One Month to Become a Mum

Stacey seemed appeased by this, but her twitchy demeanour and puffy red face gave Jessie cause for concern. She leaned forward and touched her hand. ‘Is there anything else?’

Stacey shook her head, reached for a tissue, wiped her eyes and the boy’s nose. ‘We should go, I suppose, you’re busy.’

But instead of standing up, Stacey stayed where she was, tears refilling her eyes. As she wrung her hands in her lap, her knee jerked up and down apace. ‘Kyle, please for once sit still.’

Ignoring the flashing on her computer announcing that her next client had arrived, Jessie waited. Stacey needed time and space. Phooey to Luke, Patron Saint of Perfectly Run Clinics. Sometimes patients needed extra attention. ‘Are you worried about something, Stacey?’

Stacey’s hand hovered over her mouth as if holding her words in. She bit her lip and looked away. ‘I missed a period.’

‘You think you might be pregnant?’ Jessie lowered her voice to prevent Kyle hearing.

‘Yes. I have sore boobs and I feel sick pretty much all of the time.’ Stacey’s chin quivered. ‘Just like last time.’

‘And you’re not happy about it?’

‘No. My husband’s just left me. I can’t cope with two kiddies on my own.’ She looked over at her three-year-old now sitting on the floor engrossed in The Monster Book of Dragons. ‘I can’t cope with one. I don’t think I want this.’

‘I understand.’ Jessie nodded and a lump wedged under her diaphragm, pressing deep, catching her breath. Dealing with pregnant mums always brought back an echo of the sadness that had lingered in her bones far too long.

It was the small details that had surprised her the most; how, in the pregnancy books, foetal development was measured in terms of fruit. The size of a strawberry, then a lime, then a grapefruit. She used to joke about how she was going to give birth to a fruit salad.

And how being pregnant had been like carrying the happiest secret ever. And that as her belly had swelled so had her heart. Chock full of love for someone she’d never even met.

She squashed the swell of emotions rising in her chest. Now was not the time to remember these things. She would never let her own experiences interfere with her practice. Stacey needed a coherent, competent doctor not a gloomy one.

‘The thing is, I wanted a baby, my husband didn’t.’ Stacey’s lip wobbled. ‘I thought I could convince him, but all we did was argue.’

‘Sometimes life gets hard, Stacey. I know. Truly.’

Stacey ripped a tissue into fragments and let them drop onto her lap like a tiny snowdrift. ‘I can’t have a baby. It’s not the right time. I don’t know what I’m going to do.’

‘Whatever happens, you’ll get through this. Trust me.’ It did get easier, she knew that from painful experience. It was amazing what you could survive.

Jessie picked up the tissue scraps and put them in the bin, then took hold of Stacey’s hand. ‘Let’s not jump ahead of ourselves. First, I’ll get Maggie to do a pregnancy test.’

‘Oh, no.’ The colour drained from Stacey’s blotchy face. ‘Not Maggie. She’s my husband’s aunt and word spreads so fast here. North Beach is a small town. Small minds make big gossip, my mum used to say. I don’t want him knowing. Not yet. Not until I’ve got my head around it. Please don’t tell anyone.’

‘Of course not, although I will have to write something in your notes. But seeing as this is Kyle’s consult, I can’t think why anyone would need to look at your information. Rest assured, Stacey, I’m here to help. And I won’t tell a soul.’

Luke regarded the view of the swamp pixie’s taut derrière as she stretched to the back of the drug cupboard, and tried to ignore the fizz of heat in his abdomen.

What the heck was going on with his body these days?

He almost groaned in frustration. Weird. He couldn’t remember his hormones ever being this out of sync with his brain.

He battled against this unfamiliar surge of lust. Yes, she was hot. But there were plenty of hot women around.

It felt like over the last two years every emotion had been caught in a weird freeze-frame and now someone—Jessie—had flicked a switch on his awareness scale. And it had spiked.

Inconvenient. And temporary, he’d make sure of that. Dragging back the memory of her odd behaviour that morning, he attempted to activate his ‘off’ switch. As he glanced at her butt again the switch refused to budge.

Damned irritating. All his knowledge of Jessie so far suggested she was a typical, selfish drifter type. Just like Chloe. Endlessly appealing and ethereal. Promising everything and giving nothing. Oh, except a baby to look after.

Professional courtesy deemed he remove his eyes from Jessie’s backside and make polite conversation. ‘How’s it going? Got over this morning’s drama?’

