Fire And Spice

It was pathetic. She was alone, eating alone. What good was all this without someone to share it with? Suddenly she longed to be back in Africa, in her shabby little house in the dusty town, eating with friends-some starchy yam and oily fish soup-anything. She longed for friends around her, conversation, laughter. She longed for the sense of community, the sharing and support.

Loneliness overwhelmed her and her salad blurred in front of her eyes, the colors swirling together in pretty shades of green and white. Angry with herself, she blinked to clear her eyes. She was not going to get maudlin and weep into her salad like some tragic heroine. This was stupid, stupid. She couldn’t allow herself to give in to these feelings. She would make friends here, build a new life. It would just take some time and effort.

The phone rang.

‘Hi, it’s me, Maxie,’ said the voice. Maxie lived in the town house next door, a large, beautiful place which she shared with her bald husband, several exotic caged birds, and a boa constrictor. She had a mass of bright red hair, a sexy voice and a body to kill for. She wore the wildest, most flamboyant clothes Zoe had ever seen.

‘Hi,’ said Zoe. When she’d moved in, on an excruciatingly hot August day, Maxie had offered lemonade, the use of her telephone, and a view of her snake. They’d talked briefly on occasion afterward. Maxie and her husband Derek owned a very exclusive international art shop and made frequent buying trips overseas.

‘We’re having our annual end-of-summer party on Saturday,’ said Maxie. ‘I’d like you to come.’

A party! People! Conversation! It was an omen. Zoe felt her spirits soar heavenward.

‘Oh, thank you! I’d love to. Can I bring something?’

‘I’m having it catered. It’s a big party, lots of people, and I don’t want to bother with the food. How have you been?’

‘I like the school and the staff, but I’m still readjusting to things American, like overloaded supermarkets with fifteen brands of everything and phones that work and semi-sane traffic.’

Maxie laughed her husky laugh. ‘You’ll find some soul mates at the party. Lots of globe-trotters and foreign types.’ ‘Sounds interesting. What do I wear?’

‘Anything you like. There’ll be people in jeans and saris and dashikis and bow-tie, so whatever.’

‘Good. When you mentioned catering I was worried I had to get something long with sequins or feathers.’

‘Oh, please, spare me!’ Maxie laughed. ‘Well, I’ll see you Saturday, then, eight.’

Zoe replaced the receiver and grinned to herself. She felt suddenly very light and not at all depressed any more. The invitation was an omen. A definite omen that exciting things were lurking around the corner. She took several dance steps back to the table to finish her salad.

Afterward she felt too restless to read or watch television. She needed something to do. She glanced around the tiny kitchen, looking for inspiration. She should bake something time-consuming and elaborate. A cake. A luscious, decadent chocolate cake with nuts. She’d take it to school tomorrow and leave it in the teachers’ lounge. It wouldn’t last long there.

She was two eggs short. Well, the corner store was still open. Grabbing her purse, she rushed out the door, down the stairs to the hall. Opening the front door, she found herself face to face with Bryant Sinclair. No, not face to face. He was quite a bit taller than she. Her heart lurched as she looked up at him, meeting his blue, blue eyes. Like a summer sky, came the sudden thought. Apparently he was just returning from work. He wore the suit he had worn that morning, a briefcase in one hand, keys dangling in the other.

‘Thank you,’ he said, giving a vague smile.

She was aware suddenly that she was gaping at him stupidly. She rearranged her face in what she hoped was a more dignified expression. ‘I was just going out for some eggs.’ Now why did she tell him that? There was no reason to explain herself.

Amusement gleamed in his eyes. ‘May your quest be successful,’ he said, ‘otherwise drop by and have some of mine. On second thought, why not just have some of mine right now and save yourself the trip?’

‘Thank you, but I need the exercise and I’m sure they have some at the corner store.’ She scooted down the steps to the brick sidewalk and heard the front door close behind her. Her heart was going crazy. What was the matter with her? The moment she saw him, her senses went wild. This was not normal, was it? After all, she didn’t even like the man.

