My Cowboy Valentine

“You told me earlier today that everything had worked out the way things were meant to work out.” Cade’s voice was hard. “But that’s not true—”

“Yes, it is.” Rachel jerked her chin up. “I have Tommy and I love being a mom and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Chapter Three

Cade drove the deserted back roads to his ranch as if the devil pursued him. It was reckless driving, but then his thoughts were reckless, too. Fortunately it was late, and the moon was high, casting bright winter light across the dark pastures and clusters of oak and elm trees.

Cade knew these back roads well, and he drove with his foot heavy on the accelerator. With its V-8 engine, his truck could fly and it flew now.

He’d told himself five years ago he was leaving her for the right reasons. He’d told himself he was walking because he wanted a different life...a better life than the one he had with Rachel.

But it wasn’t true.

He’d walked away from her out of laziness. Selfishness. He’d left her because he hadn’t wanted to change. He’d left to send her a message that he wasn’t about to let her start controlling him. He’d had enough of that growing up, being bounced around from home to home in foster care, and he was done being dictated to. Done having people tell him who he was supposed to be and how he was supposed to behave. Done being criticized and marginalized. He was a man and he was going to succeed his way, on his terms.

And so he left Rachel, sure that it’d been the right thing to do—for her, and himself—and for the next couple of years he’d lived his life his way...drinking too much sometimes, getting some success on the circuit, winning some big events only to lose others. He was always hurt or rehabilitating—part of the life of a professional rodeo cowboy—and alcohol helped ease the pain. He drank to medicate himself. Drank to help himself sleep. Drank to help himself forget.

But drunk, he thought of Rachel. Sober, he thought of Rachel.

Rachel became his demon, and he vowed he’d excise his demon once and for all.

And he thought he had, until he’d sat in one of those damn AA meetings two years ago November and thought about the people he’d hurt with his drinking, and Rachel was top of the list. But she was the one person he couldn’t go to. The one person he couldn’t face. Not because she didn’t deserve an apology, but because he didn’t want to see her.

Didn’t want to be reminded of what he’d lost.

But it ate at him over the months...ate at him through the holidays and the New Year and all through this past year until the holidays rolled around again.

What if she wasn’t okay?

What if she needed something?

What if she needed someone?

He didn’t know why he couldn’t relax. He was sure she’d be fine. Rachel was smart and pretty as anything. What man wouldn’t sweep her off her feet and give her the storybook happy ending?

But the thing was he didn’t know for sure, and he needed to know, with the need for knowledge and a resolution becoming stronger with every passing day until he traveled to Mineral Wells to see her for himself.

And now he saw, and he knew, and he’d been wrong.

So very, very wrong.

She wasn’t okay. And sure, she could make light of losing her house—Sally’s house—and she could be brave about raising a little boy with developmental disorders on her own, but he knew the truth. He knew how her story was supposed to go, and it wasn’t like this.

Acid burned his belly. He longed to lean out the window and puke. To vomit all the pain out of his body. But it wouldn’t help the pain in his heart.

Cade couldn’t remember the last time he felt so ill.

That wasn’t true. He could remember. Five and a half years ago in a moment of alcohol-induced righteousness, he told himself he didn’t need a nineteen-year-old girl giving him an ultimatum, and he’d climbed out of bed, stepped into his jeans and his boots and walked out on her.

Cade blinked. His eyes felt gritty. Hot. He blinked again, trying to clear his vision. The gate to his property came into view and he braked, punching the remote in his truck that opened the gate.

Pulling through his gate, his vision clouded again. His lashes felt damp. Cade ground his teeth together, his jaw aching at the effort to restrain emotion. Leaving Rachel had hurt, but not half as much as knowing how much he’d wounded her.

* * *

IT’D BEEN A ROUGH NIGHT and a rough morning, Rachel thought, watching the tow-truck driver pull away from her and her broken-down car, leaving them both on the side of the road where the driver had found them. And now things weren’t merely bad, they were the worst.

As in the worst-case scenario.

Mia’s wedding was supposed to start any minute, and yet Mia’s gorgeous wedding cake was still in Rachel’s car—a fifteen-year-old Jeep Cherokee she’d bought secondhand but was ideal for transporting cakes—because the tow-truck driver couldn’t hitch the Jeep to his truck without destroying the cake, and there was no way Rachel was going to let Mia get married without her cake.

