Risk of a Lifetime

‘What’s up?’

‘Oh, nothing. New colleague. He’s a bit...’

‘Useless?’

‘Oh, no, he’s not useless. Far from it. He’s excellent. He’s just—I don’t know. There. All the time.’

What was it with a mother’s radar? She could almost hear the antenna twirling.

‘Single?’

She stuck the fork into her curry and lifted a chunk of chicken up to her mouth.

‘Mum, I have no idea. It’s irrelevant. I’m not interested.’

‘How old?’

She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Thirty? Thirty-two? He’s a registrar.’

And he didn’t wear a ring, which meant nothing, of course, because she didn’t either and she was far from free. Single, yes, but free? Available? Not in this lifetime.

‘So what’s the problem with him?’

Nothing she was about to discuss with her mother!

‘Nothing. There’s no problem. It’s just—settling into a new working relationship. It’s difficult.’

Which was a downright lie, because there was nothing difficult about it. Not professionally. They seemed to work together seamlessly as if they’d done it for years, anticipating each other, communicating without words.

They made a great team.

She just didn’t want to be on the same team as a man like Ed Shackleton, because he played havoc with her hard-won peace of mind, and she resented that.

A lot.

* * *

Ed let himself in and closed the door softly, following the sound of running water to the kitchen.

‘Hi, Marnie. How’re you doing?’

His grandmother dried her hands and smiled fondly at him. ‘All the better for seeing you. How was your first day?’

He laughed softly and hugged her. ‘It was fine. Nice people, interesting cases. How’s Grumps?’

She shrugged, and he saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes. ‘Oh, bit up and down today. You know. Living up to his name.’

He knew only too well, and he hugged her again, rocking her against his chest as she’d rocked him so many, many times over the years.

She let him hold her for a while, then sighed softly and pushed away, her hands, the hands that so many times had wiped away his childish tears, gentle on his chest. He let her go, tipped up her chin and stared down into her eyes. Her own tears now weren’t very far away, and he frowned and tutted softly.

‘I’m here for you, Marnie, you know that, don’t you? Any time, day or night. You just have to call me.’

‘I know that, darling. Thank you.’

He shook his head. ‘Don’t thank me. We’re all in this together. I love him, too, you know.’

‘I know.’ She sighed. ‘I think he’s going to need a wash and a change before we settle him for the night.’

‘OK. I’ll sort him out. You make yourself a drink and sit down and have a rest. You look done in.’

It took him a while to sort out his grandfather. It wasn’t helped by the fact that the old man was a bit feisty and resistant to his physio.

But when Ed tucked him back up in bed, settled him on his pillows and kissed him goodnight, the old man settled back with a sigh.

‘That’s better, Edward.’

The words were slurred, but he knew what his grandfather was saying and it was the nearest he’d get to thanks. His answering smile was a little crooked. ‘We aim to please, Grumps.’

‘Well, go on. All done now.’

Ed sighed and straightened up, the tenuous link broken. ‘Goodnight, Grumps. Sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning.’

There was a grunt, but the old man was already drifting off, and he went out and closed the door softly behind him.

His grandmother was waiting in the kitchen, a cup by the kettle. ‘Tea or coffee?’

‘Oh, tea, weak. I’ve had too much coffee today.’

‘So how was he with you?’

‘OK. Bit argumentative.’ He gave a wry grin, and his grandmother smiled sadly.

‘I don’t know what we’d do without you.’ Her face crumpled briefly. ‘Hideous bloody disease,’ she muttered, a little quiver in her voice. ‘It’s so cruel, so wicked. He used to be such a nice man, so kind and affectionate, just like you. I can’t bear the thought of having to watch you disintegrate like him—’

‘You won’t have to,’ he said firmly. ‘I’ve told you that.’

‘So you have,’ she said quietly, and then she straightened up and looked him in the eye with that way of hers that told him she knew he was lying.

He felt a flicker of guilt and dismissed it. It wasn’t really a lie. She wouldn’t see him deteriorate like his grandfather—but possibly only because she was unlikely to live long enough for the disease to manifest itself. If he’d even got the gene...

He drank his tea, chatted about his day to give his grandmother something to distract her from the topic he was so keen to avoid, and then left her, driving the short distance to his rented house.

