Past, Present And A Future

Laura glanced toward the doorway. “Dave must be checking on dinner.” She leaned toward Clare. “Your book is fantastic, Clare. I’m almost finished it. But I have to tell you, everyone’s been talking about it.” She paused a beat. “You know.”

“Know what?”

“C’mon Clare. This is me, Laura. You don’t have to play dumb. It wasn’t very hard to figure out you were writing about Twin Falls. I mean, except for the description of the town and the name changes, it’s all there.”

Clare glanced toward the entrance hall, wishing Dave would appear with their drinks. She’d known this moment was going to happen but trust Laura to get to it right away. “It’s not a secret that some of it is gleaned from here.”

“But how did you get the nerve? I mean, when you and your mother moved away, you swore to put everything behind you.”

“We both know that none of us can really forget what happened, Laura.”

“Well, I have. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to live here.”

“I wondered about that. But then, you weren’t really involved—” Clare broke off when Dave, carrying a tray of glasses and a wine bottle, appeared in the doorway. To her relief, Laura let the subject drop as well, and they made small talk—catching up on the events of the past two years—until dinner.

When dinner was ready, Clare sat at the dining-room table. She watched Dave and Laura bustle back and forth from the kitchen, realizing that she’d never seen Laura in such a domestic context. After high school, they’d gone on to different colleges and settled in different states, keeping sporadic contact with one another via telephone or e-mail. There was a time, Clare thought with some chagrin, when the idea of her best friend cooking a roast-beef dinner with all the trimmings would have amazed her. And, added to this surprising picture of domesticity, was the whole new dimension of motherhood.

A sense of being left behind swept over Clare. She had other friends who were married with children, but none who shared the bond of childhood and adolescence with her. Her friendship with Laura had not been a perfect one, but it had been constant.

Clare was thrilled to see Laura with a new baby and a husband who adored her, but the blissful scene made her own personal life seem so bleak. There was no special man in the picture, much less the prospect of a husband. As for babies…well, maybe in the distant future. Perhaps her life might have followed the same track as Laura’s if only she and Gil Harper had not broken up. That sudden thought made her feel even worse.

“Dave, can you bring the veggies?” Laura stood in the doorway of the dining room, calling back into the kitchen.

Clare fixed a cheerful smile on her face, and asked, “Are you sure I can’t help with anything?”

Laura continued on into the room and set a platter of roast beef on the table. “Thanks hon, but we’re fine. Just plain food tonight, but tomorrow we’ve got a sitter and reservations at the hot new place in town.”

“You mean there’s another ‘in’ place besides The Falls Steak and Grill?”

Laura smiled. “Thank goodness. Twin Falls can now boast a three-star restaurant. It’s called Serendipity and the food’s wonderful.”

“I hope you’re going to let me treat.”

“We’ll discuss that later,” Laura said, sitting down across from Clare. Dave returned with the vegetables and began to carve the roast.

Clare stared at her two old friends, feeling she’d been pulled back to her adolescence and another Sunday dinner with Laura’s family. An only child, the split-up of Clare’s parents and subsequent divorce had been tough. But her friendship with Laura and her acceptance in the Dundas household had been a comforting refuge from loneliness.

During dinner Laura and Dave filled her in on the changes in town and Clare recounted the story—now oft repeated—of her latest book and its huge success. Dave was in the kitchen making coffee when Clare asked, “Has he made up his mind yet about the godfather?”

Laura didn’t answer at first. She cocked her head and frowned. “I think I hear Emma.”

At the same time, Dave poked his head through the kitchen doorway. “I hear Emma on the intercom.”

Laura jumped up. “I’ll be back after I’ve changed and fed her, Clare. And you’re not to do any dishes. Not tonight, anyway.” She smiled, stooped for a quick hug and dashed from the room.

Clare waited a few more seconds, then got up and began clearing the rest of the dishes. After she and Dave had retreated to the living room with coffee, Laura brought in the baby, holding her proudly in front of Clare.

“This is Emma, your goddaughter.”

Clare peered down into the small pink face. “She’s so cute! And she’s going to be a blonde I bet.”

“That’s what we think. Dave’s hair was pretty fair until he was in high school and even though I give mine some help, my natural color’s sort of what they call dishwater blond.”

