Santa Assignment

“And I can imagine what it’s costing you to even consider it,” he admitted.

Touché.

There was an understanding, maybe even a bizarre empathy, left between them after all. And of course the memories were there, too. Lots of memories. Of the old professional arguments between a dedicated homicide cop and an equally dedicated and frequent pain-in-the-ass criminal defense attorney.

And they especially had all the old arguments about Dana between them.

Well, one argument really. The one where they’d accused each other of getting Dana killed.

I hope like hell I never see your face again.

Because those words Brayden had said to her long ago just wouldn’t go away, because they started to pound in her head like war drums, Ashley stood to give herself some breathing room.

“Take some time,” he offered when she started to pace. “Think about it.”

Ashley managed a nod. Somehow. Even though it seemed as if every muscle in her neck was knotted and stiff.

Part of her desperately wanted to jump at the chance to help her nephew. And another part of her just plain resented Brayden for bringing all of this to her.

But this wasn’t just about Colton. Nor was it just about Brayden and her.

It was also about a baby.

A baby who could potentially save a child’s life and complicate everything else. Because a baby was permanent. A bond. And it would mean bonding with a man who had trouble even looking her in the eye for more than a couple of seconds.

A man who couldn’t forgive her.

A man who was a reminder that she couldn’t forgive herself.

How could she possibly conceive a child under those circumstances?

Yet, how could she risk losing her nephew?

Pacing, repeating each of those arguments to herself, Ashley caught a glimpse of Brayden in the mirror on the antique sideboard on the other side of the table. Still stoic. Still soldier stiff.

Except for his eyes.

And in that glance Ashley realized that Brayden had the same questions, the same concerns, the same fears as she did.

“You wouldn’t have to give up your life,” he added. “But I know it’d change everything.”

Yes. It would. Heck, it had already changed everything. The life she’d so carefully put together, the sanity she’d found, hadn’t been shattered exactly, but it was no longer intact, either.

“I’ll have think about it,” Ashley assured him. But she couldn’t do that with Brayden in the room. She needed time. Alone.

Mercy, where had all the air gone?

Because she was sure she was on the verge of tears, and because there was no way she wanted Brayden to see her cry, she had to get out of there.

“I’ll call you,” she said, making sure her tone indicated this conversation was on hold.

And she was obviously successful in getting that point across because Brayden didn’t say anything, and he didn’t follow her. Ashley started toward her room.

Just as she detected the smell.

Was it smoke?

Ashley turned back around. So did he. He lifted his head slightly. And it was on the tip of her tongue to ask if he’d recently had a cigarette. But it was an unnecessary question. Because Brayden didn’t smoke, and besides the smell wasn’t in the living room.

She spun toward the hall just off the back of the kitchen and saw her bedroom door.

And the thick black smoke oozing from beneath it.

Chapter Two

Brayden didn’t waste any time.

The moment he smelled the smoke, he pushed past Ashley and raced through the kitchen, frantically searching. No smoke there, and no obvious source of fire.

“It’s coming from my bedroom,” Ashley informed him, pointing toward the hall.

She started ahead of him, but again, he moved around her and hurried to the room she’d pointed out. He saw the smoke drifting along the floor. And worse. Rising. It wouldn’t be long before it made its way through the entire house.

He touched his palm to the door.

It wasn’t hot. Thank God.

The old-fashioned faceted-glass doorknob was cool, as well. So, he opened it. Cautiously. Peering around the corner. When he was satisfied that he wasn’t about to face a full-scale blaze, he gave the door a shove with his shoulder.

No backdraft or wall of fire.

That was the good news. But the bad news was there were foot-high orange-red flames on the dresser tucked into the corner, and the flames weren’t staying put, either. They were quickly eating their way toward the draping lace curtains on a nearby window.

“Grab a fire extinguisher or some water,” he yelled back to Ashley. “And call the fire department.”

Sheltering his face from the blaze, he latched onto the curtains and ripped them down from the thick brass rod. Best not to give the fire any more fuel. It already had enough with what was left of the array of dried flowers, scented candles and pictures on the dresser.

