Fear of Falling

Pursuing a relationship with her was risky professionally and personally, but the danger added an edge to his attraction for her. He’d decided to start slowly—by inviting her to the auction. It was a professional function, one she could reasonably be expected to attend. But a night away from the castle and the formality of the office would give him the opportunity to see if she was open to exploring this chemistry between them further.

Monique returned and took her place on the sofa, careful to arrange the drape just so. As she settled back on the pillows, she yawned. “Tell me about that woman,” she said.

“Natalie? She’s the business manager Doug hired to keep me in line.”

“Looks to me as if you’d like her to be more than a manager.”

“I’m a man who’s interested in women, Monique. That doesn’t mean I want to take every one of them to bed.”

“You want her. I saw it in your eyes the minute she walked into the room.”

He dabbed his brush in umber paint and began shading along the back of the female figure’s thighs. “I want a lot of things, but even the Great Sartain doesn’t get all of them.”

She laughed. “You shouldn’t admit it. You’ll ruin your reputation.”

“What does it say about me that being too virtuous can ruin my reputation?”

“No one is going to believe you’re virtuous. A virtuous man wouldn’t paint the way you do.”

He stepped back to consider the work in progress. It was almost there. Maybe a little more curvature to the stomach…. “You don’t think there’s virtue in my honesty?”

“Honesty?” Monique arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

“I paint the dark fantasies we all have. I’m just honest enough to admit to them.”

“Speaking of fantasies, I wouldn’t mind making this one come to life.” She arched her back, stretching like a cat. “I know a friend who might be interested in joining us.”

He shook his head. “The power of fantasy is that it isn’t poisoned by reality.”

“I’ll bet if Natalie was making the offer, you wouldn’t turn her down.”

“Don’t pout. It ruins the expression I’m trying to capture for the painting.”

“You didn’t answer my question. If Natalie proposed a threesome, would you take her up on the offer?”

He shook his head. “No. If Natalie invited me into her bed, I’d want her all to myself.”

“SO WHAT did he want?” Laura met Natalie at the door of the office when she returned from her visit to Sartain’s studio.

“He wants me to go with him to the Young Artists’ Endowment Fund auction tomorrow night.”

“He asked you out?” She followed Natalie to her desk.

“No. Of course not. This is business.” She picked up her calendar and pretended to study it, not seeing anything except Sartain’s face when he’d made his request. His expression had been intense as always, but unreadable. She set the calendar back on the desk. “He wants me to meet some of the players in the art world. I need to know them in order to do my job.”

“That’s what he says, but he wants something else from you.” Laura crossed her arms over her chest. “Believe me I know. The man never met a woman he didn’t want to know better. He knew you’d object to a real date, so he presented the idea in terms you’d accept.”

The fact that the same thought had occurred to Natalie didn’t make it any more palatable. “It is important for me to know the people Sartain does business with,” she said. “This dinner is part of my job, nothing more.”

“People will talk, you know,” Laura said. “Next thing you know, your picture will be on the cover of some tabloid as ‘eccentric artist John Sartain’s newest paramour.’”

“Paramour?” Natalie laughed at the old-fashioned-sounding word. “They’ll be disappointed to discover I’m only his business manager.”

“Any woman who appears in public with Sartain is going to be linked to him in some scandalous way. He encourages it, even.”

Natalie had no doubt of this. Sartain seemed to relish his role as a hedonist. How much of that was a manufactured image and how much the true man? “Is that what happened to you?” she asked. “Did your picture show up in the tabloids?”

Laura ducked her head. “No. But we weren’t together that long. And we were very discreet.” She looked at Natalie again. “But if you go out to a public function like this, the press will be there. They’ll see you.”

“They can print anything they like about me, but it doesn’t make it true.” Natalie sat behind her desk and booted up the computer, signaling an end to the conversation.

Laura didn’t take the hint. Instead, she sat in the chair across from the desk. “Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked. “Someone in the circus maybe?”

“No.” After her brief relationship with the construction-crew member, she had kept to herself. Life in the close confines of the Cirque du Paris was not conducive to romance. There was little privacy and the fallout from breakups affected the whole company.

“That’s too bad. You could have used him as an excuse to stay away from Sartain.”

“Do you really think the prospect of another man would deter him?” The artist struck her as someone who would relish a chance for competition.

“Probably not. But it would be something.” Laura leaned forward, her tone confiding. “So what do you think of Monique? She’s been his model for three months now. Longer than almost anyone else.”

Natalie was not in the mood to discuss Monique, or to gossip about Sartain’s supposed conquests any longer. “I really need to get to work,” she said. “I’m sure you do, too.”

When Laura left, Natalie tried to concentrate on the catalog copy once more. But the secretary’s questions had stirred up memories of her one ill-fated circus romance.

His name was Hal. He was blond and muscular, the kind of man who would elicit a second look from women of all ages. They had met secretly for a few weeks until Gigi had discovered them. She had lectured Natalie on the need for self-control. “You have a chance to be a star. You’d throw away that for a roll in the hay?”

“I can be a star and still have a life!”

“What if you get pregnant?”

“I’m not stupid. We use a condom.” Her face had burned at the very idea of having such a conversation with her mother.

“Condoms break. You’re proof of that.”

Natalie had seen then what this was really about. Her unknown father had gotten Gigi pregnant and left. Overnight, Gigi had been relegated from star performer to wardrobe assistant. Even after Natalie was born and Gigi returned to performing, she had never regained her former glory.

“You can’t do this to me!” Natalie had cried. “I can’t stand having you run my life anymore. I’ll leave the show.”

“And go where?” Gigi had asked. “With him to whatever pathetic job he can find?” She’d spat on the floor of the warehouse the troupe was using as a rehearsal hall. “Do you think he even wants you again now that he’s had you? He didn’t ask you to go with him, did he?”

Even blinded by anger, Natalie had seen the truth of Gigi’s words. The Cirque du Paris was the only world she knew, so she remained there, as Gigi had known she would. She had not rebelled again, focusing instead on performing, venting her passions in the demands of the complicated acrobatic routines which became her specialty.

In that way, leaving the circus now was almost a relief. Though she was giving up everything she’d worked for her whole life, here was her chance to explore a life away from her mother’s control.

The phone rang and she answered it. As if summoned by her thoughts, Gigi’s voice barked at her. “Something terrible has happened,” she announced with her usual drama.

Knowing Gigi, this could be anything from the loss of her favorite costume designer to a cancelled tour date. But Natalie’s days of being drawn into her mother’s hysterics were over. “What is it, Mother?” she asked calmly.

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