BRYANT was watching her. It was odd-she could feel his eyes on her like a touch on her skin. Zoe sipped her wine as she slowly turned and allowed her gaze to pass casually over Bryant, pretending she didn’t notice him. He was talking to an Arab in a white flowing robe and a woman in a bunny costume. There was indeed an intriguing array of clothes. She glanced around Maxie’s crowded living-room, glimpsing a man in a dashiki, two women in saris and an assortment of exotic print shirts. The rest of the guests wore a more standard variety of party garb, including Bryant, who sported dark trousers and a blue and black print silk shirt, open at the neck.

She wore a short little party dress with off-theshoulder sleeves that she had bought in Rome when she’d visited her mother there this summer on her way back to the States. It was black and sexy, and actually she felt a bit naked in it, although the dress did not expose anything that shouldn’t be exposed in polite company. It was just that she hadn’t worn this sort of clothes for ages.

Arriving at the party a few minutes ago, she’d been surprised to see Bryant, then realized that he was Maxie’s neighbor as much as she. A moment later he was standing in front of her, apparently having shed the Arab and the bunny. ‘You look rather lost,’ he said.

She grimaced. ‘I don’t know anyone here. I suppose I should just dive in and introduce myself to someone who looks interesting and start a conversation.’

He surveyed the room. ‘Who looks interesting to you?’

‘The sheik over there, the one you were just talking to. I can just see him on a camel trotting through the desert.’

He took a sip from his drink. ‘You find that idea romantic?’

‘I said interesting, not romantic,’ she said, giving him a challenging look which he pretended not to notice.

‘I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed,’ he said.

‘The man was born and bred in Texas. Spent several years in Saudi Arabia with an oil company, and now shows up at parties in his costume. He’s never been within ten feet of a camel and he’s a big bore.’

She sighed. ‘All right, who’s interesting?’

‘That little old lady over there,’ he said promptly.

‘The one in the orthopedic shoes.’ A smile tugged at his mouth as he looked at her.

She was being reprimanded, she knew, ever so slightly, but he had a sense of humor, which was very reassuring.

‘So what’s interesting about her?’ ‘She knows how to ride a camel.’ Zoe laughed. She couldn’t help it.

‘She works for a relief organization in the Sudan,’ he went on. ‘She’s on home leave.’

‘You’re kidding.’ Zoe looked at the woman. She was tiny, wrinkled and gray and at least in her seventies-at first glance, just an old lady. On closer inspection, it was obvious that there was nothing old and doddering about her. She emanated a vivacious spirit, laughing and gesturing with her hands as she spoke.

‘She seems rather busy now, but I’ll have to go and speak to her later,’ she said. ‘By the way, I understand you’ve also worked in Venezuela. I have a friend who just moved there. Did you like it there?’

Behind the bright blue of his eyes, dark shadows moved. Or was she imagining it?

‘Not particularly.’ His voice had cooled considerably. ‘Who told you?’

Not a good subject of conversation, obviously. Her heart fluttered nervously. ‘Nobody. It was in Paul’s file. He was born in Caracas, it said.’

He rubbed his temple with long, lean fingers, stroking at tension. Or pain. Or just out of habit. ‘Yes, of course.’

‘How’s Paul doing?’ she asked lightly. ‘Did you talk to him?’

‘Paul will be fine,’ he said, a faint note of impatience in his voice. ‘He’ll see the light one of these days.’ He took a drink from his glass, which held something amber-colored with ice cubes floating in it. Whiskey, probably.

The bunny bumped into him accidentally on purpose. ‘Oh, I’m terribly sorry!’ she exclaimed and beamed up at him with a toothpaste smile. ‘Oh, I wanted to tell you that I found it fascinating what you said about the development politics in Argentina.was it Argentina?’

Zoe escaped with a sigh of relief. Saved by a rabbit, she thought, and gave a little chuckle. Well, she’d learned something about Mr Sinclair: not only did he not like talking about his son, he also didn’t like talking about Venezuela. She wondered what had happened in Venezuela. She wondered what had happened to his wife.

She mingled, smiling, talking, listening, nibbling at exotic-looking little tidbits of food, trying not to be aware of Bryant, who, with amazing speed, had managed to get rid of the bunny once more and was mingling, too. She talked for quite some time with the little old lady, who was very interesting indeed, not to speak of sharp and full of humor.

‘So, what did you think of her?’ asked Bryant later.

‘People like her give me great hope for the future,’

she said. ‘I hope I never dry up.’

‘Do you worry about that a lot?’

She laughed. ‘Actually, no.’