He hadn’t needed to rent it. He could have stayed with his grandparents or his parents. Both of them lived within minutes of the hospital, but this had been closer, and he’d used that as an excuse because he’d needed it. It was his sanctuary, his private space, his bolthole from the awful reality that was his potential destiny.

He parked in the carport at the back of the garden and let himself in through the conservatory. It was a lovely evening, a little chilly but he didn’t mind that. He needed the fresh air. He poured himself a glass of wine, took it back out to the garden and dropped into the swing seat, shifting it idly to and fro with one foot and letting his mind drift over the day.

And centre stage was Annie Brooks.

She was older than him. Mid-thirties? Maybe late? He didn’t know exactly, but she was consultant grade and even with his rigid focus on his career he hadn’t got there yet. Just this last rung on the ladder to go and he’d be able to look for a consultant’s post.

Where would he be then?

London? Back to Great Ormond Street, maybe.

Not here, that was for sure. Once his grandfather had gone, there would be nothing to keep him here in this quiet coastal backwater where nothing much ever happened.

At least, it hadn’t in the last thirty-two years, and he had no reason to believe it would happen now just because he’d come home to watch his grandfather die a slow and lingering death.

He sighed, the image of his grandmother’s face as she’d looked at him in the kitchen triggering another twinge of guilt.

Did she really know he was lying?

He hadn’t lied, though. Not exactly, and she wouldn’t have to watch him disintegrate, not unless he got really unlucky. He’d told her he hadn’t had a positive result from the predictive screening test, which was true, because he hadn’t had the result at all.

He’d had the genetic counselling, the blood test, gone through the whole process right up to the bitter end. But he hadn’t taken that last step of hearing his fate, and he didn’t want to. It was his life. He could make his own decisions about it, and choosing whether or not to know the truth about his own destiny was one of them. Not telling his family about that decision was another, but it would stop with him, that wasn’t a lie, because he wasn’t having children.

Ever.

And nor was he taking some poor unsuspecting woman with him on the journey to hell, if that should turn out to be his fate.

His grandmother’s face disappeared, replaced inexplicably by the face of Annie Brooks, and he frowned.

No. No way. He wasn’t touching her with a bargepole. She was too nice, too decent for the only kind of relationship he had in mind. He’d be better off with Kate. At least she knew the rules.

Except he didn’t want Kate.

He wanted Annie, and he couldn’t have her. It wasn’t fair to her. And anyway, she’d made it clear she wanted to put as much distance as possible between them at all times.

Well, thank goodness one of them had some common sense.

He swore softly, drained the wine and went to bed.

CHAPTER TWO

THERE WAS SOMETHING different about him the next day.

Annie couldn’t put her finger on it, and it took her till lunchtime to work out what it was.

He was avoiding her eye.

It had taken her that long to cotton on because she’d been so busy avoiding his, but once she realised it, she felt curiously, stupidly disappointed.

Why? She didn’t want him to look at her, to crowd her space, to be underfoot all the time like he had been yesterday.

Did she?

No!

‘Annie?’

She glanced up to see James Slater, their clinical lead, standing a few feet away, watching her with his head tilted to one side.

‘Oh. Hi.’ She smiled apologetically at him. ‘Sorry, I was miles away. What can I do for you, James?’

‘Nothing. Absolutely nothing, so why don’t you take lunch now while it’s so quiet?’

‘Shh.’ She pressed her finger to her lips, and he chuckled.

‘Superstitious?’

She grinned. ‘Always. But I will grab some lunch while the going’s good. We didn’t have time yesterday, in case you’re running away with the idea that we had an idle day!’

‘No, I gather it was chaos. Sorry I had to bail on you for that meeting. How was Ed?’

Too beautiful for his own good. Or hers.

‘Good. Great. Excellent doctor.’

‘I’m glad about that. I thought he would be. His references were stunning and we were really lucky to get him. Right, off you go before that damn phone rings.’

She grinned again, saluted and went, grabbing her bag from her locker on the way, then hurried outside to go round to the café in the sunshine.

And bumped straight into Ed.

Literally.

‘Aagh!’

She leapt back, clutching at her scrub top and pulling it hastily away from her chest. ‘Sheesh, that’s hot!’ she gasped, flapping the fabric to cool it as the coffee soaked straight through and drenched her.

‘Hell, Annie, I’m sorry. Are you all right?’

