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Past Imperfect
Even beneath her beauty—mocha-colored skin and mystifying eyes—something inside Rachel James always glowed. But she traded her dreams for love and ended up widowed and alone. Until journalist Ian Beck reminded Rachel of a persistent desire she’d deemed long gone. And his eyes…it was as if they were seeing a woman for the first time. Now, watching Ian and Rachel fight to uncover the truth about Rachel’s biological parents—opening doors to secrets and deception—I see her old fears surfacing.
I only hope she doesn’t run from the man who’s risked his entire career to mend her heart….
Dear Reader,
If you’re eagerly anticipating holiday gifts we can start you off on the right foot, with six compelling reads by authors established and new. Consider it a somewhat early Christmas, Chanukah or Kwanzaa present!
The gifting begins with another in USA TODAY bestselling author Susan Mallery’s DESERT ROGUES series. In The Sheik and the Virgin Secretary a spurned assistant decides the only way to get over a soured romance is to start a new one—with her prince of a boss (literally). Crystal Green offers the last installment of MOST LIKELY TO…with Past Imperfect, in which we finally learn the identity of the secret benefactor—as well as Rachel James’s parentage. Could the two be linked? In Under the Mistletoe, Kristin Hardy’s next HOLIDAY HEARTS offering, a by-the-book numbers cruncher is determined to liquidate a grand New England hotel…until she meets the handsome hotel manager determined to restore it to its glory days—and capture her heart in the process! Don’t miss Her Special Charm, next up in Marie Ferrarella’s miniseries THE CAMEO. This time the finder of the necklace is a gruff New York police detective—surely he can’t be destined to find love with its Southern belle of an owner, can he? In Diary of a Domestic Goddess by Elizabeth Harbison, a woman who is close to losing her job, her dream house and her livelihood finds she might be able to keep all three—if she can get close to her hotshot new boss who’s annoyingly irresistible. And please welcome brand-new author Loralee Lillibridge—her debut book, Accidental Hero, features a bad boy come home, this time with scars, an apology—and a determination to win back the woman he left behind!
So celebrate! We wish all the best of everything this holiday season and in the New Year to come.
Happy reading,
Gail Chasan
Senior Editor
Past Imperfect
Crystal Green
Dedication: To Susan Litman, my wonderful editor.
Thank you for all the hard work I put you through and
for all the talent you’ve put to good use on my books!
CRYSTAL GREEN
Crystal Green lives near Las Vegas, Nevada, where she writes for Silhouette Special Edition and Bombshell, plus Harlequin Blaze. She loves to read, overanalyze movies, do yoga and write about her travels and obsessions on her Web site, www.crystal-green.com. There you can read about her trips on Route 66 as well as visits to Japan and Italy.
She’d love to hear from her readers by e-mail through the “Contact Crystal” feature on her Web page!
Dear Rachel,
I’m so sorry you won’t be coming back to school next year—but how awesome that you’re getting married! I’m so excited for you and can’t wait to hear all about your new life with Isaac. Please keep in touch,
XOXOXOXO
Your friend, Cassidy
To Rachel,
We’ll all miss seeing you on campus—you brought joy to everyone you met. I wish you all the best luck in your life and marriage. And always remember, if there is anything you need, you can call on me anytime. It has been an honor to have you in my program.
Professor Gilbert Harrison
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Epilogue
Chapter One
The man just didn’t give up, did he?
Rachel James jogged through a local playground in her west Boston neighborhood, keeping her gaze front and center so as not to make eye contact with the reporter she’d been secretly meeting with for weeks now. While huffing out a cloud of oxygen as her breath met the crisp November afternoon, she concentrated on maintaining her pace, blocking out her frustrations with a cleansing rush of adrenaline.
Still…it was inevitable. Every second brought her closer to Ian Beck, who had his arms draped with arrogant patience over the back of the bench he sat on. Stretching his long, jeans-clad legs in front of him, he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and grinned at her.
Even though she tried not to look, she did.
