Between Honor And Duty

Helping the trio get their lunches organized, Logan served himself last, then sat down at a table opposite Janice.

“How’d it go with the chief?” he asked.

“He’ll get me a check within two days, so the monkey is off my back for the moment.”

“Are we getting a monkey, Mommy?” Maddie asked around a mouthful of sandwich, mustard creasing the corners of her lips.

“No, honey. That’s just an expression.”

“Can we get a dog instead? One just like Buttons? I love him soooo much.”

From down the table, Mike Gables said, “My son’s dog Suzie is expecting, and we think Buttons could be the daddy. We’re looking for good homes for the—”

With a laugh, Janice held up her hand to halt Mike’s offer. “Why don’t we wait on that for a while?”

Formerly the most studly bachelor in the Paseo del Real fire department, Mike had recently married and settled into family life with an adopted six-year-old son and the boy’s former social worker. The youngster’s ragamuffin dog had been part of the package, a shaggy female of indiscriminate breed. Questionable morals, too, Logan thought with a grin.

“But Mommy, I’d love Buttons’ babies to pieces.”

“Yes, dear, I know.” Janice smoothed her hand over her daughter’s hair. “Eat your lunch now, honey. We’ll talk about getting a dog later.”

Kevin shoved his empty plate aside. “I’m all done, Mom. Can I go down the fire pole now?”

“You certainly may not! You know your father never allowed you to do that.”

“But, gee—”

Logan swallowed a chuckle. The pole that firefighters slid down to the fire engines when an alarm sounded was like a magnet to kids. During school field trips, a man was stationed at the doorway to make sure a youngster didn’t take an unauthorized ride down the pole—or inadvertently fall into the three-story-deep hole that surrounded it. But the children of firefighters generally sneaked a slide at least once as they were growing up. Kevin was plenty old enough to give it a try—but not when his mother was telling him no.

Coaxing Maddie to take a couple more bites of sandwich, Janice finished her own meal, then announced it was time for her to go. “I’ve got to take the children shopping for shoes. School starts next week.”

“I’m going to be in kenner-garden,” Maddie said proudly.

Logan smiled at her. “I bet you’ll be the smartest kid in the class, too.”

“I already know my letters and I can write my own name.”

“Good for you, sprite.” Collecting the empty plates before Janice could, Logan said, “Hang on a sec while I dump the trash. I’ll walk you downstairs.”

She waited, although the children didn’t. Kevin, wearing thick-soled, designer running shoes, the laces untied, thundered down the stairs with Maddie fast on his heels.

Janice followed more sedately, her hips moving with a natural grace. “I don’t know how my mother survived raising six kids. Those two wear me out.”

“You’re doing fine. They’re great kids.”

At the first-floor landing, she turned to look up at him. “Actually, my mother once told me that after three children, it becomes a crowd and they all entertain each other. I thought of us kids as a mob scene, but we did have some good times together.”

“Did you want more children?” Before the words were out, Logan knew he should have bitten his tongue. “I’m sorry. Under the circumstances, that was a really thoughtless question.”

“No, it wasn’t.” She shrugged. “I did want more children. Being a mother is one of the few things I do really well. But Ray wasn’t all that happy about Kevin—we hadn’t been married long—and then when I got pregnant with Maddie…” She let the thought dangle.

Logan frowned at that. He’d like to have kids of his own, but without a wife that wasn’t likely to happen, and he couldn’t imagine a man not being thrilled by any child that was his. “I’d say if Maddie hadn’t come along, then both you and Ray would have missed out on something special.”

Her wistful smile nearly undid him. “I know,” she said softly. “I told him that the day Maddie was born.”

As they stepped through the doorway into the bay area, her gaze scanned past the parked fire engine to spot her children. Kevin was back to the restored fire truck, turning it into a jungle gym. Maddie was nowhere in sight.

“Maddie!” Janice called. “It’s time to go.”

“Maybe she’s already out at your car,” Logan suggested.

“More likely she’s discussing puppies with Buttons.” She cupped her hands and shouted for Maddie again.

This time the child appeared from around the back of the fire station, Buttons faithfully at her side. The guilty look on the little girl’s face was as obvious as if someone had painted a big letter G on her forehead.