“I never could figure out what that was supposed to mean. Any dishwater I always saw was gray.”

Laura giggled. “Anyway, she hasn’t got enough hair yet to tell for certain.”

“I don’t know much about babies, but isn’t it too soon to predict hair and eye color?”

“Want to hold her?”

“Oh, well…”

“Come on, don’t be scared. Just hold out your arms and I’ll tuck her into them.”

Clare leaned against the back of the chair. She didn’t really want to hold the baby, who seemed awfully small, but suspected such feelings were inappropriate for a godmother. Still, the soft bundle wrapped in a fleecy blanket was surprisingly solid. Emma’s dark blue eyes stared unblinkingly up into Clare’s face.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

Clare looked up and grinned at Laura. “Feels different. Warm. And nice, too.” But she was ready to hand her back and when Emma scrunched up her tiny face, Clare quickly passed her over to Laura. Then she remembered the question she’d asked earlier. “So Dave, who did you finally decide on for godfather?”

Dave and Laura exchanged a look. “I had a heck of a time,” Dave began. “Mainly because my good buddy from college is over in Afghanistan right now, so that ruled him out. Then I was going to go with Cal Rubens. Remember him?”

Clare shook her head.

“He was a year ahead of me at Twin Falls High. He runs a health-food store. I left work early today to ask him, but on the way I happened to bump into someone I haven’t seen in a long time.” Dave leaned forward on his chair. “I want you to know, Clare, that this was a completely impulsive and last-minute decision on my part. I’m not as organized about these things as Laura is.”

“So who is he? Is he coming to dinner tomorrow night?”

“I’ve asked him, but he wasn’t sure. He…uh, said he would pop around tonight though.”

“And his name—?” Clare smiled wishing Dave would get to the point.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang, setting Emma into a wail. Dave jumped up and headed for the front hall while Laura walked back and forth, patting Emma on the back. Clare heard the low rumble of male voices.

Dave came back into the room an anxious expression on his face. Behind him stood the last person on earth Clare wanted to see in Twin Falls.

CHAPTER TWO

THE SAME, yet different. That much registered for Clare in the next five seconds as she stared at Gil Harper.

He had already reached his growth potential of six-two seventeen years ago, but he’d been almost eighteen then—lanky and loose-limbed in scruffy Levis and bulky sweatshirts. This Gil with his broader shoulders, wearing pressed jeans, a denim shirt and a black leather jacket, looked like a candidate for GQ’s Man of the Year award.

His charcoal-gray eyes stayed on Clare a moment longer before turning their gaze to Laura who was hovering at his left with Emma. He murmured a greeting and peered down at the baby in her arms. “This is the famous Emma, I presume.” He gave the baby a tentative smile, but his attention quickly shifted back to Clare. She rose unsteadily from the armchair.

“Hello, Gil.”

“Clare,” he said with a formal nod. “You’ve changed as much as the rest of us, I see. Your hair’s shorter.”

“It’s been a while,” she said, wondering if her voice sounded as peculiar to everyone else as it did to her at that moment.

“Would you like a brandy, Gil? Clare?” Dave asked.

“I…uh, really can’t stay long,” Gil said.

“I’ll have one,” Clare said. A large one.

“Glass of milk for me, please,” said Laura. “Surely you can stay long enough for a drink, Gil? At least until we go over the plans for Sunday.”

He shrugged. “Okay, then.”

Dave gestured to the couch, next to Clare’s chair. “Have a seat, Gil. I’m sure you and Clare have a bit of catching up to do. Laura, want to help me in the kitchen?”

Laura took the hint and, with the baby, followed Dave from the room. Clare remained standing until she accepted the fact that she hadn’t fallen asleep after dinner and awakened in a bad dream. Gil Harper wasn’t going to vanish before her eyes no matter how much she wished he would. She sat on the edge of the chair, ready to bolt if necessary.

He loomed in front of her a fraction longer before sitting on the couch. She watched him from the corner of her eye, noting from the rigid way he perched that he was just as uncomfortable as she was.

“I assume this has caught you by surprise, too,” she said.

“Definitely. As a matter of fact, I was asked to be godfather at two o’clock this afternoon when I met Dave on Main Street.”

