The Surgeon's Baby Secret

She followed Ryan’s lead and they said nothing to each other, the understanding already present between them as they entered the elevator and Ryan pressed the button for his floor. As soon as the door closed they were once again wrapped around each other. His lips were on hers. His hands were covering her body. And she was burning up despite the cold, wet clothing covering them both.

As the doors opened they broke apart and with one mutual look their sprint continued hand in hand. One swipe of Ryan’s key and they were tumbling into his room. They reunited in their embrace, but this time there were no restrictions from being in a public place to hold them back. She watched as he pulled away from their kiss and peeled his soaked shirt from his body. It felt like an unveiling as she got to see firsthand what lay beneath.

Nothing disappointed. Every muscle on his body was defined. The tattoo she had seen hints of on his chest was a serpent entwined on a single rod along his right pectoral muscle. It reminded her of the caduceus, the symbol she recognized for medicine, but it was slightly different. Encircling his right biceps was another design. Either way she had never considered tattoos attractive but on Ryan they were explosive.

Before she could enjoy him any further she felt herself being stripped of her drenched top. She had previously been shy about her body, but not with Ryan. The minute she was exposed she wasn’t because he pressed back against her. His mouth rejoined hers but it wasn’t long before he was trailing his lips down her neck to her shoulder. She threaded her fingers through his wet hair and felt her body melting into his.

His hands skimmed her back before she felt the clasp of her bra release and the weight of her breasts released from their confines. Yes, she thought, this was what she wanted. He stepped back from her and she was rewarded by the look in his eye and the knowledge that he was every bit as enthralled as she was. With painstaking precision he eased the garment from her shoulders, down her arms and completely off, before he skimmed her breasts with the back of his hand. It was seduction at its finest. Then without pause he was against her, lifting her, his hands cupping her bottom before resting her on the dresser’s edge. The move had made up for their foot difference in height and she felt even closer to him.

She was finally rewarded with the feel of both of his hands, each cupping a breast and causing electric shocks of want to course through her body to her core. His hands gently caressed her as his mouth returned to her neck, his thumbs occasionally brushing against the peaks of her rigid nipples. She loved every touch, welcomed it as she felt the anticipation of what was still to come.

He paused his tactile exploration and she opened her eyes to see why he’d stopped. His hand was able to completely cover her own tattoo, a small willow tree on her lower left hip. She blinked hard, thinking about what it represented, not wanting to explain its significance, especially now.

“You’re beautiful.”

And she believed him. “Thank you.”

A weeping willow, he thought to himself, and instantly the memory of her vulnerability on the hillside played in his mind. What was he doing? He thought to himself. He wanted her, desperately, but was this fair to her? When he knew she was vulnerable? No, it wasn’t fair to her, and from what he had learned about her so far she both needed, and deserved, someone to be on her side.

“I think we should slow down.” The words were torn from him because it was what his rational thought wanted but not what his body wanted.

“What?” she said. Her eyes dilated in both passion and disbelief.

He couldn’t repeat himself so instead he reached into one of the nearby dressers and pulled out a T-shirt, which he proceeded to cover her with. He needed to cover the temptation she represented—it didn’t work. She still turned him on and now she looked hurt and that was the last thing he wanted.

“I don’t want us to do anything you are going to regret.”

“Why would I regret this?”

He wanted to be as honest as she had been. Because he was a physician and she didn’t know. Because maybe her deeply hidden sadness was making her vulnerable to him. “Because I’m worried I’m taking advantage of you.”

He watched as her arms crossed protectively across her chest and she ran a hand through her hair, which had become wild as it dried from the rain. “In what way?”

“In that I saved your life and maybe you feel indebted to me.”

“I don’t. I’m grateful, but I don’t.”

“Okay, but what about the fact that you admitted you were running away from a disaster in your life?”

“I think that’s for me to worry about.”

“Not just you, Erin.”

“I think I should go.”

He instinctively lifted her down from the dresser he had perched her on and backed away. He watched as she looked at the wet heap that was her shirt and bra on the floor before deciding to leave it and making her way to the door.

She shut the door of her room and collapsed against the back of it before sinking down on the floor. He hadn’t stopped her and he hadn’t followed her, and how she had wanted him to. The worst part was that she believed him and understood why he had stopped.

Ryan saw her as fragile and he didn’t want to take advantage of her. Where had he been three years ago? And how she wished he had been wrong, but the truth was she was still vulnerable. And maybe she would always have that vulnerability that had been born from being broken.

Was she making a good decision with Ryan? She knew she wanted him and wished he hadn’t stopped what had been the most sensual encounter she had ever experienced. But she also couldn’t deny that she wasn’t in a good position emotionally to be making major life choices. But was Ryan that? She had convinced herself last night that he was a holiday indulgence to be enjoyed but after today he felt like more. And what was worse, she actually respected and trusted him more for turning her away. So where did that leave them now?

CHAPTER FOUR

A KNOCK AT HER hotel room door roused her from the late-afternoon nap she had been indulging in. After she had lifted herself from the room’s floor and showered the chill from her body she curled up in the hotel-provided terry-toweling robe, thinking of all the questions she had no answers for.

She fastened the robe’s sash tightly and then made her way to the door. She opened the door slightly to see Ryan, who also looked drier than the last time she had seen him. She opened the door wider and stepped aside to allow him inside. Both her eyes and her nose spotted the bag of food he was carrying.