“What have you been up to?” her mother asked.

Maddie hung her head. “Nuthin’.”

“And what are you hiding behind your back?”

Slowly, the child extended her hand. “A pencil.”

Logan stepped forward to retrieve the item. It wasn’t a pencil but rather a thick purple felt pen like the ones the department used for white-board sessions. Harmless, he thought, until he examined Buttons more closely.

“Janice, I think you’d better come take a look at this.”

Cocking her head to the side, she scrutinized Buttons. “Oh, Maddie, what have you done?”

The child puffed out her lower lip. “I liked Buttons’ spots and I thought he’d look nice with more spots.”

“Purple spots?” Janice choked out, barely able to contain her laughter.

Logan was in the same fix. His stomach muscles ached from holding back a howl of his own.

The fire tone shattered the lighthearted moment. Over the loudspeaker the distorted voice of Emma Jean, the dispatcher, announced, “Engines 61 and 62, Ladder 67. Structure fire, Broadway and Twenty-fifth—”

Before the directions were finished, Logan had turned away. But the quick touch of Janice’s hand on his arm, as soft as a butterfly landing, halted him. He glanced back, seeing the echo of fear in her soft, brown eyes.

“Be careful,” she whispered.

He nodded. “I always am.”

Turning again, he raced to the ladder truck, stepping into his heavy, fire-resistant bunker pants that he’d earlier stacked on the floor beside the truck, and he slipped his feet into his boots. He pulled his suspenders up in one fluid motion before reaching for his heavy turnout jacket. At the same time, he swung into the backward-facing seat where his helmet was waiting. The truck vibrated as the engineer started the motor and the smell of exhaust fumes filled the bay.

Seconds later, they were speeding out of the fire station behind the two fire engines, heading north on Paseo Boulevard, sirens screaming.

Logan kept his eyes on Janice’s stricken face until the truck rounded the corner.

The vow he’d made never to make a woman dread the sound of a siren was a good one.

Still, he couldn’t help wishing someday a woman like Janice Gainer would be waiting for him when he got off a shift, to rejoice in his safe return.

Chapter Three

The second day of school and already Janice missed her children. It had been bad enough when Kevin had gone off to kindergarten, but then she’d had Maddie to keep her company. Now the silent house mocked the maternal trauma of sending her youngest child to school.

They were both growing up so fast.

She went into the laundry room to take the clothes out of the dryer only to discover the barricade of towels she’d arranged around the bottom of the washing machine had sprung a leak. A puddle of water spread out across the vinyl no-wax floor.

“Oh, damn,” she muttered. Ray was supposed to have fixed the plumbing months ago. She couldn’t go on indefinitely trying to mop up the mess. Eventually the flooring underneath would get wet and rot. She’d have to call a plumber.

The doorbell rang, and she rolled her eyes. Who on earth—

In a peevish mood, she marched to the front of the house, peered through the peep hole in the door, and suddenly her heart felt lighter. Forget her vow to become independent, to stand on her own two feet. She hadn’t felt this giddy since her high-school days when her prom date showed up, and it wasn’t entirely because she needed a handyman around the house.

Opening the door, she resisted the urge to hug Logan Strong. Barely. “You, sir, are an answer to a woman’s prayers.”

A wicked smile slanted his lips, and he arched his brows. “I am?”

“Absolutely. Assuming you know anything about plumbing and you’re here to work on my honey-do list.” Or take her out to dance the whole night through.

He laughed, that warm chuckle that seemed to rumble through his chest and skitter along her flesh like a tropical mist. “Darn, and here I thought you had something else in mind.”

Janice flushed. At some very conscious level, she had been thinking of something else—something forbidden—but she didn’t want to admit that, certainly not to Logan. “I’m sorry. I mean, you said you might come back to…”

“I meant to come a couple of days ago, but I was studying for the engineers’ exam that’s coming up soon.”

“Then you really don’t have to—”

“Fixing busted plumbing is one of my all-time favorite things to do.”

“It is?” She looked at him incredulously.

“Sure. It falls on my list of favorites somewhere between cleaning out backed-up sewers and crawling through an attic crawl space on a blistering hot summer day.”

Delight fluttered in her midsection at his teasing tone. When was the last time she’d actually had fun with a man? So long ago she couldn’t remember.