In between calling the tow-truck company and waiting for the driver to arrive, she’d phoned a half-dozen different people trying to find someone who could transport the cake to the gardens in Weatherford, but no one was answering and she knew why. They were all at the wedding.

My God. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t.

If there was one small blessing it’s that Tommy was with Mrs. Munoz for the afternoon and wasn’t here to see her fall apart.

But no, she couldn’t fall apart, not yet, not until the cake was delivered to the gardens.

Staring out toward the highway, her heart thumping a mile a minute, she suddenly thought of Cade’s black truck. His truck would be perfect. It had a huge cab and plenty of space for a delicate four-layer wedding cake.

Rachel didn’t know where Cade lived anymore, only that he had a ranch somewhere in Parker County, and Weatherford was the seat of Parker County, so he couldn’t be that far out of the way...

It’d been over five years since she’d tried to call him, but she knew his old cell number, would always know that number, and wondered if it would work now.

Quickly she punched in the number and held her breath, praying it was the right number, praying he’d answer, praying he was free—

“Hello?”

Her stomach fell and her legs turned to jelly. “Cade?” she whispered.

“Rachel? What’s wrong?”

Of course he knew that if she called him something had happened. He, of all people, would realize this wasn’t a social call. Overwhelmed by intensely ambivalent emotions, she couldn’t speak for a moment, her throat swelling closed.

“Rache?”

“I’m okay. I’m just...” She glanced around her at the fields bordering the empty highway. It was a very rural highway with minimal traffic this time of day. “...stuck on the side of 180 with Mia’s cake in back of my Jeep. I can deal with my car later, but I’ve got to get Mia’s cake to the reception—”

“I’m on my way.”

He reached her in twenty-eight minutes. Rachel knew because she’d stared at the clock on her phone the entire time, and then once he arrived, in dark dress jeans and a black jacket that matched his black hat, he had the enormous cake out of the cargo area of her Jeep and into the cab of his truck in no time. She didn’t even have to tell him to be careful. He handled her cake as if it were made of glass. Arriving at the gardens, Cade summoned the catering staff and put them to work, moving the cake into its spot on the round table near the dance floor just as the first guests began to stream into the tent.

Without even shedding her coat, Rachel went to work repairing some of the little buttercream swags and re-creating some of the torn lacework with the tubes of icing she’d brought from home. She stood back to inspect her handiwork. It wasn’t perfect but it was still damn good and Mia would never notice.

Heaving a massive sigh of relief that the cake was here and safe and beautiful, Rachel quickly tucked the tubes of icing back into her bag, hiding them from the guests who’d begun to wander around the tent looking for their places at their assigned tables.

She glanced up to discover Cade watching her, a curious expression in his blue eyes. “What?” she asked him.

“You’re amazing.”

She blushed and pushed a wave of dark hair from her warm cheek. “Perhaps you haven’t been paying attention, but I’m actually something of a disaster.”

“I have been paying attention, and you have no idea how much you impress me. You’re a beautiful and amazing woman, Rachel James.”

A lump formed in her throat and she had to blink and look away. There was a time when she’d hung on to his every word, when a compliment from Cade made her float on the air. But now his compliments stung because they were just words, and she didn’t trust words, and she definitely didn’t trust him.

“Maybe we could find something cold to drink,” she said. “I’m really thirsty. How about you?”

* * *

CADE HAD PROMISED RACHEL that he’d drive her back to Mineral Wells whenever she was ready to leave the reception, and Rachel had warned him that it wouldn’t be until after the cake was cut, in case there was a cake emergency. But fortunately for Mia—and Rachel—there was no cake emergency, and at four the cake was finally cut and devoured. In fact, not a piece remained anywhere, including the small top round, which Mia had intended to save.

When told that Mia was near tears over losing the smallest cake round, Rachel found Mia in the ladies’ room dabbing her eye makeup, and Rachel gave her a quick hug. “Don’t cry,” Rachel begged her. “I’m going to make you a miniature wedding cake for your first wedding anniversary next year. It will be just as lovely and will taste twice as good, since it will be fresh and not frozen for a year.”

