What the Heart Knows

Jared put his half-empty glass on the wicker table next to him. “Why did you want to move back to Crystal Springs?”

“I needed a change. My memories of Crystal Springs have always been fond ones.”

“But not Shreveport?”

She downed the rest of her lemonade as though she hadn’t drunk anything in days. “In Shreveport I found myself unable to move on in my life. I tried for a year and a half and finally acknowledged it wasn’t going to happen if I stayed.” Everywhere I turned I was reminded of how little control I have over my life, she silently added. I need control back.

“When you move, the memories go with you.”

“You can’t hide from yourself?”

“Exactly.” He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands, nothing casual about him. “Don’t give up on God. He hasn’t abandoned you.”

“I’ve lost my husband and now I feel like I’m losing my son.”

“If I can do anything about it, I won’t let you lose your son.”

The vehemence in his voice underscored his intentions, making Kathleen feel that she wasn’t alone. If she wasn’t careful, she could come to depend on Jared Matthews a great deal and she couldn’t let that happen. John’s death had rocked her world. She wouldn’t go through that kind of pain ever again.

Chapter Three

Returning to the church’s recreational hall Sunday evening, Kathleen cracked the door open and peered inside. Twenty teenagers sat listening to Jared describe their latest fundraiser. Mark had reluctantly agreed to coming this evening and was next to his cousin, Shane, his gaze on the floor. She wasn’t even sure if her son was hearing a word Jared was saying. Mark’s features were devoid of any expression. Seeing her son like that sent a chill down her spine.

Kathleen slipped inside the room while Jared wrapped up what everyone needed to do before the next week’s meeting. He caught her eye and smiled.

“Before we adjourn to the volleyball court, let’s pray,” Jared said, bowing his head. “Dear Heavenly Father, be with each and every one of these young people as they go through life. Help them to make the right choices and be there for them when they don’t. Amen.” Jared looked over the sea of teenagers. “The first game starts in ten minutes.”

The recreational hall emptied, all except for Mark, Kathleen and Jared. Mark slouched in his chair, continuing to stare at the tiled floor.

“Are you going to join us, Mark?” Jared asked, weaving his way through the rows of chairs toward Kathleen.

Mark shot Kathleen a look that spoke of boredom and disinterest. “Yeah, I guess.”

He pushed his lanky body, clad in black jeans and a black T-shirt, to his feet and trudged toward the door that led to outside.

When he disappeared from view, Kathleen released her pent-up breath in a rush. “I gather he wasn’t an involved member of the group.”

“No, but I did catch him listening a few times.”

“I hope he’ll get involved more. Otherwise this summer will be an extremely long one for him. I think all he’d do is sit in his room all day if I didn’t make him do chores around the house or help his grandparents some.”

“Besides listening to his music, what else does he do in his room?”

“He likes to draw. He’s been drawing a lot in a sketch book I got for him.”

“Have you looked at the sketches?”

“No, he won’t show them to me, and I haven’t wanted to invade his privacy.”

“Sometimes parents have to do things they don’t want to in order to protect their children.”

“You think I should check the drawings out without him knowing?”

“They may tell you what’s going on in his head. Try to get him to show you.” Jared swept his arm across his body. “Now, come on out and join the festivities. Have you ever played volleyball?”

“Back in my younger days,” Kathleen replied, her mind dwelling on what Jared had said about Mark’s drawings. She had always respected her son’s privacy before, but— The thought of what she must do made her shiver.

“It’s time to renew your skills,” Jared’s words cut into her musing. “Everyone plays. We rotate teams.”

Stepping outside, Kathleen surveyed the newly mowed yard at the side of the church, the scent of cut grass peppering the air. A volleyball court with a net was set up near the picnic tables located under four large maple trees. “Which unlucky team gets me?”

“Now where’s your positive thinking?”

“When I heard you mention volleyball, I think I left it back in the recreational hall. I’m not very athletic.”

“That’s fine.” He smiled, his blue eyes glittering. “I’ll just make sure I’m on the opposing team.”