He put his empty glass on the tray of a passing waiter. ‘And what are your hopes for the future?’ he asked lightly.

‘Oh, I have a catalogue full.’ This was true enough, if not very specific. She wasn’t ready to tell him her intimate dreams. She smiled. ‘Mostly, I don’t ever want to be bored. Or boring, for that matter,’ she added.

‘You are not boring,’ he stated evenly, his blue eyes locking with hers.

She felt her heart leap a little. She mustered a bright smile. ‘Thank you, that’s a relief. I hope I can keep that up until old age.’ She tucked a stray curl behind her ear. ‘And what about your hopes for the future?’

‘I’ve not given it much thought. May I get you another glass of wine?’

His personal future seemed to be another subject he did not care to discuss. It was getting to be quite a list

‘No, thank you, I’ve had enough.’ She put her empty glass on a nearby table, trying to find something safe to say. Fortunately, there was no need. Several people joined them and took over the conversation, which gave her the opportunity to listen and watch.

Watching Bryant’s face and listening to his voice made her feel very much alive, a light, effervescent feeling that tingled all through her.

It was very late when she decided to leave. She felt good, very good. Her spirits had been much restored. Actually, she felt quite charged up. She smiled to herself as she skipped down the steps to the quiet, dark street. The air was crisp and cool and she took in a deep breath, lifting her face to the night sky. Stars, a swelling moon. Endless space full of mysteries. It made you think of magic and love and hope.

Life was exciting and full of promise.

She wished she could hug the feeling to her and keep it there always.

Paul’s school performance did not improve in the following week. Twice in that time Zoe ran into Bryant as they were leaving for work at the same time. On both occasions her heart made a nervous little leap as she saw him-dressed in a business suit and smelling faintly of something clean and masculine. Neither time did he mention his son.

She’d seen him one other time, but he’d not seen her. The day after the party, Sunday, she’d taken a walk and noticed Bryant and Paul in the park, shooting hoops. Like Paul, Bryant had been wearing jeans and a T-shirt. He’d been like a different man, running, jumping, tossing the ball through the hoop with the smooth agility of an athlete. With her heart in her throat she’d watched his lean, muscled body twist and stretch and leap. Disturbing feelings had stormed through her-disturbing because of their intensity, because of the total lack of control she seemed to have over them.

It was frightening and exciting at the same time.

Sitting in her office, looking at the teachers’ reports about Paul’s work or lack thereof, she tried to concentrate on Paul and put Bryant out of her mind.

She called Paul into her office to have another talk with him. He sat huddled in a chair with his head down and stared at his hands as he fiddled with a paper clip. The body language was not promising. He answered all her questions with one of three mumbled answers: ‘I don’t know’, ‘I don’t care’ and ‘It’s stupid anyway’.

It was not the first time she had encountered a child like Paul with an attitude like his, yet she could feel her emotions getting the better of her. Bryant had to know something was wrong. Bryant had to take charge of this problem. Bryant had to care.

She wanted to do something, but scheduling another conference was most likely not going to work. She had to think of something else.

Something else-but what?

She needed inspiration, an idea, an opportunity. Something.

The next day she came home from school and found Paul outside sitting on the brick steps, his book bag next to him. He moved it to let her pass.

‘Why are you sitting here?’ she asked.

‘I forgot my key.’

‘Where’s Mrs Garcia?’

He shrugged. ‘She had to go to the doctor or something. My dad said I could be by myself today until he came home.’

‘Well, I can let you into the front door. When is your dad coming home?’

He shrugged. ‘I dunno.’ He got up and followed her into the small hall they shared.

‘Why don’t you come up to my place and wait? You can have a snack and do your homework.’

He shook his head. ‘Naw, I’m okay.’ He sat down on the floor with his back to the wall.

She started up the stairs to her apartment. ‘If you change your mind, just come on up, okay?’

‘Okay.’

He did not come up. Half an hour later she went downstairs with a glass of apple juice and some cookies. ‘I thought you might like something to eat.’

He put down the comic book he was reading and looked up in surprise. He took the glass and the small plate from her. ‘Thanks.’

‘You’re welcome. When does your dad come home usually?’

He shrugged again. ‘Different times.’ He bit into one of the cookies. ‘These are good,’ he said.

