Полная версия
If He Only Knew...
If he Only Knew…
Debbi Rawlins
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Epilogue
Prologue
H EADS TURNED toward the door of Mist, the chic Manhattan bar where high-priced attorneys hung out after work and didn’t mind paying twenty bucks for a peach martini. Brisk early-spring air rushed into the cozy burgundy-accented room, but that wasn’t what commanded the attention of the tony crowd.
Sara Wells’s heart started a slow, torturous pounding. She didn’t have to look to know who’d just walked in. The last person she’d expect to come to her going-away party. Why would he? After all, she’d been a lowly temporary worker. Showing up wouldn’t help his career or get him in tomorrow’s society pages. And that was about all Cody Shea seemed to live for.
Even so, she’d foolishly wished with all her heart he’d show up. That she’d see him just one more time before she got on that plane tomorrow. God, but she wanted to look. Of course she wouldn’t stoop to even the tiniest peek.
“I want you to know that if you change your mind, the job is still yours.” Dakota, who’d been her boss until an hour ago, slid into a seat across from Sara at the small table.
“What? Oh, um, thanks.” With incredible willpower, she kept her eyes away from the door and stared at the huge green concoction Dakota had set in front of her. Chunks of salt clung to the rim of the glass. “A margarita?”
“You haven’t had a margarita until you’ve had one here.”
Not that she’d tell Dakota, but in truth, she hadn’t had a margarita. She stuck with wine. White, mostly. A glass with dinner since she was seventeen. But not during the last ten months she’d been living in New York. With rent being what it was, she hadn’t been able to afford wine. Not the good stuff, anyway. And she’d rather drink tap water than cheap wine.
Dakota touched her hand, and Sara met her eyes. “I hope Cody isn’t the reason you’re leaving New York.”
“No,” she said truthfully. Her year of “dangerous” living was up. It was time to go home. She sighed. “Does everyone in the office know about my silly crush?”
“No, not even my idiotic brother.” Her smile turned into a slight frown. “Although Cody has been acting pretty strange for the past couple of months.” She gave a small shake of her head. “I told him some of us were coming here for a farewell drink, but I wouldn’t count on him showing up.”
Sara couldn’t help it then. She turned her head slightly, enough to see Cody in his navy blue Alexander McQueen suit, standing at the black polished bar, listening to another attorney from the firm. Staring at her.
Their gazes collided. He didn’t smile. Didn’t look away. Just stared.
Dakota’s gaze followed. “Well, I’ll be damned.”
Sara swung back around to face Dakota, her breathing obstructed by the growing lump in her throat. God, she didn’t understand him one bit. Staring at her like that in front of everyone.
“Won’t this be the topic of conversation in the office on Monday?” Dakota said, her gaze moving between Sara and her brother.
“Glad I won’t be there.” Sara’s mouth was so dry the words almost didn’t come out. She picked up the margarita and took a long cool sip. It was surprisingly good, and not just because she was parched.
Dakota’s lips curved in a wry smile. “Sure you don’t want to stay?”
Sara nodded. “Not that you haven’t been the best boss ever.”
“That could get you a raise.” Dakota studied her for a moment. “You really should think about finishing law school. If tuition is a problem, the firm would—”
Sara shook her head, wanting to tell Dakota the truth. That she not only didn’t need the money, but that she already had her law degree. That most people went to Europe when they graduated, footloose and fancy-free, but that Sara had chosen instead to come to New York and get a traditional job for traditional pay, just to see what it was like to be normal. To not be Sara Wellington, at least for a while. Of course, it didn’t matter now. Tomorrow she’d be on the first flight back to Atlanta. Back to her real life. She supposed she could tell Dakota who she really was, but that would just invite a lot of questions, and frankly, answering them was the last thing she wanted to face at her going-away party.
“Okay, no pressure. I just wanted—” Dakota’s smile widened as she looked past Sara. “Tony’s here. I asked him to stop by.”
“Good. I’d like to say goodbye.” Sara looked over her shoulder. Cody was the first person she saw. Standing closer this time, talking to a paralegal two tables away.
