A Cry In The Night

“He’s only a little boy, Buzz. He’s sweet and smart and….” Rising abruptly, she turned away, put her face in her hands. “I can’t stand not knowing where he is. I’ve got to find him. I’ve got to go—”

“I need you to calm down and keep your head, Kel.”

“I’m trying. Dammit. I’m just…scared.”

“I know.”

She looked at him with ravaged eyes. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this, Buzz, but I didn’t know where else to go.” She put a trembling hand over her mouth. “I know we have a lot to work out. But right now I just want him back.”

Buzz barely heard the words over the pounding of his heart. He tried to comprehend everything he’d been told, but the meaning was too huge to absorb, too devastating.

After he finished the call, Buzz looked down at his hand clenching the phone, saw that it was shaking violently. He stared at his ex-wife. She’d always been a strong woman. She knew her mind and never failed to speak it. That was one of the things he’d always loved about her. Tonight, however, she looked as if that spirit had been crushed. Her coffee-brown eyes were wild with terror and ravaged by guilt. If she shook any more violently he figured he was going to have to pick her up off the floor. Because he didn’t want to have to do that, he rose and walked over to her, set his arms on her shoulders. “Sit down before you fall down. I’m going to get dressed. Pack some gear.”

“I don’t want to sit down. I can’t stay. I’m going back to the ranger station—”

“I’m going with you, damn it, and you’re going to wait for me.” He guided her toward the chair. “Sit down.”

“Don’t you have to go to headquarters to put your team out?”

“They’re standing by. You and I will make a stop at RMSAR on the way to the ranger station.” Noticing that her teeth were chattering, he scowled. He could feel tremors coming through her shoulders and into his hands. “Sit and pull yourself together. I’ll be ready to go in five minutes.”

She stared at him as if she was so at odds with the concept of sitting at a time like this that the sheer thought of it rendered her unable to do so.

“We’ll find him,” he promised, pushing her down into the chair.

Her shoulders felt frail beneath his hands. But Buzz knew she was anything but frail. She might weigh a hundred and ten pounds fully clothed and soaking wet, but her personality packed the punch of a linebacker. He’d been knocked senseless a time or two by that personality and had quickly learned size didn’t always matter.

“He hasn’t had dinner,” she said hoarsely.

“He got any supplies?”

“Snacks. Raisins and a peanut butter sandwich in his backpack. A few cookies. A little box of juice.”

“What else?” Plucking a flannel shirt off the back of a chair, Buzz jerked it on then stepped into his hiking boots.

“A flashlight. Bunky Bear, a little stuffed bear.”

“That’s good. Jacket?”

“Yeah, but it’s not waterproof.”

“It’s not going to rain. Another dry front.”

She jumped with a clap of thunder. “He’s afraid of storms.”

Buzz tried to think like the cop he’d once been, like the Search and Rescue professional that he was, but there were too many emotions banging around inside him to manage it. He definitely wasn’t thinking objectively. He couldn’t get a handle on this, could barely form a coherent thought, let alone come up with a plan.

Grabbing his jacket off the arm of the sofa, Buzz turned to get his bag of gear—and nearly ran into Kelly. He hadn’t seen her rise, and the sudden contact stunned him, sent another shock through his system. For an instant she was so close he could smell her. A combination of citrus and the out-of-doors and the mysterious scent of woman. The familiarity of it struck him like a blow. He knew better than to let her affect him. Not at a time like this when she was frightened, when his own world had just been turned upside down, and an innocent young life hung in the balance. But when he took a deep breath, her essence enveloped his brain and brought back memories he had absolutely no desire to think of now.

Steeling himself against the power of those memories, he turned away abruptly and headed for the door. His head was spinning. Not only because of the shock of learning he had a son or that his young son was in danger. But because even after almost five years of being away from his ex-wife, she still wielded the power to make him shake inside and outside and every place in between.

Chapter 2

The drive to Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue Headquarters was a tense, silent affair, and Buzz felt every second that ticked by like a death knell. He’d been in some tight spots back when he was a cop. He’d come to within an inch of losing his life five years ago when a sixteen-year-old with a Saturday-night special had come out of nowhere and put a bullet in his spine. But even during that horrible instant when he’d known he was seriously—perhaps even fatally—hurt, Buzz hadn’t been as scared as he was tonight.