Immediately, a zing of—what was it, more adrenaline?—shot through her. Her belly tied itself into electric knots.
Butterflies from a brisk jog?
She really didn’t want to admit to anything more.
“Gorgeous day for a run,” Beck said as she passed him. “Or another interview.”
Instead of answering, Rachel merely held up a hand in a civil yet discouraging greeting. Wrong time to dog her with more questions. She was too nervous about tomorrow, dreading what might happen to her good friend and mentor, Professor Gilbert Harrison, at his board hearing.
Besides, she’d given the reporter enough information already. As it became more and more obvious that the university was out to fry Gilbert, Rachel had taken matters into her own hands by talking to Ian Beck in private, without the knowledge of her friends. Getting their approval for her “rescue Gilbert” plan had seemed much too complicated at the time; it would have been argued and debated to death by committee while Gilbert’s situation grew worse. Rachel had only seen the positives in quietly feeding Ian Beck good news about her former teacher. So she’d told him every heartwarming Gilbert anecdote she could think of. She’d been very vocal about the college administration’s obvious vendetta against everyone’s favorite faculty member, and Ian Beck seemed to eat it all up.
And why not? This was scandal at its best: a former English professor and baseball coach fallen from grace, faced with gossip-worthy charges like “grade changing” and “suspicious fraternization with students,” among other damning claims. Though the conduct board purported the need to “discover the truth” about the ultrapopular professor, Rachel knew what was really going down. The administration wanted him fired.
No two ways about it.
Loyalty to Gilbert had demanded that Rachel and a group of ex-students accept his plea to return to Saunders University, to stand up for him as character witnesses. A few of them had gone even further, attempting to clear the professor’s name by seeking out evidence of the good works he’d accomplished.
But that’s when Jane Jackson, Rachel’s friend and Gilbert’s administrative assistant, had uncovered surprising information about the older man—items that had been locked away in a secret safe. Ledgers featuring cryptic notations. Stacks of highly personal documents about the students he’d helped over the years.
Mysteries.
Jane had delivered one of these personal documents to Rachel without informing Gilbert that it had been taken. For all they knew, he hadn’t peered into that safe in months, and they were hoping it would stay that way until they figured out what to do about all the information they’d uncovered.
As Rachel jogged farther away from the reporter, her pace faltered, her mind filled by the image of one particular document that Gilbert had been hiding. A private document that spun her world upside down and made her wonder if she could ever trust him again.
Her very own adoption papers.
Not for the first time—or, she thought, the last— Rachel wondered just what her mentor was up to and why it was his business to have such intimate information about her.
What was he up to? Was he indeed the kind confidant she’d depended on all these years? Or, if he wasn’t her trusted friend, then who was he and what did he have up his sleeve?
Measuring her breathing, Rachel expelled another huff and tried to shove the disturbing questions out of her mind. But they only swirled around in there, a screaming flock of discomfort.
Part of the reason she didn’t want to talk to Ian Beck today was because she had no idea what she’d tell him about Gilbert now that her adoption papers had been found. Thus, these past few weeks, Rachel had pulled back from the journalist, refusing his requests for more meetings. She was too confused, too shaken by her doubts.
In fact, she couldn’t even summon the courage to talk to her once-beloved teacher about any of it.
She rounded a corner, leaping over a pile of dead burnt-orange leaves that had gathered on the sidewalk. Autumn surrounded her, painting the sky gray, forcing her into sweats, long johns, gloves and a knit cap. As the sound of children playing on a swing set caught her attention, Rachel slowed her speed, grasping the chance to finally get her mind off Gilbert. She softly smiled at the way the mothers hugged their infants, at the way it all seemed so natural for some families….
But before she knew it, there were footsteps hitting the pavement behind her. Another jogger or—
She glanced over her shoulder.
Yes, Beck was persistent.
Turning all the way around, she still kept walking, but backward this time, facing the guy head-on even as she moved away from him.