He looked over at Sara and a slight smile lifted the corners of his mouth. She quickly turned away, suddenly warm and not so thrilled he’d come. What would it accomplish? Except to make her wish that they’d had a chance to get to know each other.
But then he would never allow that to happen. Careful about his image and personal life, Cody liked to keep himself removed from the rest of the staff. He was good at it, too. No one would think of approaching him unless it was work-related and absolutely necessary. People who’d worked with him for years didn’t really know him.
Sara’s perception of him had changed one night after hours when she’d overheard him talking to his secretary. The woman had been crying.
Sara’s first reaction was outrage but as she listened she realized the tears had been in gratitude. Cody had spent his own money and time to track down her ex-husband and secure the woman’s delinquent child support payments. His only condition was that the woman agree never to speak of it again.
After that, everything changed, at least in Sara’s eyes. Too bad he never let others see that human side of him. Did he think it made him look weak?
Soft jazz filled the air, and Sara tried to focus on the soothing sound of the keyboard and not Cody. Socializing, talking to his subordinates. Being human. Reminding her of that night four months ago. Better to remember that than if they had hooked up, then leaving would be a hundred times more difficult than it already was.
“I don’t think Tony sees us. I’ll go get him.” Dakota got up. “We’ll be right back.”
Sara nodded, and feeling her throat tighten again, picked up the margarita. The icy coldness soothed the inside of her mouth and the heat that had started in her chest. Now would be the perfect time for Cody to approach her.
The thought had barely crossed her mind when she felt him behind her. She forced herself to breathe as she pulled back her shoulders.
“Hey, Sara.” Wrong voice. It was one of the junior attorneys from the firm who claimed Dakota’s seat.
“Oh, Barry.” What did he want? He’d hardly said a dozen words to her in the past six months.
He hesitated. “You expecting someone?”
“Dakota went to get her fiancé.” Sara casually glanced over her shoulder, ostensibly to look for Dakota. Cody was gone. She twisted all the way around. No sign of him.
“I just wanted to buy you a drink.”
Only a lifetime of Southern hospitality stopped her jaw from dropping to the table. “ You want to buy me a drink?”
He looked a little sheepish and quickly turned to signal the waitress.
“Thanks, Barry, really, but this is going to be my last one.”
“Look, I don’t blame you for being ticked at me. I’ve been a jerk.”
“I hadn’t noticed.”
With his caramel-colored eyes and dark hair he was good-looking when he smiled, but that didn’t happen often. “Dakota told me about the screwup you caught on the Clarkson brief. I was pissed at first.”
“Me being a temp and all.”
“Well, yeah,” he said unabashedly. “Then I heard you caught a mistake Margot made, too. Bottom line, you saved my ass.”
Sara shrugged a shoulder. “Not a problem. I had to type it, so of course I noticed.”
He shook his head. “You had to understand the content to notice. Most of the secretaries have been with the firm for years but couldn’t have caught it on a dare. You’re wasting your time. You should be in law school.”
Sara just smiled. Been there. Done that. Yale. Second in her class. But none of these people needed to know that.
Barry studied her for a moment. “You have plans for dinner?”
“I have to pack. Early flight tomorrow.”
“Where are you going again?”
“Atlanta,” Cody answered for her.
Sara and Barry both stared as he pulled out a chair and joined them.
His knee brushed hers and the slight touch sent her pulse skittering. “Hope I’m not interrupting.”
Barry looked from him to Sara and then back to Cody. “I didn’t know you hung out here, boss.”
“I don’t.”
After an awkward silence, Barry noisily cleared his throat. “Right.” He pushed his chair back. “Okay, well, I guess I’ll be going.”
Cody didn’t say anything, simply sipped from the glass he’d brought with him.
Barry stood. “Good luck to you, Sara. Travel safely.”
She smiled, and then waited until Barry was out of earshot. “You were rude to him.”
“Was I?” Cody’s gaze narrowed and he seemed genuinely surprised.
“If you hadn’t noticed, we’re at a party. My party.”
“That’s why I’m here.”
She watched him stop a passing waitress and order another scotch, shaking her head when he added a margarita. After the woman left, Sara asked, “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Treat people that way.”