The repercussions of Kelly’s news rocked him to his foundation. And even though Buzz had never wanted children, he knew he would do everything in his power to protect what was his and bring that little boy home.

Back when they were married, Kelly had wanted children. Boys or girls, it never mattered to her. Buzz had seen too much of the dark side of the world to want to bring an innocent child into it. His own childhood had been a nightmare of neglect and subtle psychological abuses. Buzz had survived, but he’d known at a very young age he would never have children. Four years as a detective in the Child Abuse Division of the Denver PD had solidified that decision. He’d made his position clear to Kelly in the three years they’d been married. It had always been a point of contention between them. Kelly would never agree, but Buzz believed his not wanting children was one of the main reasons their marriage had failed.

Lord have mercy, he hadn’t expected this to happen.

Rocky Mountain Search and Rescue Headquarters was lit up like a football stadium when Buzz turned into the driveway. Not bothering to park away from the building in his usual spot, he drove the SUV through the grass and brought it to a sliding stop ten feet from the front entrance. Kelly had her door open before the vehicle had even come to a complete stop.

He knew she was going through hell right now. As angry as he was with her, he would never wish that kind of pain on anyone. He’d never even met his son, yet the instant he’d known, Buzz had felt the connection. A link that was instinctive and primal and ran deep to a place inside him he’d never ventured to explore.

He reached the door first, shoved it open with both hands. The door swung wide with a bang. Aaron “Dispatch” Henderson sat at the communication station, manning the VHF radio. Buzz made eye contact with him, saw wariness enter the younger man’s gaze. Neither of them spoke as Buzz stalked past. He could only imagine how he must look. Back when he’d been a cop, his fellow officers had jokingly called him “scary” when he was angry or intent on a case. Tonight, Buzz bet he looked downright terrifying.

He walked briskly down the hall, his boots thudding solidly against the wood planks. He heard Kelly moving behind him, but he didn’t slow down. The light was on in the galley, and he knew that was where his men had congregated to wait. Working his coat off as he walked, he tossed it at the coat rack, heard it fall to the floor. He didn’t stop to pick it up.

He entered the galley and halted. Four sets of narrowed eyes swept from Buzz to the woman behind him and back to Buzz. He saw the questions in their expressions, but he had no intention of answering any of them. Not tonight. Not until they’d found his son.

Medic John Maitland stood at the front of the room, dressed in his bright orange flight suit. Next to him, Tony “Flyboy” Colorosa, also geared in his flight suit, was pinning a topographical map of White River National Forest on an easel. Jake Madigan and junior medic Pete Scully hovered over the map, but their heads were turned and they were looking at Buzz as if he’d just beamed down from another planet.

Vaguely, Buzz was aware that he was breathing heavily. That his shirt clung damply to his back. He wondered if he was the only one who could hear the jackhammer rhythm of his heart.

“Winch team and night vision are RTG,” John said, using the shorthand term for “ready to go.”

“Chopper is standing by,” Tony added.

Realizing he had yet to explain the situation, Buzz gave himself a quick mental shake and started toward the front of the room. “Take your seats,” he snapped.

The four men shuffled into their seats.

For the first time since he’d begun his career with RMSAR four years earlier, Buzz felt as if he wasn’t in control of the situation. He fought for objectivity, to attain the clarity of mind that had made him such a good cop, such a good team leader—but he knew it was a useless endeavor. When he raised his finger to the map, his hand shook.

“We’ve got a lost boy. Four years old.” He indicated the general location on the map. “White River National Forest. East slope.” Pulling in a deep breath, he looked at Kelly. “They’ll need a description. You’re familiar with the area. I’d like you to point out the exact location. Give us the circumstances.”

Buzz watched her approach, aware of the dull thud of his heartbeat. In the harsh light of the galley, she looked pale and badly shaken. The cut on her temple stood out in stark contrast to her ashen complexion. The bruise forming beneath was going to be brilliant once it bloomed. She’d shed her coat in the foyer, and for the first time he realized just how bad the fall she’d taken must have been. Her jeans were dirty at the left hip and torn at the knee. The flannel shirt she wore had come untucked at one side and hung ungracefully to mid thigh.

