This Is The Way

He says how many of those people with your mother do you know.

I don’t know too many of them I says.

He said to me he didn’t neither. He said you wouldn’t have known what was confiscated on the way in.

He tried to get talking to a guard but the guard would not say much. He asked the guard was everything okay and the guard said everything was good. The guard would not relax then because Arthur was looking about him. I was not sure if Arthur was messing or if he was agitated. He said the Gillaroos were fuckers and he kept saying it. He was jittering about, he was stupid, first time in my life I thought that. I thought Arthur you look stupid you are stupid. He was wearing a hat. I could not say if I liked it. He said it was made of felt and he got it in France. There used to be a feather in it he said. He took it down off his head and he showed me the inside.

What does that writing say he says.

He showed me his watch. There was mercury in it he said. He got it in Holyhead. He got his coat in England, his shirt in England, his shoes in England.

Where did you get your trousers I says.

England he says.

The priest said he wanted to speak again while we were waiting. He had trouble being heard over the helicopter but he got it out anyhows.

He says remember that Jesus was known as many things but one of the names he went by was the Prince of Peace. In the New Testament you will find a number of examples of Jesus greeting his disciples with peace be with you. Jesus’s life was an example to us all to live our lives in peace and harmony with each other. We would do well to remember at this time the life that our Saviour led and the message of peace that he brought to us.

I seen my father make a great show of blessing himself. Then a guard came over whispered in the priest’s ear. The priest said we would all have to wait behind longer. Ten minutes went and Arthur said he was going to throw a stone at the helicopter.

I’m going to try hit that thing and either I hit that thing or the stone drops and I hit a Gillaroo he says.

He tore a lump of tarmac the size of his fist from the edge of the path and he threw it in the air straight up. A guard stepped in and so did my sister Margarita.

Have you no respect for our brother she says to me.

I don’t even know if that was the question. I don’t even know if that is a question.

That was the last time, three year ago in Melvin, the time of my brother Aaron’s burial. There was this time now he was after turning up in the city of Dublin he was agitated and there was the last time in Melvin and he was agitated then too. It was not good in the world when Arthur was agitated.

3

The next morning he took a turn for the worse. First thing I woke up he was groaning. He was not asleep but not awake. He was trying to keep himself through a severe pain if that’s the way. His face had a clouded look and he was sweating. I says to him Arthur will I make you tea but he was inside himself be the best way to put it.

I went to Mr L the chemist. He had the cure when I was sick in June and he was good. I says I have this uncle and it’s like he’s in the grip of something terrible. I says he been sick and now I think he’s burning up.

Is he delirious the word Mr L used.

Yes I says.

He could have an infection he says.

I said to him yes that that’s what I thought it was. I told him his foot had gone bad. Mr L said it sounded like it was the antibiotics he needed but that I had to get him to a doctor to get those. I said to myself that that was expensive and then I remembered I had antibiotics from when I got sick in June. I took one and I couldn’t take the rest because the taste came off in my mouth. But I had them, I hadn’t got rid of them.

I found them and it said on the tube take three a day. I knew there was no way Arthur was going to take them the taste of them the way they were, I would have to sneak them into him. I said to him did he want anything to eat. He said nothing only a groan. I had ham and I made a sandwich. I ate it beside him but he didn’t react like he wanted food.

I left it a day. He hadn’t eaten all that time, that day and the day before. I knew he was pushing himself to the limits. He would have to eat something and his body would make himself eat something. Sure enough when I bought chips and I put some on a plate beside him he took them. I pushed an antibiotic in one of them. He ate them down in ten seconds.

Have you anything else he says.

I got him an orange. I peeled it for him my back turned and I pushed an antibiotic in that too. He bit into it but his tooth hit the antibiotic and he spat the antibiotic on the sheet.

What’s this he says.

I says it’s a tablet it’s good for you I says and I picked it up.

Give it here he says. Will you fill up me glass he says. How many of these a day do I have to take.

The rest of that evening he slept and most the next day he slept and the day after he was awake but quiet but together. The day after that then he was even better again, he was improved.

I was up that morning with the television on. I thought he was asleep and then I heard it.

Good to be home he says.

I turned to him. He was lying on his side, his head resting in his hand. He was looking toward the window.

I says you’re not home. You’re in my house here and it’s my rules you’re under.

And you’re back now and you got sick and you’re stranded in the city of Dublin and who am I to turn you away, one of my own, my uncle and the brother of my father I thinks to myself.

Home I says.

I says to him so what brought you back after your years of wandering.

He didn’t say nothing, he let out wind.

Did you miss the country I says.

He moved himself up on the pillow.

Come here I want to show you something he says.

I’d left the sack he had at the Spar by the head of the bed and now he had it up with him.