He was shaking cappuccino froth off his hand, and she tilted her head and gave him a sarky look. ‘Oh, peachy—apart from being doused in scalding coffee! Why didn’t you have a lid on it?’

‘I did—you squashed it when you ran into it. I’m so sorry. Are you all right? You’re not really scalded, are you?’

She thought about it and shook her head. Her bra was sopping, and the coffee had been hot but not hot enough to damage her. She could feel it cooling down already in the light breeze.

‘Don’t worry, I won’t sue you. I’m just going to be wringing wet and a little fragrant for the rest of the day,’ she said wryly.

‘Yeah, you probably need to change.’

‘Really? I thought I’d wander round like this all day wearing cappuccino—set a new trend, you know?’

‘You don’t have to be sarcastic—’

‘I can be what I like, I’m the one soaked to the skin with it,’ she retorted, but then she gave a despairing laugh and shook her head. ‘Don’t worry, I can find myself some new scrubs. The underwear might be harder.’

‘Ah. Sorry, I can’t help you there. I don’t have my spare bra in my locker today.’

She looked up, a surprised laugh on her lips, and their eyes met and locked, the laughter dying as heat flared between them.

Why were they even talking about her underwear?

She dragged her eyes away. ‘Look, it’s fine. I’m sorry about the coffee, I’ll get you another one while I’m in the café.’

‘Forget it. I’ll get myself another one. Look, why don’t you go and change and we’ll go over there together and I’ll buy you lunch?’

‘Do you have time?’

That wasn’t what she’d meant to say! No, no, no! She should have told him it wasn’t necessary and she’d rather be alone!

Her mouth, however, didn’t seem to be under her control any more, and he cornered her with his next words.

‘I’ve got time. I wasn’t going to bother to eat, but as it’s quiet—’

‘Shush! What is it with everyone today?’

He grinned, his mouth kicking up on one side, and she felt her insides turn over.

‘Go on, hurry up, get changed and we’ll grab a sandwich and eat it in the park. Shoo.’

* * *

She must be mad.

She dabbed the coffee out of her bra—thankfully not a moulded-cup T-shirt bra but just a thin lace one—squashed it dry with paper towels, then pulled on the clean scrubs. It would dry off in time, and she didn’t have any choice.

She checked herself in the mirror, then headed back outside and found him propped against the wall of the building on his phone. He glanced at her, nodded and ended the call, slipping the phone back into his pocket.

‘Better?’

‘I’ll do.’

‘I really am sorry.’

‘As you were kind enough to point out, I ran into you—although technically I wasn’t running.’

‘Almost, but I wasn’t looking where I was going. Why don’t we call it quits?’ he said with a wry grin, and ushered her into the café. Two minutes later they were sitting outside on a bench and ripping open sandwich packets.

‘Coronation chicken or tuna?’

‘Don’t care. I just want to eat it before my pager goes off.’

He split them, handed her one of each and tore open the potato crisps, and she put their coffee down carefully on the bench between them and bit into the first sandwich.

‘So, Annie Brooks, tell me all about yourself,’ he said.

She raised an eyebrow at him. ‘All?’

He grinned. ‘Well, obviously not all. I don’t need to know when you started your periods or what grade you got for your A levels—’

‘Thirteen, and three As. You?’

He threw back his head and laughed. ‘OK. Three As and a B. And I’m still waiting. My mother said it might be a while.’

It was her turn to laugh.

‘OK. I’m...single,’ she said, reluctant to use the word when it wasn’t technically true, because she was definitely in a relationship, albeit with her children. But there didn’t seem to be a box to tick for ‘was engaged to a philandering adulterer who legged it before I could tell him I was pregnant’ so it was hard to find a more appropriate word. And for some reason she didn’t want to tell him about all that.

‘I trained in London, at King’s, and then I worked in various London hospitals, and I’m thirty-six and this is my first consultancy. I work part time, job sharing with Andy, and I work four days a week. Your turn.’

‘OK. I’m thirty-two, single, I trained in Nottingham and I’ve worked in Cambridge and London. My last job was in Great Ormond Street and I’m angling for a consultancy there.’

‘Ah. Hence the Paeds.’

‘Indeed. And I’m definitely full time. With bells on. So, that’s the work thing. How about the rest? Favourite colour, music, film...’