“Same old Dave.”

“Apparently.”

He shifted on the couch turning toward her. “Congratulations on your new book.”

“Thank you.”

“I just finished it. Very…gripping,” he said, after a slight pause.

“You bought a copy?”

“Of course. I have your first one, too—Frankie and Me. I liked it very much. You always had promise as a writer.”

“Inspired by English class with Miss Stuart.”

He smiled for the first time. “Yes. I wonder if she’s still teaching.”

“Hmmm.” Clare wished Dave and Laura would return so they could make plans for Sunday and she could leave.

“I hope you understand that I had no idea you were even in Twin Falls,” he went on. “I just got here myself a couple of days ago to clear out my dad’s house.”

“Has your father moved into a retirement home?”

“No, he…uh, he died of a stroke about three weeks ago.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Gil. And your mother?”

“Heart attack, five years ago. How about your folks?”

“Mom’s in New Jersey with her second husband. Dad’s still in California with his second or third wife. Can’t recall which.”

“Your mother remarried? Good for her.”

Clare thought back to the day four years ago when her mother called to announce her upcoming marriage to someone she’d met only a year before. She’d been surprised at the news and at first, had tried to persuade her mother to simply move in with the man.

“I’m still an old-fashioned woman, Clare,” her mother had said. “And this is the time of my life when I need companionship more than ever. Besides, the fact is, I love Hank.”

Love. One thing to write about, quite another to experience. Clare sneaked a sideways glance at the person she’d once thought she loved. His hands—once so familiar—rested on his knees. She didn’t see a wedding ring.

As if reading her mind, he suddenly asked, “What about you, Clare? Are you married or engaged?”

She felt her face redden. “No.”

He nodded and conversation skidded to a halt. Clare was about to excuse herself to find Laura when Dave came back into the room with a tray of drinks.

“Sorry to take so long, but Laura wanted to get Emma to sleep. She’ll join us in a minute or so.” He passed large brandy snifters to Clare and Gil and, taking one for himself, sat opposite them in a wing chair. “Cheers!” he said, raising his snifter. “To old friends.”

Clare and Gil raised their glasses, though neither echoed his toast.

Dave cleared his throat. “So, Clare, what time is your book signing tomorrow?”

“Ten o’clock.”

“You’re having a signing? Where?” Gil asked.

“There’s a new bookstore in town—at least, new to me. Called Novel Idea.”

“It’s been here a couple of years, I think,” Dave said. “It’s on Spruce Street, near Main.”

“I’ll have to drop by.”

Great, Clare thought. Let’s get right into the whole horrible reunion thing.

“We’re not sure if we can go,” Dave said. “We still have a lot of running around to do for the christening luncheon on Sunday. And speaking of the christening, there’s not a lot you two have to do. It’ll be at the Methodist church, still in the same place—” he gave a slight laugh “—at eleven. We’ll save seats for you at the front. There’s another christening that morning, too, so the church may be crowded. Basically all you have to do is follow the pastor’s instructions. One of you will hold Emma for the blessing. Then we’ll have family and friends come back here for a buffet lunch. There won’t be too many people.”

“Sounds good,” Gil said, standing up and setting his empty glass on the coffee table. “So I’ll see you on Sunday morning.”

“Are you leaving?” Dave got to his feet, his brow creasing.

“I should. Still have some packing up to do before the cleaners come in tomorrow.”

“We were hoping you’d join us for dinner tomorrow night. I’ve made reservations for four at a new place in town. It’ll be like old times,” Dave added.

Clare tensed, hoping Gil would decline.

“I don’t know, Dave. I really shouldn’t.”

“Shouldn’t what?” Laura asked from the entrance to the living room. She walked over to the table where Dave had placed the drink tray and picked up her glass of milk. “You’re not leaving already, Gil?”

“Lots to do, Laura. The cleaners are booked for tomorrow afternoon and I’ve still got a lot to do.”

“But you’ll come tomorrow night? It’s all arranged.”

There was a long silence until Gil murmured, “Sure. That sounds fine.”

Clare sighed. There was no stopping Laura when she set her mind to something. She downed the last of her brandy and rose to go.

“Clare, not you, too!” Laura protested.