Have a look here he says. There’s some old pages they gave me in the hospital. Your father was telling me you’re good with the reading he says.

When were you last talking to me father I says to him.

He came in the hospital visit me Arthur says.

Was me father where you got me number I says.

Yes he says.

Now he says.

Have a look at those pages he says.

Yes I says.

He showed me a group of papers, they were held together at the corner. The first page said in writing Recovery Guide for Patients Who Have Undergone Digit Replantation Surgery. The second page and the third page there were pictures. One of them was a man caught in a fence.

I turned the page and Arthur said the doctor got it for him off the computer.

Look he says, look, look, but I was reading down the sheet.

Look he says again.

I looked up and I got a fright. He’d took his left hand out the cloth been covering it and he was holding it in front of him. It was crooked and mashed, it was boiled. Took me a few seconds to see what was wrong. It was the thumb, only it wasn’t a thumb. It was twisted on the hand, a different look to the rest, like someone had got it, broke it off, then they changed it, shrunk it, put it back on. His hand looked like a monkey’s hand what it looked, like a chimp’s. I thought of his foot and then I thought that that’s what this was. That they took his toe off and they put it on his hand because his thumb went missing.

What’s wrong with you he says.

I don’t know I says.

Your face he says.

Your face I says.

There’s nothing wrong with me face he says.

You look shocked I says.

It’s not me face it’s me hand is the problem, look he says.

He reached over for the glass and the hand stopped before it. It was natural a person would open the hand without thinking but Arthur was thinking. He was looking at the hand like he had to concentrate to open it. I watched him, his tongue tapping his front teeth. In a minute his thumb that was his toe moved back and he moved his hand around the glass.

I can do that but I can’t hold on to anything yet he says. One step at a time isn’t that what they say. I could try and pick it up but there’s no power in the hand, the glass would drop. It’ll take time. They had me doing exercises, opening and closing opening and closing. They told me I had to think through the movement and if I thought of it I would make it happen. They gave me fish they said the fish is good for the brain. They said if I.

The hospital, the doctor, the after what happened was all he was saying, I was not listening.

I says to him tell me something Arthur and tell me straight.

He looked at me strange, angry.

I says was it the Gillaroos done this to you.

He took two seconds.

No he says, and he kept his eyes looking in mine like a challenge what it was.

I turned mine away from his and I smiled, I smiled so he could see me smile, it was with no joy.

I says to him they must have thought you were good enough to let you go from the hospital before the skin is even healed.

He muttered something, I says to him what speak up.

He says I knew meself I was good enough.

You let yourself out I says.

There was nothing I couldn’t have been doing on me own he says.

Can you do that I says.

What he says.

Let yourself out I says.

Course he says. They can’t hold you against your will. And I don’t like the fish he says.

Tell me this I says to him. Have you still got that watch the mercury in it.

No he says. That broke and it made me sick for a week. I got this new one with a wire coiled in it you could pull out and strangle a man.

Would you use it for that I says.

If I had to he says.

He looked around the room. I followed his eyes looking the way he was looking, this room he been recovering, this place he was hiding.

What you been doing with yourself these few days he says to me.

Looking after you I says.

What was that about he says.

Seeing that you weren’t dying I says. Looking at you more than looking after you I says.

How do I look he says.

Bad I says. You stink. You’re still wearing the clothes you came in I says.

Have you a shower here he says.

There’s one down on the landing I says.

Will there be a queue for it he says.

All my time here I never seen anyone using it I says. I don’t think they shower I says.

He leaned back crossway on the bed then rolled on his right and pushed himself up. It was an effort for him, I seen it.

Ah sweet fuck he says.

Relax there now I says don’t be taking things too quick.

Ah that’s good, that’s good he says sitting up. Aaah he says.

Relax I says.

He sat there the edge the bed a minute his face settling into a more easy look.

Well he says.

Just sit there steady a minute don’t be trying too much I says and he rolling his head round his shoulders. Don’t need to be rushing to have a shower you’re not that bad I says.

No he says. Then he says to me this, he says do you know where Grafton Street is.

Yes I do I says.

Good he says. He reached in his pocket his good hand and he had a bundle of money, must have been two three hundred euros.

Do you know where the Tommy Hilfiger store on Grafton Street is he says.

The what I says.

I heard there’s a Tommy Hilfiger store on Grafton Street he says.

Where did you hear that I says.

I asked someone he says.

Who I says.

Someone on the street before meeting you he says.

You were fucking dying taking a turn I says and you ask someone where the fucking, I couldn’t remember the name of the place.

Tommy Hilfiger store he says. It’s a clothes shop. A big operation he says.

I says the only fucking operation you should have been worried about is the one they done on your hand.

