Mommy.”

“I am, and your silly mommy says to scoot into your room and get your pajamas on and get into bed.” She smiled as her daughter ran naked down the hallway and disappeared into her bedroom.

It was hard to believe that in just a couple of weeks Hannah would be six years old. There were times when it seemed like she’d been born only yesterday, and other times when it seemed an eternity ago. She took the towel and swiped at the bubble-bath residue on the sides of the tub.

Six years. All thanks to a miracle of modern science. Erica intended to have a huge party, bigger than any Hannah had ever celebrated before. It would be one of the few birthdays Hannah hadn’t spent in a hospital room.

“Okay Mommy, come tuck me in.”

Tossing the towel into the hamper, Erica hurried into the small bedroom where Hannah was already beneath the colorful sheet on the bed. “Before you tell me good-night, you have to say good-night to Harry,” Hannah commanded.

Erica groaned. She hated Harry. But she loved Hannah, and so walked across the room to the hamster cage and leaned down to tap on the glass. “Good night, Harry,” she said to the gray hamster who poked his head out of a pile of pine shavings and wiggled his nose in greeting.

“He says good-night and he loves you,” Hannah interpreted.

“Oh good, I’ll sleep much better tonight knowing Harry loves me.” Erica sat down on the edge of the bed. “But I’d sleep wonderfully better with a Hannah hug.”

With a grin, Hannah reached up and hugged her mom around her neck. Erica returned the embrace, her heart swelling with her intense love for the child. At the quick, immediate sting of tears, she realized again how fragile she was, how afraid she was to hope that finally the fears for Hannah’s very life were behind them and only normal childhood experiences lay ahead.

“Mommy?”

“What, sweetie?” Erica sat on the edge of the mattress and stroked Hannah’s dark hair.

“I liked Mr. Man. He has daddy eyes.”

“Daddy eyes?” Erica frowned. She distinctly remembered Caleb McMann’s eyes. Sharp blue, with a slight silvery shine that was in direct contrast to his dark hair.

“Yeah, you know, all shiny and smiley and nice. Daddy eyes.”

Erica smoothed her daughter’s hair one last time, then stood. “It’s time for little brown eyes to go to sleep. Good night, munchkin.” She kissed Hannah’s forehead, then tucked the sheet beneath her chin. “Sleep tight.”

As Hannah murmured a drowsy reply, Erica turned off the light but hesitated at the door.

She smiled as her gaze lingered on the sleeping child. Peaches padded into the room and curled up on the dog bed in the corner, but the act didn’t fool Erica one bit. She knew the moment she moved away from the door, Peaches would jump up in the bed with Hannah.

Leaving the bedroom, Erica went into the kitchen and refilled her coffee cup, her daughter consuming her thoughts.

Born with a malfunctioning heart, Hannah had been a weak, frail child whom the doctors had said would not live to see her first birthday. But Hannah had been a fighter, and defying the odds seemed to be her specialty. Hannah’s father, Chuck, had stuck through the first year with the sickly baby, but eventually he’d left, incapable of dealing with the situation.

She sipped her coffee, realizing she’d finally managed to get beyond the hurt and betrayal Chuck had left behind. He was the loser. He’d missed out on so much.

Smiling, she sat down at the kitchen table. Hannah might not have been given a good heart at the beginning of her life, but she’d been blessed with the spirit of a warrior. Courageous and brave, she also possessed a loving, optimistic attitude that often awed and humbled her mother.

Yes, her ex-husband had been the loser. Oh, he’d escaped the frantic worry, the enormous debt left by medical bills. He’d run from the responsibility and the fear of raising an ill child, but he’d lost out on the wondrous gift of knowing…and loving Hannah.

“Daddy eyes.”

Lately, Hannah had become obsessed with the idea of a daddy. It was as if now that her heart was fixed, she felt the empty space that her father had left when he’d abandoned her.

The phone rang, the shrill sound splintering the silence of the house. Erica jumped up from the table and grabbed for the receiver, not wanting the unexpected noise to awaken Hannah.