Brayden stripped a quilt from the bed and beat down the flames. No easy task. Some scattered. There were sparks and sputters. And the black coiling smoke. It was suffocating, but he choked back a cough and kept working.

He soon realized just how lucky they’d been. It could have been worse. Much worse. If the fire had gotten just a few more minutes of a head start, they would have had an inferno on their hands, and the whole place might have gone up in flames.

“I have the extinguisher,” he heard her say.

She began to spray the white foam on the small smoldering spots that had ignited around the base of the dresser and the rug on the side of the bed. Brayden continued to put out the heart of the blaze by pounding it with the quilt.

The picture frames shattered against the wall. The melting candles sputtered. He stomped on the partially burned dried flowers that he raked to the floor.

One of the embers from the dried flowers flew out and landed on his pant leg. He reached down to brush it off, just as one of the flames erupted back into a blaze. The spark singed his hand, and he quickly drew it back, trying to maneuver the quilt so he could smother the fire.

“Brayden!” Ashley called out. From the alarm in her voice, she must have noticed his clothes on fire. She turned the extinguisher in his direction and hosed him down.

It worked.

But Brayden didn’t take the time to thank her. He returned to the tiny embers still left around the dresser and kept battling them until finally all that was left was the smoke and the damage. Minor damage at that. Yes, indeed, they’d been lucky.

“Are you hurt?” she asked.

He glanced down at the small red mark on his left hand. There’d be a blister but no real damage. “I’m fine.”

She obviously didn’t take his word for it. Ashley grabbed him by the wrist and checked it herself. Her touch was warm. Surprisingly gentle. Too gentle. And the examination put them too close. Practically body to body. It didn’t help when her arm brushed his.

Brayden tugged his hand away and stepped back. “It’s nothing,” he insisted, wondering why that insistence felt as if it had a double meaning.

And why it felt like a lie.

“Should I call the fire department and tell them not to come?” Ashley asked, doing her own share of stepping back from him.

“No. They’re probably already on the way, and they can make sure all the flames are fully out.” For good measure, Brayden took the fire extinguisher and gave the whole area a good soaking.

Ashley went to the window, unhooked the lock and threw it open. The icy air blasted through the room, which was exactly what they needed because it helped thin the smoke almost immediately. It also shook off any lingering effects from her too-gentle touch.

“I don’t understand how this happened,” she said in between gulps of breath. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Probably from the cold, but Brayden figured part of it was a reaction to the near disaster.

Adrenaline was certainly pumping through him. As if he needed more. He’d been functioning on adrenaline and caffeine for days now.

He kept the fire extinguisher ready in case a secondary blaze reignited, and he examined the dresser. Even though he’d knocked off the items that had been on it, he could see the residue that had pooled on the veneer finish. It looked like melted wax.

“Did you leave a candle burning?” he asked.

“No.” Muffling a cough and still rubbing her arms, Ashley walked closer. “I mean, I use candles a lot, but I didn’t light one today.”

He stooped down and used the nozzle of the extinguisher to sort through the still-warm rubble. “You’re positive? Because it looks as if one burned down and managed to catch those dried flowers on fire.”

When Ashley didn’t answer, Brayden looked up at her. It seemed as if she was about to say something. But then she changed her mind. Instead, she shook her head and angled her eyes in another direction. “It’s possible. I guess.”

He stood up and checked Ashley’s recently reangled blue eyes. Nothing like Dana’s pale hazel ones. In fact, for sisters, they had few physical attributes in common.

Which helped this visit considerably.

It would have been much harder if she’d reminded him of his late wife.

“What’s this about?” Brayden demanded. In the distance, he could hear sirens. A welcome sound, except for the fact that he didn’t want their arrival to give Ashley an excuse not to answer.

“What do you mean?” Ashley grabbed a fringed throw from the foot of the bed, slung it around her shoulders and went back to the window. She stared out, once again diverting her gaze.

Oh, man.

That couldn’t be a good sign.

“It’s possible. I guess?” he said, repeating her own vague explanation. “Maybe I’ve been a cop too long, but that just set off the BS meter in my head.”

