The Freelance Mum: A flexible career guide for better work-life balance

If you start out by working when your baby or young child is napping, you’ll find yourself cramming a lot of work into a very small window of time. Just as you get really stuck into what you’re doing, you’ll hear their cries on the monitor. It can make your heart sink. Not because you don’t want to see your kid, but because working can feel like such a nice escape and to have it abruptly cut short is frustrating.

So it can then be hard to switch your mind from work back to motherhood. You will inevitably find yourself quickly rattling off an email while giving your baby their post-nap bottle, or popping on Peppa Pig for an hour so that you can finish a pitch. I think this is fine, though, don’t forget, you’re doing this to support your family, and you’ve chosen a freelance career to fit around family life. It’s not selfish, and it won’t damage them. I remember reading an article about how work and parenting should always be totally separate and then panicking, as mine were very much blended. I now realise this is OK; it’s unrealistic to aim for these two parts of your life to be completely distinct – particularly if, like me, some of your work has a family or parenting focus.

Womenswear designer Kelly Eckhardt agrees. She says that mothers need to feel comfortable with their desire to have a fulfilling career, and that sometimes it will involve work and family time overlapping if there is no childcare in place. ‘Don’t feel guilty for wanting to succeed in your work,’ she says. ‘I personally believe kids should see their mothers succeed; this shows them that women can be loving but also intelligent and super motivated. A happy mum = a happy family.’ It’s for this reason that she advocates occasional screen-time, when necessary. ‘It’s OK to stick your kids in front of a screen for a little while if you need to finish an email or a write-up. We all do this. It’s fine.’

Mère Soeur founder Carrie Anne Roberts says: ‘The hardest thing about juggling work as a single mum is, surprise surprise, finding the time to actually work. If I’m not working I feel like I should be and if I am working I feel like I’m not being as present as I could be for River. There is a constant pressure to excel as a parent and in my career but the balance is difficult to achieve. The one thing that makes it all easier is the fact that I can work to my own schedule and be around for River a lot more than I would be if I’d gone back to work 9–5. As difficult as the juggle can be, I’m beyond grateful for the time I have with him and the flexibility I have from this kind of work.’

Dr Jessamy Hibberd – clinical psychologist, TEDx speaker and author – says: ‘I split my week – three long days working (with some drop-offs/pick-ups with the kids) and then Thursday–Sunday with my family. I do work when they’re asleep when needed, but I don’t check emails/work when I’m with them. I think I find it easier to do one thing at a time. When I’m with the kids I’m with the kids. When I’m at my clinic, I’m seeing people, and when I have my non-clinic time I focus on a project.’

Sarah Turner – founder of The Unmumsy Mum blog, author of two Sunday Times bestselling books and freelance journalist – says that her biggest challenge is living with the constant fear that she’s ‘on call’ for both work and parenting. ‘I never feel like I am doing either job particularly well, as I have a terrible habit of checking work emails when I’m with the kids and checking that the kids are all right when I’m supposed to be working. A big part of this problem stems from the fact that I don’t have a separate office or workspace at home and so very often can still hear the kids when I’m writing from our bedroom (and they know I’m there, so often potter in and disturb me!).

‘At the moment, my husband is taking shared parental leave after the birth of our third baby and so is not working, which means I am free to do more work, but now I have to contend with everyone being at home pretty much all the time. I have been trying to escape to the local library or co-working spaces to allow for better concentration but that presents its own problems, such as when I need to dial in to a Skype meeting or discuss a confidential project I don’t really want to shout about across the library café. I sometimes miss the days of going out to work in the morning, shutting the door behind me and then returning in the evening ready to be “Mum” and not “Mum who’s here all the time but always working”. The reality is that my new work life is so intertwined with my home life that there can never be a clean break or distinction between the two. In actual fact, it’s often our “downtime” that provides the richest material for me to write about and I can’t seem to stop my mind from thinking, “I should blog this!”’

If you’re keen to close the laptop at some point and become ‘mum’ again, here are some tricks for navigating the switch from mum to work mode and back …

– Make yourself a cup of tea or a glass of ice-cold water. Focus on it while you drink. This signals the end of working and back to being a mum. Or the reverse.

– Clementine app has a ‘reset’ recording, which is just five minutes long, that helps you to leave old thoughts behind and move into a new part of your day.

