Mother's Day Miracle and Blessed Baby: Mother's Day Miracle / Blessed Baby

“Thank you.” He paused a moment as if reflecting, then his face hardened. “I was awful to Kendra. I was so focused on what I wanted, what I had to have, that I couldn’t see that she was upset by the parents, too. She needed someone to talk to, but I wasn’t there for her.”

“Wade, your parents had that responsibility. Not you. You were a child. You should have had the freedom to dream.”

He shook his head, his mouth tightening into a bitter line. “She was my sister and I was so selfish I wouldn’t even let her use my stuff.” He puffed out a scornful half laugh. “I’d decided, you see, that I was going to make myself into somebody the world had to notice, that people were going to sit up and pay attention to Wade Featherhawk. I was too good for the reservation, too smart for my mother’s plans and too old to bother with Kendra. As soon as I could, I took off and got a job, construction. I learned as I went how to do a good job. Kendra and Mom seemed okay then and I’d work away summers. Then Mom died.”

Clarissa nodded. She knew this part. “And you had Kendra.”

“Yeah, I had Kendra. There wasn’t anybody else. My dad had disappeared and the folks who wanted her were bad news. It was up to me, and I hated being the one dumped on.” He swallowed, his voice choked but insistent. “You had to know Kendra to understand how loving she was. It tears at me even now when the kids look at me in a special way and I see her. She didn’t care if I was rich or famous or not. She loved me. All the time. No matter what.”

“I guess that’s what sisters do.” Clarissa let the silence stretch between them as he remembered his sister’s joy.

“She was such a happy kid. Always chattering a mile a minute. I loved her so much. But I didn’t dare take her with me to the sites. We lived in bunkhouses a lot of the time. She was young and gorgeous, and the men I worked with weren’t the type for her to be around.”

Clarissa could tell from the hard chiseled lines his face had fallen into just what kind of men he’d worked with and was fiercely proud of the way he’d protected his sister.

“I tried to take care of her as best I could, but I had to leave and find work whenever we ran out of money. She’d stay with some friends.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “She’d throw her arms around me when I got back and hug so hard my ribs ached.”

“She loved you.” Clarissa felt the sting of tears for that young girl burn in her chest.

Wade looked up. “Actually, you remind me of her sometimes. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, either. She was soft but so stubborn.” His eyes glinted reproof.

Clarissa grinned. “You have to stand up for something or you’ll fall for anything,” she teased.

He nodded slowly. “She should have stood up to me,” he muttered.

Clarissa wanted to ask why but he began speaking again.

“The building industry went into a slump right after I finished high school, and I couldn’t find work. I didn’t know what to do. I only had sixty-five dollars when I came home. I was scared stiff to tell her I’d have to leave again so soon. And I was fed up with grubbing along, just barely managing.” His fingers fisted until the knuckles grew white.

As Clarissa watched, he slowly straightened each finger, his jaw hard with the discipline of stifling his frustration. “She was so young and so innocent, I couldn’t imagine her leaving the reservation, getting a job. Then I had a better idea. Why didn’t she marry Roy? He’d been chasing her for years, she’d be eighteen in a couple of weeks. Everything would be wonderful.” He smiled but there was no joy in his face. “Or that’s what I thought.”

“It wasn’t?” Clarissa couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and feathering a hand through his hair, brushing it back, her fingers soothing against his scalp. “It sounds reasonable.”

Wade shook his head, leaning back so her hand fell away. It’s as if he can’t bear to accept kindness, she decided. As if he has to lash himself over and over with his faults.

“It was grasping at straws and I latched on to that one for all I was worth, eager to get rid of my burden. That’s what I thought of her. My own sister was a burden I had to get rid of.”

The recrimination and self-loathing she saw in his eyes tugged at Clarissa’s soft heart.

