The Honeymoon Proposal

Obviously, no such thing had happened to him.

Matt switched on the light and stared at her, his expression changing from serious to astonished. “You’ve changed, Jo.” He took a deep breath and reached out toward her, only snatching his hand back when it was inches away from touching her hair. “What the hell did you do to your hair?”

He sounded furious. Joanna rubbed her temple self-consciously. Her hair was rather short now. In fact, Matt’s hair was probably longer. She’d gotten carried away. So had her hairdresser, taking her cry of “I just want it gone!” a bit too seriously.

Matt’s obsession with her hair was the reason she’d cut it, she knew that now that she was finally out of the denial stage…but leaving only a few inches had been a mistake. She looked like a shorn sheep.

She bit back the natural response: “It’s none of your business,” and tried for a cold smile and a neutral greeting instead. “Hi, Matthew. Good you could make it.”

Matt’s gaze was still on her hair, astonished and livid. He might not have loved her, but he had loved her hair. She straightened her back, suddenly very pleased with her new haircut.

His gaze slowly moved to her face again and his eyes narrowed as he shook his head. “You look like hell, Jo. You’re thinner, too. Haven’t you been eating?”

Was that guilt in his voice? Surprised guilt? Did he think she’d been pining away over him?

She’d ignore him. She’d ignore all personal comments he made and just focus on Grandma. “Thanks for coming, Matt,” she managed to say amicably. “Grandma will be happy to see you.”

Matt snapped out of his intense scrutiny of her and glanced toward the stairs. He pulled off his gloves and stuffed them in the pockets of his jacket, the anger finally fading from his eyes. “How is she?”

Jo shrugged. “She thinks she’s dying,” she said, disappointed to hear her voice break. “We don’t know. She hasn’t been getting out of bed much and she says she’s weak, but then she isn’t really sick either. She’s an old woman.” Breath left her in an involuntary sigh and she felt those nasty tears gather forces again. “The doctor says he sees no immediate problem, no reason to think she’s really dying…but she’s so sure that it’s impossible not to worry…”

Matt reached for her, compassion in his eyes, but she flinched away. “She needed to see you,” she said, gritting her teeth as she realized she’d wanted his touch. “That’s why I called. She asked for you.”

Matt headed for the stairs, without even removing his jacket. She grabbed his arm, the cool leather of his jacket familiar under her hand. “Wait. She’s asleep now. And she isn’t upstairs in her room, she’s been staying in the downstairs guest room.”

Matt paused and looked back. She released his arm. “She hasn’t been sleeping well lately, so it’s probably better if we let her sleep a bit. She has a bell, and will ring as soon as she needs anything.” She paused. “Unless you’re in a hurry to get back to work? If so, I suppose I could wake her up.”

Matt shook his head and shrugged off his jacket. He tossed it over a chair and looked around. “No. I’m fine. I told people I had a family emergency and wouldn’t be in for a while. I brought my laptop, so if you just have a kitchen chair and telephone line for me, I’ll be fine for a few days.”

A few days? She wouldn’t survive several days with him in the house. “Matt, you don’t have to stay. She just wanted to see you for a minute. She wants to talk to you about…”

Yes, Jo, a sarcastic voice whispered in her ear. What is it she wants to talk to Matt about?

Jo bit her lip. She had to tell Matt. She wasn’t sure how she was going to tell him, but he had to know before he talked to her grandmother.

“…some things. Well, anyway, there are plenty of kitchen chairs.” She led the way to the kitchen, where she had consumed untold gallons of coffee for the past couple of weeks. Somehow everything looked surreal with Matt at her side again. “Would you like some coffee? Or tea?” She knew he preferred coffee, knew how he liked his coffee, was familiar with the way he liked to stir it even though he never added sugar or cream, but they were strangers now. She was determined to keep it that way, to treat him like a stranger.

“Thanks. Coffee would be great.”

She poured him a cup, put milk and sugar on the table, even though she knew he used neither, and sat opposite him at the kitchen table. She’d expected anger in his eyes, real anger, not the momentary fury of shock over her vanished hair. There had certainly been enough anger last time they’d seen each other. But now there was none. Just wariness in the way he looked at her, as if he wasn’t sure what to expect. Somehow, the lack of anger was disappointing. He didn’t care anymore—if he ever had, if it had ever been more than infatuation. The old woman napping in the guest room was now all they shared.