“Do you suppose there’s a way I could clone you? Renting you out to distraught housewives would solve all my financial problems.”

With a welcoming smile, she opened the door and he stepped inside. Although he wasn’t a giant, he was tall enough that she suspected he’d played high-school basketball. And he was lean, like a runner, with great shoulders and well-defined biceps apparent beneath the stencilled T-shirt he wore, a souvenir of a recent 10K run in Paseo. Today he was wearing khaki shorts. His knees weren’t at all knobby, she noted. Instead, his muscular legs were worth writing home about.

“What seems to be the problem?” he asked.

A vivid imagination on her part. Or maybe she was suffering from an extended case of celibacy. Since Maddie’s birth, she hadn’t been much interested in sex. To her relief—and occasional dismay—Ray hadn’t pressed her. Now one look at Logan and that’s all she could think about—hot, sweaty bodies. His and hers. Tangled sheets. An explosion of—

What she needed to think about was the swimming pool the plumbing had created in the laundry room.

“The washing machine.” Her breath caught in her throat, making her voice sound husky. Hardly an appropriate reaction when discussing a home appliance. “The connection has sprung a leak. Ray was supposed to—”

“Show me.”

Mentally chastising herself for mentioning her late husband in a critical way, she led Logan to the laundry room off the kitchen. She told herself if Ray hadn’t been so busy with his second job, he would have fixed the plumbing. But deep inside she knew that was a lie. He’d never been good around the house. She’d had to beg to get a new garbage disposal installed. The paint was peeling on the outside of the house, but Ray had never been interested in sprucing up the place. Only the garden, with rosebushes and beds of annuals, looked nice. That had been her own doing. She’d sunk a shovel into the dirt herself, added mulch and whatever else it took to make flowers bloom. Ray hadn’t seemed to notice.

Just as he’d stopped noticing her.

Logan leaned over the back of the washing machine. “You’re right. Looks like the hose has developed a split and the clamps are corroded. I’ll need some parts from the hardware store.”

“I can pay—”

“No, I’ll take care of it. It’s the least I can do.”

His odd tone sent an unwelcome shiver down her spine. “Why is it the least you can do?”

He didn’t meet her gaze. “I was on the roof with Ray when he fell. I owe him…and I owe you.”

Janice’s stomach knotted on that news. She hadn’t asked the details about Ray’s death, hadn’t wanted to know. And didn’t want Logan here out of obligation. But she did want him here. His presence pervaded the house with a new energy, a force that was more than simply filling the silence that had been troubling her. He radiated strength of character. Competence. And a subtle sexual power she couldn’t remember experiencing before.

The uncomfortable knot tightened in her midsection, and she couldn’t find the words to respond to his comment. Instead, she said, “I have to go pick up Maddie from kindergarten in a couple of minutes.”

He shoved aside the pile of towels she’d used as a dam. “Leave this Johnstown flood to me. Once I get the parts, it won’t take long to fix.”

She met his gaze, his eyes a deeper hazel than usual, almost brown, and unreadable. Or at least she didn’t want to translate the message she saw there for fear she’d be wrong and make a fool of herself.

“It won’t take me long to pick up Maddie. I’ll be back in just a few minutes. The tools are in the garage if you need them.” Janice fled. She’d never thought of herself as a coward. But she couldn’t describe her flight in any other terms.

At some very basic level, Logan frightened her. Or more accurately, her reaction to Logan scared the bejeebers out of her. She’d never felt this way about any man, including Ray, with hot and cold shivers racing across her skin, the confusion that should be limited to inexperienced adolescents. She’d been a married woman for almost ten years. Such nonsense, so many raging hormones, should have been well behind her.

Minivans didn’t usually burn rubber. But Janice wheeled out of the driveway so fast the tires squealed. Within two blocks she slowed, realizing she’d never be able to outrun her own wayward thoughts.

Junipero Serra Elementary School was a relatively new one, a sprawling one-story complex with two big play yards. Because of population growth, however, the school district had added four trailers for additional classrooms and there was talk of developing a new school on the north side of Paseo del Real to take the pressure off existing facilities. Taxpayers weren’t thrilled with the idea.