“Listen,” she said, gasping for air. Her lungs and skin felt on fire, and she worked off her gloves, stuffing them into her sweat jacket’s pocket. “I’ve got no comments about Gilbert, all right? Shop’s closed today.”
As he sauntered nearer to her, she was once again lured by the ice-blue of his gaze. He had the face of a handsome pugilist, an old-time fighter you might see in the movies, with eyes that pierced right into their target, a nose slightly flattened by either life or a well-aimed punch from someone who didn’t appreciate his tenacity. He wore his brown hair cut short, but his smile was long and slow, the better to draw her in closer for the final punch, my dear.
Since he was panting a little, she guessed that he’d kept pace with her, hoping to catch up.
“Rachel, you’ve been my best source until now,” Ian said. “What’s going on?”
He took a step closer, and a flare of that same unwelcome attraction lit through her body, heating her in places that had been laid to rest years ago.
That’s the other reason she’d been avoiding him, she thought. Because of the scary nudges of awareness, the sparks of possibility.
She turned around and started to walk off the effects of her jog. It was time to wind it up, anyway.
“Okay,” he said. She could hear Ian starting to follow her. “Then I suppose it’s not a good time to ask you out for drinks or dinner. Not that you ever accept, anyway.”
Boy, she was still heated up. Her skin—the half-black, half-white shade of café au lait that had always made her too self-conscious for her own good—was probably flushed red by now. She flapped a hand in front of her face to cool down, but then realized how counterproductive that was.
He waited out her silence for a moment.
“Is that yet another no?” Ian asked from behind her.
She couldn’t help smiling. He was ruthless in his pursuit of a story, and she admired the quality. She’d always wanted to be the same way: Determined. Bulldogged. Steadfast.
Ever since his newspaper, the National Sun, had scented a scandal and assigned him to stir up more dirt at the university, the reporter had haunted the area. Mainly, he was after the former students who’d been asked to come back in order to save Gilbert’s reputation—and job. That’s why Rachel had chosen to talk to him—because in spite of his paper’s recent reputation, his articles hinted at a humanity she hoped might fully sway the public to the professor’s side.
“If you’re hungry,” she said while walking at a quick clip, “go and eat. There’s a good Thai place down the street.”
“You like Thai?”
This guy really didn’t give up. “When the mood hits me. But what I’d really like right now is to be left alone. You can respect that, can’t you?”
Ian darted in front of her and blocked her progress, hands held out in supplication, that devastating smile sideswiping his lips.
“A brief chat, Rachel,” he said. “That’s all I’m asking for.”
“…said the Wolf to Little Red Riding Hood.” Rachel forged ahead, heading home. “I told you. I’m not on the market today.”
“Okay. Then what if it wasn’t an interview?”
He had a glint in his eyes, and Rachel sucked in a breath. Her heart danced, and a tiny pulse in her throat wavered, just like today’s fleeting determination to avoid him.
But wasn’t that always the case with her? Wasn’t her whole life an unlinked chain of joining and quitting, abandoning the promises she’d made?
What a drama queen.
“What are you saying?” she asked Ian.
She stopped in her tracks, and he halted, too. Wind whistled through the trees, fluttering a leaf to the ground beside them.
“Let’s just enjoy each other’s company.” He grinned again, making it seem so easy. “No headlines or quotes involved.”
Protectively, Rachel crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not a big dater, if that’s what you’re getting at.”
He glanced at her bare hand, where her wedding ring would’ve been if she still wore it. “Why?”
While she searched for an answer, pain winged over her conscience and settled on the edges of instinct, just as it always did when she thought of Isaac.
Not that she had ever talked with Ian about her dead husband, a tender-hearted man with laughing brown eyes, beautiful dark skin and a talent for charming a smile out of anyone.
Ian’s voice grew softer. “Would you be insulted if I told you I’ve done basic research about all my sources? I know that Isaac has been gone for five years now, and you haven’t remarried. And as for boyfriends…”
She’d stopped listening, Isaac’s name lingering in her mind. A man she’d loved until he’d succumbed to cardiovascular disease and left her much too early.
