Resisting Her Ex's Touch

She couldn’t have asked for more in Matt’s response. He held her until her tears subsided and then listened as she talked about her parents and what she had lost. For the first time her feelings didn’t make her feel weak and helpless. Matt made her feel he understood in his responses and desire to listen. They talked for hours and he discussed his own father’s death, which helped her feel normal and less like the poor orphan she had perceived herself to be. When she was finally spent of emotions and words, she fell asleep on her couch, Matt still sitting at the end. She could remember the strength of his arms around her as he picked her up and carried her to her bed, the tenderness and caring as he laid her down and covered her, and the weight of his lips against her forehead as he kissed her good-night. And her last thought as she drifted to sleep was that she was in love with her best friend.

Kate woke to the darkness of the living room lit only by the soft glow of the end table lamp. She struggled to adjust her eyes to the lighting and the reality of her surroundings. She wasn’t in her old college apartment and the dreams she’d had of her past had been just that, dreams, followed by a harsh reality. She glanced over at the clock on the microwave—four o’clock in the morning. No hope of getting back to sleep, she thought.

She stretched; her neck had a kink in it from falling asleep on the arm of the couch and her legs ached from pushing too hard on her run, but she was also acutely aware of the deep ache and warmth in her pelvis. She could still feel the memory of Matt’s lips against her forehead, his body pressed against hers, and the feel of him wanting her, both past and present. It made no sense. She cringed, thinking about the last time she had felt that need from him and the disaster and complete and utter devastation she had felt afterwards.

Anger overtook her as her feet hit the cold wooden floor and she walked towards her bedroom. She didn’t want to remember every detail of their relationship and that night. She didn’t want to still feel what it was like to be touched by him. She didn’t want to still feel the pain of rejection and betrayal. She didn’t want to feel anything for Matt McKayne.

CHAPTER THREE

THIRTY HOURS INTO her shift Kate’s pager blared through her dictation as she described the detailed steps she had taken to resect the necrotic bowel and anastomose the viable segments. She paused in mid-sentence, her usual rhythm interrupted by the reminder tone that followed. She pressed the pager’s recall button and the hospital switchboard extension flashed back at her.

Dread filled her. She was between surgical cases and had two consultations in the emergency department to review. One more interruption and there would be no chance of getting to the washroom between cases. She had long ago given up the hope of eating any time soon and sleep was like a mirage in the desert to her.

She signed off the dictation and dialed the digits she knew by heart.

“It’s Dr. Spence from General Surgery. I have an outside call.”

“Yes, Dr. Spence, I’ll put him through.”

“Kate, it’s Matt, we need to talk.” She had been correct with her feeling of dread. Years ago those words would have changed her world, but now they left her with a sense of foreboding.

“Why are you calling me?” The question didn’t make sense as he had already stated his intentions, but it was the first thought that came to mind. Why? Why was he back?

He sighed and she sensed his impatience. Tough, she thought. “Kate, we need to discuss the details of the case, the sooner the better.”

The case, of course he wanted to talk about the case. How could she have forgotten the lawsuit? It was threatening to destroy her career and now was wreaking havoc on her personal life as well. She had received notification from the New York Medical Board that her medical license for the state was on hold and would not be granted until the lawsuit was resolved. No license meant no hospital privileges, which meant no fellowship for Kate. Everything she had worked for was now in Matt’s hands. Even with that in mind, she wasn’t ready to face Matt again. She couldn’t guarantee he would stick to the script of the present, and the past was too much to add to her fragile state of mind.

“I don’t have any spare time, Matt.” It was true.

“Make time, Kate, or I’ll make it for you.” It didn’t sound like a threat, more like a fact, and something she knew he was capable of following through on. If they lost the lawsuit she was going to find it next to impossible to find employment anywhere else and she couldn’t afford to burn her bridges with the hospital administration who had already warned her they expected her full co-operation.

“I’m not working this weekend.” She dragged the words from herself like a confession.

“Let’s meet Saturday afternoon. Do you have a preferred café you go to?”

No, she thought. There was no place she would prefer to meet with Matt. She needed to keep focused on what his new role was in her life, and the lawsuit. “We can use one of the hospital boardrooms.” She had perfected her professional veneer within the hospital and if she had any hope of maintaining it with Matt, it would be here at the hospital.

“I’ll see you Saturday at two. Goodbye, Kate.” Such a simple word, but it wasn’t goodbye.

Matt strode through the halls of Boston General on his way to meet Dr. Reed. Half of his attention was spent looking for Katie, Kate, the other half trying to decide whether he could truly represent Tate Reed. As a lawyer his job was to act in the best interests of his clients, but how could he do that for the man who had the one thing in life he wanted—Kate. One thing he did know, legally, if not personally, was that Tate and Kate were in this as a pair, and if he wanted to represent her then he had to agree to defend Tate Reed as well. And he needed to defend Kate.

Matt found the department of general surgery and made his way towards Tate’s office. Along the wall of the main corridor hung the yearly photographs of everyone who had been in the residency training program. Matt stopped and examined the last five years. Kate was in all the photos, each year changing just slightly, but enough that between the first and last photos she appeared to have become not only more beautiful but more confident and mature.