“I could hardly wait to be free of my own sister. Isn’t that sick? I had all these dreams of what I was going to do if I could just be on my own. I’d begun to earn my high school credits. I knew the college I wanted. Big man on campus, that’s who I wanted to be!”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Wade. You were just trying to plan ahead.”

“Yeah. That’s what I told myself, too. I had to dump her on the first guy she liked for her own best interests. Because I couldn’t be bothered hanging around that reservation. I had to be free to find my dreams.”

There was nothing she could say. Nothing that would obliterate the sorrow he carried inside. All she could do was help him understand that God still loved him, as He loved them all in spite of their shortcomings. She whispered a prayer for guidance, then concentrated on Wade’s next words.

“I should have checked him out more, come home more often, paid attention to her letters. When she finally got hold of me in California, her life was a mess. Her marriage was on the rocks and her husband was dumping her and the kids, just like good old Dad.” He shoved his head into his hands, his fingers tugging on the glossy strands of black.

“But did I get her out of there, even then? No! All I could see were my selfish plans going down the tubes, my life getting put on hold, my dreams unfulfilled.” He kept his head bowed, his face averted. “I hurried home to talk her into trying to make it work, just a little longer. Just until I got what I wanted. That way, I could avoid my responsibility to take care of my sister. It was the one thing my mother made me promise I’d do and I failed her. Again.”

Wade’s face was carved into hard lines when he finally shifted in his chair, his bitter gaze pinning Clarissa where she sat.

“Kendra died in that car accident because I sent her there. She didn’t want to go with Roy, he’d been drinking. But I persuaded her that she could make it work if she just persisted. It’s my fault those kids have no father or mother.” His eyes shone like polished iron, his mouth tight.

“So you tell me, Clarissa. Am I the kind of person you want to be married to, the kind of man you want making decisions about your future?”

He lunged to his feet, his eyes blazing. “Don’t bother to answer. I know you only wanted to help the kids. So do I. You probably think they’d be better off without me messing up time and time again. You probably wish I’d take off for good and leave them in your capable hands.”

His voice dropped to a whisper as he turned away.

“And I would. God knows I’d leave in a minute if I could. But I promised her I’d raise them. It’s the last promise I ever made to her and I can’t break it. I just can’t.”

Clarissa sat stunned and immobilized by the heartrending grief that shredded his voice. She wanted to reach out, to assure him that he was doing the right thing.

But was he? Were they?

She watched him walk around the lake, a lonely solitary figure lost in a brooding silence that clearly stated Keep out. When he disappeared into a stand of towering blue spruce, Clarissa let the tears roll down her cheeks.

“Oh, God,” she whispered, “what have I done? How can I help this hurting family?”

Though she sat there for an hour, the answer evaded her. Eventually she got up, picked up her and Wade’s empty mugs and returned to the cabin. She cleaned it, made some sandwiches for lunch and set a fresh jug of iced tea in the fridge. But Wade did not return.

As she lay at the side of the lake later that afternoon, Clarissa forced away the thought that Wade had run away, left her behind. Not this time, she told herself. He’s committed this time. And I intend to see that he doesn’t feel chained down. I’ll go on with my life as usual and he’ll realize that I’ve accepted him for exactly who and what he is. He won’t have to fulfill my expectations because I won’t have any.

She pulled off her cover-up and stretched out on the towel, allowing the hot sun to touch her sun-screened skin.

“’They that wait upon the Lord,’” she reminded herself. “Your timing is best.”

“You’re going to burn if you stay out here much longer.” Wade’s soft voice broke through her dream, the words tentative. “Maybe you should cover up?”

“I think I’ll try the water first.” Clarissa sat up, surprised to see him clad in his swimsuit, a towel looped over one arm. “Are you going in?”

He nodded. “I love swimming. The colder the better. We used to have an old swimming hole….” His voice trailed away. “Never mind.”

Clarissa let it go. “Well, I’ll try,” she mumbled doubtfully, accepting his outstretched hand as she got to her feet. “But if it’s cold, I’m outta here.”