– Allocate the last 10 minutes of working or childcare to transition. So if you’re at your desk, spend 10 minutes preparing to be ‘mum’ again: get a bottle ready for the baby, go to the loo. If you’ve been mum, allow yourself 10 minutes to get into work mode once your child has gone for her nap or to nursery, e.g. read the news on your phone. But don’t get sucked into social media.

– When you’ve finished work, leave your phone at your desk. This prevents the temptation to check emails ‘just once more’ while your child drinks her milk or whatever.

– Do five minutes of stretching. If you’ve been sat at a desk, this will pump energy back into your body, and if you’ve been with your child, it’ll help you to focus on your next task: work.

Most of us are guilty of flicking through social apps on our phones while looking after our kids. If you’re starting to feel guilty about this, you could always try one of the apps for creating barriers between being online and offline. For instance, Moment, which tracks all your online time and updates you at the end of the day. Most of us spend far too much time on social, but having it quantified might just be scary enough to enforce some habit changes. It certainly has for me. At times like the nursery pick-up, I used to push the buggy with one hand and scroll with the other. Now I’m trying to leave it in my pocket and just walk. And see. And think. (And respond when my son sticks his hand out for yet another breadstick.)

Courtney Adamo, co-founder of Babyccino Kids – an international lifestyle website for modern mums – and a mum of five, has discovered the importance of separating family life and work life. ‘While we (women/mums) are good at multi-tasking and can totally cook dinner, answer emails and hold a baby all at the same time,’ she says, ‘I have learned from experience that I work better and feel happier (both in general and about the work I’m doing) when I focus on one task at a time and give it my full attention. Especially the part about being a mum. If I am distracted with my kids, they can totally feel it and everything spirals from there in a negative way.’

Where to work from?

I’ve always been happy spending time alone, so for me it works to set myself up on the end of my dining-room table and type away with a view of the garden. Also, I found this easier to fit around my children’s naps. That said, there were a few months when my son wanted to sleep at the exact same time I had to drop my daughter at nursery, so I’d find myself waving goodbye to her then reclining the buggy and doing some vigorous jiggling until he dropped off. I’d park up by a bench – anywhere – and work on my phone: emails, writing, editing. It wasn’t ideal – mostly because there was no toilet. Or coffee. But going into a cafe was going to wake him from his sleep, so in order to best utilise this time, a bench it was.

I now work from home or my local coffee shop, which has fast and free wifi, excellent coffee and nice cheese toasties for lunch. I rack up a bill of around £12, which isn’t much considering on my work days I might be there from 9.30 a.m. until 3 p.m. Others prefer to use the local library, a shared workspace – some even come with a crèche (there’s a list of these at the end of the book) – or you might be able to make use of the crèche at your gym – half an hour on the running machine, followed by an hour and a half of work.

Something I’ve recently started doing is borrowing a friend’s house to work in. She and her boyfriend are out during the day, Monday–Friday, and they have a cat who likes company. It means I don’t have to commando-crawl out of the kitchen when my son comes home from the Toy Library with his childminder – if he sees me, he doesn’t want to be parted again – but I also don’t have to pay for coffee. This exchange could work well if you have a friend whose dog needs walking. Or perhaps you could spend your last hour cooking dinner for their return? Worth it, for a free workspace.

Lucy Mangan – Stylist columnist, Guardian writer, author – says that her greatest challenge as a freelancer is feeling she’s doing neither work nor motherhood properly. ‘I’d prefer to be doing one thing, as well as I can,’ she says. So attempting to work from home while her seven-year-old son is there can create tension. ‘Multitasking is not my thing,’ she says, ‘especially when I’m doing creative writing. I need long, uninterrupted stretches of time. And a quiet space. But as your child gets older, they become more demanding. They want to spend time with you. Of course they do. But this means I can’t just shut myself in my study, so now I’m working more outside of the home; in the library. I’ve also joined a private member’s club. It’s so lovely to be looked after – people bring you food that you haven’t had to cook, and coffee. It’s tax deductible so I pay £600 a year for my membership.’

Having somewhere to work outside of the home also removes you from a domestic setting, which can be distracting (laundry to be hung out, packages being delivered, etc.). ‘As a freelancer, you need to be more selfish than you feel comfortable with,’ says Lucy. ‘If I’m in the house, I feel all the domestic duties coming at me. But if I leave the house, they can’t intrude on my mental space.’ Of course, working outside of the home means you have less control over your surroundings – including noise. ‘Always carry headphones and white noise to block out irritating sounds,’ she advises. ‘It’s incredibly frustrating when you plan to work on the train for four hours and end up next to someone playing music loudly on their mobile. But white noise will drown them out. Or you can just ask them to be quiet.’

