Balling the Jack

A few weeks ago I saw the Coffin Ships for the last time. Headed over Saturday night, as usual, drinking an Oil Can, getting psyched, but when I saw the line down the block I slowed, and at the door I couldn’t bring myself to go in. I watched through the window awhile. Saw them set up, dive into the first set, the crowd going nuts. I thought back to the first night, just a few of us there, the magic feeling you get at the start of things. Was it really a year ago? I remembered the first time I heard them on the radio, turning from the deli register with a beer and stopping dead as the singer’s voice came through the speakers, singing “New County Down.” I thought of all that and then I tipped my beer to them, through the glass, and walked home.

When you’re with a band from the start and they make it big, there comes a time they don’t need you anymore. They belong to everyone now and not to you. Letting go is like ending an affair. The last few Saturdays were rough.

Dave says the buzz on tonight’s band is good, though. Some outfit called Aisling Chara—you tell me how to pronounce it. The singer is supposed to have a real set of pipes, they got some little guy plays hell out of the electric cello, whatever that is, and according to Liam, if Neil Young ever hears their cover of “Cinnamon Girl,” he’ll go back into the studio and get it right this time. Maybe I’m back in business.

Dave waves from a choice spot between two groups of girls. When I reach him he’s trying to explain the concept of a body shot to a pretty German. He claps me on the neck.

“How ’bout those Phillies!” he says. “I talked to Stella. Guess you’re buying tonight, huh?”

“All weekend. Pint?”

“Sure, and one for Angila if you can. And shots of Jägermeister. Maybe my German will come back to me.”

Looking at Dave you’d never guess I spent half my nights freshman year sleeping in the lounge. A shade under six feet, a bit on the heavy side, dark hair, dark eyes, a small mouth. Not GQ material by a long shot, but Dave gets laid more than anyone I know. It isn’t even close.

He’s off to a slow start tonight. As the drinks come, I turn just in time to see Angila land a good slap on his kisser and storm away.

I laugh. “You always said you could take a punch, Dave. What happened?”

“I don’t know.” He works his jaw in his hands. “I thought I told her she has nice eyes, but my German’s a little rusty. We should have gone to a better school.”

“I’ll drink to that. Next ten bucks I give goes to the language department. Cheers.” We do our shots. “Say, who’s the new waitress?”

“Something else, huh?”

She really is. Slender, with a strange, graceful walk, as if she were on her tiptoes. Blond hair all down her back and a shy smile when I overtip. I wave her back for another round.

“Hi, we’ll take two more. I’m Tom Reasons, by the way. This is my friend Dave.”

“I know. Liam told us about you. Says I should bring them as you finish. Says you’re loaded.”

“Well, I am tonight anyway. What time are you off?”

“About three.”

“Ever go for a bite after work?”

“Not with a customer.” She smiles, only not so shy this time, and glides into the crowd.

“Jesus, Dave. How ’bout that accent? She could tell me to go fuck myself and it would sound like a come-on.”

“I think she just did. Anyway, you don’t want to be messing with her. She’s Kennedy’s cousin. Trust me, the ring would have to go on before the shirt came off. She’s Catholic.”

I’m convinced if I picked a girl off the street Dave could tell me her name and the chances of landing her.

“What’s wrong with Catholic? We’re Catholic.”

“Nothing, if you want to get hitched. But if you don’t …” Dave shudders. “Tom, I swore off Catholic girls this morning, and this time I mean it.”

I laugh.

“I’m serious, Tom. From now on it’s the first question I ask.” Dave shakes his head, looks pensive. “You know, it’s always the same story. You knock yourself out for them, take them to a great place, and they’re a lot of fun. They love to drink, to dance, and the way they dance you can’t wait to get ’em in the sack. Everything’s perfect until you shoot the dead bolt, and then it all falls apart. The kissing’s fine, but you reach for the shirt and the wrestling match starts.” Dave takes a swig of his pint. “Even when they want it they manage to ruin it, Tom. They can never admit they’re actually going through with it, so foreplay is out. Right up until you get it in they’re telling themselves they’re just fooling around, that nothing’s really happening. Once it’s in, they warm to it, of course, and you get your ten good minutes, but then the party’s over. Next morning the beer’s worn off and you can tell straight away there won’t be any encore. She’s clammed up, grabbing her clothes, won’t hardly look at you. You leave feeling like you shot the Pope.”

Dave’s made this speech before, and every time he winds up back here at Finn’s with ten pints in him, standing in a sea of Irish girls. Something has to give, and it’s usually Dave.

The band’s done tuning up and we turn our attention to the stage. I love the moment just before a band plays the first note. Anything is possible. I’m on my toes, leaning forward.

“One last thing, Tom. Are we going to kick some Irish ass Tuesday night, or what?”

“Damn straight.”

The singer steps to the mike. “A one-two-three-four.”

The songs begin.

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