Janice parked the van and walked toward the separate building that housed two classes of kindergartners. Smiling, she acknowledged other mothers who’d come to pick up their children, some of them pushing strollers or holding the hand of a toddler. Regret slid through Janice’s chest at the thought she’d never have another baby to hold in her arms. Thank God Maddie had come along despite Ray’s insistence that one child was enough.

The adjacent play yard for the kindergarten children had one corner blocked off with a yellow tape where a three-foot-deep construction pit had been dug to install a new piece of play equipment. Vaguely, Janice wondered if that bit of construction wouldn’t have been better and more safely accomplished during the summer vacation. A yellow tape, like those used around crime scenes, hardly seemed strong enough to keep out curious children.

Like a cork on a bottle of champagne popping, the classroom door flew open and a stream of five-year-olds burst free. Maddie was in the middle of the swarm. She made a beeline for Janice and flung herself into her mother’s arms.

“Mommy!” she sobbed.

Kneeling, Janice caught her daughter. “What is it, sweetheart? Did you hurt yourself?”

“Uh-uh.” She shook her head. Her eyes were red-rimmed and tears tracked down her cheeks.

“Then what—”

“Hello, Mrs. Gainer.”

Seeking an explanation for her daughter’s distress, Janice looked up at Miss Sebastian, the kindergarten teacher. Her youthful complexion and pert ponytail made her look as if she should still be in high school, not a second-year teacher.

“I told the students this morning about Daddies’ Day in our classroom next week. I like to involve their fathers as much as I can in the children’s education. I’m afraid that’s what upset Maddie.”

Janice drew a painful breath.

“My daddy’s dead.” Sobbing, Maddie mashed her face against Janice’s shoulder.

“I tried to explain that grandfathers or uncles would be welcome, or any man who is special in their lives.”

Standing, Janice lifted Maddie, and the child hooked her legs around Janice’s waist. Her heart was breaking for her daughter. She hadn’t realized Maddie’s grief was still so raw. She was such a happy child, but now it was obvious the wound had only healed on the surface. Down deep, she was still hurting. Janice should have realized a month wouldn’t be nearly long enough for her children to adjust to such a drastic change in their lives.

“I’m afraid our family is all in Missouri,” Janice explained.

“Quite a few of the children don’t have a father at home, or their father works at a job where he can’t get off. Maddie won’t be the only child without someone here that day. I’m sorry.” Despite her youthful appearance, Miss Sebastian looked sincerely apologetic. “It had slipped my mind that you’d lost your husband so recently.”

“We’ll work out something. Maybe she can bring his picture—”

“No! I want my daddy!”

Pursing her lips, Janice hugged her daughter more tightly and fought her own tears. “Let’s talk about this at home, honey. Okay? Logan Strong is there fixing our washing machine.”

Maddie sniffled. “’Kay.”

Janice gave the teacher a weak smile. “She’ll be all right.”

“I am sorry—”

Nodding, she carried Maddie out to the van. No doubt this would be just one of a long list of adjustments she and the children would have to make over the coming months and years. But they were strong. All three of them. They’d come through this just fine. Janice would see to that.

BY THE TIME Logan returned from the hardware store, Janice’s van was back in the driveway. He parked out front and walked to the side entrance, carrying the supplies he’d purchased to repair the washing-machine hose.

The house showed lots of signs of deferred maintenance—peeling paint, bubbling stucco where water had seeped up from the ground, a swing out back with a broken chain. No doubt Janice’s honey-do list could keep him busy for years.

A chance to see her smile or hear her laugh would keep him coming back even longer if he allowed that to happen. Which he wouldn’t. Helping her transition to single mother was his only goal. Plus easing his own sense of guilt for not having acted to save Ray’s life, he admitted.

He rapped on the door before stepping inside.

“Did you get everything you needed?” Janice stood at the kitchen counter making a sandwich.

“Yep.” He held up the four-foot-long rubber hose he’d purchased. The necessary clamps were in a small sack he carried.

Maddie sat at the kitchen table, her chin propped on her elbows. She looked as though she’d had a really hard day at school.

“You want a sandwich before you start?” Janice asked. “I can give you a choice of peanut butter or tuna salad.”

“I’m having peanut butter and jelly,” Maddie said with a minimum of enthusiasm.