“I thought I would bring dinner to you.”

She glanced at the room’s clock and realized that her late-afternoon nap had spread well into the evening and it was past eight.

“Thank you,” she said cautiously, not knowing where they stood. “How did you know which room I was in?”

“I saw you last night on your balcony and you’re welcome.” He went ahead and set up his offering on the round table adjacent to the glass balcony doors and she took the seat intended for her.

“Smells delicious,” she remarked, trying to keep their conversation neutral but realizing she was more than happy at his reappearance.

“It’s nice to see you smile. I was worried I had ruined things between us.”

His confession brought out an instant relaxation in her and the awkwardness of the aftermath of the previous encounter dissolved.

“You haven’t.”

“I hope you like traditional Scottish fare. It was what the restaurant recommended and it seemed fitting. Plus they had the bread pudding that you seemed very fond of last night.” He was smiling to accompany the gentle familiarity of his teasing.

“You know what they say about holidays—it’s the time to indulge.”

“Yes.” His voice had changed and contained a masculine huskiness as she realized the other meanings of her words. It was clear that, whatever had happened between them, he still wanted her, too.

“So what are your plans?” she asked, trying to shift the focus from their almost sexual encounter.

He choked on the glass of water he had been sipping from. “Excuse me?”

“For the rest of your time in Scotland,” she amended, realizing he’d thought she had been asking about his plans for her.

“I have a commitment the day after tomorrow and then I have to return to the base. What are your plans, Erin?”

“Today was my last free day.”

“I refuse to accept that.”

“I’m afraid it’s true. I have two days of meetings then I’m flying back to the States the next morning.”

“But your nights are free?”

“That depends. Why did you stop earlier?” She needed to know. She wasn’t prepared to spend more time torturing herself by being with Ryan and wondering how he felt about her and what his intentions were.

“I thought we had covered that.”

“What if I wanted to readdress it?”

“Your tattoo.”

“What?” She didn’t understand his comment.

“Your tattoo.”

“Considering your own ink, I’m surprised you have a problem with a woman having a tattoo.”

“I don’t. I actually think it’s beautiful. You can tell that you had it placed for only you to see.”

“I did.” How did this man read her so well?

“It’s a weeping willow, and it reminded me that the one thing I don’t want to do is hurt you.”

“So don’t.” She was rewarded with his smile. “Did you know weeping willows are known for their tenacious roots that continue life, but the trees themselves are also a symbol of compassion? My tattoo symbolizes tenacity and compassion, both qualities of the weeping willow and both qualities I strive to possess.”

“You don’t think you already do?”

“I think, to be the person I want to be and the physician I want to be, I need to work on both.”

“I like you the way you are.”

It was what she needed to hear after years of being not enough for a husband who hadn’t valued or loved her. Ryan’s words empowered her. “Thank you. I feel the same way about you. What if I told you you were what I needed? Would that change your mind?”

“Explain.” She saw him shifting in his chair and knew she had gotten through to him.

“Maybe what I need is time with a man I respect and who actually renews my faith in men and maybe myself.”

“I’m a soldier, first and foremost. I couldn’t promise you anything.”

“I don’t want you to promise me anything. I’ve been promised the world by a man and it didn’t work out. So you don’t need to worry about not giving me a promise for forever because even if you did I wouldn’t accept it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He stood from his chair opposite her and she took a deep breath of anticipation until he started walking away from her. “If you are still sure tomorrow then I’ll pick you up at seven tomorrow night. If you change your mind, please just stand me up so that I don’t try to change it back.”

She watched mutely as he walked away and then was surprised when he suddenly turned back. She felt him lift her from her chair and gather her in his arms before his lips made contact with hers. It was hot, it was hard and it was every bit as passionate as she wanted. When he broke away she was gasping for air but still not wanting it to have ended.

“Just in case you needed a reminder. Good night, sleep tight.”

How was she ever going to make it until seven tonight? A restless night, thinking of the possibilities, had left her completely devoid of sleep. Added to that, she seemed to have forgotten the skill of being able to sit through hours of seminars and she had no ability to focus on the lectures being presented. The International Society of Obstetrics and Gynecology conference had been her original reason for the trip to Scotland but now it was the furthest thing from her mind.

She had been elected to sit on a discussion panel throughout the conference to provide a perspective on both the American experience and the experience of the younger generation of obstetricians and gynecologists. At the time it had been an honor, but now all she could think of was Ryan.

“Dr. Dufour.” A voice cut into her thoughts and she instantly recoiled inwardly. She had registered for the conference before her name had legally returned to her maiden name of Madden.

“Yes,” she answered reluctantly.

“What has been your experience in the States with single embryo transfers to reduce the rates of multiple births in infertile couples?”

She did her best to shift her focus away from the nervous anticipation of the upcoming night and back to her original purpose for being in Scotland. She needed to focus on her work, particularly as infertility was her area of interest and she was looking for a fellowship in that area after graduation.

She straightened her navy blazer and took a sip of water before turning on the power to the microphone in front of her. “The single embryo transfer program is a much better option for women whose treatment cycles are funded through government insurance programs. In the United States women still pay out of their own pockets for their cycles, most of the time taking on significant debt for the chance at a baby. Given those circumstances, it is hard to convince them to transfer just one embryo.”

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