Kathleen sat on a bench next to Jared and watched the first two teams play a game, her son, who used to be a good athlete, doing as little as possible. Again she wondered if she’d been wrong to come back to Crystal Springs. Maybe Mark needed familiar surroundings at this stage in his life. This town wasn’t an unknown to her son, but it wasn’t the place where he’d grown up. Self-doubts plagued her. She didn’t know what to do anymore. In the past she’d always had John to talk things over with and to support any decision she’d made.

“This is for fun,” Jared whispered, his arm brushing against hers.

The brief touch drew her attention. Tiny sparks of awareness feathered outward. “I know.”

“I wasn’t sure. Your look of intense concentration tells me otherwise.”

She relaxed the knotted tension that held her stiff and uncurled her fingers. Her nails had left an indentation in her palms. She hadn’t even realized how tense she’d been until Jared had said something. “I’m not the most graceful person when it comes to playing a sport. I was always the last one picked for a team. My reputation preceded me.”

“We don’t pick teams. You’ll be filling in for Anne, who is sick. Your team is up next.”

Kathleen examined the clear blue sky. “Too bad. There isn’t a raincloud anywhere to be seen.”

“Nope. You’re stuck.” He took her hand within his. “I know you’re worried about Mark. I’ll help you figure out what’s wrong. I promise.”

His sweet words, full of confidence, produced a lump in her throat. Jared would discover what was going on with her son. That thought brought tears of relief to her eyes. She blinked, a tear coursing down her face. Jared didn’t say anything, but he brushed his thumb across her cheek, the rough texture of his finger in sharp contrast to his soft touch. He then squeezed her hand gently, silently conveying his support as they both twisted about to stare at the teenagers battling on the volleyball court.

Five minutes later the game ended with Mark’s team winning. Her son gave his cousin a high five, but the elation she usually saw in Mark’s expression when he won wasn’t visible.

Jared stood and extended his hand to Kathleen. “It’s show time. Ready?”

“No, will that make a difference?”

“No.”

“That’s what I thought. I’ll be a sub.”

Laughter shone in his eyes. “There are no subs. Everyone gets to play. That’s the beauty of this setup.”

“That’s your opinion, not mine. I definitely think that’s a major flaw. What if someone gets hurt?”

“We remove a player from the other side and play on.”

“Do you remove the injured player before you resume playing or do you just play around him?”

His laughter spiced the air, much like the aroma of baking bread, warm with cozy thoughts brought to mind. “You’ll be all right. Remember, I’m a doctor.”

“Now that’s really reassuring.”

“You might want to stretch some before the game.” Jared bent over and touched the ground, then did several lunges.

Having been a runner in high school, Kathleen knew the importance of stretching her muscles before a workout. And she was afraid the next half hour or so would definitely be a workout. She ran through a stretching routine, hoping she didn’t make a fool of herself.

She was thankful that she was placed on the back row as far away from the net and spiked balls as possible. On television she’d seen the killer volleyball matches at the Summer Olympic Games. She didn’t want a ball stuffed down her throat.

For the first two serves she only had to shift from foot to foot and pretend she was alert and ready. When the ball slammed across the net for the third time, it came right at her. She had to do something—fast. Miscalculating where it was going to land, she dove the last foot to punch the ball into the air. It shot out of bounds. The other team cheered, Jared the loudest.

By the time she rotated to the front of the line, she faced Jared with only the netting between them. His smile was full of mischief, and she had a funny feeling it would be all directed at her. He leaped into the air and smacked the ball toward her. She positioned herself to return it.

Before she had a chance to connect with the fast-approaching ball, someone knocked into her, yelling in her ear, “I’ve got it.”

She smashed into the ground, her left shoulder cushioning her fall. She blew out gritty sand that made up the court and pushed her hair out of her face. Her left cheek burned where it had struck the sand-covered earth.

A loud roar of triumph filled the air while she brushed bits of grit from her eyes. Through the blur she saw Jared coming toward her, concern on his face. He knelt down.

“Are you all right, Kathleen? Are you hurt anywhere?”

“Does all over count as one place or many?”

He ran his hands up her left arm and over her shoulder. She winced.

“It doesn’t feel like it’s broken, but to be on the safe side I think you should let me take you to the hospital and get an X ray.”