“Hey girl, what’s going on?”

Erica settled back in her chair, warmth suffusing her at the sound of her best friend’s voice. “Hi, Sherry. Not much going on here. I just put Hannah to bed and I’m relaxing for a few minutes before I follow her example.”

“Good grief, Erica. It’s just a few minutes after nine on a Saturday night,” Sherry protested. “Hon, you definitely need to get a life.”

Erica laughed. “I have a life. It’s just not as exciting as yours.”

“Compared to yours, a monk’s life would be exciting,” Sherry retorted dryly. “And that’s why I’m calling. I’m having a little dinner party next Friday night and…”

“No,” Erica interrupted.

“You haven’t even heard me out yet.”

“I heard you last week, and the week before that. You’ve got to stop trying to fix me up with men. I’m not interested.”

There was a long pause from Sherry. “Erica, Hannah’s last operation was almost a year ago. She’s doing terrific, getting healthier every day. It’s time for you to stop worrying so much about her and start thinking of your own happiness. It won’t hurt to leave her with a baby-sitter for the evening.”

“I’m happy,” Erica interjected. She rubbed her forehead, where a headache danced light fingers of pain across her brow.

Sherry sighed impatiently. “You can’t be happy. You’re alone.”

Again Erica laughed. “Contrary to popular belief, some women can be happy without a man in their life. Besides, I’m not alone. I have Hannah.”

Again there was a long pause and Erica sighed, knowing the pause didn’t indicate Sherry was giving up, only that she was regrouping. “Don’t you ever miss it?” she finally asked.

Erica frowned, again rubbing her forehead. “Miss what?”

“Sex.” Sherry sighed impatiently. “I know it’s been a long time, Erica, but surely you remember sex.”

Erica’s headache intensified. “Sherry, I refuse to have this discussion.”

“Ah, the ice maiden has appeared, hiding behind that cold exterior that keeps people at bay.”

Erica said nothing, silently admitting that Sherry knew her only too well.

“Erica, I worry about you. You work at home, you don’t go out. You don’t allow anyone in your life. You keep yourself so isolated from others.”

Sherry sighed. “Okay, I’ll stop now. I know this lecture is having about as much of an effect on you as a raindrop in the ocean. Are we on in the morning?”

“Sure,” Erica agreed. It was customary for the two friends to share coffee early every Sunday morning. “I’ll see you then.”

After hanging up, Erica shut off the coffeemaker, thinking of the woman who had been her best friend since they had been freshmen in high school.

However, as close as the two women had been over the years, their life-styles were far too different for Sherry to ever understand Erica.

Sherry Burnett had been raised in a loving, supportive family, and five years ago had married a wonderful man who adored her. She and her husband, David, had decided not to have children. David was a high-powered lawyer, and Sherry enjoyed an exciting job as an investigative reporter for an alternative newspaper in town.

Sherry was smart and savvy, but she didn’t understand loving a child. She couldn’t understand the commitment of a mother to a child in need.

After shutting off the kitchen light, Erica checked on Hannah—who slept peacefully with Peaches curled up next to her—then went into her small bedroom.

As she undressed and got ready for bed, her thoughts raced. Unlike so many of Erica’s friends, who’d drifted away, not knowing what to say, unable to deal with Erica’s grief and Chuck’s anger over Hannah’s heart condition, Sherry had remained the one constant source of support Erica so desperately needed.

She pulled her nightgown over her head and turned out her light. In the faint illumination filtering through the curtains from the street lamp out front, she crawled into bed.

Sherry’s question came back to haunt her.

“Don’t you ever miss it?”

Well, she could honestly say she never gave much thought to sex. She didn’t have the time or the energy to think about it.

However, if she were perfectly honest with herself, she’d admit that she did miss somebody holding her through the night. She missed the lingering scent of cologne on the pillow next to hers, the warmth of shared body heat on a cold, wintry night. But she could always buy a bottle of men’s cologne and an electric blanket would take care of her cold feet.

Erica had learned her lesson well. First from her father, who had walked out on them when Erica had been twelve, then from Chuck.