‘I made them myself. I’m famous for my chocolatechip coconut cookies all over Africa.’ This was rather an exaggeration, but it did get his attention.

‘Really?’ he asked. ‘Did you live in Africa?’

She nodded. ‘Several places. Last I was in Cameroon. I taught English at a boarding-school, and I was the girls’ counselor too.’

His face closed up. ‘Oh,’ he said, and glanced back at his comic book.

Berating herself for her stupidity, Zoe went back up the stairs into her own apartment and left the door ajar, hoping to hear Bryant’s arrival home. Paul was twelve, old enough to be on his own for a couple of hours when it was necessary.

It was five-thirty when she heard voices in the hall below. Bryant. Not so late.

Fifteen minutes later there was a knock on her door and Bryant stood in front of her, suit jacket gone, tie gone, shirt-sleeves rolled up. He handed her back the glass and small plate she’d given Paul earlier.

‘Thank you,’ he said, smiling. ‘That was very nice of you.’

His hand was brown and strong, she noticed as she took the things from him. ‘I asked him to come up here, but he refused,’ she said, trying not to be affected by this tall, vibrantly sexy man standing in front of her. It was hopeless. Her heart fluttered crazily and her blood tingled.

‘He told me.’ His blue eyes held hers, as if looking for something. ‘I’d like to take you to dinner tonight,’ he said.

She laughed. ‘Because I gave Paul some cookies?’

His mouth quirked. ‘No, because I want to. Paul’s going to spend the weekend with his cousin in Philadelphia. He’ll be picked up in half an hour. I thought it would be a good opportunity to try out that little Thai restaurant on M Street and for us to get better acquainted.’

The gods are with me, she thought with sudden excitement. Maybe this was the opportunity she’d been looking for, an opportunity to find out more about what was going on. Maybe Bryant had changed his mind and decided he wanted to talk about Paul. Perhaps talking over dinner was easier than in her office, and in a casual atmosphere she had more chance to reach him.

‘Do you like Thai food?’ he asked.

She smiled. ‘Oh, yes. I love fire and spice.’ Oh, God, she thought, shut up.

A gleam in his eyes, a faint smile. ‘Is that a yes?’

She tried to look sober, not to give him any ideas. ‘Yes, it is,’ she said evenly.

She stood in front of her closet finding something to wear. It was no use fooling herself—her concern for Paul was not the only reason she was interested in having dinner with Bryant. Bryant alone would have been incentive enough, but she was aware of very conflicting feelings. She was interested in this man, yet she was also wary.

She frowned. What to wear? There was not a whole lot of choice; since coming back home she’d had to buy a whole new wardrobe and most of her clothes now consisted of suits and dresses she wore to the office and casual sports wear. She took out a short, casual dress of multicolored silk with a wide belt Fall colors—fiery orange, wine-red, glowing copper, golden yellow-colors that looked perfect with her chestnut hair and brown eyes, as the sales lady at Woodies had pointed out rather enthusiastically.

She put the dress on the bed and blow-dried her hair, thanking Mother Nature for her easy, manageable hair. It curled happily all by itself and she just let it do what it wanted to do. It hung just to her shoulders and often she put it up to keep it out of her face, but tonight she’d let it hang loose.

She slipped on the dress, put in gold hoop earrings and stepped into high-heeled shoes. Some carefully applied make-up, a dab of perfume and she was ready.

She picked up her purse and a soft knit jacket against the evening chill, and went down the stairs. Bryant came out of his door as she reached the hall. His glance moved over her discreetly and the look in his eyes left nothing to the imagination: he liked what he saw.

‘I’m ready,’ she said unnecessarily.

‘Shall we walk?’ he asked. ‘It’s not far.’

‘It’s nice out, sure.’ She hoped her feet would manage in her high heels; they weren’t used to such fashionable footwear.

It wasn’t quite dark yet. It seemed strange to be walking side by side with this man, who was a stranger, and to feel this odd light-headedness at his presence. He wore camel trousers, a dark blazer and a shirt and tie, but even in the less formal clothes he looked impressive. He moved with an easy stride as if he enjoyed walking and was in no particular hurry.

Once at the restaurant they didn’t talk about Paul. They talked about his work in Argentina and her work in Africa. Suddenly it was hard to think of Paul, of the things she’d wanted to say.

‘Why did you come back to the States?’ he asked, pushing his empty soup bowl aside.

