Classic Bestsellers from Josephine Cox: Bumper Collection

After a bath to wash the grime of the journey from his bones, he threw pyjamas and a robe on, poured himself a whisky and soda and stood looking out of the window. In the growing twilight, silhouetted against a moody sky, the skyline of London was a mesmerising sight.

When the weariness took a hold, he threw off his robe, climbed into bed, and fell into a long, fitful sleep.

Though even now, there was no respite from the shocking memories. Day or night, asleep or awake, they were etched on his soul.

In the early hours, finally driven from his sleep by the dreams that haunted him, Tom got out of bed and began pacing the floor, unaware that he was being observed.

From the apartment block opposite, having been too restless to sleep, Kathy Wilson was looking out of the window, her gaze roving the front of the splendid building across the street. For one lingering moment her eyes rested on the window where, inside a softly lit room, a man was striding back and forth, head bent as he paced up and down, occasionally running his hands through his hair. Now he paused a moment, only to begin again, faster, more agitated … backwards and forwards, like a soul in torment.

Sensing his distress, she gave a whimsical little smile, at the same time softly commenting, ‘It seems I’m not the only one who can’t find any peace.’

When, in that moment, in the semi-darkness, a hand fell on her shoulder, she almost leapt out of her skin. ‘For goodness’ sake, Geoff … don’t creep up on me like that!’ Swinging round, she regarded the man with surprise. ‘I thought you were still asleep.’

Giving a wry sort of smile, the man gripped her by the shoulders. ‘I missed your warm body beside me.’ He kissed her on the neck, not seeming to notice when she flinched beneath his touch. ‘You look especially lovely tonight. Come on!’ he urged. ‘Come back to bed, sweetheart?’ Sliding his hands under her dressing-gown, he stroked her firm breasts.

When his fingers crept downwards towards the softness of her inner thighs, there was no doubting his intention.

‘No!’ Frantic, she pushed him away. ‘It was a mistake … tonight was all wrong … I …’ But when he pressed her lips with his, she felt the shudder of need ripple through her.

‘Come back to bed, Kathy.’ Taking advantage of her hesitation, he collected her into his arms and carried her away from the window and across the room where, ever so tenderly, he laid her on the bed. In a moment he had slipped off her dressing-gown, leaving her naked before him; eyes wide with lust, he gazed down, his own desperate need obvious as his eyes roved over her petite, slim figure with its perfectly round breasts and tiny waist.

Her eyes, though, were her best feature: golden-brown, with long curling lashes and perfectly shaped eyebrows. ‘I do love you,’ he muttered, then, stretching his arms up to the bedhead, he neatly straddled her. Leaning his head to kiss her on the mouth, he relaxed his body to fuse nakedness with nakedness.

It took less than five minutes for him to satisfy himself and, when it was over, it was she who drew away first; though he was so elated and fulfilled, he didn’t even notice.

For a long moment she looked at him from the bottom of the bed; at his uptilted face. He gave a soft, low laugh. ‘I’m sorry it was so quick, but you shouldn’t have kept me waiting!’ Suddenly he was sitting up, staring back at her. ‘Was it all right for you, sweetheart?’ It seemed to be of paramount importance to him.

Kathy smiled, a reluctant smile that appeared to pacify him. ‘Yes, Geoff,’ she lied. Up until then she hadn’t realised how little she found attractive about him. She didn’t even like him very much.

He glanced at the clock. ‘Oh, damn! It’s still only six o’clock. You shouldn’t have woken me so early! Come on … come back to bed … we’ve another hour yet.’

She nodded. ‘I need a drink first.’

He smiled. ‘What? You mean I’ve made you thirsty with all that lovemaking?’

She looked away. ‘Something like that.’

‘Well, you can stay up if you want, but I need my sleep.’ With that he drew the covers over him and, spreading himself right across the bed, he was soon asleep.

Seeing him like that, knowing how she had shared a bed with him, Kathy felt dirty, degraded. It had been a mistake. ‘It doesn’t look like there’d be any room for me even if I did come back to bed!’ Tonight, she had begun to wonder what she had ever seen in him.

In the half-light she made her way to the window, noisily tripping over the pillow he had thrown off the bed. ‘Who’s that?’ Peering over the covers, he stared at her, his tone impatient, all tenderness gone. ‘Are you coming back to bed, or what?’

‘No! Like I said … I need a drink.’

‘Well, don’t wake me up when you get back in!’