Jessie twisted and peered up at him. The tight corkscrew hair had softened and tendrils framed her face, giving an almost angelic impression. Apart from an odd milky smudge on her shoulder and a large stain on her knee. And the far from angelic stare.

The pulse at her slender throat beat a rapid tattoo and it took a mammoth effort not to place his hand on it, count the beats, touch her skin. But he managed it.

An eyebrow rose as she spoke. ‘Um. What? Sorry?’

‘Ah, nothing. Forget it.’

‘Forgotten already.’ She turned her back to the cupboard and fumbled in her pocket. Then quickly walked away. Was it his imagination, or were her cheeks red?

He watched Jessie’s quickened pace down the corridor. Her delicate way-too-grown-up blouse pulled across a taut ridge of shoulder muscle, and her clenched fists, the jerky movement of her hand to her pocket all sounded alarm bells in his head.

She didn’t look flustered, she looked hunted. He’d seen that look on a woman’s face before—when he’d discovered Chloe’s one-way plane ticket out of North Beach. Her get-out-of-jail-free card, she’d called it. Free? He’d unwittingly footed the bill when she’d borrowed his credit card.

Still, hunted was not at all how he expected a locum to act. Something in her manner didn’t add up. ‘Did you find what you were looking for, Jess?’

She slowed, but didn’t stop. Her hand curled next to her trouser pocket. ‘It’s Jessie. Or Jessica. No one calls me Jess. I don’t like it. I’m. Fine.’

‘You sure?’

Swivelling on her heel, she pierced him with dark blue eyes, the flush of her cheeks now a rash down her neck. A frown etched deep across her forehead. ‘Luke, I’m busy.’

He glanced at her slim fingers as they stole into her pocket. She was hiding something. His pulse jittered.

Keep calm. It may just be nothing. ‘You’ve just seen Kyle Phillips, haven’t you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Everything okay? Didn’t need anything for him?’

‘No.’ She threw him a tight smile and tapped her watch. ‘Got to go. Don’t want to upset the time police.’

As she turned she stumbled against the wall. ‘Stupid heels.’

A packet fell from her pocket to the floor as she edged down the corridor.

‘Hey, you dropped something.’

‘Oh.’ It was more a sigh than a word. She bent to the floor at the same time as he did.

His hand covered the packet.

Her hand covered his and her heat infused his skin. His gaze shot to her face. Wide blue eyes stared up at him. Her teeth bit into her bottom lip.

She shook her head, a tiny movement that shouted, Don’t ask.

He didn’t. He couldn’t. Words lost their way from his brain to his mouth.

God, she was lovely. An ache stole into his stomach. His heart pounded. His lips dried.

Whatever the heck she’d been doing, whatever she’d been hiding, he didn’t care.

Suddenly he wanted to feel the bow of her lips against his, press against her curves, let her body tell him the answers to all those questions zinging around his head.

What? Kiss her? Here? In full view of his staff?

Since when did lust place before trust?

Lust. For God’s sake, where did this sudden weakness come from? Women like Jessie were poison, and he sure as hell wasn’t tempted to have a shot.

Plus, he was in the middle of the double-booked clinic from hell, with no time to analyse this self-destructive reaction to a locum. He just needed to gain some self-control.

‘I’ve got it.’ He snatched his hand from under hers, dragging his gaze away from those captivating eyes, and unfurled the packet from his fist. ‘There you are. Oh, a pregnancy test. Is that all?’

Even the tops of her ears were red as she grabbed the packet and straightened her blouse down over her hips. ‘Thanks.’

‘All this fuss over nothing.’ He blew out a long breath. He had totally misread the situation. Letting memories of Chloe get in the way of a decent working relationship. ‘Maggie usually sorts the tests out, I’ll give her a shout. Tell the patient to wait in the nurses’ area.’

‘It’s…. No. I can handle it.’ Her eyes flicked towards the bathroom. ‘I’ll do it myself.’

Luke’s stomach plummeted a thousand feet.

Fool.

Three-year-old Kyle Phillips certainly didn’t need a pregnancy test. Jessie’s next patient was Frank Carrington, so unless the IVF schedule had been extended to eighty-year-old kumara farmers, the pregnancy test must be hers.

‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.’

Head cocked to one side, her mouth slanted then curved into an O shape. She waved the packet in the air.