“Why don’t I work on the washer first? It won’t take me long.”

He went about the business of pulling the washer away from the wall so he could disconnect the old hose. Within minutes he sensed Maddie standing behind him.

He glanced over his shoulder. “What’s up, sprite?”

“Nuthin’,” she said glumly. “How come you call me sprite?”

“Because I think you’re cute and bubbly.”

She watched silently as he pulled off the old hose and connected the new one. As he attached the first clamp and started to tighten it with a screwdriver, he felt vaguely pleased she was interested in what he was doing. He remembered watching his father—

“Would you be my daddy?”

His head snapped up, nearly giving him a whiplash, and the screwdriver slipped from his hand, clattering to the floor. “What did you say?”

“I want you to be my daddy.” She stood there with big brown eyes, as serious as an old woman.

“I think your mom might have something say about that.”

“Say about what?” Janice asked, returning to the kitchen from wherever she’d been.

“Logan’s going to be my daddy.”

His gaze collided with Janice’s. Her cheeks were turning as pink as his felt. “I don’t know where she got—”

“Maddie, honey, I don’t think Logan wants to—”

“But it’s only for one day!”

His gaze dropped to the child. “What are we talking about?”

Janice stepped forward, looping her hands over her daughter’s shoulders and pulling the child back against her, holding her snugly against her own body. “Her teacher invited the children’s fathers to a Daddies’ Day at school next week. Maddie got terribly upset she didn’t have anyone to bring.”

“Oh.” Odd how he wished Maddie’s request had been for something more permanent. “Guess that is a problem.”

“Not if you’ll be my pretend daddy.”

“Honey, Logan may have work that day, and even if he doesn’t, he may have other things he wants to do.”

Maddie’s lower lip jutted out, and her eyes filled with tears.

Janice was providing him with all the excuses he could possibly need. But Logan couldn’t turn down Maddie’s request, not with those big soulful eyes pleading with him to be her daddy, if only for a few hours. Hell, no man would be able to resist such a tempting little minx.

He worked his way out from behind the washing machine and crouched down in front of her. “What day are we talking about?”

“Miss Sebastian said Wednesday.”

Logan touched the tip of Maddie’s nose with his fingertip, leaving a greasy smudge. “Well, you tell your Miss Sebastian I’ll be there with bells on.”

Maddie’s eyes lit up and she threw her arms around him, giving him a gigantic five-year-old hug. “I knew you would ’cause firemens are special.”

A lump filled Logan’s throat, so big he could barely swallow, and a band tightened around his chest. Among all the experiences he’d miss by not marrying, the thought of never having children hurt the most. Still, it was a choice he’d had to make after his one attempt at marriage.

Concerned he might be overstepping his bounds with Maddie, he glanced at the child’s mother. Janice’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as she mouthed, “Thank you.”

His tension eased, and he relaxed his hug around Maddie’s small body.

Clearing her throat, Janice said, “How about you change out of your school clothes, young lady, and let Logan finish up with the washing machine. We don’t want to keep him here all day.”

As though she hadn’t been down in the dumps only moments ago, Maddie broke free of the hug, her smile radiant. “I’ll change. Then I’ll come help him. I helped him real good on the screen door.”

“You certainly did,” Logan agreed, regret gnawing through him for what couldn’t be.

Janice rolled her eyes and leaned back against the doorjamb as her daughter ran off to change clothes. The child had more resilience than she did. More nerve, too.

“I don’t want Maddie imposing herself on you, Logan.” Janice had done plenty of that herself. “In time she’ll get used to—”

“It’ll be fun visiting her kindergarten. I like kids.”

He was wonderful with them, too, she mused. “I feel guilty taking you away from your own activities. Like studying for your engineers’ exam.”

“I’ve been studying for months. I could use the break.”

“When’s the test?”

“Two more weeks.” Reaching down, he picked up the screwdriver, rolling it back and forth in his hand. He had long, tapered fingers, almost like an artist’s. Hands that had been ever so gentle with her daughter. Just as his words had been.

“I gather you’re ambitious?”

“My dad retired a year ago as a fire captain right here in Paseo. His shoes are big ones to fill, but making engineer is the next step. My brother and I are in a race to see who makes captain first.”