The Widow's Little Secret

Mattie didn’t mind the solitude of the kitchen, but she sorely missed Billy Weaver. Billy had been her dishwasher…before.

With a jerk of her chin, Mattie sent unkind thoughts in the direction of Jared McQuaid. If not for him, she’d have been at the restaurant all day and could have done these dishes a little at a time, rather than standing here all night, doing them now, to ready the kitchen for tomorrow’s business.

Instead, he’d taken her home to rest. Then hauled her to the church to marry him. Mattie shuddered at the thought. Good gracious, what had she been thinking, agreeing to the marriage? Luckily, she’d come to her senses in time.

She scrubbed the next plate in the tepid water, dipped it in the rinse tub and stacked it with the others. Maybe she should march to the jail and insist Jared come over and wash these dishes himself. Yes, that would serve him right.

For an instant the vision of Jared standing at her washtub bloomed in her mind. Sleeves rolled up, dark hair spread over flexing forearms, legs braced wide apart. So big, so strong. Unlike Mattie, he no doubt could work for hours and not even breathe hard.

Of course, Jared McQuaid didn’t have another person riding around inside of him.

Mattie smiled to herself. The baby. Growing within her right now, this very moment. What did it look like? she wondered. Would it be a boy? A girl?

More sobering thoughts came to Mattie then, taking the smile from her face. She had so much to do before the child was born. Pay off Del’s old debts. Build up her bank account. Get her business back on track. Prepare for the baby’s arrival. Then insure the child’s future.

“Well, gracious…” Mattie muttered, the sloshing of water muting her words.

So much to do. So much to do…alone.

She sighed, dipping the last plate into the rinse tub. Better to do things alone than to depend on someone who wouldn’t come through for her. She didn’t need to learn that lesson twice.

True, her future was a tall order, but Mattie was confident she could handle it. The only question concerned Jared. And she intended to settle that tonight.

Mattie dried the dishes and stacked them in the cupboard, then dumped the wash water and took off her apron. This afternoon in the churchyard, Jared had threatened to make it known that he was the father of her baby. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—allow that to happen.

Slipping her shawl around her shoulders, Mattie gathered her handbag, blew out the lanterns and locked up. But instead of heading home, she went the other way.

The good thing about the day wearing on was that the nausea that marked her mornings faded. The bad thing was that fatigue took its place.

Bone weary, Mattie walked along the darkened street. Most of the businesses had closed long ago. Just a few windows glowed with lamplight. The only noise came from the Lady Luck Saloon at the other end of town.

Mattie stopped as she neared the jail, and glanced around. No one was about, but that didn’t mean she might not be seen. Surely, word would spread that the new sheriff had offered to marry her and she’d turned him down. Mattie didn’t want to add any more fuel to the gossip by being seen entering the jailhouse this late at night.

She cut through the alley to the rear of the jail. Glancing around, she opened the door and stepped inside.

From a doorway to her left, light spilled into the hallway, illuminating two empty cells. Straight ahead, through another opened door, lantern light burned in the sheriff’s office.

Mattie paused, listening. She heard nothing. Maybe Jared wasn’t here. He could be out walking rounds.

She ventured farther down the hallway, wanting to make certain. Mattie wanted to talk to him tonight, get this issue settled once and for all.

A shadow crossed her path and Jared leaped in front of her. Startled, she froze.

Good gracious, his chest was bare.

Which was an odd thing to notice, she realized a second later, given that he had a Colt .45 pointed at her head.

“What the hell are you doing, sneaking in here?” Jared demanded. “I nearly shot you.”

Mattie pointed lamely down the hall. “You shouldn’t have left your door unlocked. How thoughtless.”

Jared grumbled and lowered his pistol. “Nobody breaks into a jail, Mattie.”

“Oh.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked, frowning. Mattie twisted her fingers together, unsure where to start. Of course, it would be much easier to think if he weren’t standing only a foot away with no shirt on.

Dark, crinkly hair covered his chest and arrowed down his muscled stomach, disappearing into his trousers. His arms bulged as he shifted his wide shoulders.

The sleeves of his long johns and his suspenders hung at his sides; the top button of his trousers was unfastened.

“Change your mind about getting married?” he asked.

The question shocked her back to reality. “No, of course not. I need to talk to you.”

Jared stepped into the room and turned a cane bottom chair toward her. “Sit down,” he said.

A tingle swept up her spine. This was his bedroom. She couldn’t waltz inside and sit down. It wasn’t decent.

“You’ve been on your feet all evening. Sit down.” When she still hesitated, Jared gestured toward the bunk in the corner. “Unless you’d rather hop into bed?”

Mattie jerked her chin at him and plopped into the chair. He shoved the pistol into the holster that dangled from a row of pegs on the wall. His shirt hung beside it. He’d probably been getting ready for bed when she walked in. Her gaze bounced to the tidy bunk, then to Jared. He was already watching her. Mattie’s cheeks burned. She busied herself straightening her skirt, refusing to look at him again.

“How are you feeling?” Jared asked.

“Fine.”

He stopped in the center of the floor and sighed heavily. “How are you really feeling?”

She wasn’t sure if the frown on his face meant he was angry or genuinely concerned. “Tired. A little tired.”

“Did you eat a proper supper?”

She huffed. “That’s really none of your concern.”

His chest swelled and his frown deepened. “Did you eat a proper supper?”

“Yes,” she told him. No sense in annoying him further, given the reason she was here tonight.

Jared nodded, apparently satisfied, then shoved his arms into his long johns and pulled them over his shoulders.

“What do you need to talk about?” he asked.

How odd, sitting in a chair in Jared’s bedroom, watching him dress. Mattie couldn’t recall any such moment with her husband.