“I’m sure you and Dave will appreciate an early night, Laura. I’m tired myself and I have to be up early.”

“Where did you say you were staying? Want to come here for breakfast?”

Clare smiled at Laura’s love of making plans for other people. “I’m at the old Falls View Hotel, can you believe it? Though it’s had a bit of a makeover since I lived in town. Thanks for the offer of breakfast, but you’ll be busy enough.” She headed for the entrance hall and picked up her purse from the small table there. Her suit jacket was slung over a nearby chair and she draped it over her arm.

“Are you driving?” Gil asked, hovering at her elbow.

“Yes. I rented a car in New York.”

“How’d you like to give me a lift? I had an errand in town late this afternoon and decided to get some exercise by walking here. I could call a cab but…”

Clare hesitated. They were all looking at her and she couldn’t think of a good excuse. “Sure,” she murmured. She hugged Dave and kissed Laura on the cheek. “See you tomorrow.”

Laura held on to her by the forearm and whispered, “Are you sure this is okay? I mean, Dave can give Gil a ride.”

Clare watched Dave and Gil step out onto the porch. Keeping her voice low, she said, “No, it’s okay. I just wish I’d known about this godfather thing.”

“I’m sorry, Clare. I didn’t know myself until this afternoon just before you arrived. Will you manage? Want me to see if Dave can get out of it? I mean, he’s the person responsible.”

Clare guessed Gil would jump at the chance to be relieved of his duties. But a change now would be embarrassing for everyone, especially Dave. “No, no. Don’t worry. We’re both adults now.” She went out to the porch.

Both men turned around as she walked past them down the steps and headed straight for her car. She heard Gil following virtually on her heels while calling out a last goodbye. He didn’t speak until they were buckling up their seat belts and the engine was running.

“I hope this isn’t an inconvenience.”

Now he worries about that. Clare mumbled a no and pulled away from the curb, craning back to see Laura and Dave waving from the porch. Her glance took in Gil, staring straight ahead.

His profile was all angles and sharp edges, from the slightly hawkish nose to a jaw more formidable than the one she recalled. He’d always had a dark, broodish air about him and the years had further defined that quality. His long fingers drummed nervously on his kneecaps and for an unsettling second Clare had a vivid memory of those fingers on her, tracing an invisible line up and down the inside of her arm. He used to tease her about how ticklish she was there and liked to hear her beg him to stop.

She felt a sudden chill and clicked on the heat, tempted to also turn on the radio to fill up the tense silence. When he mumbled something about the weather, she was torn between relief that she didn’t have to think of anything to say and sadness that small talk was all they now had between them.

When she braked at the first stop sign, Gil asked, “Do you remember how to get to my place?”

“Oh, yes,” she said, aware at once of the edge in her voice.

“Will you be staying long?”

No longer than I have to, she wanted to say. “Until Monday. I’ve another signing in Hartford.”

More silence. “Have you gotten any feedback about your book from people here in Twin Falls?”

“Just Dave and Laura. I don’t keep in touch with anyone else from the old gang.”

“Me, neither.”

She drove into the housing tract where she, Laura and Gil had grown up. Gil’s house was at the farthest edge of it, just before the Visit Again sign where the road turned into highway. But when she turned onto Glendale Road, expecting to see the rows of bungalows she remembered, Clare was shocked. Scarcely half a dozen remained, including Gil’s father’s place at the very end.

“Good heavens!” Clare exclaimed, pulling over to the curb.

“Surprised?”

“Shocked.” She turned to look at him. “I guess I expected it all to look the same.”

“Unfortunately Twin Falls hasn’t escaped the tear-down epidemic of the big city. It’s a real commuter town now.” Gil stared out the window at his childhood home. “I don’t anticipate any problems selling the house.”

Struck by the tone in his voice, she asked, “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“I guess. Just that the place is my last link to Twin Falls. Once it goes…”

He didn’t need to finish. Clare knew exactly what he meant to say. “But isn’t that also a good thing?” she asked softly.

His face, turned to hers, was impassive. “Do you think so?”

Clare’s eyes held his a long uncomfortable moment before flicking back to the windshield and the street beyond. She wasn’t certain what he meant, but suspected he was veering the talk onto shaky ground and decided to keep quiet. The silence in the car became so stifling she had to put the window down. The engine idled gently at the curb.