Mia blinked as new tears welled. “Really? You’d do that for me?”

“Yes.” Rachel grinned and winked. “It’s a piece of cake.”

Now buttoning up her winter coat, Rachel walked with Cade through the gardens on their way to his truck. “That was such a beautiful wedding,” Rachel said, her high heels crunching gravel as they left the paved path for the parking lot. “But it’s always a relief when the cake has been cut and eaten, and I know the bride and groom were happy.”

“I heard you promised to make Mia a small cake for her wedding anniversary,” Cade said, fishing his keys from his pocket.

“She was so sad that the top round was eaten and there’s no reason for her to be sad today. It’s simple enough for me to make her something for next year.”

He opened the passenger-side door of his truck for her. “Will you charge her for the anniversary cake?” he asked, offering her his hand to give her a boost up.

“No.”

“I didn’t think so,” he said, closing the door behind her and walking around the truck to climb into the driver’s seat.

Rachel watched him settle behind the steering wheel. He was such a big, solid man. Even in a truck this size, he seemed to completely fill the cab. “What does that mean?”

“Just that you are exactly who you’ve always been. Loyal, loving, generous.”

“She’s my friend. I’m a professional baker. It’s the least I can do.”

He shifted in his seat, his lips curving faintly. “Darlin’, I’m not criticizing you. I’m complimenting you. I respect you and admire you. You’re a good woman, through and through.” His smile slipped, faded, and he reached out to smooth a dark tendril of hair from her face. “And I didn’t know your parents, but I heard your grandma talk about them plenty, and I can tell you this, if they were alive, they’d be very proud of you, too.”

For a long time Rachel couldn’t speak, too overwhelmed by emotions to say anything. But when they reached the place she’d left her car on Highway 180 and discovered it was gone, she looked at Cade. “My Jeep?”

“I had it towed to a good mechanic in Mineral Wells.” He suddenly sounded uncertain. “Hope that’s okay?”

She glanced at him and took in his creased forehead and troubled gaze. “Yes. I appreciate the help, and I appreciate you driving me home.” She hesitated. “You remember we’ve got to stop at Tommy’s sitter on the way, too, right?”

“I do.”

They both fell silent and they drove for nearly ten minutes without talking before Cade broke the silence. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I really am.”

“It’s fine,” she said quickly.

“No, it’s not,” he answered brusquely. “It’s anything but okay, and we both know it.”

The curtness of his tone surprised her and she glanced at him in the dim light of the cab interior. It had been twilight when they’d left the wedding but it was nearly dark outside now, which made it hard to read his expression. “It was a long time ago, Cade.”

“Not that long ago. I remember.”

Rachel pressed her lips together, her insides suddenly bruised and too tender.

“I remember the drinking,” he added tersely. “I remember the fights and the tears. I remember you crying—”

“Cade.” She cut him short, pressing her hands to her knees, her voice strangled, because she remembered, too.

“I remember you telling me how much you loved me, and that I was everything.”

She closed her eyes, steeling herself against the past, against the terrible ache, as well as the scar covering her heart, which barely held it together. “Let’s not do this,” she said, thinking he had no idea how hard it had been to get over him and even harder to accept that once he left, he wasn’t coming back.

“Rachel, I remember our last night together. We were in bed and you had your arms around me and your cheek pressed to my chest, and your tears were falling on my bare skin. I remember how hot they felt as they fell.”

She angled her body away from him and stared out the truck window, her fist pressed to her mouth to keep from making a sound, because every detail from that last night was permanently engraved in her memory. It was the night she gave him the ultimatum. It was time he got help. Time he stopped drinking. She loved him so much, but she couldn’t stand by and watch him self-destruct.

And he’d listened to her that night, quiet, so very, very quiet and much too still, and then after an endless silence that stretched for fifteen minutes, then thirty, he smoothed his hand over her head and kissed her forehead and said she was right. She was absolutely right. She did deserve better. Then he climbed from bed, stepped into his jeans and dressed. And left.

He left her.