He frowned. “The waitress?”
“No, Barry. Other people in the office.”
He leaned back in the burgundy leather club chair, studying her, amusement in his eyes. “You make it sound like I’m an ogre.”
Sara leaned forward, staying locked on his gaze. He didn’t show surprise at her boldness, but she knew it was there. She’d purposely played the stereotypical Southern belle for the past ten months, sweet and accommodating. But she didn’t have to play a part any longer.
Maintaining eye contact, she said, “Number one, you’re aloof, which makes you inaccessible to your employees, and if you have a sense of humor, you hide it well. Does everything have to be all business all the time?”
It occurred to her in a flash of belated insight that she wasn’t angry about how Cody treated Barry. She was pissed at how he’d treated her. Oh, he hadn’t been mean or anything, but he had to have felt the sparks that ignited every time they were together. His being here was proof that she hadn’t been the only one who’d been smitten. So why now? Why not months ago, when she could have done something about it?
The margarita beckoned as the truth hit her once again. He hadn’t pursued her because he thought she was a secretary. A temporary one, at that.
She sipped her drink, her gaze turned away from his, wishing she had left ten minutes ago. Oh, hell. Who was she to judge Cody for being an arrogant snob? That he had sized her up by her appearance? She certainly wanted him based on his.
“That’s it? That’s the whole lecture?” The right corner of his mouth slowly lifted.
“Yep. That’s the whole thing.” She looked away, planning her exit strategy.
Instead of reaching for her purse, however, she made the mistake of looking at him. Dammit. He was doing it again. Staring at her with a hungry intensity that made her want to throw herself at him. It was that very look that had made the last few months such hell for her. That hunger had met her every time he’d come by her desk to drop off a motion or brief for Dakota. He’d lingered, never talking about anything but work and the weather, but the current had run between them, hotter than a live wire.
His secretary had done everything else for him, including getting his coffee and lunch and dry cleaning. So yes, every trip by her desk had been designed to torment and tease. Yet, he’d never taken the next step.
At first, she’d thought it was because they worked together, but the company had no policy about that. She’d found out that a couple of years ago, Cody had dated an attorney who’d since gone on to another firm. So the precedent had existed.
She simply hadn’t met his standards.
The waitress brought his scotch, and he slipped her some money and told her to keep the change. The tip was a large one judging by the younger woman’s eyes, but she didn’t get a smile with it. Had he ever smiled in his life? Not the kind you gave the camera, or what was expected by a client, but a real spontaneous smile?
He adjusted his red silk tie and for a crazy second she thought he might loosen the knot. “You’re a strange one, Sara Wells.”
She blinked at him, confused. “Me? Why am I strange?”
“I can’t put my finger on it, but something’s…off.”
“Pardon me?”
He chuckled, and at the odd sound coming from his mouth she almost slid off her chair. “I’ve known a lot of legal secretaries in my day, and none of them were like you.”
“What were you expecting?”
He shook his head. “So illusive…” he said, but more to himself than her.
“Is that why you came tonight? For one last chance to get your answers?” she asked.
“Maybe. But mostly I came to say goodbye.”
Her heart skidded at the quietness of his voice. “That happy to be rid of me, huh?”
His expression tightened. “No.”
Uncomfortable, Sara glanced around. Dakota and Tony had sat at another table and they, along with everyone else from the office, seemed to be staring in Sara’s direction.
This was nuts. None of this mattered. Not his voice, not his eyes, not even the reason that she dreamt about him night after night. Tomorrow she’d be gone.
She checked her watch, but it didn’t matter what time it was. “I really need to get going. I have so much packing to do yet.”
He didn’t hide his surprise. “It’s early.”
“So is my flight tomorrow.” She got up and grabbed her purse from where she’d left it on the chair beside her. “I’d better go say goodbye to Dakota and Tony.”
“Wait.”
She took a deep breath and turned back to him. The desire in his eyes totally unsettled her.
“You’ll be coming back to New York sometime, won’t you?”
“I doubt it.”