“Why is she staying in the guest room?”

“She suggested it herself. Going up and down the stairs was getting to be difficult for her, and she likes to be able to come to the dining room to eat.”

Matt held his teaspoon between forefinger and middle finger and started work on creating a whirlpool in his mug. His eyes were steady on hers, too familiar and too alien, both at once. “Fill me in, Jo. What’s wrong with her?”

Joanna shrugged. “We’re not really sure what is wrong, except the big one: old age. I visit at least twice a month, and I started to notice about a month ago that she was a bit preoccupied and absent. I was worried, but her memory seemed to be functioning fine. But then for about two weeks now, she’s been feeling very weak, and she hasn’t wanted to get out of bed much. So I moved in for the time being. The doctor says he can’t find anything specifically wrong with her, but at her age…” Joanna bowed her head and warmed her hands on her own cup. She wasn’t ready to let Grandma go. Far from it. “We just don’t know. She thinks she’s dying. She’s quite sure she only has a few days left. I don’t know. At her age, people may sense these things. Be ready to go. The doctor says he’s seen that before.”

Matt put his elbows on the table and raked both hands through his hair as he stared into his coffee cup. “It’s been months, hasn’t it? I haven’t seen her for months…not since we’d just started—”

“She asks a lot about you,” Jo interrupted. “She keeps talking about you.”

“She does?”

“Yes…” Joanna clenched her fists on the table. Tell him! she screamed at herself, but somehow she couldn’t make herself do it. It was too complicated. She didn’t know how to explain her reasoning, how to make him understand how logical it had been at the time.

“Dammit,” he swore. “I should have been there. I should have come to see her more often.”

The soft jingle of the bell drifted into the kitchen, and before Joanna had even put down her mug, Matt was already out of the room.

“Matt! Wait. I need to tell you something…”

Too late. He had already vanished into her grandmother’s room. Joanna pushed herself away from the table and ran after him, cursing her own cowardice.

Too late. From here on, it was all about damage control.

When she entered the room, Matt was bent over her grandmother, his arms around her. Grandma’s beaming face was visible over his shoulder.

“Esther!” Matt said warmly. “It’s been too long. You know how I tend to let the office swallow me up until I forget everything. You shouldn’t let me get away with it.”

Grandma smiled, blue eyes sparkling at the sight of her godson, but she didn’t sit up, a depressing sign of her weakened state. “Until you forget everything? Not quite everything, I hope,” she said, looking at Joanna with a grin. Matt glanced back too, his smile absent and his expression puzzled.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Joanna said, all courage gone. It was too late even for damage control. She’d made a huge mistake. All she could do now was hope Matt caught on and didn’t say anything to upset Grandma. “Just call me if you need anything.”

“No, wait, Jo.” Her grandmother’s trembling hand reached out toward her. “Don’t go. I want you here as well. I need to talk to both of you.”

Joanna hesitated, then came to her grandmother’s side on the other side of the bed from Matt. She sat down on the edge of the bed. Matt pulled up a chair and sat down too, his hand in Esther’s.

“So, how are you, old crone?” he asked, squeezing her hand. “You were still beating me at chess last time I saw you. What are you doing in bed this time of the day? Someone steal all your dresses from the clothesline?”

Joanna watched her grandmother’s eyes brighten as the two of them began their usual banter. She should have called Matt sooner, she castigated herself. Grandma loved to see him, but didn’t want to bother him much, despite all her cracks about curing him of his workaholism.

Grandma looked between them, smiling. “I’m so happy to have both of you here, finally. You see, I don’t think it’ll be long until I get to find out what the afterlife is all about.” She shook her head when Matt started to protest. “Don’t. I’m old and I’m tired. I’ll be ready to go soon.” She took a wheezing breath. “I have a request for you. Both of you.”

“Anything,” Matt muttered. “You know that, Esther. All you have to do is beckon and we jump.”

Grandma’s face creased in laughter, and her eyes were shining as she looked at Matt. “Good.” She tightened her grip on their hands. “Because you see, I want you two to get married before I go.”