Lingering by the window, she looked across to the other building again. The light was still on, but there was no sign of the man now. ‘Poor chap,’ she murmured, ‘I wonder why he couldn’t sleep? Divorced maybe … can’t get used to it.’ She sighed. ‘I know what that feels like!’

Feeling sad and suddenly weary, she put the kettle on; while that was brewing she visited the loo. Afterwards, looking in the mirror, she addressed herself in bruising tones, ‘You’re a mess, Kathy Wilson!’ Looking back at her image in the tiny oval mirror, she saw how the life had gone from her face; the golden-brown eyes weren’t so bright any more, and her brown hair was lank about her shoulders. ‘In the last year you’ve let yourself go. It’s no wonder men have begun to treat you like the dirt under their feet. All right! So you were married and he left you because he’d found somebody else.’ Dan and she had been happy enough for a couple of years, but the war had taken its toll on him, as it had on so many other young men. She gazed at her image a moment longer. ‘Men! Who needs ’em?’

She allowed herself a smile. ‘You did have some good times though, didn’t you, eh? And when he walked out, it was only natural that you felt worthless. So what! That was over a year ago, and you’re still not over it. You’re moody and bad-tempered. You almost lost your job because you were absent so often they thought you’d emigrated, and now, here you are … making a mistake with the first man who came along and was kind to you.’

Casting a disillusioned glance towards the bedroom, she shook her head in dismay. ‘Geoff isn’t for me! He may be handsome and well spoken, but deep down he’s a bully, and he really fancies himself. I just let myself be carried along by the dates and the flattery.’

She wagged a finger at herself in the mirror. ‘She might be the worst mother on God’s earth, and there are times when you’d be better off without her interfering, but she’s right!’ she groaned. ‘It is time you got yourself together. You’re not the first woman to lose her husband and you won’t be the last.’ They were her mother’s words, and they had never been truer.

She went to the kitchen, where she fetched a glass of water. As she sat sipping it and musing, she came to a conclusion. ‘Right! I’ve had enough of his hands all over me, ordering me around: “Do this” … “Get me that.”’ She mocked him to perfection. ‘… And if he never kisses me again, it’ll be too soon!’

It took all of two minutes for her to sneak into the bedroom, collect her clothes and sneak out again. Five minutes later she was ready to leave. One last peep at his sleeping figure on her side of the bed and she was tiptoeing out of there, to the merry tune of his snoring. ‘Sleep well, you bugger!’ As she went, she deliberately slammed shut the door.

Having got up early, shaved and dressed and ready for off, Tom saw the young woman from his window. She was hatless, her shoulder-length brown hair flying out behind her. He watched as she bounced along with a spring to her step; he saw her deliberately stride out into a busy street and hail a taxi-cab, the traffic swerving round her. When, in order to avoid hitting her full on, the driver of the black cab screeched to a halt, she calmly climbed aboard and waved him on.

Tom laughed out loud. ‘That’s what you call a gutsy woman!’

Just then the telephone rang; it was his brother Dougie. ‘Just checking you got back all right,’ he said.

‘Got back … had a bath and an early night, and now I’m raring to go.’ What he was ‘raring’ to do was to organise his life at last.

‘Good trip?’

‘Good enough.’

‘Right! See you at the office. I’ll be late, I reckon … got a frantic call from Joe Nightingale … some planning difficulty or other, it’s a damned nuisance. Still, I’m sure it’s nothing we can’t get round.’

‘Dougie, wait!’ Now that his mind was made up, he needed to tell the world. ‘What time will you be back, do you think?’

‘Not sure. You know what it’s like. When Joe can’t have his own way, he tends to get het-up. Then you have to take him out and discuss the finer points over a pint. I don’t suppose I’ll get away much before what … three … four? Why?’

‘But you will be back at the office today, won’t you?’

‘Sure thing, but what’s the panic?’

‘No panic. There’s something I need to talk over with you, that’s all.’

‘Can’t it wait till tomorrow?’

‘No.’

‘Okay. I’ll try and get away by two. How does that suit?’

‘Okay. See you then. Give my regards to Joe.’

‘Hmh!’ Dougie gave a laugh. ‘Knowing how difficult it can be to drag yourself away when he’s got a bee in his bonnet, I’ll probably have him in tow.’

‘Naw. You’ll deal with it. See you at two then!’

‘Can’t wait!’