Here he says giving me the money. Get me a long sleeve polo shirt large size. Blue or white or black or brown but don’t get pink. And get me a pair of jeans not too loose at the ankles make sure. They do smart ones Tommy Hilfiger he says. I’m a thirty six waist thirty four in the leg.

Want me to get anything else with this money I says.

He reached in his pocket again pulled out another fifty.

Take this too in case he says.

Will I go down there now I says.

Whenever he says. Oh listen he says. Will you look out for something else for me. Will you see about getting me one of them wire camp beds. I wouldn’t want to be throwing you out of your own bed. And I’m too sick to sleep on the floor he says.

This was too much to be hearing, I had to get out now, I had to do some thinking about all this.

I went for the door I says Arthur.

Yes he says.

Nothing I says. Then I says no I’ll just say this.

I smacked the frame of the door my back to him.

What he says.

I turned I says I’ll talk to you when I get back.

He says why you talking to your Uncle Arthur like that.

I stopped again I says no just tell me this. Tell me this. Are you worried about me kicking you out on the street. Because you can tell me you know. You can tell me the truth I says.

He says aren’t you after getting awful big.

He looked at me.

I didn’t say nothing, then goodbye I says.

4

Judith said to me to write because I am literate but I did not think of anything to begin. I did not understand and the truth of it is I wanted to forget it. I wanted to walk out of her room. I said I did not like the smell of coffee because I did not like coffee to drink. She said there was no smell of coffee because she was not allowed bring coffee in that room, she said that that was the smell of rotted paper. She said we could go in another room. The other room was brighter and had newer books and like the first room it had the marks of wood pressed in the concrete. She laughed at me she said I had more interest in the building than anything. Maybe that’s your calling was the word she used. I said it to her I should have built buildings. She said no that she meant I should have designed them.

Then we started again. Would you like to talk to me she says.

About what I says.

Look she says and she took me and brought me the way we came. We went in a room beside the first one we were in. The books were bigger but they were brown and again I thought about the smell of coffee.

We’re not going to stay here but I just wanted to give you a sense says Judith. She says think of all that these volumes contain. She picked up one book and dropped it on a pile of others and it made a clap.

We went out that room and we went to get water from a machine but the machine was empty. So then we went up the stair to get juice from a fridge. Then we went back to the room that was brightest and had the new books.

I want to tell you a story she says. We’ll see if this sparks something. I want to tell you about the Lambton Worm she says. The Lambton Worm is a well known folk tale from northern England. It concerns as you might have guessed a monster. Some people say this monster had many legs on the side of its body and some people say it had no legs. How do you think it might have looked she says.

I did not know.

In the tale of the Lambton Worm a boy called John catches a creature that looked like an eel she says.

Did he catch it in a river I says.

Yes says Judith.

Then it was an eel I says.

John threw the creature down a well says Judith. The creature grew to a colossal size. Years later it slithered out of the well and terrorised the towns folk of Lambton. The funny thing is how the tale has changed over the years. The reason it has changed so much is that there are more spoken versions of the story than written ones. The story has versions even in other countries. In New York there is an urban myth about a baby crocodile that was flushed down the toilet by somebody who was given it as a pet but who didn’t want it. The crocodile grew to full size even to an abnormally big size and lived in the sewers of New York for years.

Many times after being in the library me and Judith would get food in the university. We might go for a walk around the gardens of it. She said she could talk to the grounds man about getting me a job but I don’t know anything about trees. One time we stood in the gardens and looked at the outside of the library. Judith said it was a wonderful and mysterious building. She said it was a puzzle the inside of it and it was a luxury but what it done for people was not a luxury. She said it was like a shelter, it was built of rock and concrete, it was a safe place. She says to me you should never be afraid of it Anthony. You are safe here you are safe in all these grounds, enjoy them. Enjoy the music of the bells she says. We walked over cobbles she says feel the smoothness of them under your feet, you can almost feel the smoothness run up your leg.

This one time she gave me a card. She said I could use it to get in the library on my own to look at the books.

But don’t tell anyone I’ve given this to you she says.

Why I says.

It could compromise me the word she used.

I says what is compromise.

It would put me in an awkward position she says.

She gave me a book. It was a pad. She said did I have a pen and I said I’d get one. She said she wanted me to write. I was to go home. She said I did not have to go home straight away but I was to go home to the room in the house. She said she wanted me to write something down. To begin I had to think of one moment or a person. I must not try to get it all in she said. Just one moment or a person, and funny, I thought of Arthur. This is what I wrote.