He tilted up one arrogant eyebrow. “I never thought I’d see the day when Clarissa Cartwright would back down from a challenge,” he teased.

“Featherhawk,” she reminded him. “And I’m not backing down. I’ll go in. And then I’ll get out.”

He rolled his eyes when she tentatively toe-touched the clear water lapping against the white of the beach. “Uh-huh. Chicken. That’s what I said.”

Clarissa could feel the tension in him, knew he was trying to lighten things between them. Very well. She would help him. She untied her beach jacket and tossed it to the sand, then dashed into the water.

“Last one in is the biggest chicken,” she bellowed, then gurgled as she stepped off a ledge and the icy water closed around her sun-heated body and filled her gasping mouth. “Oh!”

“You live on the edge, don’t you?” Wade’s big hand wrapped itself around her arm and tugged her toward shore. “You don’t have to prove to me that you’re brave, Clarissa. I’m the guy you married, the fellow whose four crazy kids you took on. Remember?”

“I remember.” She hugged herself tightly, arms wrapped around her middle to conserve what little warmth still pulsed through her body. “Since you already know how brave I am and that I’m not a chicken, c-c-can I get out n-now?”

Wade threw back his head as he roared with amusement at her chattering teeth and shaking lips. Gently he led her out of the water, wrapped her beach coat around her and wrapped his own towel around her dripping head.

“You don’t back down, do you, lady?” he said, admiration lacing his voice.

Clarissa gathered her stuff into her bag and headed toward the cabin, fully aware that Wade was right beside her. “Feel the fear and do it anyway,” she mumbled. “That’s my motto.”

They walked toward the cabin and up the steps. At the top, Wade reached out a hand and stopped her. His eyes held a quizzical look that she couldn’t quite decipher.

“Sometimes fear is a good thing, Clarissa. It makes us stay away from situations where we can get badly hurt.” His dark eyes bored into hers.

She held his gaze. “And sometimes hurt teaches us things we wouldn’t have learned if we hadn’t stepped out in faith, believing that God is always in control. ‘If God is for us, who can be against us?’” she quoted softly.

His hand dropped away, his face a study in conflicting emotions.

“I’m going to change,” she told him finally.

He nodded, wet hair drooping into his eyes. He slicked it back, his eyes on her. “In that bag of tricks, have you hidden the ability to cut hair?”

She winked. “I can cut it.” She shrugged. “It might end up a little shorter than you like, but I can cut it.”

He nodded. “That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Trying.” He opened the door. “After you, Mrs. Featherhawk.”

She curtsied. “Thank you, Mr. Featherhawk.”

As beginnings went, it was a start. A good start.

Chapter Six

As honeymoons went, Clarissa didn’t think it ranked among the most romantic, but she’d enjoyed it more than she’d believed possible three days ago. They spent their time hiking around the lake, sunbathing, dipping their toes in the frigid water and talking.

She knew he liked beef, didn’t like three-piece suits and was a master at both sketching quirky little pictures and avoiding talking about himself. She told him about her grandmother’s dutiful raising of her, the freedom she’d found at college with Briony and Blair, and her friendship with half the town.

They’d figured out an accounting system for household needs. Wade argued that the children were left enough money for their needs, though he admitted that he’d tried to hoard it for the college educations their mother had wanted.

Wade refused to allow Clarissa to chip in more than a minuscule amount to the budget, insisting that he would cover the improvements they made to her house. He was her husband, he would also be her provider. She didn’t like that, but he ignored her argument and she’d eventually given in to prevent further debate. Which didn’t mean she wasn’t going to let him pay for everything. After all, she had some pride!

He held her hand when they sat by the campfire at night, even kissed her again. And she kissed him back. But those occasions were few and far between. On the whole, they’d spent their time as good friends might, which was rather a nice way to begin.

In fact, by the time they were sharing the return drive to Waseka, Clarissa felt quite comfortable in this new relationship. Sure, she wished for more. Who didn’t? But every night she reminded herself that God had given her far more than she’d ever dreamed of. It was up to her to be happy with that.