“Hey.” Ian bent down and caught her lowered gaze.
Even though the tears didn’t come as freely anymore, she still cried every once in a while, especially during cold nights when the rain tapped at her windows and she didn’t have anyone to cuddle next to in bed. She missed waking up in the morning to find him reading the paper at the kitchen table, missed how he’d come home from his construction work to wrap her in a bear hug. Missed the unconditional love she’d been craving her whole life—something she’d never really felt from the African-American parents who’d adopted her.
All in all, she guessed she missed the knowledge that he’d always be there for her. It clawed at her to know that she’d already gotten her big chance for love and it was gone for the rest of her days. After all, who found that sort of connection twice in a lifetime?
“Everything’s okay.” Rachel glanced up at Ian again. “But I don’t date much. I’m…too busy, you know?”
The journalist nodded, but she couldn’t say he was convinced. He still had a knowing look about him. “I’m up on your schedule. Three days a week working for Nate Williams as a paralegal. The rest of the time you’re helping the professor by rounding up evidence…. Check that. You were helping the professor.”
Rachel swallowed at the mention of it. So he’d noticed the way she’d pulled away from Gilbert. You couldn’t fool someone who made a living digging into places his nose didn’t belong.
As she started walking again, Ian fell into step with her. He was tall enough so that she had to lift her head to steal a peek at his face, but he wasn’t too tall.
Good kissing height, she thought, her lips tingling as she glanced at his mouth.
She saw him forming more words, heard them through her filter of loneliness and yearning.
“I noticed,” he said, “that lately you haven’t been very social with your friends, either, Rachel.”
“Told you.” She tore her gaze away from him and focused on the steamed window of a bakery, pastries and cakes decorating the display. “I’ve been busy.”
Oddly accepting, Ian merely nodded. Had he somehow gotten wind of what her friends were saying about her? Fellow Gilbert-admirers such as Sandra and David Westport who often asked her why she’d recently retreated into herself?
The adoption documents. The secrets of her life held in a safe.
As she and Ian continued moving past the boutiques and bookstores, she thought of all the rumors constantly circulating around Gilbert—questions about his relationships with some students, speculations about the tone of his friendly office meetings where the kids would hang out to shoot the breeze and get a good dose of optimism and counseling.
Dammit, Rachel thought. She should know better when it came to her mentor. He’d been nothing but caring and supportive with her, so how could she doubt him so much now?
She and Ian approached the Thai restaurant, and he slowed down, jerking his head toward the entrance.
“Come on,” he said. “Just a snack.”
Rachel brushed a hand over her flat belly. She’d grown up listening to parents who’d told her that she wasn’t worth the food they fed her, so, more often than not, she’d gone without the extras.
It was a pattern, she thought. Something to cling to.
“I’m not really hungry,” she said, even though her stomach was a little flitty. But maybe that wasn’t because of the lack of grub.
Maybe it was a different kind of hunger altogether.
Her heart thudded once again. Ian Beck.
Pure junk food.
“Don’t give me excuses,” he said, tugging on her jacket. “Let’s go inside. It’ll be warmer.”
She protested, but he wasn’t listening. No, instead she found herself easily giving in—yeah, like she put up a real fight—and followed him down a small stairway into the spicy aromas of the restaurant. Five tables clustered around a bar, where a lit menu offered dishes such as panaeng nuea and tom yam goong.
He got the pad thai and turned to her expectantly, blue eyes shining. “You like it hot?”
Somehow, she got the feeling he was referring to more than food. Her face flushed, and she returned his saucy grin. Heck, why not? Miss Popularity—that was her. But, honestly, she was tired of fretting and could actually use a laugh with the reporter—even if she was dangerously close to flirting with him.
“I’m really not in the mood for anything heavy,” she said, hoping he understood her meaning on more than one level. Then she spoke to the counterperson. “Just an iced tea and a glass of water, please.”
“Oooh. Push that envelope.” Ian dug in his back pocket for a wallet, producing several bills that would cover the total.