“What part of New York do you live in?” he suddenly asked.

“Chelsea.”

“Oh, yeah? Nice area.”

Another pause. He seemed in no hurry to get out of the car. “And what about you?” she asked. “Where do you live now?”

“New York.”

“New York City?”

His eyes met hers. “Yes.”

Clare looked away. She couldn’t believe the man she’d been trying to forget for the last several years had been living under her nose. Well, sort of. Give or take a few million other people. Still, what perverse hand of fate had led both of them to the same city?

“I’ve got a condo on the East Side,” he went on.

When she found her voice, she asked, “How long have you been there?”

“About five years. I got a job at a law firm in Manhattan a couple years after I was called to the bar.”

Clare jerked her head back to him. “You’re a lawyer?”

A faint smile crossed his face. “Yeah. Ironic, isn’t it?” Then he pushed down on the door handle. “Thanks for the lift, Clare. See you tomorrow.” His long legs swung out and, without looking back, he closed the door behind him.

Clare sat unmoving until he disappeared inside the small bungalow. How strange life is, she mused. Gil Harper—once suspected of murdering his ex-girlfriend—now a lawyer.

“COFFEE?”

Clare raised her head from the book she was signing. One of the store clerks was standing at her left side. “Yes, please. Double double.”

The clerk grinned. “Gotcha,” and vanished into the cluster of people milling around the table. Clare smiled at the middle-aged woman waiting in front of her and pushed the novel across the table.

“Thank you very much,” the woman said. “I bought it for my daughter. I thought she’d be interested in knowing Twin Falls can boast a real live author. We just moved here from Hartford and she thinks it’s like living on another planet.”

Clare figured the daughter was closer to the truth than the woman could have imagined. And at that moment, she was feeling neither real nor alive. It was eleven-thirty and she’d only signed about twenty-five books, which wasn’t bad for a bookstore in a place the size of Twin Falls, but already her fingers were cramped, her back ached and her stomach was rumbling. Yet how could she complain? Each book she signed contributed to the royalty checks that supported her now that she’d left teaching for a full-time writing career.

The clerk returned with a take-out coffee and set it near her elbow. “Anything else?’ she asked.

“Maybe another right hand.”

The younger woman smiled and left Clare to it. She signed three more books and, as the line began to dissipate, sipped slowly on the coffee and closed her eyes, waiting for the jolt of caffeine to course through her.

“You look tired.”

Clare’s eyes flew open at the familiar voice. Gil Harper was standing in front of the table. In his black cords, dove-gray crewneck pullover and leather blazer—all complimenting his ebony hair and dark eyes—he was drawing quite a few glances from nearby women. He held a worn copy of her book and handed it to her when she set her coffee down.

An inscription of some kind was necessary, of course. What would Miss Manners recommend in such a situation? Thanks for the memories? Or, Great while it lasted? Her pen poised above the dedication page with its “For Old Friends and New.” Clare had an inspiration. Writing Gil’s name above the dedication line, she simply signed her name below. When she passed the book back to him, he took a second to study the page.

Then he raised his head and quipped, “At least it doesn’t read “‘Old Friends and Enemies.’”

The smile Clare attempted struggled against her frozen cheek muscles.

“Did Laura mention what time we’re supposed to meet tonight?” he asked.

“Tonight?”

“Dinner. At the new restaurant. Can’t recall the name. Serenity or something.”

The smile tugged harder at the corners of Clare’s mouth. “Ah yes. Serendipity. I…uh…I think reservations are for six.”

He nodded, continuing to check her out. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

She knew what he meant, but played dumb. “What?”

“My coming along. Maybe you’d rather be with them on your own.”

She ignored the hook he was dangling before her. No way was she going to get into that debate in a public place. “I think Laura’s counting on both of us.”

“Well, Laura can’t be let down.”

Clare caught his fleeting grin and broke into a full smile. “True enough.”

Someone jostled him from behind. “See you tonight then,” he said before walking away.

She kept her eyes on him until his broad back disappeared in the bustle of shoppers and store clerks. When she turned to take the next book, she saw a young man with notebook and pen in hand standing patiently in front of her.