Men were great when the good times rolled. But, when trouble reared its ugly head, when the road of life got bumpy, men cut their losses and ran. Erica now knew that she only had herself to depend on.

No, she didn’t need a man, or anyone else in her life. Not in any way, shape or form. She just needed Hannah, and Hannah needed her. They were a unit, a family. She wasn’t willing to ever open her heart again to any male.

She’d done everything she could for the past six years to heal and protect Hannah. She wasn’t about to bring a man into their lives. She wasn’t about to allow a man to ever again steal a piece of their hearts, then ride off into the sunset without them.

Chapter 2

“Mr. Brown, you promised me you’d have somebody come over and look at this sink a month ago.” Erica held the phone in one hand and frantically removed the full pan of water from beneath the leaking pipe, quickly exchanging it for an empty pan.

What she wanted to do was reach through the phone wire and throttle Mr. Stanley Brown, her cheapskate landlord.

Unfortunately, even if she could reach across the line, she’d only manage to grasp thin air, since she wasn’t talking to an actual person. Instead, she was babbling, as usual, into his answering machine. “Please call me as soon as you can,” she finished, trying desperately to hang on to her composure.

She slammed down the phone, picked up the wrench and crawled beneath the sink. Shoving the pot aside, she connected the wrench to the elbow joint and tried to tighten the ring. It wouldn’t budge.

She strained again, feeling her face growing red with her effort. “Whew,” she said, and gave up. She simply didn’t have the strength required to get it to turn.

“Hello? Anybody home?”

The deep male voice at her back door startled her. She jumped, banging her head on one of the pipes. “Who’s there?” she yelled irritably, rubbing her forehead as she tried to wiggle out from beneath the cabinet.

The door opened and Caleb McMann stepped inside. In his hand he held a donut box that emitted the most delicious aromas Erica had ever smelled.

“Looks like you could use some help,” he said, stating the obvious. He set the box on the table and held out a hand to help her up.

She hesitated a moment. Her first inclination was to send him packing. She didn’t like his friendly smile and she’d always believed it was best to be wary of men bearing donuts.

But the rational part of her recognized she could use his help. The job required more strength than she possessed, and Caleb’s forearms and bulging biceps, displayed to perfection by his white T-shirt, looked more than adequate.

She placed her hand in his and allowed him to pull her to a standing position. “I…it’s leaking and I don’t have the strength to tighten it enough.”

“Mind if I give it a try?” He held out his hand for the wrench she still held.

She shrugged. Why not? “Be my guest.” She handed it to him and watched as he got down on the floor on his back and worked his torso into the cabinet.

It seemed impossible that his broad shoulders would fit, but he somehow managed to wedge himself beneath the pipes.

As he worked, it was also impossible for Erica not to notice the half of his body that remained in view. His abdomen was sinfully flat, his hips beneath his tight-fitting jeans were lean and his legs seemed to stretch forever. Erica’s grandmother would have called him a tall drink of water…a very nicely built drink of water, Erica thought.

She suddenly became conscious that she’d pulled on her ugliest T-shirt that morning and that the jeans she wore, which had once fit her so well, now hung on her like a layer of skin she was attempting to shed. She couldn’t even remember if she’d brushed her hair yet this morning. Irritation followed on the heels of these thoughts.

She didn’t care what she looked like. She wasn’t trying to impress anyone…especially a neighbor who apparently intended to be more neighborly than she wanted.

Hannah entered the kitchen clad in her pajamas. Peaches followed close behind. “Mr. Man!” she squealed in delight as she spied him beneath the cabinet. Peaches emitted a sharp yip.

Caleb jumped in surprise, clunking his head as Erica had done only moments before. “Ouch,” he exclaimed and dropped the wrench.

“Are you all right?” Erica asked worriedly. This was all she needed, for him to get hurt and sue her. Sure, he could sue her for half her bills, she thought wryly.

“Fine…I think I got it tightened well enough.” With a grunt, he squirmed out from beneath the sink, one hand rubbing his forehead.