“You’re right.” And that’s all Ashley said for several seconds. Before she bent down and picked up a damaged picture frame from the floor. She fastened her gaze to it. “You’ve been a cop too long. Eleven years, huh?”

“Twelve. But if you think asking me that totally irrelevant question will distract me, think again.” He went closer, caught her arm and turned her around to face him. “In fact, that’s twice today you’ve set off that BS meter, and the first time was when you asked me the question—so you found out, huh? What’d you mean by that, Ashley?”

“You don’t have a BS meter.” She slung off his grip with far more force than required. “You have a blasted tape recorder. And if you must know, I meant nothing by it. I was simply surprised that’d you found me, that’s all.”

That BS meter went nuts.

Brayden would have called her on that lie if she hadn’t turned the picture frame around. Even though the glass was shattered and smeared with soot, he could still see that it contained a photograph of his son. Not a recent shot but one taken when Colton was just a couple of months old. When his son was still healthy.

Ashley had him cradled in her arms.

“I want to see him,” she whispered, drawing the photograph to her chest. “I want to go to San Antonio.”

Outside, the sirens howled, coming closer. But it wasn’t the sirens that captured Brayden’s attention. It was the woman holding the image of his son, and his future, in her hands. If this was her own version of a distraction so she wouldn’t have to answer his questions, it was working.

Brayden felt a tight fist close around his heart.

It wasn’t the yes he’d prayed for. But then, it wasn’t a no either.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t go back, ever,” Ashley continued. “Not because I don’t love Colton. I do. But going back…well, it could create some problems. I’m talking huge problems.”

“I know. But I’m not asking you to leave behind what you have here. We could work that out. And the baby wouldn’t be your responsibility. It’d—”

“It’s not just that.” She motioned toward her hair. “This isn’t for cosmetic reasons, Brayden. I did this hoping he wouldn’t find me.”

“I know.”

If she stepped away from this place she’d created, she could be stepping into danger. He’d already made security arrangements. He had already worked out ways to keep her safe. Plus, he’d taken into account how to minimize the effects this might have on her life.

But there was no way to minimize everything.

No way to make this even close to perfect.

To save his son, he’d have to ask Ashley to put herself in danger.

Chapter Three

“I made the right decision to come here,” Ashley mumbled under her breath.

Again.

And maybe if she repeated it often enough, she’d soon start to believe it.

Well, one could hope anyway.

“Did you say something?” the nurse asked.

Ashley shook her head, took off her coat and draped it over her forearm.

The nurse handed her a surgical mask. “Use this if you plan to make any physical contact with the patient.”

The cheery yellow mask was littered with happy faces. Definitely not a reflection of Ashley’s mood. She felt like one big raw nerve walking around on two-inch heels.

The five-hour trip from Springfield, Virginia, hadn’t done much to soothe her. In fact, it’d done the exact opposite. Since Brayden had seemingly turned mute on the flight and subsequent drive from the airport to the hospital, that’d left her with way too much thinking time on her hands. Yet, she still didn’t seem any closer to making a decision.

A baby, even a hypothetical one, was definitely a lot to think about.

She’d never even changed a diaper—a truly ridiculous thought. And that was the least ridiculous and stressful thought of all the what-if-I-really-do-this? thoughts zipping through her head.

For starters, a baby would require a pregnancy. Specifically her getting pregnant.

By Brayden, no less.

Even if they did the procedure through insemination, which was a certainty, it still had an intimacy to it. Then, there was the waiting and the praying that the baby’s bone marrow matched Colton’s. From the info Brayden had given her to read on the plane, they’d have to wait until the ninth week of pregnancy for the amnio to determine if the hypothetical baby was a donor match.

As if that weren’t enough, then there was the whole after the amnio part. The remaining seven months of pregnancy. The delivery.

And especially the part after that.

The part that was still one gigantic blur in her head even though those five hours had given her plenty of time to dwell on it.

Ashley decided to let it stay a blur for a while. It seemed a wussy response, but a blur was the most she could handle right now. She’d have to think about it tomorrow, especially since she was within moments of seeing her nephew.

“If you’ll come this way,” the nurse instructed, “I’ll take you to Colton’s room.”