Dealing with isolation

While I’m generally OK with my own company, there were definitely times – particularly in the dead of winter – when my daughter was at nursery, and before my son was born, when the house felt incredibly quiet, and I longed for some human contact. Sometimes, I’d go to the shop just so that I could have a chat with someone. Or phone my sister. When my son was at home with the childminder, I had to vacate, so I’d work in public spaces, meaning I was surrounded by activity. I still go now, if I feel lonely. Although I don’t intend to meet up with anyone – I’m there to work – I’ve actually made friends at my local coffee shop with people who are also freelance, and there to work. So we’ll have a quick chat, or give each other some advice, then get our heads back down. Working in this way – surrounded by other people who are also tapping into their laptops – makes me forget how isolated I sometimes felt when I worked from home.

Sali Hughes – author, columnist for The Pool, Guardian and Empire, and event host – says that the social aspect of office work can be felt as a real loss when you go freelance. ‘Lots of women really struggle when they go freelance with the fact that they’re not in a team any more. They don’t have those water-cooler moments. You have to embrace social media, but know when to stop. Be able to manage the loss of the social aspect.’ She used to enjoy managing people in the workplace, as well as coming in and talking about what was on the telly. ‘But now I’ve got Twitter and Facebook for that,’ she says. ‘After my first baby, it was the isolation that made me go mad. I didn’t know anyone with a baby, so I was really lonely. But after my second baby, there was Facebook – then Twitter. So I had people to talk to. As a journalist, if you’re a freelancer, it’s very solitary. Twitter and Facebook are the office. They’re your colleagues; people you speak to in place of physical co-workers. But then you’re reliant on yourself to stop messing about and get on with work. I strongly advise freelancers to block the internet between certain hours, using software. And if you need bustle, go to a coffee shop.’

Pragya Agarwal – designer, entrepreneur, journalist, TEDx speaker and mum of three, including two-year-old twins – agrees that becoming part of an online community, and using social media for real social interaction, can help to combat the isolation. ‘Working from home can be lonely,’ she says, ‘and I have written extensively for Forbes about how to manage loneliness as a freelancer. There are times when I do not speak to any adult for days, and so it is really crucial for me to have a strong community online. But I also try to go to some networking events when possible.’ (If the idea of ‘networking’ makes you feel panicked, there are lots of tips for making it more bearable – and even fun – in Chapter 9.)

Say yes

At other stages in this book, I’ll talk about the importance of learning to say ‘no’, but when you’re starting up, the big word is YES. Yes, I’d like to tell you about my new freelance business. Yes, I’d like to have a coffee with your sister who’s an editor of a women’s magazine and might be interested in doing a feature on me. Yes, I’d like you to take some flyers and leave them at your work. Yes, I’d like you to wear one of my tote bags to the networking lunch you’re attending. Say yes, and watch where it leads … And if you think it might be a good opportunity, but you’re not sure how, respond as quickly as possible and say: I love the sound of this and it would be great to talk more about it. It’s a way of saying ‘yes’ without saying: let’s do it right this second. Sometimes, you’ll need time to think about what you want, or can (with childcare limitations) commit to. You can ensure that you don’t let opportunities slip away, without making an immediate commitment.

Sali Hughes was working freelance before giving birth to her two sons, so she was already one step ahead in that she was being commissioned for work as soon as she was back at her desk, post-birth. However, she still felt a certain pressure to always say ‘yes’, in order to keep her position as the go-to for all things beauty. ‘The thing about being freelance,’ she says, ‘is that if you’re a successful freelancer, you’ll be fine for work. But there’s a degree of accepting work because you need to be the person who does it. So I’ve always taken on too much; to cement a position. I’m prone to taking on more than other people – than men, than people on desk jobs. But I’ve never missed a swimming gala or school concert, so you take the rough with the smooth. I work much harder than someone at a desk job but they don’t get the benefit of that flexibility.’ So say yes to the opportunities, but decide where your line will be drawn in terms of family commitments.

Meeting potential clients

The above steps – announcing your business on social media, telling your friends and family about it, saying ‘yes’ to as much as possible – all take you towards securing your first clients. You are the best person to sell yourself: you know the ins and outs of your trade, and you are the face of your brand. From now on, you’ll be telling as many people as you can about your business, so you’ll need to refine your elevator pitch. This is a way of explaining who you are, what you do and what you can do for them – all in the time it takes to get from the ground floor to the fifth floor, when they will be (metaphorically) getting out.