He might be angry with her for lying to him about their son all these years, but he damn well was going to make sure she got checked out by a doctor before this was through. Damn hard-headed woman.

“This is Kelly Malone,” he said.

Absolute silence filled the room. The four men watched her carefully and with great interest as she took her place at the front of the room and let out a shaky breath. Her brown eyes scanned the male faces watching her.

“Eddie is four years old,” she began. “Dark hair, brown, cut short. Gray eyes. He’s wearing a white Denver Broncos sweatshirt and a pair of blue jeans. White sneakers. He had a green jacket tied around his waist, but he might be wearing it now. His backpack is blue.” Setting her purse on the table, she pulled out her wallet and dug the photo from it with trembling fingers. “I’ve only got one picture. It’s a couple of months old, but it’s a good one.” She looked longingly at the photo, then closed her eyes briefly. Without looking at it again, she handed it to John Maitland.

“Where did you last see him?” Jake Madigan asked.

Taking Kelly’s arm, Buzz eased her toward the map. “Did you say the eastern edge of the park?” he asked her.

She nodded, then turned to study the map.

Buzz could feel her shaking, knew she was holding onto her composure by only a thread. A very thin thread that wouldn’t hold much longer. He didn’t want to be there when it snapped, but knew he’d rather it be him than someone else.

He was aware of the men watching her, could practically feel the curiosity bubbling in the room. He knew they were wondering if their surly team leader had an ex-wife and a child he’d never told anyone about. Holy hell, this was a mess.

Forcing his mind back to the matter at hand, he gently squeezed her arm to let her know she was doing all right. That they were going to get through this. That they were going to get their son back.

Kelly gave him a grateful look, but her hand shook violently when she raised it to point out the hiking trail where she’d fallen. “Right here.”

“That’s the eastern edge of the hiking trails,” said John Maitland. “Terrain gets rough to the north.”

She nodded. “We were on the southernmost trail. About two miles from the campground.”

“How long has he been gone?”

“Almost four and a half hours.” Her voice cracked with the last word.

Knowing she couldn’t take much more before she broke, Buzz moved her gently aside and stepped forward. “Flyboy, what’s the weather situation?”

“There’s a front to the northwest. Weather Service is expecting sustained winds of fifty knots. It’s going to get rough when that sucker blows through.”

“What’s the flying time frame?”

“I’d say we have a couple of hours of fly time before I have to recall to base.”

Buzz’s curse was interrupted by Jake Madigan’s. Buzz looked over at the tall man wearing the battered Stetson.

“That’s not the only problem,” the cowboy said.

The hairs on Buzz’s nape stood up. Next to him, Kelly jerked her head toward Jake. Buzz shot the other man a questioning look.

Jake sighed, glanced from Kelly to Jake.

Buzz understood what the other man was trying to say an instant too late. Kelly darted around the table and walked over to Jake. Chin jutting, she raised her hand and pointed a finger in the general direction of his face. “Don’t you dare keep information from me just because you think I can’t handle it. I need to know what’s going on.”

Grimacing, Jake removed his Stetson, then looked helplessly at Buzz. “Well, ma’am…uh, with all due respect—”

“What problem?” she pressed.

Realizing abruptly what Jake was about to say, Buzz stepped forward and put his hands on Kelly’s shoulders. “We’re professionals, Kel. Let us take care of this. We’ll find him.”

“No.” She whirled on Buzz. “Don’t try to keep me out of this. I’m not going to sit this out.” She turned back to Jake, who looked as if he’d just backed into a cactus. “Damn it, tell me what the hell is going on.”

Jake sighed, shot Buzz a questioning look.

Knowing his ex-wife wasn’t going to back down, Buzz gave him a minute nod.

“The ranger station up on Ruby Lake reported a fire a few hours ago,” Jake began. “There was a lightning strike. With the drought and high winds, the fire is gaining momentum. It’s still small at this point, but it’s burning uncontrolled and heading this way.”

Kelly put her hand to her mouth to stop the sob that bubbled out, but she didn’t succeed. Her free hand went to her stomach, as if she’d been gut-punched. “Oh, God. Oh, no.”

