Please Don’t Take My Baby

Feeling the ice had been broken, I left the four of them grouped around the game while I went into the kitchen to cook the spaghetti and heat the bolognese sauce. Toscha, our cat, miaowed; her dinner was late too and I fed her before turning my attention to ours.

My first impression of Jade and Tyler was that, while pleasant, they were young and immature and would struggle to cope with a baby. I didn’t know what involvement Tyler intended to have with his child but realistically – given that he was sixteen and still at school – he wouldn’t be able to offer much in the way of support. Whether or not Jade could cope alone with a baby remained to be seen and that wasn’t really any concern of mine. My role was to see Jade through the next month, after which she would go to a mother-and-baby placement.

I thought it wouldn’t be long before Adrian and Paula felt more at ease around Jade (and Tyler) and vice versa. Excited voices soon rose from the sitting room as sunken treasure was found and then lost, which seemed to confirm my optimism for them all getting along. But as I lowered the spaghetti into the pan of boiling water, Tyler’s voice rose above the others: ‘Fuck no! It fell off. That’s not fucking fair!’

Chapter Four

First Evening

Leaving the spaghetti boiling in the pan, I left the kitchen and met Paula who was coming out of the sitting room and on her way to me.

‘Mum, that big boy swore,’ she whispered, clearly worried.

‘I know, I heard,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll deal with it.’

While swearing might be acceptable in Tyler’s house and with his friends, it wasn’t acceptable in my house in front of Adrian and Paula. I knew from previous experience – with other children I’d fostered – that if I didn’t stop the swearing now it would escalate. And although Tyler wasn’t a child I was fostering I had a feeling we’d be seeing a lot of him, so I needed to put in place the ground rules straightaway.

As I entered the sitting room Adrian looked up at me anxiously, aware the words Tyler had used weren’t acceptable, while Jade and Tyler were concentrating on and enjoying the game. Indeed, having got over whatever it was he thought was unfair, Tyler was happily telling Jade to hurry up, as it was her turn.

‘Er … Tyler,’ I said, taking a few steps into the room. ‘Please don’t swear. There are children present.’

‘Yeah, sure,’ he said amicably. ‘Sorry.’

I smiled reassuringly at Adrian and Paula who, relieved that the matter had been dealt with so easily, returned to the game.

I returned to the kitchen and ten minutes later called everyone to come, as dinner was ready. They must have been very hungry, for they didn’t protest at having to break off from their game, which wasn’t finished. I could see Paula was tired and 7.30 was late for her to be eating, so as soon as we’d eaten I would take her upstairs for her to wash and get ready for bed. Once everyone was at the table I served the meal. When Jade was seated at the dining table her bump was even more emphasized, as it stopped her from getting close to the table. I could see Adrian and Paula stealing surreptitious glances at her as we ate and I knew that certainly Paula would have questions later about bumps and babies.

The first few meals – and indeed the first few days after a new child arrives – are often a little strained, with everyone reserved and not saying much. However, this wasn’t true of that evening, thanks to Tyler, who seemed very relaxed and at home and led the conversation. He began by saying how nice the spaghetti bolognese was, which immediately won him a place in my heart, and then between mouthfuls he talked easily to Adrian and Paula, so that after a while I asked him: ‘Do you have brothers or sisters? You’re good with children.’

‘Yeah, two,’ Tyler said, sucking a long piece of spaghetti into his mouth until it disappeared with a loud plop, making Adrian and Paula laugh. ‘I’ve got a brother and sister, younger than me. They’re great kids. I love them and me mum. She’s made a lot of sacrifices to bring us up and I’m grateful.’ Which I thought was a lovely thing to say, especially coming from a teenage boy. Tyler also said he didn’t see much of his dad, as he only appeared a few times a year – when he wanted a loan from his mum. So he didn’t really know him and he hadn’t been a ‘proper dad’.

‘That’s why I’m gonna make sure I’m there for my kid,’ Tyler continued. ‘I want my kid to have a proper dad. I’m gonna do all the things dads should do and see my kid behaves proper as well.’ Highly commendable, I thought, although I did wonder how he was going to achieve this in practice, given that he was at school and didn’t have a job or home of his own.

‘Does your dad live with you?’ Tyler then asked Adrian and Paula.

Adrian shook his head and looked embarrassed, while Paula looked at me to explain, as she usually did when her father was mentioned.

‘Sadly he doesn’t live with us any more,’ I said. ‘Although he does see Adrian and Paula regularly.’