CHAPTER TWO

JOANNA was still reeling over the content of her grandmother’s words when she heard Matt give a shaky laugh. “Wow. Get married? You don’t pull any punches, do you, Esther?” He glanced at Joanna, looking confused as well as shocked. In fact, he was looking as if he expected her to straighten this mess out.

Joanna opened her mouth, but only a squeak emerged, so she closed it and concentrated on trying to remember how her vocal chords worked. Her grandmother squeezed her hand, and she brought Jo’s hand to meet Matt’s on top of her duvet. His hand felt hot on top of hers, probably because her own was ice-cold, a familiar state since they’d broken up. She felt a jolt of recognition at his touch and gritted her teeth. This was no time to wallow in self-pity or a broken heart. This was about her grandmother who had the wrong idea.

A very wrong idea—and it was Jo’s fault.

“I know it hasn’t been long since you two discovered each other,” he grandmother continued. “You’re probably still keeping it a secret from most people, aren’t you? But I’ve seen you together, I was in on it from the beginning, remember? No need to look so shocked.”

Joanna felt her face grow red-hot as Matt’s accusing gaze settled on her. Busted.

Grandma let go of their hands and cradled Matt’s hand in both of hers. “You understand, Matt, don’t you? I need to see my little girl safe. She’s never been able to count on her parents, and I couldn’t bear to leave this world knowing I was leaving her behind all alone.”

“Esther…” Matt said weakly. “Jo is not a ‘little girl’. She’s an adult. She’s an independent woman with a career and her own life. She doesn’t need a husband to be ‘safe’. She can take care of herself.”

“You’re right, Matt. She doesn’t need a husband. But she does need you.” Grandma shook her head. “I know it’s old-fashioned, but then I am a relic. I need this.” She gave a weak wink. “You don’t want me haunting this house and then roaming the earth for centuries, do you?”

“Grandma…” Joanna felt guilty about it, but anger stirred over her grandmother’s scheming. “We can’t. We’re not ready. Please don’t ask this of us.”

Grandma sighed. “And here I thought an old woman would never be denied a deathbed wish.”

If the knowledge that this could indeed be her grandmother’s deathbed hadn’t been at the forefront of her mind, Joanna would have rolled her eyes in exasperated recognition of her grandmother’s manipulation. This was probably the geriatric equivalent of throwing a tantrum. “Grandma…you know I love you. I’d do almost anything for you.” She shook her head. “But I won’t get married just because you want me to.”

Her grandmother took a shallow breath and blinked rapidly. “Don’t say no right away, love. Think about it. At least sleep on it. Matt, what about you? You’ll think about it, won’t you? That’s all I’m asking.”

“Esther, nobody wants to be pushed into a marriage, ” Matt replied, and Joanna sighed in relief at hearing him approach this logically, yet kindly. He wasn’t going to spill the beans. “Besides, nothing will change. Our relationship won’t change any by rushing into marriage.”

“It’s already too late for me to see your children be born. I so want to know you’ll be safe with each other before I leave. Marriage is a sanctuary, children. I know you love each other. If you get married I know you will always shelter each other. Matthew, I know you love Joanna. I know you’ll always take care of her, but both of you need the safety that comes with complete commitment.”

His smile was sad. “You know, Esther, there are no guarantees, even with love, and even within a marriage.” He glanced at Jo. “Sometimes your best just isn’t good enough.”

“Don’t say that, Matthew. You have to enter into this marriage with optimism.”

Matt shook his head and his tone hardened just a bit. “Esther, please give this up. Joanna and I aren’t ready for marriage yet.”

Despite the shock and sizzling anger over her grandmother’s interference, Joanna winced at seeing disappointment darken the lined face. Her grandmother’s health had been frail for weeks now. Originally there hadn’t seemed any point in making her miserable by telling her that she and Matt had broken up—especially not when just the thought of having to explain the what and why had been so painful. It would have forced Esther to take sides, and Jo hadn’t wanted that either. So, day after day, she’d postponed it. It had been easier to let her think they were still together, that the long evenings Jo sometimes had to spend at her new workplace were spent with Matt. She’d pushed that problem ahead of her, hoping….

She bit her lip—she’d hoped Matt would be the one to tell her grandmother they weren’t seeing each other anymore. This was all his fault—why should she be the one to break an old woman’s heart? Esther had been thrilled when her only granddaughter and her favorite godson had fallen in love—she would be devastated to hear they had broken up.