She waited days, weeks, months for him to come back. Waited days, weeks, months for him to come to his senses, remember how much he loved her, remember how she was his heart and his life and his soul. Waited for him to be the man he’d always said he’d be for her.

But he didn’t return.

Didn’t call, didn’t write, didn’t email, didn’t do anything and Grandma kept telling her to give him time...give him time...but it was killing her, not hearing from him, killing her, not knowing how he was doing and what he was doing...killing her that he could have forgotten her so completely. And so she tracked him down, showing up in Waco where he’d entered a rodeo, hoping that once he saw her, he’d remember how much he loved her. But it didn’t work out that way. He saw her, all right, but she saw him, too, lip-locked on the rodeo grounds with another brunette. Rachel’s replacement.

Rachel met David a week later while out with girlfriends in Fort Worth. Her friends had dragged her with them for a girls’ night out, determined to help her forget Cade. They’d driven to Fort Worth and gone line dancing. David was there that night at the bar, and he’d been handsome and charming. He had bought her drinks and all of her friends drinks, and showered her with compliments.

Rachel didn’t normally fall for guys like David—a little too smooth, a little too polished, a little too quick with a line—but he made her feel special and important, and desperate to get over Cade, Rachel slept with him on the second date—just that once—because they never went out again, but Rachel only needed that one time to get pregnant.

David didn’t want anything to do with her or the baby when she told him. He even moved to Calgary, taking a job there, to make sure he couldn’t be roped into anything.

Thank God Grandma had been there. Thank God Grandma had loved her. She drew another quick, painful breath and then forced herself to face Cade. “You want to talk about this? Okay, fine, we’ll talk. Yes, the way you left me hurt. But I’m not mad at you, Cade, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t think about you, either. I have Tommy now, and he’s my life, and I wouldn’t have had him if you and I had stayed together.”

Chapter Four

When they arrived at Mrs. Munoz’s small house in Mineral Wells, Cade put the truck into Park, and Rachel opened the passenger door and headed up the front walk to get Tommy.

Rachel thought Mrs. Munoz looked pale and tired as she handed over Tommy’s small backpack and his coat. “Everything go okay today?” Rachel asked her sitter as she crouched in front of Tommy, zipping up his puffy winter jacket.

“Everything was fine.” Mrs. Munoz leaned on the back of a chair in the hall. “He was a good boy. I’m just not feeling so well.”

In the four years that Rachel had known Mrs. Munoz, Mrs. Munoz had never once complained about anything and Rachel swiftly straightened, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s probably nothing.”

That was never a good sign, Rachel thought, forehead creasing. “Are you sick?”

“No, no. The doctor just wants to run some tests—”

“What kind of tests?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about me.”

“But I am worried, Mrs. Munoz. What kind of tests?”

“They want to check my heart, but it’s probably nothing—”

“Oh, Mrs. Munoz, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because we don’t know anything yet, and you need help—”

“But having Tommy here can’t be good for you.”

The elderly woman shrugged. “He likes coming here, and I like having him here.”

Rachel’s chest squeezed tight and she felt the pressure inside her grow, the old pressure she’d felt when Sally was dying and Rachel was eaten alive with guilt that her grandmother was exhausting herself trying to help her. She felt the same guilt now because Mrs. Munoz was a truly lovely woman and had been an invaluable help these past several years. Rachel wondered now if she’d leaned on the caregiver too much.

“When do you see the doctor again?” Rachel asked her.

“He wanted me to do the tests a couple weeks ago, but you’ve had those two weddings, and now the move—”

“My work and the move aren’t more important than your health! Nothing is more important than your health, Mrs. Munoz, and I’m going to keep Tommy with me this week until you get your tests done and have your results and you know what’s going on.”

Rachel gave Mrs. Munoz a fierce hug goodbye, but walking to Cade’s truck with Tommy’s hand tucked in hers, Rachel felt close to tears. Mrs. Munoz was such a sweet lady. Nothing could happen to her. Nothing.

Fortunately, Tommy loved Cade’s truck and was happy to be riding in the cab’s backseat where he could play with the leather armrest with the built-in cup holder. But Rachel was nervous he might break the armrest by flipping it down too aggressively and cautioned him to be more gentle.

“It’s okay,” Cade told her. “He’s not going to break anything.”