‘You thought this was for me?’

Her eyes darkened as she, almost subconsciously, it seemed, ran a hand across her belly. He’d seen her do that a few times—in the car, when she’d first seen Lucy and again now. Unusual. Some kind of nervous reflexive reaction. Like nail biting or toe tapping.

A bitter-sweet laugh erupted from her lips as she walked back into her consulting room. ‘I don’t think so, Luke. Now, I really do have to get on.’

‘Of course.’ He stared at the space she’d left and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, shaken by his visceral reaction to her. Boy, oh, boy, he’d need therapy by the time this woman had finished her three-week stint.

Once he’d have tried to work her out, enjoyed the thrill of the chase, just for the hell of it. But things had got complicated and he’d been badly burnt.

Jessie’s private life was none of his business, and it would stay exactly like that until she left.

CHAPTER THREE

AFTER a long day, an overrun clinic and a debrief, all Jessie wanted was to go home and fall asleep. A gentle stroll back seemed perfect on such a balmy summer’s evening, work off a few pounds and sort through these disconcerting thoughts she was having about Luke. Exercise and exorcise—the perfect double whammy.

She wandered out to the parking lot to get her bearings.

‘Jess? Thought you’d left already. Need a ride? Or are you happy to walk?’ Luke strode across the shimmering tarmac, an easy nonchalance rippling through his step.

Damn. Just when she thought she could relax.

Better be polite. He probably already thought she was a paid-up member of the fruit-loop clan. ‘No, thank you, walking’s good.’

‘No worries.’ He leaned against the door of his station wagon, laughter lines edging his tired eyes. ‘I guess that was probably a baptism by fire?’

‘For some reason, I thought sleepy North Beach would be a breeze. But it’s nothing I can’t cope with.’

‘I don’t doubt it, Dr Price. Having seen you in action, I reckon you could handle just about anything.’

The slate-blue of his irises intensified in the evening sunlight as he fixed Jessie with his gaze. A smile fluttered over his lips.

Lips she suddenly had an urge to press her mouth against.

Good Lord. Where had that come from? That wouldn’t go down so well on her first day. It was so inappropriate it was almost funny. But the sudden heat in her abdomen wasn’t.

Wow. No. Impossible. Men hurt. And she wasn’t a masochist. She needed to go home right now.

‘The question is, Jessie, are you coming back tomorrow?’

‘Only if you pay for the dry cleaning.’

She pointed to the gloop patches. Noting with irritation that she was unwittingly drawing attention to her body. He obligingly scanned down her body. A hot tingling prickled from the top of her head to the soles of her feet.

No. She’d never tingled before. With Michael it had been homey and comfortable, not out of control. At least until he’d snatched all control away by sleeping with their employee. This was just a post-work chat between colleagues. Nothing more.

She shrugged, trying to control her ragged breathing. ‘Occupational hazard, I guess.’

‘That’s kids for you,’ he agreed, drawing her gaze back to his face, his sharp cheekbones, that perfect mouth of his. She had to concentrate on his words, not on the way his lips moved so sensually. Or the way her mouth suddenly felt so parched.

She ran a tongue over her bottom lip and saw a shot of awareness in his eyes as he spoke. ‘I bet I can identify each of those stains from fifty paces.’

‘That’s some strange kind of skill. But whatever works for you.’

‘I’m a man of many talents.’ His eyebrows peaked suggestively.

‘And I don’t doubt that, Dr McKenzie.’

A fist of desire wedged into her abdomen as she imagined the many talents of his mouth, his hands and what magic they could do to her.

She looked away and focused on dampening down the heat in her face. She knew all about men’s magic, their tricks and deceit. Luckily she also knew enough tricks to put up a barrier—like keeping the conversation along uncontroversial non-sexual lines until she could politely escape to the safety of her own home.

‘Er … you mentioned Lucy’s mum earlier? Maggie said …’

‘Maggie’s always saying something. Don’t pay any attention. She means well, I guess.’ His face became serious. He looked at his watch, then slammed the door on that topic of conversation. ‘Look, Zac asked me to show you around. I have five minutes. You want to take a look at the beach?’

Did she? ‘Don’t put yourself out on my account. I can do my own sightseeing.’

‘I’m sure your brother would have a heap of things to say about that. It’s pretty special down there. You’ll regret it if you don’t take a look. And I’ll get an ear bashing.’