Buzz pressed his fingers into her shoulders. “Kelly, the fire is small. Chances are the firefighters will be able to contain it. Let us take care of this. These men are the best. They’ve got to go to work. Right now. I’ll have Dispatch take you to the hospital to get that bump checked—”

“I’m not leaving Eddie.” Shaking off his grasp, she turned to face him, a waif ready to take on an army. “Don’t ask me to stay out of this. I know the area. I know the trails. I’ve got to be out there, looking for him.”

“You were knocked unconscious, damn it. You’re not going to do anyone any good when the adrenaline wears off and you find yourself flat on your back with a concussion.”

“The only thing that’s wrong with me is that I’ve lost my son.”

“You’re scared spitless and bleeding and running on nerves and your own hard head—”

“Don’t you dare try to shut me out of this. I’m not going to sit it out.”

“You’re out of control.”

She advanced on him, shaking so violently she didn’t trust her legs. “You’re damn right I am! I thought you might feel the same way, but obviously, your heart is still as cold as it ever was!”

She hadn’t meant to go there. Hadn’t meant to say those words or make this any more personal than it already was. Her control broke with an almost audible snap! The tears came in a rush. A useless, humiliating show of emotion that wasn’t going to accomplish anything except give her a wham-banger of a headache and prove to the men in this room she wasn’t going to be much help. She struggled valiantly to staunch the sobs that wrenched from deep in her chest, but they were powerful and shook her from head to toe.

Realizing the room had gone utterly silent, Kelly sucked in a breath and stopped herself cold. Buzz stared at her as if she’d just announced that she was an alien and would be moving back to her own planet in another galaxy at the end of the week. Tony Colorosa and Pete Scully had found something fascinating in the wood planks of the floor. John Maitland stared at the map. Jake scratched at a non-existent stain on the felt of his hat, his brows knitting as if in intense concentration.

Knowing her credibility was on the line, she let out the breath she’d been holding and addressed the men. “Eddie also has a flashlight with him. Since it’s dark, he may have it on. It’s plastic and not very bright, but the batteries were new, so it should be working.”

Buzz cleared his throat. “If that’s all….”

She jerked her head. “Please, find him. I want him back.”

He addressed his team. “Let’s get this show on the road, gentlemen.” He looked at his pilot. “Do your best for me, will you, Flyboy?”

“Piece of cake.” Some of the cockiness went out of Tony’s expression when he glanced at Kelly. “We’ll find him, Ms. Malone.”

Because she couldn’t speak, she nodded her thanks and within seconds, the men had grabbed their canvas equipment bags and rushed out the rear entrance, leaving an uncomfortable silence in their wake.

Without speaking to her, Buzz left the room and picked his coat off the floor in the hall. Kelly followed. “I’m sorry I broke down like that,” she said.

“You’re entitled.”

“I know this is hard for you, too.”

He turned to her, striking her with a gaze as sharp and cold as an alpine winter. “Whatever you do, don’t apologize.”

“Buzz….”

“I still plan to rake you over the coals.”

“Well, I certainly don’t want to miss out on that.”

Buzz shot her a thin smile. “That’s one of the things I’ve missed about you, Kel.”

“What’s that?”

“Your smart mouth.”

“Not something to base a relationship on, I guess.”

“I guess not.” Grimacing, he started toward the door. “Let’s get out to the site.”

“I hope it doesn’t rain, Bunky Bear.” Eddie Malone shone the flashlight on the stuffed animal’s face, wishing the little bear could say something back. “Mommy always told me thunder was just this big guy up in the sky throwing thunderbolts, but I didn’t really believe it. I didn’t tell her ’cause I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I thought that was a really dumb story.”

Bunky Bear stared back at him with his one good eye and a little smile on his mouth that always made Eddie laugh. But Eddie wasn’t laughing tonight. He was scared. More scared than he’d ever been in his whole life.

It had all started when he’d dropped Bunky Bear down that big hill. He’d tried not to cry, but he’d wanted his bear back. Mommy had climbed down after Bunky, but the branch she was holding onto had snapped and she rolled and rolled all the way down the hill. It had scared Eddie even more when he called out to her and she didn’t answer. When he’d climbed down after her, she was asleep. He tried to wake her, but she wouldn’t wake up. He knew he shouldn’t cry, but it scared him so much he just couldn’t help it. He’d sat down beside her and cried for a long time.