“Have you got anything special lined up for this week?” he asked, turning off the highway onto the narrower road that led into town.

“No. I thought it would be enough to get used to everyone for the first little while. Anyway, the kids will be finished school soon and there will be all kinds of outings before that.” She had a list of them in her purse. Picnics, trips to the local forestry farm, the usual end-of-year school field trips.

“I thought it might be nice for them to go to summer camp, even if it’s only for a few nights. What do you think?” She waited, anticipating his negative response.

“Summer camp?” He frowned. “Isn’t that kind of expensive?”

“Not the church camp, no. They have scholarships if you need them. Or the kids can earn a deduction on their fees if they bring someone.” She whispered a little prayer for help before listing the benefits. “I thought going might get them to interact with other kids a bit. It’s kind of the norm around here and they need to start settling in, feeling secure in their place here.”

He shrugged, lips pinched tight. “I guess. I was sort of hoping to take them camping myself. I promised them a long time ago that I would, but I’ve never done it. Kendra probably could have used the break.”

She heard the self-condemnation in his tone and ignored it.

“Family camping! What a good idea. We could go back to the lake.” She fell into a daydream of the six of them splashing in the water, building a campfire at night, forming the bonds that made a family secure. And one day, maybe, just maybe…

“We’re home. Oh, boy!”

Clarissa jerked back to reality at the amusement in his voice. She stared at the huge banner that decorated the front gate. Welcome home Mr. and Mrs. Featherhawk.

“I’m afraid that’s probably due to Blair,” she told him with a sigh. “She always loved plastering signs all over our room at college.”

“I wonder what else she’s encouraged. It was nice of her to stay with them, though.” Wade helped her out of the car, then followed behind her with their suitcases, his voice filled with amusement. “She really steps in and takes over, doesn’t she?” He motioned toward the newly enlarged flower bed.

I’ve got to make sure he doesn’t feel overwhelmed by all of this. Clarissa made a mental note to have supper on the table when he came home at night. The house would be spotless, the children organized. Wade would only see the benefits of having married her. She would make sure he didn’t feel hemmed in or burdened with his wife. Far from being a responsibility, she intended to become an asset he couldn’t lose.

“They’re here!” The shriek of joy came from Pierce. Seconds later the door flew open and all four of the children bounded outside and down the stairs. “Welcome home.”

“My, what a welcoming committee! You all look like you’ve grown six inches.” Clarissa hugged each of them in turn, marveling at this family she’d been gifted with. “You’ve done wonders, Blair! You’ll probably need a month-long rest.”

“No way! I know all about the demands of motherhood. Remember?” Blair winked, reminding Clarissa of her young son who’d stayed at home. She hugged her close, then leaned back to survey her friend of ten years. “Is that a tan you’ve started, Prissy?”

Clarissa blushed. “If it isn’t, it’s not for want of trying.”

“Well, good for you. You look great. Marriage agrees with you. Both of you.” She made no bones about hugging Wade, too, then ushered everyone inside. “Come on, supper’s ready. And then I’ve got a flight to catch. Daniel wants his mommy back.”

They giggled and laughed all through the meal. It wasn’t until Wade left to drive Blair to the airport that disaster struck unannounced.

“Come and see, Clarissa. We’ve fixed your room up.”

She smiled and followed them up the stairs, only to stop, aghast, at the entrance to her bedroom. The room was the same, yet it was totally different. Her little vanity desk still sat there, but next to it, the chiffonier had been cleared of its photos and a host of male paraphernalia lay on its polished surface. Her closet had been altered to accommodate Wade’s jeans, chambray shirts and one good suit. In the adjoining bathroom, his electric razor lay beside the collection of perfume bottles she’d assembled from her grandmother’s stash.

“He’s going to need that razor.” Jared chuckled from his position on the edge of her canopy bed. “He didn’t shave the whole time, did he?”