‘I’m sure you’ll cope.’ Those broad shoulders looked like they’d cope with anything life threw at him.

His eyes glinted as he flashed a devil-may-care smile. He glanced at his watch again. ‘Take it or leave it. But hurry up and decide. Five minutes, Jessie. That’s all I’m offering.’

‘Then that’s all I’ll take.’ She could spare five minutes to share Zac’s favourite place. Five minutes. Then three short weeks. And after that normal life would be resumed. Away from North Beach and Luke irritatingly alluring McKenzie.

She tried to keep up with him down the path, past fenced-off sand dunes and through brown grasses that tickled her ankles. She slipped off her heels and relished the feeling of hot, gritty sand between her toes. A gentle offshore breeze licked her skin, delightfully refreshing in the sticky evening heat.

His citrus scent wafted towards her, forcing memories of their encounter over her sink. She hung back, creating a gulf of space between them, regretting agreeing to something so unwise.

While the shivers of desire were delicious and unfamiliar, they shoved out her common sense and ushered in danger. Five minutes of sightseeing, then she’d make her excuses and leave. Pronto.

Luke stopped by a cluster of volcanic silver-black rocks hewn into a ragged bench. Rays of sun glinted off them, making them sparkle like gems. ‘Sometimes I come here to shrug off work before I go home.’

‘Seriously, shouldn’t you be going back? What about Lucy?’

‘She’ll be fine. Her childminder picks her up from crèche.’

‘Sounds like you have a busy life.’

‘No different to any other single parent.’ He faced her, suddenly serious. ‘Lots of people have it worse than me.’

Although he hadn’t always thought that.

Jessie looked at him like she needed an explanation. He was shocked at his willingness to share details about his private life. But Zac or Maggie would no doubt fill her in anyway. She may as well get it from the horse’s mouth. No frills or gossip, no opinion or conjecture. ‘Lucy’s mum ran out on us.’

‘Oh.’ Jessie’s face fell. Clearly she hadn’t been expecting something so … unconventional. Men left. Women … mothers … stayed. Usually.

‘You don’t have to tell me, really.’

‘It’s no secret. It’s a big grapevine, you’ll hear eventually.’

He kicked his foot into the sand, watched the tiny grains slide off his shoe and tried to stem the rising bitterness, ease the pain in his chest. He’d tried to make his marriage work. Failing had been hard. Enough to put him off trying again. ‘I’m not proud to say Lucy is the product of a brief holiday romance.’

‘Maggie said you liked to party.’

‘Yeah, me and Zac had quite a reputation in the old days.’

He held in a smile as he remembered the scrapes they’d found themselves in. Only having a daughter had been the biggest and the most intense. And the final nail in the coffin of wild, wicked days.

‘Lucy’s mum, Chloe, was just passing through between festivals. I knew her less than a week and waved her on her way. Imagine my surprise when she turned up nine months later about to pop.’

‘Oops.’ Jess’s eyes widened and she gave him a sympathetic smile. But she didn’t have that judgmental look that most people wore when they discovered his playboy error. ‘That must have been hard for you.’

‘Yeah. Lucy was a big mistake. I tried to do the right thing, married Chloe quickly, but she just couldn’t handle this kind of life. One night she left me, literally, holding the baby.’

‘How old was Lucy when Chloe left?’

‘Eight months. She’d just got to the separation anxiety stage. Hell on earth, believe me.’

He smiled a little. ‘I can laugh about it now. But back then it was crazy. Juggling work and sleepless nights with a screaming baby. Utter chaos.’ And yet being a father was the most amazing, scary thing that had ever happened to him. ‘Poor kid, she didn’t understand. One day her mother was here, the next she was gone.’

Jess sat down next to him on a rock. Her hands twisted in her lap. Her knuckles were white and her cheeks an angry red. ‘Chloe must have had a strong reason to walk away from her child. I can’t imagine what drives a mother to do that.’

‘Beats me. She was young, not meant to be tied down, she said. Hated order and any kind of routine.’ He shrugged and rubbed his chin, quelling the acrimony he’d thought he’d overcome. He had overcome. It had taken a lot of work. Raising a baby had been an overwhelming distraction. ‘She hated everything I’d created for her—the suburban house, the regular lifestyle. She went off to find herself.’

‘Seems to me she lost everything,’ Jess murmured.

For some reason this story seemed to be affecting his new locum deeply. She looked up at him with soulful eyes and he had an inexplicable urge to wrap his arms around her.