Of course, Matt didn’t see Esther very often, so unlike Jo he hadn’t had the opportunity to tell her anything.

Until now—and he couldn’t be allowed to tell her now. Not when she was so weak. Would he understand?

She stole a glance at Matt, sitting there, his hand still in Esther’s hand, his expression brooding, but the surprise had vanished already. At least he’d caught on. This was no time to dump the truth on Grandma, and he seemed to understand that. Her shoulders slumped in relief, even as she realized that her omission of truth was now digging them an even deeper hole.

Esther snorted. “Nobody’s ever ready for marriage. Even when they think they are, they aren’t.”

“We’re nowhere close to ready, Grandma. Neither of us is,” Jo said, her voice clipped. She strove to add warmth to it—she didn’t want Grandma to catch on to the truth after all. “Not now. Who knows what will happen later on.” She almost grinned to herself as she caught Matt’s surprised glance. If they really still were together, and in this predicament, she could just picture the panicked look on his face at hearing her voice the possibility of marriage.

She’d already been dreaming about forever-after, but she very much doubted he had. The closest he’d come to articulating feelings for her had been burrowing up to her, half-asleep, muttering that it was impossible to get close enough. It had warmed her heart at the time, making it leap in hope as she whispered “I love you” soundlessly against his skin, making sure he wouldn’t hear it. Not yet. She’d never felt secure enough to say the words—not when he never came close to mentioning love himself.

And he never had.

“But it’s so obvious that you two are in love,” Esther said. She grinned, a teasing look on her face as she looked at Matt. “It’s been obvious since that day just before Christmas when my granddaughter dropped by one evening, walking two feet above the ground with her skates around her neck and smiling so widely I worried that her face would split.”

“Grandma…” Embarrassed, Joanna fiddled with her hair. A few weeks ago it had been long enough to provide a much-needed shelter to hide behind when she was blushing. But not anymore—three inches just wouldn’t do. “Don’t bring that up now…”

Grandma winked at Matt. “Could that have been a first-kiss day?”

Matt chuckled. Joanna heard the sound, and could imagine the grin that went with it. The grin that would have gone with it, she corrected herself, if theirs was still the relationship her grandmother thought it was. She didn’t want to think about their first kiss, and she was sure Matt didn’t want to either. She stole a look at him, and saw a faint smile as he held Esther’s hand. She took a deep breath. All she could do was pray Matt understood and would continue to keep up the act, at least until Esther was better. She wouldn’t risk her grandmother’s health on heartbreak.

Her grandmother’s face sobered, and her thin hand tightened around Matt’s. “Matthew, I don’t have much time. I honestly don’t think it’ll be more than a few days now.”

“Don’t say that,” Joanna chided her grandmother gently. “You’re not going anywhere. We need you on our side for a while yet.”

Grandma squeezed her hand. “I’m ready for the other side, love. But I don’t want to leave you unless I know you’re in good hands.” She released Jo’s hand and enveloped Matt’s hand with both of hers. “Matthew, you were always a good boy, and you’ve grown into a fine man. Will you promise me that you will always look after my Joanna?”

Matt glanced up at Joanna, his expression unreadable. His gaze fell back on the frail old woman in the bed, and his smile was soft and gentle. His words were smooth, without hesitation, and they sliced Jo’s heart. “I promise, Esther. I will look after Joanna the best I can.”

Esther’s sigh was wheezing. “It will have to be good enough, I suppose.”

Joanna didn’t speak as they left the room, just gestured for Matt to follow her to the kitchen to be sure they were out of her grandmother’s hearing range. The old lady had intended to take a nap, but it wouldn’t hurt to be on the safe side.

She walked into the kitchen, intending to sit down at the kitchen table, but felt too high-strung to stay in one place. She stood instead, motioning for Matt to sit down, but he declined, leaning against the kitchen counter instead, his arms crossed on his chest. He looked intimidating; his eyes boring into hers whenever she dared meet them. She gave a deep sigh. He wanted an explanation. And she owed him one. Or two. Or three.

Or did she? This was just as much his fault as it was hers. He was the one responsible for their breakup and if he’d visited his godmother more often, he could have been the one to tell her. Why should it have to be her responsibility when nothing of this whole mess was her fault?