‘It ain’t the same, though,’ Tyler said. ‘Dads should be there for their kids.’

Although I agreed with this I always tried to stay positive for Adrian’s and Paula’s sakes and not lament over what could or should have been.

‘Absolutely,’ I said. ‘But sometimes we don’t have control over events and we just have to make the best of what we have. That’s what we do and from what you’re saying that’s what you do too.’

‘Yeah, and I’m going to be there for my child. I promised Jade.’

Jade didn’t say anything but concentrated on her food.

Tyler was the first to finish and thanked me for the meal. He was then eager to be away from the table to finish the game of Sunken Treasure, just like a big loveable kid. He encouraged the others to ‘hurry up’ so that they could finish the game. Adrian and Paula ate faster while Jade, who’d said little throughout the meal, finished her meal at her own pace. She was slow in this, as she was in her other movements, as many women are in the late stages of pregnancy – a result of weight gain, hormones and sheer exhaustion.

To give him his due, Tyler waited until Jade had finished before leaving the table, and then the four of them returned to the sitting room to finish their game while I cleared the table. Five minutes later I heard Tyler shout he’d won and I called them for pudding – apple crumble and ice cream, which again Tyler said was very nice and thanked me for. Once we’d all finished I said it was time for Paula to go to bed and told her to say goodnight, which she did without a fuss.

‘Shall we play another game of Sunken Treasure?’ Tyler asked Adrian.

I glanced at the wall clock: it was 7.50. ‘One quick game and then we all say goodnight,’ I said, mindful of Jill’s advice.

‘Sure,’ Tyler said easily and dashed into the sitting room, closely followed by Adrian, who was clearly enjoying playing with Tyler. Jade followed more slowly and seemed happy to go along with whatever Tyler suggested. I thought that once Tyler had gone home and Adrian and Paula were in bed I’d have a chance to talk to Jade and get to know her better.

Paula and I went upstairs and once we were in the bathroom and couldn’t be overheard Paula’s questions began. ‘Is Tyler the baby’s daddy?’ she asked.

‘Yes.’

‘How can he be? He’s only a boy.’

‘He’s old enough to father a child,’ I said.

‘What does “to father a child” mean?’

‘Make a baby.’

‘Why did he want to do that?’

‘Because he likes Jade a lot.’

‘Does he still go to school?’

‘Yes.’

‘He can’t go to school and be a daddy, can he?’

I appreciated how confusing all this was to an eight-year-old. ‘Well, he finishes school soon,’ I said. ‘But you’re right. He’s too young really to be a father. Now wash your face, please.’

Paula picked up the face flannel but it didn’t reach the water or her face. ‘Why didn’t he wait to make a baby?’ she asked, looking at my reflection in the mirror above the basin.

‘Well, sometimes people make a baby when they don’t mean to,’ I said. ‘It’s called an accident, although the parents still love the baby when it’s born.’

‘Was I an accident?’

‘No. Absolutely not. I waited three years for you.’

‘Why did you have to wait, Mummy?’

‘Because sometimes it takes a long time to make a baby and sometimes it happens very quickly.’

‘But Jade didn’t have to wait, did she?’ Paula said, trying to clarify it in her mind and finally dipping the flannel into the water and dabbing her cheek.

‘No.’

‘Jade’s baby was an accident.’

‘Yes.’

‘But she’ll still love the baby when it’s born, won’t she?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good. Because it’s horrible if someone has a baby and doesn’t love it. That would make me upset.’

I gave her a hug. ‘I know, love. Now finish washing. It’s well past your bedtime.’

By the time I’d seen Paula into bed and read her a story it was 8.15. I kissed her goodnight, came out and went downstairs, thinking it was asking a bit much to expect a lad of sixteen who was in the middle of enjoying a game to realize it was time to leave. Entering the sitting room, I saw the game was continuing; each player had a little pile of treasure chests that they had won. Toscha, as usual, had found a comfortable spot and was curled up on the sofa next to Jade, who was absently stroking her between turns.

‘It’s 8.15,’ I said gently as I entered.

‘Oh, Mum!’ Adrian cried. ‘Can’t we just finish this game?’

‘Oh, yeah, please let’s finish the game,’ Tyler said.

‘Five minutes and then you must pack away,’ I said. ‘You, Adrian and Paula have school tomorrow and Jade needs her rest.’