He moved to the closed door with Dr. Reed’s name on it and knocked louder than he’d intended. It also took longer than he expected before Dr. Reed opened the door. As he stepped into the office he was surprised to see a beautiful red-headed woman standing in the center of the room.

“Matt McKayne, this is Chloe Darcy. Chloe is in Emergency Medicine here at Boston General,” Tate said by way of introduction. “Chloe, Matt is a lawyer specializing in medical defense and has been hired by the hospital to represent Katherine and I in the lawsuit.”

Chloe looked at him appraisingly. “Nice to meet you.” She reached out and shook his hand. “Are you any good?”

Matt was surprised by the question and instantly liked her. “I’m very good, Dr. Darcy.”

“Call me Chloe, and I am very happy to hear that. The last thing Kate needs is for this to drag on.”

“You know Dr. Spence?” he asked, trying to sound professional while struggling to understand the network of relationships going on around him.

She smiled. “I know Kate probably better than anyone. I’ve been her best friend for the past nine years.”

So Chloe Darcy was Kate’s best friend and she knew her better than anyone, but apparently knew nothing about him. He assumed that because she showed no signs of hostility towards him. Tate, who, it seemed, had replaced him in Kate’s life, also didn’t seem to have any knowledge about their past together.

“Chloe, Matt and I have an appointment. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not going anywhere,” Chloe stated flatly. Both men watched as she left the room, closing the door a little too forcefully for it to have been accidental.

“Have a seat.” Tate gestured to one of the two chairs opposite his large wooden desk and returned to his position behind the desk. He was taking charge and Matt let him. The more in control Tate felt the less likely he was to be defensive and hold things back from him. He had a lot of questions and not all of them were professional.

“I won’t waste your time or mine, Dr. Reed,” Matt opened, looking at him directly.

“I appreciate that. Call me Tate.” He returned the challenge in his gaze, and Matt grudgingly respected the man for not backing down.

“I have thoroughly reviewed the file, as have our medical experts. The unanimous opinion is that Mr. Weber’s condition was not survivable. He would not have survived even with immediate medical attention. My concern is that if this case goes to a jury they will not appropriately focus on that fact.” Matt waited for his reaction.

“What is it exactly you think will be distracting them?” Tate questioned, examining Matt as intently as he was being examined. Tate was trying to gauge what Matt did and did not know, and in that moment Matt knew he was right about the nature of the relationship between Tate and Kate.

“Your relationship with Kate Spence,” he responded and then in silence waited for the other man to give him the details he unwillingly craved.

“I don’t have a relationship with Katherine Spence,” Tate stated coldly.

Matt recognized the defensiveness in Tate’s tone and decided to change tactics before Tate completely shut down. “Why do you refer to her as Katherine when everyone seems to call her Kate?”

“Old habit, I guess. The rhyming of Kate and Tate is too nauseating. Either way, it won’t be an issue for much longer.”

“Why not?” Matt asked, still searching for answers and what Tate was not saying.

“Katherine, or Kate, will be moving to New York in the summer to start her fellowship in breast oncology and reconstruction.”

Matt processed the information. He remembered the afternoon he’d found her crying in her apartment. He had never before felt so helpless. It hadn’t been that he had never seen a woman cry—his mother and sister were known for their histrionics—but Kate had been crying from a genuine feeling of pain and not as a means of manipulation. Her career choice made perfect sense and he wondered if it was the one thing she needed to be able to finally make peace with her mother’s death. If it was, he wasn’t going to let anything stand in her way.

“Is there anything else you would like to tell me about you and Kate?” Matt asked directly, determined to find out the details of their relationship.

“No,” Tate snapped. This time Matt was sure there was something to tell.

“Tate, I’m going to be honest with you. With expert medical opinion on our side, the hospital has no intention of settling this lawsuit. Which means that the Webers’ attorneys are going to start digging, if they haven’t already. They are going to talk your friends, nurses, residents, your colleagues, anyone, in the hope of finding something seemingly improper in your and Kate’s actions that night. So if your goal is to protect your privacy, the best way to do that is to tell me exactly what your relationship with Kate Spence is and what happened that night. If you tell me the truth, I can find a way keep this out of court.” Matt seemed to have gotten somewhere with his direct attack, because Tate grimaced and leaned forward in his chair, his arms on his desk. Matt recognized the haunted look in his eyes.

“Katherine and I had been involved in a personal relationship. It ended six months ago,” Tate stated flatly. Surprising how a statement, which revealed next to nothing and contained what he already knew, still felt like a sucker punch. Once again his feelings towards Tate shifted. Any burgeoning thoughts of liking the man came to an abrupt end and he felt a masochistic need to know more.

“You are going to need to do better than that,” Matt replied, unable to keep his tone neutral.

“Fine. Katherine and I had been seeing each for a year and a half,” Tate answered, still barely budging on what Matt needed to know, more personally than professionally.

“Was it serious?” That was as close as he could get to asking if they had been lovers.