Ashley followed her and glanced around the hall. “We aren’t waiting for Brayden?”

“He’s still in with the doctors. He said he’ll join you when he’s finished.”

Okay. So she hadn’t expected to do this alone. But in some ways, it might be easier. Of course, she could say that about a lot of things that involved Brayden. Being around him had a unique way of unnerving her.

The nurse pushed open the door and led Ashley inside. Not the drab gray interior she’d expected but one with a brightly colored jungle mural. Taped to the wall were childlike drawings of what appeared to be Santa and some rather lopsided gifts. A miniature Christmas tree was sitting on the table beneath the drawings.

Ashley spotted Brayden’s sister, Katelyn, in a chair in the corner, and they exchanged silent but amicable greetings before Ashley turned toward the hospital bed.

There were machines, their screens registering various data with thready almost frantic jolts of movement. One of them was making a soft pulsing sound. And in the center of that was her nephew. Dana’s son.

He was so small.

That was her first reaction. Followed by what felt like a heavyweight’s fist to her solar plexus. Ashley actually had to catch onto the nurse’s arm.

“Do you need a moment?” the nurse whispered.

Ashley waved her off and forced herself to let go of the woman. Colton certainly didn’t need a visit from a wimp.

She took a few short deep breaths, moistened her lips, pulled back her shoulders and approached him. At the sound of her heels clicking on the tile floor, Colton’s eyes fluttered open, zooming right in on her.

Ashley had seen those green eyes before. Brayden’s eyes. It stirred at least a dozen new emotions just seeing them on a child she loved completely and unconditionally.

Many of those doubts and blurs evaporated. And Ashley knew. She’d made the right decision to come here. No matter what else happened, this was the right thing to do.

“Are you one of Santa’s helpers?” Colton asked, his voice sleepy. He had a blue dog-eared bunny tucked in the crook of his arm.

Ashley glanced down at her garnet-red pants and sweater. The outfit definitely had a holiday look to it. She smiled. She didn’t have to force it, either, even though her facial muscles felt a little out of practice. It’d been a while since she had smiled.

Two years, seven months and four days.

Much too long.

He smiled, too. Wow! What a face. Pure innocence cut with just the right amount of mischief. It broke her heart and warmed it at the same time.

“Nope. I’m afraid I’m not Santa’s helper. Sorry.” She sat in the chair next to his bed. “I’m your Aunt Ashley.”

“I got another aunt. Aunt Katelyn. Are you a cop like her?” He held up the fake “rookie-in-training” badge he’d had tucked in the covers.

“Nope. I’m sort of a bad guy. I’m a lawyer.”

His eyes widened. “Like my mom was?”

Oh, mercy. That put a lump in her throat. “Yep. Like your mom.” Because she wasn’t supposed to get too close, Ashley resisted touching those soft golden-brown curls that lay tousled on his forehead. “So, you want to be a cop when you grow up?”

“Sure. Like my daddy.”

“Good choice. He’s the best of the best. And I should know. I used to have to cross-examine him in court. He could be a real pain in the…neck.”

Colton giggled, as if he’d known what she’d almost let slip. But the giggle faded when his attention drifted to the machines surrounding him. “Did you come to visit me ’cause I’m sick?”

“That’s one of the reasons.” That required another deep breath. “But you’ll get better.”

“Dad says that, too. So do Grandma and Grandpa. And Aunt Katelyn and Uncle Garrett.”

Garrett. Brayden’s brother. Another cop. And yet someone else she’d routinely clashed with during her power attorney days. She doubted she’d receive any warm nonverbal greetings from Garrett O’Malley the way she had from Katelyn. Still, Ashley wouldn’t let that put a damper on this moment.

Colton cupped his hand around his mouth and lowered his voice. “I don’t want to be in the hospital for Christmas. There’s no chimney, and Santa might not be able to find me here.”

That brought on more than a lump in her throat. It was an entire boulder. “Oh, Santa will find you all right,” Ashley said, speaking around that boulder. “I’m a lawyer, remember—I’ll subpoena him or something. Besides, it’s two weeks until Christmas, and you might be home by then.”