“You don’t know that. He does break things. Frequently.”

Cade shrugged. “Then if he breaks it, I’ll fix it. No big deal.”

She opened her mouth to protest, and then blurted something completely different. “Tommy’s babysitter, Mrs. Munoz, isn’t well.” Her voice cracked. “She might be having heart problems.”

Cade shot her a swift look. “Does that put you in a bad spot?”

“I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about her. She’s been wonderful to us...really loving and so patient with Tommy. She never gets mad at him, and whenever I’m in a bind she always comes through for me. And then she makes us homemade enchiladas and the best tamales at Christmas—” Rachel broke off as tears filled her eyes and she suddenly couldn’t stop them. They fell in great fat warm drops and she reached up to catch them, but they were falling faster than she could wipe them away. “It just doesn’t seem fair. I know we’re mortal, but life is just so short, and the people I care about just keep going away—”

And then she stopped talking, embarrassed she’d said so much, and to Cade, of all people! He was the one who’d broken her heart into a thousand pieces and had made every loss after hurt worse.

“I’m sorry, Rachel,” he said quietly, his voice pitched low.

She nodded, struggling to get control. Suddenly he reached out to her and placed his hand on her knee, his palm warm against her skin. From someone else the touch might have been sexual, but this wasn’t sexual Cade, it was loving Cade, the Cade who knew her and had once been so good at comforting her.

At the house, Rachel unlocked the front door and then flipped on the entry light, before getting the hallway lights that led to the bedrooms. Tommy let out a yelp and pushed past her, running down the hall to eagerly turn on all the lights he could reach. He loved lights, and light switches, loved fans, too. Anything that could go on or off fascinated him for hours.

“Tommy’s not afraid of the dark?” Cade asked, watching Tommy disappear down the hall.

“Not if he’s the first one to turn the lights on. It’s a game to him,” Rachel answered wryly, still feeling a little raw from being so emotional on the way home. “But come in. I should go check on him.”

Moving through the house, Rachel noted that Tommy had managed to turn every overhead light on in the three bedrooms and two bathrooms before throwing himself down on the floor of his room with his tub of LEGO. He was in the process of dumping the entire bin out when she looked in on him, but it was fine. Dumping out and picking up thousands of pieces of LEGO was a daily occurrence around here.

Smiling, she returned to the entry where Cade was waiting. “He’s playing,” she said, peeling her coat off and hanging it in the hall closet. “He’ll be happy for a while, too. Once Tommy’s engrossed in something, he’s focused.”

“Is this when you get some time to yourself?”

Rachel laughed. “Moms don’t get time to themselves...not unless you call dinner, laundry and bills ‘mom time.’” She glanced at her watch, saw that it was almost six. “Speaking of dinner, I’d better get something started because Tommy will be hungry soon.”

“I’ll head off, then.”

“You don’t have to. If you like frozen pizza, you’re welcome to stay.”

“Frozen pizza?” he repeated, not looking overly enthused.

Rachel laughed again, unable to help herself. “Or we can order pizza, but if we do that, you’re paying.”

“Done. Tell me what kind of pizza you guys like, and I’ll make the call.”

Thirty minutes later they were all sitting at the round oak table in the kitchen eating pizza and drinking root beer. Half of the pizza was pepperoni and half was cheese, and Tommy, who never wanted anything but plain cheese, watched Cade eat a pepperoni slice and decided he wanted one, too. Rachel nearly fell out of her chair when Tommy inhaled the slice and wanted more.

Cade watched Tommy eat a second pepperoni slice, holding the wedge with both hands, his eyes big and bright, but his expression was dreamy and unfocused, and he seemed far away.

He was a sweet kid, Cade thought, a quiet little boy who lived in his own world, but that didn’t bother him. Growing up, Cade had been fairly disconnected from the world, too, and sometimes it was better to be distant and dreamy than aware of all the chaos and pain.

So far Rachel hadn’t said anything about Tommy’s father, and frankly, Cade didn’t want to know much, having already formed an opinion of Tommy’s father and it wasn’t flattering. Any man who would walk away from his own child was an A-hole and a loser, and both Rachel and Tommy deserved better.