“I see.” He paused. “Well, you did a fine job for us. Thank you.”
Absurdly disappointed, she smiled. “That’s what you paid me for.”
He nodded slowly, looking as if he had more to say.
“Goodbye, Mr. Shea.”
Without looking back, she hurried over to Dakota, the one person in New York she’d truly miss. “Hey, Tony,” she said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Good to see you.”
“I don’t blame you for ditching my brother,” Dakota said, laughing, as Tony got to his feet. “Here, take my chair,” he said. “I’ll get another one.”
“No.” Sara shook her head and waved Tony back to his seat. “I have to go.”
Dakota’s eyebrows went up. “So soon?” And then her gaze drew to Cody. “Did he—?”
“I have an early flight. That’s all.” Sara smiled. It wasn’t as if she’d be missed. She hadn’t clicked with anyone other than Dakota. Not that Sara didn’t appreciate people stopping by, but she also knew many of them frequented the bar on Fridays anyway. “I’ll call you sometime, okay?”
“I’m counting on it.” Dakota stood and gave her a warm hug. So did Tony. They were great together. Opposites in so many ways. And yet, they made it work. Probably because Dakota, unlike her brother, had taken the time to get to know him, just as she had gotten to know Sara, even though she was just a temporary secretary.
“Okay, I have to go before I start crying like an idiot.” Unexpectedly, the tears had started to burn the back of her eyes, which was stupid because she’d known from the beginning she would be leaving now. Life here had gotten so much more complicated than she’d ever dreamed.
She briefly waved to everyone scattered around the bar, careful not to look at Cody, then rushed to the door. Her heated cheeks welcomed the crisp air and she didn’t care that she had no coat, just her tweed suit jacket.
Two cabs on the corner both had passengers and no others were in sight, so she started walking toward Lexington. The light turned red and she slowed down, wrapping her arms around herself. A huge chapter in her life had just ended. An unsatisfying chapter. Not just because being normal hadn’t been all she’d dreamed it would be, but mostly because of Cody.
“Sara…wait.”
Had she imagined his voice? She looked over her shoulder. Cody hurried toward her, his shoulders hunched against the chill, his hands in his pockets. She couldn’t have moved if she’d wanted to. His gaze held her rooted to the spot even as pedestrians swirled around her.
He caught up with her and, taking her by the arm, steered her out of the way toward the bank that took up most of the block. Partially sheltered from the sharp wind that whipped through the canyon of high-rises, she shrunk closer to the gray brick building as she tamped down her foolish hope.
“Did I forget something?” she asked, breathless, annoyed that his face was in shadow.
“No, I did.” He pulled a small Tiffany box out of his pants’ pocket and held it out to her.
“What is it?”
“Open it.”
“But I—” Her heart pounded so hard he had to be able to hear it. All of Manhattan could. “Is this from you?”
He glanced around and pushed a hand through his short, sandy-brown hair. “From the firm. For doing such a good job.”
“Really?” She took the box, her hand shaking a little because she knew he was lying and it made her angry. Couldn’t he be candid for one moment? Not even on her last night in New York?
“Aren’t you going to open it?” he asked when she slipped it into her bag.
“Later.”
He exhaled loudly, cursed, then took a step closer. “It’s from me.”
The smile began in the pit of her stomach and how it managed to pass through the tightness in her chest, she couldn’t imagine. She should be angry. Furious. He was too late. Whatever was in the box would change nothing. Her time was up. She had to go back to Atlanta.
“Aren’t you going to open it?”
She slid her arms around his neck and got up on tiptoe. “This is from me,” she whispered and brought her mouth to his, running her tongue across his lower lip.
His arms came around her and he pulled her against him. He plunged his tongue inside her mouth with passion. She kissed him back with equal intensity even though tears threatened.
Damn him.
She pulled away and was lucky enough to hail a taxi.
She slid inside and wouldn’t look back. What was the point? He’d blown their chance. She’d never see him again.
1
T HE CHIC SALON was still decorated in its signature rose color, each workstation large and private. An abundance of fresh flowers graced the lobby and lounge where juice, Evian and wine were served to the prominent and wealthy clients while they donned silk robes and waited for their grooming services. Not a thing had changed in a year. Only Sara.