‘OK, my favourite colour is green, I’m vegetarian, a member of Greenpeace, my favourite food is—’

‘Don’t tell me. Peas. Or spinach? Green beans?’

She couldn’t suppress the smile. ‘You guessed.’

‘I sensed a green theme going on and I know for a fact you were lying about being a vegetarian, because you’re eating a chicken sandwich.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘OK. No more prying. Although I wasn’t, really.’

She conceded the point and opened up a little. ‘Actually, my favourite colour probably is green. Look over there at the new leaves on the trees, that brilliant acid green. Isn’t that the most wonderful colour? So full of hope and promise.’

He looked, and with a soft sigh he nodded, his smile somehow sad. ‘Yes. Yes, it is,’ he said quietly. ‘So, if it’s not too personal, why are you here, in Yoxburgh?’

‘Because my family’s here,’ she said honestly but without elaboration. ‘You?’

‘Ditto,’ he said, but there was a shadow in his eyes.

There was a question, as yet unformed, poised on the tip of her tongue when their pagers both beeped.

He pulled his out, glanced at it and stuffed the rest of his sandwich in his mouth as he sprinted for the door, leaving her to deal with the debris of their lunch.

She left their half-finished drinks. She’d had enough coffee-related incidents today without risking another one. It was only when she joined him in Resus and he glanced down at her chest and grinned that she saw the damp imprint of lace on her scrub top. And her nipples, chilly from the light breeze over the damp fabric, had peaked enthusiastically.

She arched a brow primly, covered her top with an apron and pulled on some gloves.

‘So, what have we got?’ she asked him, all efficiency.

‘This is Elizabeth. She slipped and fell over the edge of the kerb. She’s got an open tib and fib on the right and query Colles’ of the left radius and ulna. She’s stable, she’s had five of morphine on the way in and I’ve just given her another five, and she’s very coherent, aren’t you, Elizabeth?’

‘Am I? I don’t feel very coherent. That morphine’s lovely,’ she slurred.

‘Good. We’re just waiting for X-rays to confirm the fractures. Would you do me a favour, Annie, and check the pulse in that foot? I think it’s looking a bit pale.’

‘Sure.’

It was. Pale, cold and she didn’t like the look of it.

‘I’ve got a pulse, but it’s weak.’

He nodded. ‘That’s what I thought. The orthos are tied up in Theatre. I think it might need a little help before they’re free.’

‘Elizabeth?’

‘Oh, Jerry! Thank goodness you’re here.’

‘Sorry, darling, I had trouble parking the car.’ He grasped her good hand and looked up at them worriedly. ‘How is she?’

‘Sore, broken, but she’ll be all right,’ Annie assured him. ‘Her leg’s a bit of a worry. I think the blood vessels might be pinched, so we want to stretch it out a little and line the bones up better.’

He winced, and squeezed his wife’s hand. ‘Will you do it under anaesthetic?’

Ed shook his head. ‘No need, it’s really fast. We’ll give her a sedative and she might moan a bit but she won’t really know anything about it and she’ll come round very quickly. She’s had lots of pain relief.’

‘Morphine. It’s lovely,’ she said, smiling up at her husband and looking utterly away with the fairies.

‘Oh, dear. You always were a lightweight, my poppet,’ he said fondly, and kissed her forehead. ‘She just tripped over the kerb and down she went, just like that. I heard the crack from the other side of the car. Horrible.’

‘Yes, it’s a nasty break, and she’ll need surgery to stabilise it. Right, have we got that ketamine drawn up?’

It took moments. Ed took her foot, Annie took her knee and it was done. Her foot went pink and the pulse was instantly better, with only a little moan to show for it.

Jerry looked a bit queasy for a moment, but he hung on, stroking her hair back from her face and kissing her, and as she came round she smiled at him.

‘It’s all done,’ he told her, and she looked surprised.

‘Oh. That was quick.’

‘That’s us,’ Ed said with a grin. ‘Faster than a speeding bullet. Right, can we have a backslab on that and refer her to the orthopaedic team, please?’

‘The wrist fracture’s undisplaced,’ Annie told him. ‘I think we could just put a backslab on that for now, too.’

He nodded. ‘OK, Elizabeth, they’ll be taking you up to the ward soon to admit you, and then you’ll be going to Theatre to fix your leg.’

‘Will it be all right?’

‘It should be fine, but you might set off the alarms in the airport from now on.’