“Did you get a boo-boo?” Hannah asked, her little face radiating sympathy.

“Only a small one,” Caleb replied as he stood. He smiled at Hannah.

“I had a big boo-boo, but it’s all well now,” Hannah said.

“Hannah, go get dressed,” Erica instructed briskly. The last thing she wanted was for Hannah to discuss her heart operation with a virtual stranger. Erica didn’t believe in sharing her business with anyone.

Hannah hesitated a moment and sniffed the air. “I smell something yummy.”

Caleb smiled at the little girl. “Donuts.” He looked at Erica. “I thought maybe your mommy could make some coffee and we could all have a visit while we eat the donuts I brought.”

“Oh, boy!” Hannah clapped her hands together. “I love donuts. They’re one of the most bestest foods.”

“Then go change your clothes and wash your face and hands,” Erica said, fighting a renewed burst of irritation. She didn’t want to make him coffee and she didn’t want to “have a visit” with him over donuts.

Still, she supposed it would be boorish of her to toss him out now, and a cup of coffee seemed a small price to pay for a sink that no longer leaked.

“Please, have a seat.” She gestured toward the table. “It will just take me a minute to get the coffee going.”

On any other day, it would have already been made, but the first thing she’d seen upon entering the kitchen that morning had been a stream of water running out from her sink cabinet. So brewing coffee had been forgotten amid the cleanup and the futile attempt to get in touch with Stanley Brown.

Caleb eased down into one of the wooden chairs as Erica began to prepare the coffee. Peaches took her usual position, lying down beneath the table, waiting for any crumbs that might drop over the sides.

“You’re going to need those sink pipes replaced fairly quickly,” he said. “They’re pretty old and corroded.”

“I know.” Erica released a deep sigh. “My landlord has been promising for months to get a plumber over here to look at them.” She turned and smiled at him tightly. “He’s also promised painters, the possibility of a central-air-conditioning unit and a dozen other things as well. That’s Stanley Brown for you…he’s big on promises but not so hot on following through. I’ve tried everything I can think of to get him to comply, but nothing has worked so far.”

“Take him to court,” Caleb suggested. “Nothing like a legal petition to make a landlord comply. Sometimes even the threat itself is enough to get them motivated.”

Erica shook her head. “It’s not worth the hassle. I mean, it’s not as if Stanley is a slumlord. The place just needs a few odds and ends taken care of.” She turned back to the cabinets to get out cups and saucers.

She wasn’t about to tell him that this house was the best thing that had ever happened to Hannah and her. Although not in the greatest shape, the house was their first real home after a long string of apartments. Stanley, knowing the financial burden Erica struggled beneath because of medical bills and the inability to hold a full-time job, had agreed to a monthly rent that was far below market value.

“I’m back,” Hannah announced as she reentered the kitchen. She was clad in a pair of denim shorts and a coral-colored T-shirt and her cheeks were pink from the obvious scrubbing she’d given her face.

She sat on the chair next to Caleb and eyed the red-and-white pastry box. “What kind of donuts did you bring us, Mr. Man?”

Caleb leaned toward Hannah, a gentle smile curving his lips. “I wasn’t sure whether you’d like chocolate, or maybe cinnamon buns, or just plain glazed, so I brought a combination of all kinds.” He opened the box to display the sweets.

“You may have two,” Erica told her daughter as she set a cup of coffee in front of Caleb and a glass of milk before Hannah.

“Two?” Hannah echoed in dismay. She eyed the various kinds and after careful deliberation finally chose a chocolate-covered cake donut.

“Doesn’t Mrs. McMann object to you bringing donuts to neighbors?” Erica asked as she joined them at the table.

“The only Mrs. McMann I know is my mother, and she hates donuts.”

So he’s single, Erica thought. Not that it mattered one whit to her. She wasn’t sure why he was here, why he had brought donuts, but if he was looking for anything remotely resembling romance, he was definitely searching in the wrong place.

“So is there a Mr. Clemmons?” he asked.

“No.” Erica offered no further information. She sipped her coffee and eyed him surreptitiously as he and Hannah launched into a conversation about the joy of donuts.