“Girl, I don’t know what that guy did to you.”
Sara lifted her horrified gaze to her hairdresser’s reflection in the mirror. How could Chloe possibly know about Cody? No one knew. Except Sara’s sister. And the ladies from Eve’s Apple, the Web site where women went to vent or ask advice about men, anonymously if they chose.
“I could’ve given you a better cut with my eyes closed.”
Sara relaxed. As much as she could. Her nerves were shot from lack of sleep. She’d only been back in Atlanta for a month, but with all the family obligations it seemed like a year.
“I can’t believe you’ve been walking around like this. You should’ve come to see me as soon as you got back.” Chloe’s hair was red this month, her green eyes rimmed with too much black. “Everybody makes a big deal out of New York and L.A. hairdressers. They treat them like frackin’ gurus.” She held up a thick blond lock of Sara’s hair and frowned at the dry ends. “How much did you pay for this highlighting?”
“None of your business.”
“Come on.”
Her experience in New York hadn’t lived up to her expectations. In fact, it’d gone bad. All she’d wanted was to live like anyone else. Earn her keep. What she hadn’t counted on was meeting Cody Shea, and having her life turned upside down. She thought about him way too much as it was, she had no desire to talk about it, not even with Chloe. “Would you forget it, already?”
“How many years have I been doing your hair? How many boyfriends have we gone through together?”
Sara raised her eyebrows.
“Okay, so they were all mine. The point is, I tell you everything.”
“Yes, you do. Whether I want to hear it or not.”
Chloe grinned. “Speaking of which, guess where I’m going tonight?” She paused, and before Sara could hazard a guess, she said, “The French Riviera.”
“Just for the weekend?”
“No, for a whole week. It’s our annual convention.”
“Are we talking hairdressers or nudists?”
“Please.” Chloe set the mixed color solution aside and got out the foil squares. “Like I’d fork out that much money to spend the week with a bunch of prima donnas who think they know more about hair than I do.”
“Of course not.” Smiling, Sara watched her strategically choose strands to highlight and then clip them off to the side.
In the ten years that Sara had known Chloe, she’d gone from a cosmetology graduate to one of Atlanta’s most popular and expensive hairstylists. Admittedly, discovering that Chloe was a nudist had been somewhat of a surprise. Sara couldn’t grasp the attraction. Running around naked, in the stark sunlight, every flaw on full display. The thought alone gave her the vapors.
“Shelby still in Europe?”
“Last I heard. But you know how my sister is.”
“I haven’t read about her in the local papers lately so I figured she was still out of town. Hey, is that a new bracelet?”
Sara automatically touched the row of abstract gold hearts, unwanted memories filling her head. Stupid to even wear the thing, but she hadn’t taken it off since that night. “I got it in New York.”
“But you hate bracelets. You don’t even like wearing a watch.”
“Don’t go too light,” Sara said, eyeing the bowl of color solution Chloe had dipped the brush in and started to work on the pre-selected strands.
“You’re a natural blonde. How light can I go?” Chloe said, as she wrapped a square of foil around the strand.
Sara said nothing. All she’d really wanted to do was distract Chloe from the bracelet. She glanced down at it. Were those really hearts or was that what she wanted to see? She’d browsed in Tiffany’s often, and even had several of the store’s signature gifts given to her tucked away in her drawers, but she’d never seen this style.
“You gonna get that?” Chloe nudged her chin toward the cell phone Sara had left on the counter. The ringing cell phone.
She’d been expecting an important call from her father and grabbed the phone before the call went to voice mail. The second she pushed the button she saw that the call was from New York. Too late. She had to answer. Anyway, it could be Dakota. “Hello?”
“Sara.”
Except that it was Cody. Her throat constricted. For a second she couldn’t speak.
“Sara?”
“Yes.” She looked at Chloe who was staring at her with curiosity. “Um, could you hold on a moment?” She lowered the phone to her side so that he couldn’t hear and struggled to her feet, getting tangled in the cape and tugging it from around her neck.