‘I’m OK,’ Jade said, clearly not wanting to be responsible for ending the game. ‘Can I have a packet of crisps?’

‘Yes, if you’re still hungry, although a piece of fruit would be better.’

Jade pulled a face. ‘I don’t do fruit,’ she said.

‘Nah, she don’t do fruit,’ Tyler agreed.

I thought Jade needed to ‘do’ some fruit, but didn’t say so. It was only her first evening with us and there’d be other times when I could help her eat more healthily. So I left the sitting room, went into the kitchen and returned with a large bag of assorted crisps.

‘We have these at home,’ Jade said as I offered her the bag and she took a packet of cheese-and-onion-flavoured crisps.

‘Yeah, so do we,’ Tyler said, taking a beef-flavoured packet.

Adrian, aware he didn’t normally have crisps just before bed, grinned sheepishly and quietly selected a packet of roast-chicken ones. The resulting aroma as the various flavours mingled set Toscha’s nose twitching. Although Adrian wasn’t normally allowed crisps just before bed it would have been unfair to leave him out, so I could see that one of the issues with fostering a child older than one’s own was that it could lead to double standards – with something being acceptable for a teenager but not for a younger child.

The game finished a few minutes later and they counted their treasure chests. Adrian had the most and had therefore won.

‘Well done,’ I said. ‘Let’s pack away the game now.’

‘I’ll beat you next time,’ Tyler said good-humouredly.

He helped Adrian pack the pieces into the box and closed the lid, but then sat back comfortably on the sofa and made no move to go. I now had to get Tyler off the sofa, to say goodnight and out the front door.

‘Your mum will be wondering where you are,’ I said, trying the subtle approach first.

‘Nah, she’s OK. She knows I’ll be back later.’

‘Good, but we did agree eight o’clock was the goodbye time and it’s nearly half past eight now,’ I said.

‘Oh yeah,’ Tyler said, clearly simply not realizing the time. He stood. ‘Well, thanks, missus. Thanks for dinner. It’s been very nice.’

I smiled. ‘You’re welcome, but call me Cathy. We’ll see you again soon.’ Then to Jade, I said: ‘Would you like to see Tyler out?’

Jade shuffled to the front of the sofa so that she could stand. Tyler reached out his hand and she took it. Then, in what appeared a familiar routine and was quite touching, he hauled her off the sofa with an exaggerated groan. ‘Ten-ton Tess!’ he joked. Adrian laughed but I wasn’t sure Jade appreciated Tyler’s humour; she didn’t laugh.

‘I’m going up to my room now,’ Adrian said. ‘See ya, Ty.’

‘Yeah, see ya soon,’ Tyler said, raising his hand so that Adrian could give him a high five.

‘I’ll be up shortly,’ I said to Adrian as he left the room. Then to Tyler, who was also on his way out: ‘Goodnight.’

‘Night,’ he called.

I waited in the sitting room while Jade went with Tyler down the hall to the front door. It went quiet, so I guessed they were having a goodnight kiss. Then I heard the front door open and it went quiet again. I felt the cold night air seep down the hall and into the sitting room, quickly cooling the house. I waited a minute longer and when there was no sound of the front door closing I called: ‘Could you shut the front door, please, while you’re saying goodnight? It’s making the house cold.’

‘I’m going,’ Tyler called easily.

There was another silence, during which the front door remained open; I assumed they were having a final goodnight kiss. Then I heard the door close and I went into the hall.

‘All right, love?’ I asked.

Jade was standing in the hall by the coat stand. She nodded. ‘Where’s my bag?’

‘I took it up to your room earlier. Would you like to unpack now? You’ll feel more at home with some of your belongings around you.’

‘Don’t mind,’ Jade said with a small shrug. ‘But I need me phone. It’s in me bag.’

‘Come on, I’ll show you where it is.’ I led the way upstairs and into Jade’s room, where I’d put the holdall on the floor. ‘Shall I help you unpack?’ I asked. Although Jade didn’t have many things with her – we were collecting more from her home the following day – I thought she might like some help, and it would also give me an opportunity to chat and get to know her.

‘No, I can do it.’ She squatted down, unzipped the holdall and took out her mobile.

‘Sure?’ I asked.

She nodded and concentrated on her phone.

‘I’ll leave you to it, then,’ I said. ‘Let me know if you need anything. Come down when you’re ready.’ I smiled and came out, leaving Jade sitting on the bed texting.