“I don’t want to go to the hospital.” Suddenly Kathleen felt many eyes on her. She scanned the young people standing around her and Jared. “What happened?”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Somers. I thought you weren’t gonna get the ball so I wanted to help. I misjudged.”

“But I was right there.” Using her arms to try and push herself to her feet, she attempted to stand. The pain in her shoulder intensified, and she fell back, sucking in a deep breath.

The young boy dropped his head. “Yeah, but you were there that last time, too, and missed.”

“That’s okay, Aaron.”

“Can I help you to your feet, ma’am?”

“No,” she said so quickly the teenager blinked. “I mean, Jared is going to take me to the hospital. I’m sure I’m fine. It’s just a precaution.” Through the crowd now surrounding her, she saw her son, hanging back but watching her. “You could give Mark a ride home, Aaron.”

“Sure, I can do that. Are you sure I can’t help you?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” The pain in her shoulder eased its intensity. With her right arm she maneuvered herself to her knees.

Jared supported her around the waist. “Take it easy.”

As the teenagers began to scatter, she said, “Oh, I plan on taking it slow and easy.”

“I had no idea you’d go to such lengths to get out of playing volleyball.”

The teasing light in Jared’s eyes made her laugh. “I told you I don’t do sports.” She observed the quickly disappearing crowd of teens. “As soon as Aaron’s been gone five minutes, I’m driving home. I have no intentions of going to the hospital. I’m fine.” She tried to move her shoulder and groaned.

“I can see that.”

Jared moved so close she wondered if he could hear her heart pounding. “Some rest, ice, and I’ll be good as new.”

“Appease this doctor and let me take you to check your shoulder out.”

“But what about my car?”

“You can get it tomorrow. I’ll even come by and give you a ride to the church to get it. I won’t sleep well tonight knowing you may be in pain because I persuaded you to play volleyball.”

His touch on her arm drew her gaze upward to his face. The plea in his eyes and the ache in her shoulder finally caused her to nod.

“See, I told you there wasn’t anything to worry about. I’ll be as good as new in a few days.” Kathleen rolled her shoulder to prove her point. A stab of pain shot down her arm, and she winced. “Okay, maybe it will be a little longer than that.”

Jared pulled into her driveway and switched off the engine. “Still, I’m glad you got it X rayed. I feel better knowing for sure and the medication should help you.”

“Do you want to come in for a cup of coffee? Decaf or I’d be up all night.”

“Sure. Mrs. Davis doesn’t turn into a pumpkin until at least nine o’clock.”

Kathleen slid from the car, trying to hold her upper body still as she moved. “How hard was it to find Mrs. Davis?”

“Hard. A good housekeeper is not easy to come by. She isn’t too bad. My children are safe with her, and she performs her job efficiently.”

“But?”

“But she isn’t the warmest person around. And right now Hannah needs a womanly touch, which she isn’t going to get with Mrs. Davis.”

Kathleen inserted her key into the lock and opened her door. “What about your mother-in-law?”

His expression tensed into a frown. “Not much help there. She doesn’t have much to do with Terry and Hannah. We see her for special occasions like birthdays and the holidays.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” She placed her purse on the table in the entry hall. “Come on into the kitchen while I put the coffee on.” As she scooped the coffee into the filter, she continued, “I can help, especially with Hannah.”

He offered her a smile that eased the tension from him. “Thanks. I may take you up on that.”

“Don’t forget I promised Hannah I would take her shopping. I was thinking some time this week.”

“Fine. Whatever fits into your schedule. Hannah has talked about it, and I think she’s actually excited, which is a first since I usually have to drag her kicking and screaming to shop for clothes.”

“That’ll change as she grows older.”

“There’s a part of me that will be thrilled to see my daughter grow out of being a tomboy.”

“But there’s a part that won’t be happy?”

“Sure. The part that is dreading her first date.”

“You aren’t the only father who feels that way. It’s a constant battle to be one step ahead of our kids.” The coffee dripping into the glass pot was the only sound Kathleen heard. She cocked her head and listened for a moment. No music coming from her son’s room. In fact, the house was awfully silent. “Which reminds me, I want to make sure Mark got home okay. I’ll be right back.”