“I suppose you have some sort of an explanation for this?”

Joanna rubbed her forehead, feeling exhausted. Too exhausted for a showdown. “Does it matter? I didn’t know what she had in mind. I never dreamed she’d try to push us to get married.”

“You know I’m not talking about that…marriage proposal.” Matt shook his head. He got his laptop from his briefcase, plugged it in and connected it to the phone line as he spoke. Joanna felt a melancholy smile of exasperation tug at her lips. This too was familiar, the way Matt could work while he talked, while he ate, while he watched television. It didn’t matter what he was doing, he could always give some portion of his attention to his work. It could be very irritating, but she’d been working on reforming him. One way she’d always managed to grab all his attention was by…

No. She bit her tongue hard and pinched her own arm for good measure. Compost heap again. Things sure seemed to ferment there.

“Let me summarize,” Matt said, his voice dry. “Esther still thinks we’re madly in love, and is ecstatic at the thought of her two favorite people having found each other.”

Jo gritted her teeth, unsure if what she was feeling was fury or fear. Madly in love? Was that just a sarcastic choice of phrase, or had he known about her feelings all along? “I know. I know, Matt, there’s no need to rub it in.”

And now it had gotten her in trouble. Matt in trouble. Both of them.

“You could at least have warned me,” Matt said, still doing that infuriating trick of dividing his attention between her and his laptop. “You should have warned me that she didn’t know. I nearly gave it away.”

“Yes. I should have.” Joanna paused, at a loss to explain why she hadn’t done that, why she’d postponed telling Matt the truth until it was too late. “I guess I hoped the subject wouldn’t even come up.”

And look where it had got her. Her grandmother had proposed to Matt on her behalf.

Matt’s laugh was short and harsh. His feelings were betrayed by the way he slammed the laptop shut. “I would say it did come up.”

Joanna shook her head. “I would never have guessed she’d do that.” She sighed, suddenly furious with herself. “I know it was cowardly of me, but I just couldn’t tell her. At first I just wanted to wait until…” she broke off. There was no need to let Matt know precisely how crushed she’d been after their breakup, how the merest mention of his name had been enough to threaten tears flowing. “When her health declined, I didn’t want to add to her worries. She adores you. She was so happy thinking we were seeing each other, and somehow it was never quite the right time to tell her.”

She sighed, leaning her head against the wall, still not looking at Matt. “I couldn’t bear to tell her, not even this afternoon when she demanded that I call you. I don’t regret that—I’d rather pretend we’re together than take any risks with Grandma’s health. But I should have warned you—I’m sorry that I didn’t.”

Matt didn’t reply. When she finally looked at him, he was staring out the window into the darkened garden, his brow heavy, lips tight. “You should have called me before. I had no idea she was so ill.”

“She’s getting on in years, Matt. What did you expect? It’s not my role to make sure you spare the time to visit her.”

“Spare the time?” Matt looked at her, then looked away and shook his head. He was silent for a while, then shrugged as he spoke again. “Well, you’re right. I should have visited. But I would have appreciated a call to let me know she’s failing.”

Joanna clenched her fists and turned her attention away. “You’re right, I should have let you know sooner. But that’s irrelevant now. What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know. She doesn’t know anything about…what happened at work?”

Joanna straightened up and met his gaze directly. “No.”

“She does know you switched jobs?”

“Yes. She thinks it’s because the company enforces a strong policy against office relationships.”

“It does have that policy.”

“You think I don’t know that, Matt?” They’d ignored that policy, which was the whole reason her entire future had nearly gone down the drain. Yes, she knew well enough about it.

“But she knows nothing else?” Matt asked.

“No. And we’re not telling her. She thinks we’re dating—and now she wants us to get married. That’s all that matters now.”

“I see.”

“Do you?” she demanded. “She’s old and weak. She thinks she’s dying. She may be right. She’s so happy thinking we are an item. She can be old-fashioned at times, but she worries about me and she thinks I’m safe with you.”

“I see.”

“Of course we’re not getting married, but we can’t ruin her illusion of us as a happy couple.” Her mind was made up. They would keep up the pretence until Grandma was better. Or…until there was no longer a need for it. “Not now. You can’t tell her we broke up.”