There was no denying the man’s physical attractiveness. Erica guessed him to be around her age, either late twenties or early thirties. He had bold, well-defined features…a straight nose, a square chin and high cheekbones that accentuated his sensual mouth.

His face was tanned, as if he was accustomed to working outside, and when he smiled, tiny lines radiated from his eyes, starbursts of wrinkles that only added to his overall appeal.

His hair was black, lustrous and shiny, but it was his eyes that were so arresting. They reminded her of distant stars, blue with just a touch of sparkling silver.

She blushed as she realized at that moment they were focused directly at her. “The real-estate agent told me this is a pretty quiet neighborhood.”

“It is,” she agreed, diverting her own gaze down to her coffee cup. Now, if she could just figure out a way to divert the smell of him…a clean, masculine scent that Erica had almost forgotten existed in the world. “Mostly retired people and professionals without children. Hannah and I are sort of the odd ducks.”

“Quack, quack, I’m a duck!” Hannah scooted off her chair. “Look, Mr. Man, I can walk like a duck.” She proceeded to give him her best imitation of a waddling, quacking duck.

Caleb laughed again and the pleasant, utterly male sound sent a small shiver of warmth through Erica. Yet, following the rivulet of warmth came the chill of alarm.

She didn’t want to find this man…or any man…appealing on any level. She didn’t want or need the complications and heartbreak that relationships inevitably brought.

More than that, she refused to allow anyone to break Hannah’s heart. Her daughter had been through enough with her health problems, she didn’t need broken promises and dashed hopes to burden the heart that now pumped in her chest.

“Hannah, get back up here and finish eating,” she said more tersely than she intended. “Even ducks need breakfast,” she added with a smile to take the sting from her sharpness.

“Okay,” Hannah agreed easily and gave Erica one of the sunshine smiles that always made her heart swell with love.

“You aren’t eating,” Caleb observed. He shoved the pastry box toward her.

“I’m not a morning eater,” she replied.

“But she eats a lot at dinnertime,” Hannah quipped.

Caleb laughed, and despite Erica’s embarrassment, she laughed as well. “Dinner is my favorite meal,” she confessed. “My mornings are usually filled with work,” she said pointedly, hoping to hurry him out. He obviously didn’t get the hint. She sighed in frustration as he reached for another donut, apparently in no rush to go.

Caleb got the hint that she was ready for him to leave, but he studiously pretended to be obtuse. He wasn’t prepared to go back to his empty, silent house yet.

Besides, at that moment Hannah launched into a tale about the garden she was attempting to grow in the backyard, a childish litany much like the ones Katie had often entertained him with.

As he gazed at the little girl, whose face was so animated as she told him about the carrots and radishes she’d planted, his head filled with a vision of his Katie.

Physically the two girls couldn’t have been more different, Hannah with dark hair and eyes and Katie, a blond fairy princess with bright blue eyes. Still, Caleb saw in Hannah the same enthusiasm, the same joyous embracing of life that Katie had possessed.

Had Hannah always exhibited such effervescence or had this particular quality suddenly appeared after Katie’s heart had been gently placed in Hannah’s chest? He needed to know this…and so much more. Time, he reminded himself. Time would answer all his questions.

“So, exactly what sort of work do you do?” he asked Erica after he and Hannah had exhausted the gardening topic.

“Bookkeeping here at home. I work for a couple of doctors and a dentist. I take care of their accounts receivable and issue monthly statements for them.”

“Sounds like the best of both worlds,” Caleb said. “You have a nice business, but get to do it here from your home and care take for your daughter.”

She nodded. “Child care is so expensive, I wanted something that would keep me home full-time. I also edit a couple of newsletters.”

“Really? What kind of newsletters?” He leaned forward, surprised to discover himself drawn to this woman, who radiated a cool composure and an aura of intense reserve.

She looked quite pretty despite her tousled hair and face devoid of makeup. She wasn’t the type of striking beauty who would make men turn and stare, but she had a quiet loveliness that was very attractive.