Rachel told him that she didn’t have any money on her, and Ian answered that it was his treat. Still, she knew she wouldn’t have been able to afford even this tiny bonus splurge on her budget, anyway. Ever since Isaac had fallen ill, she’d been burdened with financial troubles. It had even gotten to the point where she was ready to sell her home to pay all the outstanding medical bills. Thank God for her boss, Nate Williams, who had worked up a payment schedule when she’d refused his offer of assistance. Thank God for Gilbert, too, because he’d mailed her small loans on occasion over the years, even if the two of them hadn’t been as close as they’d been during her college days.
Before she’d let him down by dropping out.
Consequently, she swore she’d pay Gilbert back once she lifted herself up again, swore she’d become the type of person who could handle life on her own, even if it killed her. She would’ve liked to have accomplished this by her thirtieth birthday, but even that had passed by without success.
But what was new?
Ian retrieved a plastic marker with their order number on it and led Rachel to a table by the high window. Here, the two of them could see everyone’s feet as they walked by on the sidewalk: Ugg boots, business shoes, high-fashioned heels and Timberlands, just like the ones he wore.
With a flippant exhalation, he leaned back in his chair, stretching out his legs again, showcasing his boots as he ran a hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up.
“So, Spike,” she said, gesturing to his careless coif, “this is it, then? We’re just hanging out, getting heart-burn, oohing and aahing over noodles?”
“If you were eating anything, I’d be all for it.” He flashed another smile at her, and a slow beat of silence fluttered between them.
“What?” she asked, fidgeting, taking off her knit cap and adjusting her hair. It fell down to her shoulders in the usual tangle of dark curls.
“I’m just…” Ian leaned forward, lowering his voice. “I’m wondering about you, Rachel James. I can’t quite figure you out yet, and that’s pretty rare.”
“Do more research.” She smiled at the waitress who set the beverages and food on the table.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get to more than the basics about this whole story.” Ian dug into his meal as soon as the waitress left. Plastic fork halfway to his mouth, he said, “As far as you go, though, I know about Isaac, obviously. And your job and schedule, because I like to keep tabs on where my sources are when I need them.”
Wow, how heady, she thought as she downed most of her water. I’m his source, in spite of this incredibly intimate snack break and everything.
Not exactly a heart-pounding, fantasy-inducing revelation.
But it was better this way, business-only. Right?
While Ian stuffed noodles into his mouth, Rachel finished her water and began to sip her tea. It was thick and sweet, laden with cubes of ice.
Funny how they didn’t have much to talk about when he wasn’t trying to get a headline out of her. Was now a good time to get personal? Even at first sight, she’d wondered about the details of him: the way one ear was slightly higher than the other, the scuffs on his leather jacket, the been-there-done-that shade of his gaze. The occasional shadow that passed over his eyes during their interviews.
But…no. She didn’t have the gumption.
Instead, to cover the awkward pauses in conversation, she resorted to babbling, even though she’d made it clear that she didn’t want to talk about the hearings. But Gilbert was all they had in common, and it beat not talking at all, she supposed.
Still, in the back of her mind, she wondered if he was working his reporter mojo on her, even though her wariness didn’t stop her mouth from moving.
“So tell me,” she said, “when is that first article coming out?”
He washed down his food with the beer he’d ordered, then said, “My editor wants to start the series this coming Monday. It won’t be news so much as a column chronicling how the hearing affects the community. Each following installment will cover what happened the day before and—”
“And how the proceedings stir up the drama and mayhem with all the tawdry details. Jeez. That’s why I agreed to talk to you in the first place, Ian, because Gilbert doesn’t need theatrics. I’m doing damage control and trying to spread the good word about him.”
“Hey.” He set down his glass bottle. “I’ll be respectful of the situation.”
She considered the articles she’d recently seen in his paper and didn’t respond. He seemed to read her mind.
“Did it ever occur to you that, unlike the others, I’m not into the muckraking business?”