“For one of us.” Matt didn’t want to hear any more. He had made some very hard decisions years ago with regard to Kate. Decisions he had justified as being the best for her. Now to hear that instead of living the perfect life he had hoped for her, Kate had fallen in love with a man who hadn’t loved her back was a bitter pill to swallow. More so when he thought of the way she had reacted when the two men had been introduced; she still loved Tate even though he didn’t love her.

Matt studied the man sitting across from him, but then realized, to be honest; he had let Kate go too. So he wasn’t any better, despite his intentions. He then straightened in his chair and began a new resolve to remain professional and get through this meeting before he said or did something he would regret.

“Six months ago. So the time your relationship ended was the same time of Mr. Weber’s death? If the two events are linked, I need to know.” Matt noticed Tate’s attitude change from adversarial to sad; maybe the man realized what he had given up. Tate’s shoulders had fallen and he no longer looked at Matt. Time passed and Matt thought Tate wasn’t going to answer. Then he heard a deep breath and a less assured voice started.

“Kate and I broke up the same night Mr. Weber died. We saw each other earlier in the evening and later that same night she was called into the hospital to cover for one of the other senior surgery residents who had to leave with the transplant team. I was on second call for Vascular Surgery.”

“What was her state of mind?” Matt asked, his worry for Kate, even past Kate, taking precedence.

“I think you should ask her that,” Tate answered.

“I’m asking you. I need to know the impression she gave that night.”

“She had been surprised. She said she hadn’t seen it coming.” He was nodding, as if remembering the evening and confirming to himself how it had been.

“Then?” More and more this felt like watching a car accident in slow motion when you knew it was not going to end well but you couldn’t look away.

“She was the most upset I had ever seen her and she left.” Was that regret he heard in Tate’s voice? But before he could examine the thought further, Tate was continuing. “However, when I saw Katherine later in the operating room and throughout all of our medical interactions that night she was one hundred percent professional and composed.”

So Tate was going to back and defend Kate. That was going to make the case easier to defend, but Matt wondered about what was motivating the gesture. Was it professionalism, honesty, guilt from breaking off their relationship or part of a plan to win her back?

“Can you explain the time lag between her first attempt to contact you and the response?” Matt asked. Gone was any desire he had to continue this conversation. He actually wanted to leave and get away from the memories of Kate that were filling his mind. Kate with that look of shock and pain filling her eyes. Had she looked the same for Tate?

“Katherine had been surprised. I honestly don’t think She had expected anything that happened that night. After she left my loft and things started to sink in, she wanted to talk. She called and I told her there was nothing more to discuss. She called a few more times shortly after that and I ignored her calls. A few hours later when she called on my cellphone to discuss Mr. Weber, I didn’t realize her focus had shifted and I again ignored her attempts to talk to me. It wasn’t until the hospital operator contacted me and patched her through that I learned about Mr. Weber.”

“Does anyone else know the details of that night?”

“The only close friend Katherine confides in is Chloe Darcy.”

“So Chloe is a friend of both of yours?” Matt asked, trying to understand what role Chloe Darcy had played.

“I met Chloe through Katherine. We used to spend time together as part of a social group prior to the breakup.”

“And now?”

“She is Katherine’s best friend. Chloe and I have never talked about that night. I’m not sure what Katherine told her, but Chloe would never do or say anything to deliberately hurt Katherine, that I’m sure of.” Matt believed him. Chloe was obviously protective of Kate and he had instinctively liked and trusted her. At least Kate had one person in her life she could depend on.

“Do you think Kate has any reason to want to hurt you?” Matt pried.

“I don’t understand your question, Mr. McKayne.”

“Please, call me Matt. The other day Kate seemed very concerned about you and your well-being. Do you think she will vouch for your actions as clearly as you are for her?”

“Absolutely. Katherine is nothing if not honest. That night she told me she wanted desperately to be with me, to be in love with me, and I believed her. I don’t think any amount of time will change that.” He didn’t sound arrogant and that disheartened Matt much more than the statement had.

“I would appreciate it if, when you talk to her, you could spare her the same discussion we have just had. I think the only reason this situation has developed is that the hospital gossip mill put together the timing of our break-up and Mr. Weber’s death. We were both completely professional in our behavior that night and the hospital switchboard reached me within appropriate professional standards.” Tate was ending their conversation and stood from his chair.

Matt conceded and stood. He paused and studied Tate’s face, but the other man gave nothing away. The meeting had only generated more questions for him than answers. It had confirmed what he already knew, that Kate and Tate had been a couple. For a year and a half Tate had had Kate, and even though they had now broken up, he still had Kate. The fact that, after breaking up with her, Kate was still defending him spoke volumes about the type of man Tate was. He wanted to hate the man but couldn’t, despite the jealousy that was growing inside him.

The sane part of his mind also recognized that Kate still loved and trusted Tate, and Kate didn’t do either of those things easily. She was introverted and cautious, which made her actions towards Tate even more telling. What would happen when this was done? Would they find their way back to one another? Would Tate realize what he had given up and want her back? He needed to talk to Kate and he couldn’t wait one more day for his answers. The one thing Tate was definitely right about: Kate and Tate was a nauseating combo, and not just the rhyming names.

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