A moment later, having seen that his cupboards were bare, Tom threw on his jacket and made his way out of the building. He quickly hailed a cab, though not in the same cavalier way as the young woman before him. ‘Can you take me to the best greasy spoon you know?’ he asked.

The cabbie acknowledged his request with a grin. ‘I know just the place,’ he said. ‘Sausages, mushrooms, and thick fried bread like you’ve never seen. Two slices o’ bread and marge, and a pot o’ tea to go with it.’ He winked in his mirror. ‘How does that sound, guv?’

Tom was impressed. ‘Sounds like the nearest thing to heaven to me,’ he said. Settling comfortably in his seat, he shut his eyes and ears to the traffic and let his stomach dictate.

Even now, early though it was, London was a bustling medley of trolleybuses, bicycles and motor cars. But the cabbie was as good as his word. ‘Baker’s Caff,’ he declared, drawing into the kerbside, ‘owned and run by my own dear mamma … name of Lola. Looks like the devil, cooks like an angel!’

At that minute a woman emerged. All smiles and white teeth, she was ample in every way; obviously of Italian origin, with her black eyes, and her dark hair tied in an elaborate knot at the top of her head. ‘Come in! Come in!’ she urged.

Opening her dimpled arms, she embraced him with surprising strength. ‘Nice to see you, handsome man. You wanna the breakfast?’ As she spoke she nodded, her smile growing so wide it almost enveloped her face.

The cabbie laughed. ‘Course he wants “the breakfast”! Why do you think I brought him, eh?’ Winking at Tom, he suggested mischievously, ‘Matter o’ fact, I’m beginning to feel a bit peckish myself.’

‘No, you can’t!’ She wagged an angry finger at him. ‘I don’t feed you no more today! You be a good boy … get away and bring me more customers.’

Laughing, he deposited Tom into her care and drove off.

Lola’s breakfast was as good as it got with rationing still in place: two huge sausages; a heaping of mushrooms; four crinkly cooked tomatoes; even a fried egg, and the whole plate swimming in juices and fats, which Tom eagerly mopped up with his chunks of fresh-baked bread. Afterwards there was a cup of scalding hot tea to wash it all down.

Lola scooped up his plate. ‘You want more?’

‘Good God, no!’ Tom struggled out of his chair. ‘That was more than enough to last me the whole day, thank you. I’ve never tasted a breakfast like it!’

‘So, you come back another time, yes?’ Lola’s round face was a picture of joy.

He nodded. ‘I’ll be back,’ he promised. ‘Just try and keep me away!’

A few moments later, as he donned his wool coat and hat and left the café, he turned to wave; quietly amused when Lola blushed crimson.

His offices were only a short distance from the café. For a moment he debated whether to take the trolleybus or walk. He had been a minute at the bus stop when he decided against it. ‘On second thoughts, I’d best walk!’ He patted his stomach. ‘It’ll do me good.’

As usual the office was a hive of activity. ‘Nice to see you back.’ As he walked through the gauntlet of typists and clerks, he was greeted with genuine affection.

Turning into his own office, he was not surprised to see the vase of flowers on his window-sill; it was a kind of ritual on his return from a trip. ‘Welcome home.’ Invaluable assistant and secretary to two of the architects here, Lilian was of pleasant appearance with pretty dark eyes. As always for work, her long auburn curls were neatly pinned back in a bun. She had been a good friend to Tom, he reflected.

Coming into the office, she placed the tray on his desk. ‘Like the flowers, do you?’ That very morning she had taken ages choosing them.

‘They’re splendid, as always.’ He took another glance at the vase full of yellow carnations. ‘Thank you, Lilian, that was really thoughtful of you.’

Resting his hands on her shoulders, he smiled down at her. ‘What would I do without you, eh?’

He observed his office with its neat filing cabinets and long, polished desk, the sun pouring in through the window, and for one aching moment he wondered if he had made the right decision after all. ‘Everything in order as usual … but then I shouldn’t expect anything less from you.’

He and the young woman had worked together these past eight years, and never a cross word. ‘You do tend to keep me at it, though.’ He glanced at the desk, its entire surface bedecked with neat piles of papers and rolls of plans. ‘You’re not about to let the grass grow under my feet, are you, eh?’

She smiled confidently. ‘You’ll find all the schedules typed up for your current projects; your “urgent” messages, and a dozen appointments for this coming week.’ Her smile broadened. ‘Enough to keep you out of trouble, I’d say … Oh, and I’ve brought you a pot of tea to keep you going.’ She crossed the room but paused at the door. ‘Give me a call when you’re ready to start dictation. Is there anything you want before I get on?’