I knocked on Adrian’s door. ‘Are you getting ready for bed now?’ I asked quietly so that I didn’t disturb Paula in the next room. Adrian knew he had to be in bed by nine o’clock on a school night.

‘Yes,’ he replied.

‘Good. I’ll come up at nine to say goodnight.’

I checked Paula was asleep, closed her bedroom door and went downstairs to the kitchen, where I washed the dishes and cleared up while I waited for Jade to come down. She hadn’t much to unpack, so I was expecting to see her very soon, although I appreciated that at her age she might want some time to herself. When she hadn’t appeared by nine o’clock I went upstairs. Her bedroom door was ajar and the light was on, but I couldn’t hear any movement inside.

I knocked lightly. ‘Jade? Is everything all right?’

There was no response so I knocked again. ‘Jade? It’s Cathy. Can I come in?’

Still nothing, so I opened the door wider and went in. Jade was lying on the bed on her side, in her clothes and fast asleep with her mobile in her hand. Her bag was open on the floor but not unpacked. The poor kid must have been exhausted. I didn’t want to just leave her there for the night. Although she’d taken off her shoes it would be uncomfortable for her to sleep in her clothes, and without the routine of changing and getting into bed if she woke in the night she might wonder where she was.

Leaning slightly over her bed, I said: ‘Jade, it’s Cathy. Shall I help you to get changed and into bed? Are your night things in your bag?’ I guessed they would be but I didn’t like to just start rummaging in her bag to find them. With a younger child I unpacked their bags when they first arrived, but at Jade’s age I needed to respect her privacy. ‘Jade, love,’ I tried again, gently stroking a few strands of hair away from her face. ‘It’s Cathy. Would you like to get changed so you are more comfortable?’

Still nothing. She was clearly in a very deep sleep. I then decided it might be best to leave her for now to have a sleep. I’d cover her with the duvet, leave the light on low, and listen out for her. She’d probably wake before I went to bed. I reached to the foot of the bed and began drawing up the duvet. Suddenly I jumped with fright as a loud noise shot from the bed: a hundred decibels of rap, scaring me silly and blasting Jade awake.

‘Oh my God, Ty!’ she cried, waking, sitting and answering the phone with one movement. ‘I was asleep. Oh my God, where am I? Help!’

Chapter Five

Jade’s Story

‘You’re safe,’ I reassured Jade. ‘You’re with me – Cathy.’

‘Oh yeah,’ she said, now fully awake and realizing where she was.

‘That’s quite some ringtone,’ I said. ‘I nearly jumped out of my skin.’

‘I usually put it on silent at night but I fell asleep.’

‘I know you did, love. You must be exhausted. Let me help you unpack and then you can have an early night.’

Jade nodded and swung her legs off the bed. Tyler was still on the other end of the phone and Jade said to him: ‘I’ll phone you later, Ty. I’ve got to unpack.’

She closed the phone and put it on the pillow. She looked pale and tired, and my immediate concern was for her to have a good night’s sleep. ‘What time do you usually go to bed?’ I asked as she yawned.

‘Any time, really. It doesn’t matter. It was difficult sleeping in a single bed with Ty.’

I’d have thought it would have been impossible given the size of Jade’s bump, and contrary to what Jade said about bedtime not mattering, it did matter. I knew that in pregnancy it was just as important to have enough sleep as it was to have a good diet; otherwise the expectant mother could become run down.

‘I think you could do with an early night,’ I said. ‘How about you go to the bathroom and have a wash and change while I unpack your bag?’

‘Do I have to have a bath?’ Jade asked, as a small child would.

‘No, I think that can wait until the morning if you’re very tired. Just have a good wash and do your teeth, then have your bath tomorrow. You’re not in school, so there’s no rush in the morning.’

Jade nodded and yawned again.

‘Are your nightdress and wash bag in your bag?’ I asked.

She nodded, but remained sitting on the bed and making no move towards the holdall.

‘Shall I find them for you?’

‘Yeah, please.’

I unzipped the holdall and her wash bag and towel immediately came into view. I took them out and passed them to her. ‘Do you have a nightdress or pyjamas in here?’

‘I use those pink leggings and that T-shirt,’ she said, pointing to the items in the holdall.

I took out the wash-faded pink leggings and a very large pale pink T-shirt, on which was emblazoned a bright pink pig. I thought one of the first things I would buy Jade would be some maternity nightwear, which would be more comfortable and make her feel good.