Then he saw the cut on her head and thought he should go for help. Isn’t that what Captain Kudo on “Kudos and Kids” would do? Knowing it was the only way to save his mom, Eddie had grabbed Bunky Bear, stuffed him in his backpack and started back toward the campground where Aunt Kim would know what to do. He’d thought for sure he was going the right way. But it seemed like he walked forever and never got back to the campground. Then the wind had started blowing, and it started getting dark.

Snuggled up against Bunky Bear, Eddie shivered and huddled deeper into his jacket. “Don’t worry, Bunky Bear,” he said. “Mommy’s okay. She’s a good hiker and knows everything there is to know about camping and stuff.”

The rumble of thunder in the distance made his teeth chatter. He looked up, saw the sky flicker. Around him, the treetops swayed and whispered. He wished it wasn’t so dark. He hadn’t been quite so scared when the sun was shining.

He wished Mommy would hurry up and find him so they could go home.

Buzz didn’t bother with the speed limit on the way to White River Campground, and the trip took less than half an hour. Using his cell phone en route, he checked in with the ranger station where the base camp for the search had been set up, as well as the Lake County Sheriff’s Department to see how the search was progressing. Neither agency reported any sign of Eddie. Another call to his contact at the Chaffee County Sheriff’s Department told him a team of scent-trained bloodhounds would be brought in at first light. Buzz hoped to God they found him by morning. If they didn’t, he hated to wait that long to bring in the dogs, but he knew how difficult nighttime searches were.

Next to him, Kelly stared into the darkness beyond the window as silent and still as a mannequin. The tension coming off her was palpable. Buzz felt his own tension like a knot being drawn ever tighter in his chest. But as angry as he was with her, another side of him felt a pang of compassion every time he looked at her and saw the profound sadness in her eyes. He wasn’t going to let her down.

A hundred questions rang in his head. Even though Buzz knew now wasn’t the time to raise them, there was a small part of him that wanted to know everything about his son. He wanted to know how tall he was. What he liked to eat. His favorite stories and movies and toys. If he took after his mother—or, God forbid, him. Another side of him—the side that was an ex-detective and had worked some of the worst child abuse cases in the city—cringed at the thought of bringing something so precious as a child into a world that was many times less than kind to the innocent.

Feeling the urgency press into him with an almost physical force, all too aware of the minutes ticking by and the fire raging just a few miles to the north, Buzz looked at his watch, felt another snap of tension go through his system. Eleven o’clock. Eddie had been missing for five hours now. As an ex-cop, and now a Search and Rescue professional, he knew all too well how much could happen in five hours.

Where are you, son?

Surprise rippled through him that he was now thinking of this child as his son. He wondered how smart that was when he didn’t have any idea how he was going to handle being a father—if he would even get the chance, if he wanted it at all.

The campground was humming with activity when Buzz drove into the parking lot. Park rangers and volunteers and sheriff’s deputies hustled about, talking into their radios and looking harried. Buzz parked the truck next to a Lake County sheriff’s van and shut down the engine. Next to him, Kelly reached for the door handle.

“We’re going to hit the trail, so make it brief,” he said.

Nodding once, she slipped out the door. Buzz gathered his gear and got out of the truck. He was in the process of slipping his pack over his shoulders when a tall man dressed in khakis and a button-down shirt rushed toward Kelly with a determined stride. Buzz couldn’t see much of him in the dim light cast from the single sodium vapor lamp overhead—just enough to recognize the glint of male interest in his eyes.

“Any word?” Kelly asked the man.

“Nothing yet.” He opened his arms to her. “I’m sorry.”

She went into his arms without hesitation.

Standing next to the truck, Buzz watched the exchange, trying in vain to ignore the hot snap of jealousy.

“I came straight over from the office,” the man said to her. “Your sister called and talked to my assistant. I wish you’d called me.”

“There was nothing you could do.”

“I could have been here for you.”

“God, Taylor, I’m so worried. It’s been over five hours.”