He shook his head. ‘Not right now, Lilian.’ He meant for her to be one of the first to know of his decision. ‘Look, I think it might be a good idea for us to talk –’ he glanced at the desk and groaned – ‘after I’ve waded through this little lot.’

She seemed pleasantly surprised. ‘Talk? What about?’

‘Not just now, Lilian … Like I said, when I’ve dealt with a certain matter.’ Which wouldn’t be easy, but it had to be done.

‘Okay.’ She turned to leave but then remembered. ‘Oh, and the boss asked to see you the minute you got in.’

‘Tell him I’m on my way.’

With the door closed behind her he poured himself a tea. Taking a gulp, he scanned briefly through the papers on his desk, then another gulp or two, and he was out of the office and running up the stairs to John Martin’s more private offices.

A tap on the door and straight in; though with caution when he saw that the ‘boss’ was talking on the telephone. A big man with a big heart, John Martin had started these offices some ten years ago and never looked back.

On seeing Tom he quickly concluded the conversation. ‘Well, of course we want the contract, but there’s more talking to be done before I sign on the dotted line. You know me, Arthur, I won’t accept anything until I’m absolutely satisfied everything’s in order, and you’ve a way to go before I’m satisfied on this one. Yes. Right. Talk to me then. Thanks, I will, yes, don’t worry. You too!’

Replacing the telephone in its cradle he got out of his chair and shook Tom by the hand. ‘You did a good job, son. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. That’s why I sent my best man …’ He winked. ‘But that’s between you and me, if you know what I mean?’ Feeling he needed to qualify his remark, he quickly added, ‘Oh, they’re all good men and they know their trade … your Dougie especially. But you’ve got that certain knack of getting people to see reason, without banging their heads together.’ He sighed. ‘From what I understand, you had some real tough problems up there?’

Tom nodded. ‘It’s running smoothly now, though,’ he reassured him. ‘When it came right down to it, there was nothing that couldn’t be put right.’

‘That’s exactly what I mean. Look, sit down. You’ve got a minute I’m sure.’ Rounding his desk, he took up a sheaf of papers and waved them in the air. ‘There’s another difficult one coming up … a major project with several interested parties. Prime stuff … running into millions. It’s in Glasgow – I’ll need you there in the next week or so … a month at the outside. That should give you time to catch your breath.’

Tom shook his head. ‘I can’t do it, John. There’s something I—’

The other man intervened. ‘I know! It’s been one trip after another, and I had hoped to give you some time off. But you really are the best I’ve got. After this, I’ll make sure you can keep your feet on the ground for at least a year, I promise.’

Tom didn’t know how to tell him, but it had to be said, and without the trimmings. ‘I’m handing in my resignation, John.’

‘WHAT!’ Leaping out of the chair, his boss came round the desk, eyes bulging as he looked down on Tom. ‘What the devil’s brought this on? I’ve already said … this job, then a year on home ground. I mean it … I know how hard I’ve pushed you, but after what happened I thought it might help …’ Cursing himself, he paused. He had made it a rule never to raise the matter of the tragic incident that took Tom’s entire family. ‘Look, I’m sorry, Tom, but I can’t let you go. You’re too important to me … to this whole outfit, for God’s sake!’

Tom was equally adamant. ‘And I’m sorry, John,’ he replied calmly, ‘but the resignation stands … it’ll be on your desk within the hour. I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, and my mind’s made up. The truth is … if I don’t leave now, I’ll crack!’

‘I see.’ Realising how determined Tom was and knowing his reputation for sticking to his guns, John understood the argument to be already lost, but he made one last try. ‘Don’t be too hasty, son. Let’s not talk “resignation”.’ He couldn’t afford to lose Tom. ‘Take a long leave of absence … I don’t have a problem with that. I can cope if I have to.’ He gave a half smile. ‘Though of course I’d prefer you to change your mind altogether …’

Getting out of the chair, Tom looked him in the eye. ‘Thanks all the same, but like I said, my mind’s made up. I’ll work out the month if you want me to, but to tell you the truth, I’d rather go now … right this minute.’

For a long moment the older man regarded him, then, after a moment, he asked kindly, ‘What will you do?’

‘I’ve decided to sell the flat and move away.’