‘Oh, how exciting,’ she said with a smile, and Annie chuckled, amazed at her optimism and positivity.

Jerry smiled. ‘That’s my girl. Always looks on the bright side.’

But his wife frowned. ‘Not always. Talking of theatres, we won’t be able to go to the play tonight, will we? What a shame. I was so looking forward to it.’

‘We’ll go another time.’ Jerry looked up at them, glancing from Ed to Annie and back. ‘I don’t suppose either of you two can use these?’

He produced a couple of tickets from his jacket pocket and held them out. ‘Tickets for Arsenic and Old Lace at the Yoxburgh Playhouse this evening. We’re obviously going to be otherwise engaged, and it seems a shame to waste them. And if you can’t use them, perhaps you could pass them on?’

‘Of course. Thank you, how kind of you. That’s very generous.’

‘Well, they’re no use to us, and there’s no point in wasting them. And you’ve been very kind. All of you have.’

Ed smiled and pocketed the tickets. ‘Thank you. We’ll make sure they get used. Good luck, Elizabeth. Hope it goes well.’

‘I’m sure it will. Thank you for the morphine. I might have to come back for some more of that, it’s rather nice.’

He chuckled as Kate wheeled the trolley out, but she slowed as she passed and murmured something to him.

He just laughed, and then the doors swished shut and he turned to Annie, his eyes thoughtful.

‘I don’t suppose you’re free this evening? I know Kate is, she just told me, but, to be honest I’m not sure I’m brave enough to take her up on it.’ There was a smile flickering in the back of his eyes, and she laughed softly.

‘She’s not that bad.’

‘If you say so, but I’d much rather take you.’

She tilted her head on one side and studied him searchingly. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Of course I’m serious. Why not? We’ve just been given two free tickets for a very funny play, and frankly I could do with a good laugh and you look as if you could, too. So—are you free to come with me or are you going to make me take Kate?’

Was she free? Free to go, yes, if her mother would babysit, and tonight wasn’t a night she was usually busy. But—free to go out with Dr Gorgeous?

That was an altogether different question and it made her heart beat a little faster.

‘I need to check with my family,’ she said evasively, and his smile softened.

‘Me, too. So, shall we both do that and then confirm?’

‘Good idea. I’ll let you know.’

‘What happened to our coffee, by the way?’ he asked as they walked out of Resus together.

‘Ah. I left it outside. Thought we’d had enough coffee dramas today.’

His eyes flicked down to her chest, and he smiled, sending all sorts of crazy messages to her nerve endings.

‘Probably wise. Want to try again?’

But the red phone and her pager had other ideas, and they headed off in different directions, coffee on hold again.

‘Don’t forget to let me know,’ he called after her, and she nodded.

She still wasn’t sure if she wanted to go. No, she was sure that she did, but she wasn’t sure—at all—of the wisdom of it. Nevertheless, as soon as she could, she rang her mother.

* * *

‘So, are you taking me to the theatre tonight?’

He looked down into Kate’s guileless eyes and smiled wryly. ‘No. I’m taking Annie, if she’s free.’

‘Annie?’

‘Yes, Annie. What’s wrong with that?’

Kate shrugged. ‘Nothing. Just—she’s older than you, and she’ll need a babysitter if her mum can’t do it.’

Babysitter?

‘She’s checking it out,’ he said smoothly, while his understanding of Annie realigned itself in private. ‘And age is nothing to do with it. This is hardly a hot date and, anyway, she’s not exactly ancient.’

‘Well, if you change your mind, I’m definitely available,’ she said, her tempting smile promising to turn it into the hot date of the century.

He wasn’t tempted. Not in the least, which was odd because normally he might well have been, but compared to Annie—well, there was no comparison, and he had to put her straight or life was going to be really difficult.

‘Thanks, but I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ he said gently but firmly. ‘And for what it’s worth, I won’t change my mind. Ever. I’m not in the market, Kate, so you’re wasting your time with me.’

She smiled ruefully. ‘Shame. We could have had fun. Well, if you do change your mind, you know where to find me.’

Did she have no pride?

He went back to work, the word ‘babysitter’ echoing in his head. Funny. She hadn’t mentioned a child. Family, yes, but a child? Not that it changed anything, not for this evening. Or any other evening. He wasn’t going there, he reminded himself firmly. Tonight was a definite one-off.