“Aaron’s not a bad driver, better than he is a volleyball player.”

“I’m sure he is. But I usually hear Mark moving around. His room is right above the kitchen. It’s too quiet for my peace of mind.”

Kathleen headed upstairs, her heart beginning to beat a shade faster. Something wasn’t right. She knocked on Mark’s door and waited a minute. Nothing. Pushing it open, she saw chaos all about her. Clothes were thrown everywhere. Drawers were left open. The bed was stripped of its linens and they lay on the floor beside it as though her son now slept on the carpet. She moved into the middle of the room, shaking her head. A year ago her son wouldn’t have had any of his belongings out of place. Like everything else in his life, that had changed, too.

Kathleen started to leave but caught a glimpse of his drawing pad, hidden under a pile of dirty clothes. Chewing on her bottom lip, she reached for the paper, hesitated, then snatched it up. Quickly before she changed her mind, she flipped through the pictures, afraid to look at what her son was drawing, and yet compelled to check this aspect of his life out. Maybe there were answers in his drawings that would help her.

The first drawing was of their old house. Another was of his guitar. Picture after picture seemed perfectly normal with nothing unusual portrayed. Relief shimmered through her, and she returned the pad to its hiding place.

When Kathleen left the bedroom, any relief she felt evaporated as she made her way down the stairs. Where was Mark? It was only eight o’clock and he was sixteen, but still she couldn’t help the worry that swelled inside her, especially after his erratic behavior two nights ago.

She hurried into the kitchen and went straight to the phone, punching in her sister’s number. “Is Mark over there?” She couldn’t keep the urgency from her voice.

“No. Shane came home a few minutes ago and went to his room. Do you want me to ask him if he knows where Mark is?”

Kathleen’s grip on the receiver tightened until pain radiated down her arm. “Please.” When she heard Laura put the phone down, Kathleen glanced toward Jared.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mark wasn’t in his room. No note on the table in the entry hall telling me where he is. He knows he’s supposed to let me know where he’s going if I’m not here when he leaves.” Panic nibbled at the edges of her composure as all kinds of thoughts—none good—swirled in her mind. Again, as so many times of late, she felt her life spinning out of control. Her life felt much like the chaos in her son’s room.

“Kathleen, Shane doesn’t know where he is. Aaron dropped him off at your house forty minutes ago. Do you want me to come over and help you look for him?”

“No, I’m sure he’s fine,” Kathleen answered, wishing her declaration was true. But with Mark she wasn’t sure anymore. She could still vividly remember the time in Shreveport when he had run away instead of going to the doctor. “Thanks, Laura.” The clamoring of her heart thundered in her ears as she replaced the receiver in its cradle. Her hands shook, and she clasped them together to keep them from trembling.

“Maybe he’s here somewhere or outside.”

“I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital. I should have come home, then this wouldn’t be happening.”

Jared stepped in front of Kathleen and commanded her full attention by grasping her upper arms, his nearness forcing her to look into his eyes. “Let’s check the whole house first, then outside.”

The sound of the front door slamming shut startled Kathleen. She jerked away from Jared and headed toward the entry hall. Mark was halfway up the stairs.

“Where have you been?” She grimaced at the harsh tone in her voice. She needed to remain calm. Nothing good came from confronting her son. It only made the situation worse lately.

He slowly peered over his shoulder. A long moment passed with nothing said, then he shrugged and mumbled, “Out. Walking.”

Kathleen forced herself to take a deep, calming breath, but still her stomach muscles remained clenched in a tight knot. “You’re supposed to write me a note telling me where you’re going.”

He lifted his shoulders in another shrug. “Forgot.” He resumed his progress up the stairs.

Kathleen counted to ten, then twenty, but nothing soothed her shredded nerves. She couldn’t shake the feeling something was terribly wrong. Watching her son disappear down the hall, she sensed Jared standing behind her. She whirled. “I’m beginning to wonder if he can put a sentence of more than a word or two together anymore.” She tried to smile, but it wavered about the corners of her mouth and vanished almost immediately.