‘Where will you go?’

Tom had not thought that far ahead. ‘I’m not sure,’ he answered truthfully. ‘Somewhere I’m not known … somewhere I can put my life into perspective. A quiet place, where I can find peace, and the time to sort out my life.’

The older man began to sympathise. He could see the pain in Tom’s eyes. He nodded. ‘I understand,’ he murmured. ‘You’ve been so driven this past year … maybe it’s what you need.’

Tom nodded. ‘It is.’

‘All right, Tom, I won’t hold you to a month, but I will need you to pass on your schedules to a colleague … talk him through every aspect. Lend him the expertise to deal with it all in the way you yourself would.’ He threw out his hands in a gesture of helplessness. ‘It has to be a smooth transition … all loose ends tied up. I don’t need headaches. You do understand what I’m saying?’

Tom understood exactly. This was big business. There was no room for errors. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll deal with it,’ he promised. ‘I won’t let you down.’

John nodded appreciatively. ‘I wouldn’t do this for anybody else,’ he said, ‘but you’ve given me everything you’ve got to give and it’s only fair I give some back.’

‘Who do you want to take over my schedules?’

‘Your brother Dougie. Oh, I know he’s still got a lot to learn, but he’s doing well now. He’s out of the same mould and he’ll have the added incentive to do you proud. Yes! Dougie’s your man.’

Shaking hands, they said their piece. ‘And don’t forget to keep in touch!’ John warned. ‘When you’re ready to get back in the saddle, your job will be here waiting for you.’

A few minutes later Tom was back in his own office, slightly dazed and a little shaken by the enormity of what he was doing. Yet, amongst all the niggling doubts, he felt instinctively that he was doing the right and only thing.

After three days of being ensconced in the office with Dougie who, though a little nervous, seemed confident about the workload he was taking on, Tom said his goodbyes. There was a small leaving party; the good wishes of his colleagues, and, inevitably, tears from Lilian, who had taken his news very hard. ‘We’ll miss you,’ she murmured, dabbing her eyes with her hankie. And he thanked her for all the years she had looked after him.

When it was over, he left the building with Dougie by his side.

They walked to the pub on the corner where they sat down with a pint each. Tom stretched his legs out and closed his eyes, a sense of relief washing over him. His brother’s voice interrupted his thoughts. ‘I’m still not sure you’re doing the right thing.’ Like Tom, Dougie was lean of build, with the same colour hair; but his eyes were a clear shade of green, and when he laughed he laughed heartily. He wasn’t quiet and thoughtful like Tom, nor did he have that same lazy smile. Instead, when he smiled, his face crinkled like a puppy dog’s.

But he wasn’t smiling now. Instead he seemed worried. ‘I wish you’d tell me where you’re going.’

‘I’m not sure myself yet,’ Tom confided. ‘You’ll know when I do, don’t worry. Besides, you’ve got enough on your plate without fretting about me. Look, I’ll be fine.’ He tried to smile reassuringly.

Dougie wasn’t convinced. ‘I wish I could believe that.’

‘You’ll just have to trust me. It’s what I need to do. Until I get it all out of my system, I can’t move on with my life.’

Dougie nodded. ‘I can understand that. But you will let me know how you’re doing, won’t you?’

‘I promise,’ Tom said. ‘When I’m settled.’

The following morning, after placing the flat and all its furniture in the hands of an agent, Tom packed his bags and left. His first stop was the florist, where he collected a pre-ordered bouquet, a pretty thing with bright-coloured summer flowers in a cradle of green leaves. It was a luxury in a country governed by austerity, but that didn’t matter to him. It was the sort of thing he knew Sheila would have chosen herself.

Sited nearby, the churchyard was speckled with shrubs and trees of all blossom and variety and, far enough from the hustle and bustle, it was a place of solitude and beauty.

Tom laid the flowers beneath the headstone; he read the inscription and softly cried. It told of how a mother and her two children were laid there, taken by a tragic accident. It showed their names and ages, and at the bottom were written the words that Tom had requested:

My dearest loved ones. May God keep you safe until we meet again.

The tears filled his eyes. There was a moment of contemplation, and all too soon the time had come for him to leave – for now.

As he walked away, he saw a young woman laying a wreath not far from where he had been. Almost at once he recognised her as being the same woman who had run out into the street in search of a cab. She didn’t look up. Instead, she blew a kiss towards the grave and walked slowly away, out of the far exit.