As I mentioned earlier, my work has various branches. Let’s take one: I’m editor of The Early Hour. My elevator pitch, to a potential advertiser on my website – let’s say an organic kids’ food company – would be this:

I’m Annie Ridout, founder and editor of digital parenting and lifestyle magazine The Early Hour. I put out articles at 5 a.m., for parents who are up early. I’ve grown a loyal following of parents who love thoughtful, ethical products. Like yours.

She might then say: Oh really. I’d love to hear more about what you’d charge for advertising but I’m rushing to a meeting. Can I take your email address? THIS IS THE IMPORTANT BIT: say, how about I take yours? This way, you won’t risk her forgetting about you and never making contact. Once she’s out of the elevator, or has hopped off the train – wherever it is that you are – compose an email: was great meeting you, Laura. Would love to talk more about how we could work together. Let me know when’s good to chat.

Also, if you know people working in your industry, offer to take them for coffee, or lunch, as you’d love to hear more about what they do and how they do it. Then tell them about what you’re doing. Always ask lots of questions, people will be flattered if you’ve done your research and know about them and their work. Showing an interest will make them warm to you. Shouting about you and your own work won’t. And remember to be open-minded – when you meet clients in their office, be friendly to everyone you meet: there could be someone else within the company looking for your services at a later date.

Mailing list

You need to stay in contact with all these people you’re meeting online and in person, and telling about your services, so get their email address and ask if it’s OK to add them to your mailing list. This is a valuable asset for any company: being able to land directly in people’s inboxes, rather than having to hope they’ll see your post on social media. Having a box pop up on your website asking people to subscribe is a simple way to get sign-ups. There’s more later on about growing your mailing list, and when and how to contact your subscribers. But in the initial stages, just get people signed up whenever you can (with their permission).

When am I going to work?

Once you have grown your freelance career and have paying clients, you’ll be able to decide whether you’d like to commit to paying for childcare for your children. This will vary from parent to parent. But when you’re starting up, you’ll need to be prepared to work in the evenings, once the kids are in bed and when they’re napping (kids’ sleep routines are covered in Chapter 3). This also extends to weekends, if you can enlist a partner or grandparents who are willing to help out. Remember, you’re right at the start of this journey. It’s going to be hard work but it will be worth it when the money’s streaming in and you have the option to outsource some of the childcare. Chapter 4 will go into more detail about the childcare options available.

Don’t burn out

While it’s important to commit lots of time and energy to your freelance work, you will need to practise self-care, too. It’s very tiring being a mum, it’s very tiring working alongside motherhood, it’s very tiring setting up as a freelancer. But you might find it beneficial to re-frame what you consider a ‘break’ to be. For instance, I was invited to go on a mum and baby retreat in Hampshire recently. It was two days and a night of yoga, healthy food, massages and inspiring activities. It sounded heavenly, but my husband couldn’t take two days off work, and it landed on the two half-days my son was with the childminder so I’d have had to still pay her even if he came with me. Someone needed to collect my daughter from preschool. I had a book to write. So I said no.

However, writing a book while continuing to run The Early Hour, write freelance articles and produce commercial copy takes up a lot of my energy. And as soon as I finish work, I’m on mum duty. I don’t get a break until they’re in bed. And then I open my laptop and work. So really, I don’t stop until I go to sleep. But what I’ve found is that stealing tiny pockets of time for myself makes it all bearable. For instance, I hop in a really hot bath five minutes before the kids to soak alone before adding cold water and pulling them in with me. I go for a 10-minute run in the morning. Once I’ve finished work in the evening, I read a novel for five minutes before lights out. This is my ‘me-time’. I’d love to have the massages and weekend spa retreats but it’s just not doable so I find time for myself in smaller, more manageable ways.

BBC documentary presenter Cherry Healey is a single mother to her two kids, aged eight and four. She works three or four days a week, depending on where and what she’s filming, and they spend the weekend as a family. ‘What I really like is a Saturday with no plans,’ she says. ‘I’ll go out on a Friday after work if I’ve already missed kids’ bedtimes, and I’ll go for dinner, with my boyfriend, or go dancing. But Saturdays are about going to the park, iPads, lolling about. Doing the laundry. We very rarely go away for the weekend. Lazy weekends at home are important for my mental health. Sometimes I feel I should be doing more with the kids but one thing I’ve learned is that it’s the times I make loads of effort that they end up crying because I didn’t get them something from the shop. Keep it simple, and local.’

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