“I’ve thought that many times while having a conversation with my children. I know they can because I’ve heard them with their friends. But sometimes talking to them is like pulling teeth.”

“At least he’s home and I don’t have to go out searching for him. I used not to have to worry like this, but lately, especially since the talent show, I don’t know what to think when it comes to Mark.”

Jared took a deep breath. “I think the coffee is ready. Why don’t we sit and talk over a cup?”

The aroma of coffee teased her senses. The idea of sharing a quiet, adult conversation with Jared roused her interest. “That sounds great. I can bring our coffee into the living room if you want.”

“Let’s drink it in the kitchen. I always think of that room as the heart of a house.”

With one last glance toward the top of the stairs, Kathleen led the way. “I like that. I probably spend more time in here than any room if I don’t count the hours I sleep.”

“When I was growing up, that was an important part of the house. Now I hardly set foot in my kitchen. Mrs. Davis prefers us staying out when she is creating her meals. At least she’s a good cook. I wish Hannah could learn to cook.”

“I could show her some dishes if she wants to learn.”

Jared grinned, deep lines fanning out from the corners of his eyes, indicating the man was used to smiling a lot. “I don’t think she has thought much about it. I just think it’s something she should know.”

“But not Terry?”

“Actually I think he should learn, too, but I don’t see Mrs. Davis being their teacher.”

But Jared saw Kathleen teaching them. He should back off from her right now, but he couldn’t. Hannah needed someone like Kathleen in her life—even if it was only as a friend. He couldn’t deny his child that. He would just have to be extra careful to protect his own heart.

“When I take Hannah shopping, I’ll see if she would like to have some lessons.”

“Maybe I could meet you two for lunch.”

“Hannah would love that. I thought Thursday would be a good day to go.” Kathleen removed two mugs from the cabinet and poured coffee into each.

“Are you two going to the mall?”

Kathleen nodded, handing Jared his mug.

“Then I’ll meet you at the south entrance at noon and we can go to lunch.” Taking a seat at the glass table, Jared settled back and scanned the room. “I like this. Warm. Inviting.”

“It was the first room I put together. I like to cook and it was so hard digging around in boxes trying to find what I needed.” Kathleen did her own survey of the kitchen, relaxing the tension that had gripped her ever since she had discovered Mark gone. The forest greens and deep reds of the plaid wallpaper added a richness to the walnut-finished cabinets. The light brown tiles that covered the floor lent a cool refreshing feel to the room. “I think this was what sold me on the house. It’s large and open with plenty of windows to let in the sunshine.”

Jared sipped his coffee, his gaze locking with hers over the mug’s rim. “I can’t believe you got your house in order in two weeks. I can still remember when we moved to Crystal Springs. It took us months to feel at home in our house.”

“I can be a very determined lady when I set my mind to a job. I need order in my surroundings. I’m much happier that way and learned long ago it was easier on me to keep things in their place.”

Her words brought back a memory that lambasted Jared. He put down his mug with more force than he intended, its sound against the glass piercing the quiet.

“What’s wrong?”

Jared closed his eyes for a few seconds, the memory still ingrained in his mind. When he looked at Kathleen, he saw the worry etched into her features. “I just thought of something that happened once, that’s all.”

Kathleen didn’t say anything, and her silence prodded him to fill the void. For some reason it felt right to talk to her even though he hadn’t discussed Alice’s problem in a long time, hadn’t wanted to re-hash something he’d rather forget.

“My wife hated housework, so one weekend I decided to help her. We had only been married a few years. That weekend I discovered one liquor bottle stashed behind the cleaning supplies under the sink and another one on the top shelf of the linen closet.” He paused, still sharply remembering the cold feel of the bottle in his hands as he had shown it to her. “I hadn’t realize Alice even drank. She knew how I felt about it.”

“So she kept it hidden from you?”

“Not after I confronted her with the two bottles. From then on she was open about her drinking.” Memories of watching his wife empty a bottle into a large glass then down it shuddered through him.

“That had to be hard.”

“Yes.” Jared took another sip of his coffee, cupping the mug to mask the quivering in his hands. “I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a person, medically speaking. In some ways I wished I had remained ignorant of her problem.”

“Ignorance is bliss?”