“No.” Clarissa didn’t know what else to say. It was obvious that they expected her and Wade to inhabit this room together. And why not? Didn’t most couples sleep in the same bed, in the same room? How could she tell them otherwise without opening a new can of worms?

Better to let Wade deal with it when he returned.

“What is that heavenly fragrance? Don’t tell me the lilacs finally opened?” She whirled around searching, then stopped as she spotted her grandmother’s crystal vase filled to capacity with a mass of the tiny deep-purple blooms. “Thank you, children! This is just lovely.”

She hugged each of them again, taking care not to muss Tildy’s new, rather precarious hairdo. Only Blair could have sprayed that much goop on it and left someone else to get it out.

“We thought we could watch a video together. You know, kind of our first night together?” A flicker of doubt washed through Lacey’s young eyes. “Or maybe you’d rather not.”

Clarissa instantly changed her mind about shooing everyone off to bed. Sure, they needed an early start for church in the morning. But they needed time with her and Wade more. They needed time to assimilate the new family that they were now part of.

So did she. Lots of time before she climbed these stairs and shared her most personal space with the man she’d married such a short time before. She grabbed on to the diversion like a lifeline. “That’s a lovely idea! What’s the movie?”

They trooped down together, each child vying for the important part of telling her some tidbit about the show. Clarissa laughed.

“Sounds to me like you’ve already seen this. Why do you want to see it again? And why don’t we wait for Wade?”

They fell over each other trying to explain how long he’d be and how great it was and, rather than crush their joy, she joined in with the fun.

“All right, all right! We’ll watch it. How about some popcorn to go with those sodas?”

By the time Wade returned, they were settled in and Clarissa had tears rolling down her cheeks at the plight of the little boy on the screen.

At the kids’ urging, her husband flopped down on the sofa beside her, flicking away a tear from her sad face. “Really enjoying this, are you?” he teased.

She nodded, smiling at him through the mist. “It’s a wonderful show,” she sobbed.

“Shh!” The kids’ eyes were riveted to the screen.

Wade shook his head, took the can of soda she held out, and grabbed a handful of popcorn. “I’d hate to see it when you really like a movie.” He winked, then focused on the movie.

Caught up in the plot, Clarissa thrust the bedroom issue to the back of her mind. She’d tell him about it later, she decided. After the movie. When the kids had gone to bed.

They were all weeping by the time the credits rolled.

“Man, it’s good to be home. Nothing but happy faces to greet me.” Wade surveyed the mass of soggy tissues Lacey clutched in each hand and sniffed in sympathy.

But Clarissa knew he wasn’t unaffected by the trauma the family had suffered, or by the happy ending when everyone had been reunited.

“Oh, stuff it!” She pretended to tap him on the shoulder, then turned to the kids. “It’s pretty late. I think you’d better get to bed.”

They put up no arguments, merely bid her and Wade good-night, kissed each of them and trundled up to the rooms they’d taken over after the fire. There was some good-natured squabbling, of course, but nothing serious.

Clarissa had just breathed a sigh of relief that they’d left her in private to explain the bedroom situation when Pierce came rushing back downstairs.

“I hope you like the room, Uncle Wade.” A huge grin split his face. “Evan North told me you’re supposed to put cornflakes in the bed after people get married but I didn’t do it. There wouldn’t have been enough for breakfast.”

Wade’s lower jaw was approaching his chest, so Clarissa stepped in. “That was very kind of you, Pierce. It would be pretty hard to start a morning without cornflakes, wouldn’t it?” She smiled and patted his back, knowing how much the boy treasured his favorite cereal. “If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to show Wade your handiwork. Is that all right?”

“Sure. ‘Cause you’re married now, right?” His big eyes moved from one to the other of them with something like satisfaction glowing in their depths.

“That’s right. Good night.” She ruffled his hair, hugged him again, and gave him a little push toward the steps.

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