‘I woke up one morning and there was a message painted on my ceiling. It said, Go home! Be normal! Exclamation marks.’

He quirked a brow. ‘Really?’

She grinned. ‘Well, sort of. Maybe it wasn’t actually on the ceiling. Maybe it was my imagination, or my subconscious giving me a message.’

He studied her face for a moment. ‘So, you want to be normal?’

She put her spoon down. ‘I thought I’d give it a try.

It sounds so nice and comfortable.’

One corner of his mouth twitched upward. ‘What made you go to Africa in the first place?’

She smiled. ‘I was bored with nice and comfortable. I needed a challenge, an adventure.’

He nodded. Obviously it was a sentiment he could identify with.

‘I started off in the Peace Corps,’ she went on. ‘It was quite an adventure, let me tell you, and one thing led to another and before I knew it I’d been gone six years. I’m twenty-nine. I thought it was time to come home and.settle down, work on my career here. Be normal.’

‘Some people end up staying overseas forever,’ he commented.

She twirled the stem of her wine glass. ‘Yes. I have a friend who’s been gone seventeen years, and I don’t think he’ll ever come back. I don’t think he could ever adjust.’

‘Are you finding it hard to adjust now?’

‘In some ways, yes, very.’ She grinned. ‘Shopping is a major problem. All those choices! The decisions! But it’s great being back. I love the fall, and the air is so clean and crisp, like drinking spring water. In Cameroon the air was so humid at times, you could ladle it up like soup.’

He looked into her eyes, saying nothing for a moment. ‘You have beautiful eyes,’ he said then. ‘Warm and smiling. You must be a happy person.’

She laughed, taken aback a little. ‘Oh, I think I am, most of the time.’

It was easy to talk to him. She was enjoying herself, and it seemed he was too. The food was delicious. The restaurant was small and very crowded, but she wasn’t very much aware of the other people. All she was aware of was him—his voice and his thick blond hair swept back from a high forehead. A very noble forehead. She was aware of his blue eyes—eyes that made her quiver. And she noticed his mouth, which was strong but sensual and caused disturbing thoughts in her head.

She liked the way he talked about his work, which involved the development of infrastructure in developing countries-bridges, dams, roads and airports. He was dedicated and committed, but not too enthusiastic about his state-side office job, which involved too much paper-pushing, discussing and negotiating, most of which annoyed and bored him. Obviously, he was a man of action, who needed to be involved in things happening-bridges being built, dams being constructed. She tried visualizing him in dusty khakis driving a Jeep. It was not difficult, even though all she had seen him in was impeccable, expensive city clothes. Not difficult at all, and she felt a secret twinge of excitement, which surprised her.

‘You’re looking forward to going overseas again, then?’ she asked.

‘When I find the right project, yes.’

‘Don’t you think it would be a good thing to settle down, for Paul’s sake?’ she asked. ‘At least for a couple of years or so?’

His shoulders moved in a faint shrug. ‘Paul’s young. He’ll learn to be flexible, to adapt.’ He gave a half-smile. ‘Important lessons to learn in life, don’t you think?’

‘Yes, yes, of course.’ Here she was agreeing with him. ‘Only,’ she added, ‘a lesson needs to be learned at the right time in the right place.’ She hesitated for a moment. ‘It’s not going well with him in school, you know,’ she said softly.

He met her eyes. ‘I would prefer not to discuss Paul tonight. Would you mind?’

So that was not why he had invited her. One part of her rejoiced, another part was disappointed.

‘I thought perhaps that’s why you had asked me to dinner. To discuss Paul.’

‘No. I asked you out for all the usual reasons.’

Her heart flipped in her chest. She took a drink of her wine. ‘I see.’

‘Is that acceptable?’ he asked, amusement in his voice now.

She managed a smile. ‘Of course,’ she said lightly.

It was acceptable. It should be acceptable. It also complicated matters. Did she want to get involved with a man who didn’t seem to take his son’s troubles very seriously?

Maybe she was over-reacting. Maybe she was jumping to conclusions. After all, there were a lot of things she didn’t know about them or their relationship at home. The image of the two of them in the park, shooting hoops, flashed through her mind. She’d heard

Bryant’s voice calling out praise and encouragement. She’d heard them laugh. Surely, their relationship seemed happy enough.