Obviously, Jared thought nothing of her being there. He buttoned his long johns and slipped on his shirt, completely comfortable with her presence.

His long fingers fastened the shirt, then dipped into his trousers, tucking the tail inside. Mattie sat mesmerized by the simple action, the intimate details he shared so casually.

“Mattie?”

“Oh.” She shifted on the chair. “I have to know if you’ll keep my secret.”

“You mean about the baby really being mine?”

“You can’t be serious about telling everyone the truth. Can you imagine the scandal?”

“You’d rather live a lie than be gossiped about?”

Mattie rose from the chair. “I don’t care so much for myself. I’m worried about the baby. This will throw a shadow over his whole life.”

“His whole life? You think it’s a boy?” His gaze dipped to her belly.

She touched her hand to her stomach. “I don’t know.”

“I want a girl,” Jared said, pulling up his suspenders. “It’ll be a girl.”

“All the more reason not to jeopardize her future,” Mattie said. “Surely you can see that.”

Jared shrugged into his vest and fastened his gun belt on his hips. “I’m more concerned that she’ll turn out as stubborn as her mama.”

Mattie sighed heavily. “Jared, please—”

“You need to get home,” he said, and put on his hat.

She pulled away when he reached for her arm. “Not until you give me your answer. I have to know this is settled. Surely you can understand that.”

He leaned down, just a little, just enough to make her draw back. “And surely you can understand that, for a man, agreeing to give up his child isn’t a decision to be made lightly.”

The depth of his gaze held her captive for a moment, and in that moment she saw something unreadable in Jared. Something deep. Something old and timeworn. It touched her, frightened her a little.

“I can walk home myself,” she said to him. He sighed irritably. “I’m walking you home, Mattie, and that’s that.”

Jared strode out of the room, leaving her no choice but to follow.

A ray of morning sunlight streaming through the window bored into Jared’s eyes, waking him. He sat up, groggy, looked around and finally remembered where he was after his first night in his new room.

He scrubbed his hands over his face and pushed his fingers through his hair. Then he tossed back the covers.

It had been a hell of a night….

His wedding night, or should have been. If Mattie hadn’t been so hardheaded at the church yesterday, he’d have spent the night in bed with her. Jared didn’t need to look down to be reminded of the missed opportunity. It had kept him tossing and turning for hours.

What the hell was wrong with that woman? Naked, Jared rose from the bed and poured water from the pitcher into the basin at the washstand. Every other woman in the whole country was champing at the bit to get married. Hell, most of them were tracking men down, dragging them to the altar.

Jared braced his arms on the corner of the washstand and squinted into the mirror. Sure, he looked a little ragged this morning, hair sticking up, eyes red, heavy whiskers, but he was a good catch, as husbands went.

He had a respectable job that paid well. He worked hard, had money put away. He was handsome enough. He knew how to treat a woman, take care of her needs…her womanly needs.

Jared groaned aloud as his body tightened, remembering how he’d taken care of Mattie’s needs their night together—all three times. The ache worsened, just thinking about it.

She’d come here last night to talk to him, but all he’d been able to think about was getting her into bed again. He’d walked her home, but she hadn’t let him come inside with her.

He’d told her he’d let her know his decision about telling everyone the truth about the baby. But that was just an excuse to get to see her again; he’d never poison his child’s future by branding him a bastard.

Jared groaned softly, remembering the night the baby was conceived. Before, when he’d been a marshal riding the trail, thinking of her, and this happened, he’d just waited it out, concentrated on his job. But now that he was in the same town with her, seeing her, touching her, almost marrying her, his condition had grown worse, much worse.

It just wasn’t right, wanting one woman this much, but he did. If he didn’t do something about it soon…

“Damn stubborn woman,” Jared muttered.

When he’d come to Stanford he’d wanted to make himself a home here, court Mattie, get to know her. Many a night on the trail he’d wondered if he’d fallen in love with her.

Jared gazed into the mirror, but it wasn’t his reflection he saw, it was the past. Ten years. Ten long years of loneliness, hurt and painful memories. Somehow, all of that had gone away after one night with Mattie.

Hell, maybe he did love her.

No matter what, Jared didn’t intend to let her out of his life. He liked being around her, liked the way she looked, the way she smelled. He even liked that spirit of hers, though he’d have to find a way to control it.

And she was having his baby. A little grin pulled at his lips every time he thought of it. Him, a papa. Mattie, sweet Mattie, the mama.

He dipped his hands into the basin and splashed icy water on his face. He shuddered.

Mattie might think she could order him out of her life, or wish him away, or scare him away, but that wouldn’t happen. Jared wasn’t about to turn his back on her. And he certainly wasn’t going to abandon his child. Not when he was this close to having so many of the things he wanted.

Jared sighed in the silent room. Hell, he did love her. He loved her and he wanted her. He’d figure a way to have her.

But that would be so much easier to do if he could just get himself under control enough to make it through the day without embarrassing himself in front of the whole town.

Jared ground his teeth together, picked up the pitcher and poured it down his front.

He sucked in a quick breath as the icy water splashed over him. His chest heaved from the shock. His body shuddered.

But at least it took care of one problem.

Until the next time he laid eyes on Mattie.

Chapter Six

Jared needed breakfast, but didn’t dare go to the Cottonwood Café for it. He wasn’t exactly Mattie’s favorite person right now. He was liable to get the bowl of oatmeal he ordered dumped over his head.

And even that, he feared, would make him want her again.

He headed to the Silver Bell Restaurant at the other end of town to have his meal. After that, he’d get down to work. This was a quiet town, but he needed to learn his way around, make himself known, check for trouble spots. He didn’t intend to let things get out of hand in his town.

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