The Rules: How to Capture the Heart of Mr Right

The Rules

TIME-TESTED SECRETS FOR

CAPTURING THE HEART OF MR RIGHT

Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

To our wonderful husbands and great kids

Special thanks to Connie Clausen, Anne Hamilton and Myndie Friedman

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Chapter I The History of The Rules Chapter II What Are The Rules? Chapter III Meet a Rules Girl Chapter IV But First the Product—You! Rule 1 Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other” Rule 2 Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance) Rule 3 Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much Rule 4 Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date Rule 5 Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls Rule 6 Always End Phone Calls First Rule 7 Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday Rule 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date Rule 9 How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3 Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time Rule 11 Always End the Date First Rule 12 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day Rule 13 Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week Rule 14 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date Rule 15 Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy Rule 16 Don’t Tell Him What to Do Rule 17 Let Him Take the Lead Rule 18 Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him Rule 19 Don’t Open Up Too Fast Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious Rule 21 Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads Rule 22 Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment) Rule 23 Don’t Date a Married Man Rule 24 Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children Rule 25 Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules) Rule 26 Even if You’re Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules Rule 27 Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It’s Nuts Rule 28 Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in School Rule 29 Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College Rule 30 Next! and Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection Rule 31 Don’t Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist Rule 32 Don’t Break The Rules Rule 33 Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After! Rule 34 Love Only Those Who Love You Rule 35 Be Easy to Live With

Last But Not Least—12 Extra Hints

The Rules-at-a-Glance

Copyright

About the Publisher

Chapter I

The History of The Rules

No one seems to remember exactly how The Rules got started, but we think they began circa 1917 with Melanie’s grandmother who made men wait nervously in her parents’ front room in a small suburb of Michigan. Back then, they called it “playing hard to get.” Whatever you call it, she had more marriage proposals than shoes. Grandma passed on her know-how to Melanie’s mother, who passed it on to Melanie. It had been a family treasure for nearly a century. But when Melanie got married in 1981, she freely offered this old-fashioned advice to her single college friends and co-workers, like us.

At first, Melanie whispered The Rules. After all, modern women aren’t to talk loudly about wanting to get married. We had grown up dreaming about being the president of the company, not the wife of the president. So, we quietly passed The Rules on from friend to friend, somewhat embarrassed because they seemed so, well, ’50s. Still, we had to face it: as much as we loved being powerful in business, for most of us, that just wasn’t enough. Like our mothers and grandmothers before us, we also wanted husbands who would be our best friends. Deep inside, if the truth be told, we really wanted to get married—the romance, the gown, the flowers, the presents, the honeymoon—the whole package. We didn’t want to give up our liberation, but neither did we want to come home to empty apartments. Who said we couldn’t have it all?

If you think The Rules are crazy, don’t worry, so did we. But after much heartache we came to believe that The Rules aren’t immoral or outlandish, just a simple working set of behaviors and reactions that, when followed, invariably serve to make most women irresistible to desirable men. Why not admit it? We needed The Rules! Nineties women simply have not been schooled in the basics—The Rules of finding a husband or at least being very popular with men.

Soon, we got bolder and began to talk louder. These Rules—they worked! Although they were old-fashioned and unflinching, they were extremely effective!

At first, we were uncomfortable with some of the premises which seemed to fly in the face of everything we’d been taught about male-female relations; but—there was no getting around it—success talked. We swallowed some of our preconceived theories, followed The Rules faithfully, and watched as so many of us got married (along with being career women or whatever else we were).

There we were—a secret underground, sharing the magic, passing it on, doing what historically women have done for each other since the world began—networking for success. This time, though, the stakes were larger and the victories sweeter than any corporate deal. We’re talking marriage here—real, lasting marriage, not just loveless mergers—the result of doing The Rules. The simple Rules. The How-to-Find-a-Great-Husband Rules.

For years, we had been sharing them with the women we knew, both at home and at work. For years, women had been calling us to check up on points: “Did you say that you have to end the date first or he does? I forget.”

Then one night, during a Chinese dinner with a few of our single friends, we heard Cindy mention something about these … er, Rules … that she’d heard about from a friend in California. We knew it! There could be no mistake. These were the same Rules one of us had followed in New York to find her wonderful husband. The Rules had crisscrossed the country, bouncing from woman to woman, from suburb to city, until here they came right back to us over egg rolls in Manhattan!

But—and here’s the catch—Cindy got them wrong!

“The Rule says men have to end the date first so that they’re in charge,” said Cindy.

“No, no, no, WRONG. The Rule is you end the date first so that you leave him wanting you more,” we explained.

It was then that we decided to write The Rules down so that there would be no mistakes.

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