No. He stopped himself. That kind of reaction would be reckless in the extreme. And he didn’t do reckless, not any more. Especially not in the middle of a conversation about his ex-wife. She was a cautionary tale in herself.

‘I’m so sorry, Luke,’ Jess said sincerely.

‘Hey, don’t be. I’m over it. I’m the lucky one, I have Lucy.’ And determination to keep away from drifters, women and relationships altogether.

‘Do you think Chloe will ever want this life back?’ she asked.

‘Who knows? She signed all care over to me and has only been in touch once to talk about a divorce and demand a payoff. She didn’t even ask about Lucy. But she has rights, and I would never stop her visiting her child.’

And he’d deal with that if and when it happened. ‘Right now I’m trying to be a father and mother. I still can’t get the hang of the technical stuff, like braids and tights, and I panic at the thought of puberty.’ Meanwhile, the stash of parenting books by the side of his bed grew exponentially.

‘I only saw you two together for a few minutes, but Lucy clearly adores you. You’re a good doctor, if that’s anything to go by. Zac likes you. And you seem to have your head screwed on okay, for a bloke. You’ll be fine.’

‘I hope so.’ Maybe she was right. But, then, she hardly knew him.

Jessie understood that talking about this was a big deal for Luke. However much he didn’t want to admit it, he’d been hurt. No wonder he micromanaged his life and his time, making order out of chaos.

He’d lost a lot. A spouse, trust. God knew, Jessie understood how that felt. But at least he’d managed to keep the one thing that would elude her for ever. A child. His child. In having that much, he was the luckiest person alive.

Her heart constricted at their kindred experiences but she clamped down on a sudden impulse to wind her hand into his tight fist. She’d do it with a patient, empathise. But giving in to temptation to touch Luke could only lead to disaster. Been there, done that, got the scars to prove it. Inside and out.

She put on her happy face and remembered all the things she had to be grateful for. Health and independence counted for a lot these days.

After two years she’d managed to keep a lid on everything, and even though it felt like her core had been stirred up in the last two days, she was going to screw that lid back on tightly.

Picking up a pebble, Luke skimmed it across the sparkling water. One bounce. Two. Three …

‘Three? Is that all? Bet I can beat that.’ Jessie laughed, jumped up, found a flat, smooth stone and sent it gliding across the top of the waves. ‘Four, five, six!’

‘Wow!’ He turned to her, the heat in his eyes dazzling. His dark mood had passed. ‘Impressive.’

She grinned triumphantly. Where most kids grew up with technology to amuse them, she’d had books and rocks and dirt to occupy her time. Life out in the geological field was dull in the extreme. But at least it wasn’t wasted. ‘I like to think I’ve mastered most of the important life skills. You should see me with a catapult.’

‘Is there anything you can’t do?’

‘Lots and lots.’

Like have children. Happy families? She bent to choose another rock, all the better to hide her red face. Maybe one day she’d find the courage to tell him her story. But right now she’d had enough of pity parties.

He picked up a stone. ‘Okay. This time I’ll match you. Six?’

‘Yeah? Go on. I’d like to see you try.’ Jessie watched the stone skim above the translucent waves, bouncing and curving. The flex of his broad shoulders as he stretched made her want to run her fingers over them. Why was she finding everything about him so appealing?

‘Five. Six! Yes!’ He gave her a superhero pose, his biceps twitching impressively. ‘I am brilliant.’

‘Well,’ she said dryly, ‘everyone at work seems to think the sun shines out of your …’

She squinted closely at his taut backside, then over his shoulder at the sun melting into the horizon in a haze of red and orange. ‘Oh, no, it’s over there. Wow, what a gorgeous sunset. What an amazing place.’

Luke didn’t turn to look, didn’t follow her raised hand pointing out to the ocean, didn’t move his eyes away from her face. ‘Yes. It’s a great view all right.’

His intense expression burned into her, a yearning, a longing—for her? And her body responded as if on autopilot. Every fibre ached to touch him. No matter how hard she fought it, this attraction seemed to have a will of its own.

Not knowing what to do or where to look, she turned and walked along the water’s edge. The cool sea lapped at her ankles as she swished through the foamy shallows.

He caught her up. But stayed a few feet away. The tension simmered between them like static. Every part of her trembled in anticipation of his touch. She wanted to curl into him, press her body against his, feel the vibrancy of him.