He shrugged, apparently not sure he believed that. Ashley silently cursed. Three years old was much too young to lose hope.

Maybe twenty-nine was, too.

For some reason, looking at Colton’s sweet innocent face gave her hope. Ironic since she hadn’t been able to find hope since Dana’s death.

“Santa will find you,” she promised. “I’ll make sure of it.”

She watched as he considered that with those now pensive green eyes. He gave a little satisfied nod. “Can you make it snow, too?”

Ashley laughed. “I’ll see what I can do, but since we’re in San Antonio, we might have to settle for the fake stuff. Is that okay?”

“Okay.” Colton shifted his gaze in the direction of the door. “Daddy,” he said, grinning.

Brayden was there, in the doorway. Watching them. Smiling at his son. Ashley had to hand it to him. Brayden looked a lot sturdier than she felt.

He’d removed his silver-gray tie. It was dangling from his jacket pocket. And he’d loosened the collar of his white button-down shirt. No more judgelike demeanor. Just a concerned father.

He strolled closer, gave his son a high five and then held a surgical mask over the lower portion of his face when he brushed a kiss on Colton’s cheek. “Are you feeling better?”

Colton stuck out his tongue in a yuck gesture. “I threw up again.”

“It means you’re getting well. All the bad junk’s leaving your body.”

A lie, no doubt. It was probably one of the side effects of the chemo.

Brayden glanced at her. “Are you ready to go?”

No. But Ashley knew she should go. The nurse had made it clear that she should keep her visit short because Colton needed his rest. “Sure.”

Brayden kissed Colton again. “I’ve got some things to do,” he whispered to his son. “But I’ll be back later to tuck you in.”

“Uncle Garrett’s coming, too?” Colton asked, excitement in his eyes and voice.

“You bet. And I won’t tell the doctors if he sneaks you in some candy again.”

Colton smiled in that oh-so-secretive way that only a child could manage. “Don’t tell ’em Aunt Katelyn did, too.”

“Hey, short stuff,” Katelyn quipped, looking up from the paperback she held. “Zipped lips, remember? Gummy bears are our little secret.”

The moment seemed well past being private. And much too intimate. Ashley murmured a goodbye to Colton, another to Katelyn and headed for the door. However, she barely had time to regain some semblance of composure before Brayden joined her in the hall.

“He’s a smart kid,” she said, because frankly she had no idea what else to say.

Brayden made a sound of agreement and started up the hall. “He’s had a rough time lately. He caught a stomach bug right after chemo. That’s why the masks are necessary. His immune system already has enough to deal with.”

So did Colton and Brayden.

So did she.

That didn’t mean they didn’t have to deal with more. And that was something Ashley couldn’t put off much longer. Not after what she’d just witnessed.

“Colton’s worried that he’ll be in the hospital for Christmas,” she let Brayden know.

“God, I hope not, but there’s always a chance of that happening. Still, the doctors think he’ll be home in a day or two.”

Home, but not for good. Probably only until the next round of chemo.

They went through the automatic exit doors and walked outside. The night air was cold. Not a Virginia kind of bitter cold, but it was enough of a chill that Ashley put on her coat and pulled it tightly around her.

As she always did when she stepped into a parking lot or even her own driveway, she looked around. Checking. Making sure no one was lurking. Because even after two and a half years, the fear was still there.

“Could you drop me off at a hotel?” she asked when they approached his car. She checked the time. Almost seven. “I don’t want to fly back to Virginia tonight.”

He nodded. “I inherited my grandparents’ house last year, and even though I still have a lot to renovate, the guest room is finished. You can stay there if you like.”

It sounded like an obligatory invitation. And a halfhearted one. Ashley considered letting it pass, but frankly she was tired of this. “Look, Brayden, I think it’s time we cleared the air. Don’t you?”

He didn’t look at her. What else was new? “This isn’t easy for either of us.”

He made his own sweeping glance around the parking lot, a cop’s glance, and opened the car doors so they could get inside. When he started the engine, Ashley was sure he’d just drive away and ignore the verbal gauntlet she’d tossed.

He didn’t.