Arthur has gone the furthest of anyone we know. He left in his van and he lives in it. Now I don’t know where he is. He could be in Spain. He has seen things the rest of his people has never seen though there are some of us have travelled around as far as him. He is seeing mountains. He could be in France. He could be in Africa or China. In fact he has been to those places. What he does is buy things in one town and sell them on in the next. He sells bowls. He has sold winkles though he did not buy those. He sells films and he stripped a factory after the owner of the factory told him he could have it. He took all the metal and he sold it one place, all the rubber and he sold it one place, all the gold and he sold it in the other place. He took up a railway line sold that too. He sells food and antiques. He knows about the history of the antiques and the people listen to him. He can tell them when a thing was made and they will buy it knowing it is real. Wood in antiques is the thing he knows the most. He could tell you when a chair was made. One time he took a table to the top of a place where a man lived in Germany. The man said the table was worth a lot and Arthur knew that, he had taken the table himself up the stair. One time Arthur started a war in Switzerland. He went in a forest and there were no trees in the middle of the forest. He walked there. The men and women let a slab of stone thump to the ground and they had written on it they were going to get together and fight to be together. They needed one more man to write they should fight and that moment Arthur knew how to write and he wrote on the stone. They all shook their hand and Switzerland went on to be free. He moved to the next place. He went to Russia and he met their king. He went to the sea with him. He showed a town in Scotland how to milk a cow. They were not doing it right. Then they knew. He keeps on going. There are others of us has gone as far as him I know. But Arthur is seeing different things. The others go in a circle and always go back. Arthur just keeps going though he knows the way back. There has never been anyone done it the way he is doing it.

5

Arthur said the thumb was an accident what he kept saying. He said he got himself caught in a fence and his thumb came off. I said it to him wasn’t that the same story on the picture on the sheet off the doctor he gave me. He said yes it was. He said that that was why the doctor gave him the sheets to begin, because he had the same accident as the man on the sheet. Then wait he says. He got a text. I says to him who gave it you what does it say, I don’t know he says. I says give it here. It said Greetings, still some appointments on discount days, Jizelle Hair Studios, ph zero zero zero zero one one one one one.

Did you try to get the thumb back I says.

No he says. He gathered his crutches then he put them down again. Then he shifted over to the sink, put water in the kettle. He says it’s definitely getting better me foot. I can put the weight back on it and I’ll be walking again no time.

Why didn’t you try to get it I says.

What he says.

The thumb I says. It could have saved you and the hospital the bother cutting off your toe I says.

It was gone he says. Went in a ditch. Went in under the water he says.

And that was the leeches that had it then I says.

That was the leeches had it then that was it he says. Where is it you keep the tea he says. He opened the cupboard under the sink and the bag I had leaning against the door fell over and sweet potatoes I got off Judith spilt out. She grew them in her garden and I took them when she gave them. Arthur pushed down on one with his crutch.

What’s this he says.

You cook them I says. But I don’t know how to cook them. And they’re five month old, they’re rotted I says.

He got one up off the floor. But sure we’ll try it he says. There’s good eating in that.

I waited for the kettle to boil, I got up to make the tea. I waited for him to settle in the couch, me on my seat. I watched him. There wasn’t nowhere for him to go out of here. It’d be easy if I just let things.

It’s a grand enough room he says. A good bit of space indeed. Would you call this an apartment he says.

I took a sip of my tea. I will get this out of you and you will tell me you stupid fucker I says to myself.

So what’s the plan I says. Are you just going to, and though I could not think what to say I sat back on the seat and fixed straight ahead on him.

He threw one leg over the other and hit the cup down on his knee. The bottom of the cup made a pop sound and some of the tea spilt on his trouser. Have you got any biscuits he says.

I have I says, I have, and I went to get them. I have Polos I says. Listen I says to him again. I want to know what plans you have. I says you have to have plans.

Oh I have many plans Anthony. Many many plans. I’m full of plans always he says.

You are to fuck I says, and I left him to it, I left him to it, forever at the tricks he was, all about the teasing. I felt like shouting there’s no need to be protecting me Arthur, look it who is protecting who in these days, I took you in I fixed your foot I am feeding you.

I had a trick of my own. The trick was to get him when he was in himself. I seen these days and weeks sometimes he would get in a mood. I seen it usually when he had a cup of tea and a cigarette and he was sitting on the single wooden seat. He would have his legs crossed, he would have his arms crossed, he would be bent over himself. There would be steam rising one side, smoke rising the other, his head would be lowered, low as his shoulders. He would be looking at nothing. In this mood you would not get him telling you things straight but you might get him telling you stories.

One of these times I was looking at his hand with the cigarette in it, his buckled left hand. His thumb that was his toe was pointed the wrong direction, it brought out my pity, I expected it he would start whining and whimpering. This moment I did not want this beaten dog, not this thing his hand and foot buckled and broken. I says to him I’m sure you have things on your mind, you cannot be a travelling man you don’t have things on your mind the next place you’re going I says, and I said it to lift him make him feel like a man with things on his mind.