‘You know where the bathroom is?’ I asked, passing her the leggings and T-shirt.

‘Yeah. You showed me earlier.’

I smiled. ‘There’s toothpaste and soap in there. Call me if you need anything. I’ll unpack the rest of your bag while you’re in the bathroom.’

I gave Jade my hand and helped her off the bed, and she ambled out of the bedroom and to the bathroom while I set about her unpacking. Jade didn’t appear to have any maternity wear at all but there were two more pairs of black stretch leggings and two big sloppy jumpers, which I supposed were just as good. They were clean, although bobbled from being worn and washed repeatedly. There was also a bra, some pants and six soft toys. Indeed most of the bag had been taken up with the cuddly toys: two teddy bears, a panda, a kangaroo, a monkey and a lion. They were clearly childhood favourites, for they were well worn and ear-chewed. I thought it said a lot about Jade that, being essentially a child herself, she’d packed these cuddly toys to the exclusion of practical items like more clothes. At the very bottom of the bag I found the antenatal appointment card that Rachel had mentioned. Opening it, I saw that Jade’s next appointment was scheduled for Wednesday at one o’clock, which was a good time, as it meant it didn’t clash with me collecting Paula from school.

I folded Jade’s clothes into the chest of drawers, arranged the toys on the bed and then zipped shut the now empty holdall. It would be useful to take with us tomorrow when we went to Jade’s house to collect some more of her belongings. I noticed there’d been no photograph of her family in her bag and I’d suggest to Jade she bring one from home. I’d found before with children I’d looked after that in all but the severest cases of abuse from parents, a child usually finds it reassuring to have a photograph of their natural family with them and on show.

I heard the bathroom door open and then Jade’s footsteps on the landing, and she reappeared. She was wearing the pink leggings and T-shirt that acted as her nightwear and, having had a wash and brushed her hair, she looked a little fresher, but she still looked tired.

‘I’ve put my dirty clothes in the laundry basket in the bathroom,’ she said.

‘Thanks, love. I do the laundry each morning. I’ve put your clean clothes in this drawer,’ I said, pointing. ‘And your cuddly toys are on the bed. You’ve got quite a collection there.’

Jade looked at her toys and smiled. It was the first time she’d smiled properly all evening and her whole face lit up. I thought she should smile more often, but then she was probably very anxious and worried about the future.

‘I love my cuddlies,’ she said touchingly, sitting on the bed and stroking the panda. ‘They’ve all got names. These are Bert and Betty Bear,’ she said, touching the two bears. They’re named after my aunt and uncle who died. The panda is called Chi Chi. I got her when I went to the zoo with the school. The kangaroo is Hoppity and the monkey is Melvin. My brother called him that. And the lion is Simba from The Lion King. I love that film.’

‘So do I,’ I said, smiling. ‘We all like our cuddlies here too, even Adrian, although he wouldn’t admit it.’

Jade nodded. ‘I’m going to buy my baby lots of cuddly toys. I’ve already started a collection at home.’

‘Have you started buying the other things you’ll need for the baby too?’ I asked. ‘There’s a lot to prepare for.’

‘I have some nappies but that’s all,’ Jade said. ‘I haven’t had much money. But now I’m in foster care I get an allowance, don’t I?’ And it crossed my mind (somewhat unkindly) that maybe this was the reason Jade had come into foster care. She wouldn’t be the first teenager to put herself in care, or whose parent(s) had purposely made her homeless, aware the state would find her somewhere to live, pay for her keep, and also give her an allowance. However, Jade quickly added: ‘But that’s not why I’m in care.’

‘Good. Because the allowance isn’t much. As soon as I receive it I’ll pass it on to you. But it’s only enough to cover essential items.’

‘Rachel said I need to get essential items and not spend any more on baby toys.’

‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘There’s a lot to buy. Usually the hospital gives you a list of what you need at one of the antenatal appointments.’

‘They might have,’ Jade said nonchalantly. ‘But I’ve lost it.’

‘No worries. We’ll get you a copy when we go for your appointment next week. I was also thinking we could go shopping together one day – buy you some maternity clothes and also some baby things. You want to be prepared well ahead of time.’

‘Yeah,’ Jade said. ‘Ty’s not interested in shopping, and Mum’s always busy.’

I felt that although Jade was tired she was in the mood to talk, so I sat on the bed next to her. ‘Being a mother keeps you very busy,’ I said. ‘Your mum has your younger brothers and sisters to look after.’