Comedy of Marriage and Other Tales

JACQUES DE RANDOL

And the Santelli is a seductress of this kind?

M. DE SALLUS

She is first among the first! Ah, the cunning little coquette! She knows how to make men run after her.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Does she do only that?

M. DE SALLUS

A woman of that sort does not give herself the trouble of making men run after her unless she has some further object in view.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

The devil! You make me believe you attend two first nights in the same evening.

M. DE SALLUS

My dear boy, don’t imagine such a thing.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Great heavens! you have such a satisfied and triumphant air – an air so desirous of calm at home. If I am deceived I am sorry – for your sake.

M. DE SALLUS

Well, we will assume that you are deceived and —

SCENE IV

(The same, and Mme. de Sallus.)

M. DE SALLUS [gaily]

Well, my dear, Jacques remains. He has consented for my sake.

MME. DE SALLUS

I congratulate you. And how did you achieve that miracle?

M. DE SALLUS

Oh, easily enough, in the course of conversation.

MME. DE SALLUS

And of what have you been talking?

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Of the happiness that comes to a man who remains quietly at home.

MME. DE SALLUS

That sort of happiness has but little attraction for me. I like the excitement of travel.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

There is a time for everything; and travel is very often inopportune and very inconvenient.

MME. DE SALLUS

But how about that important appointment of yours at nine o’clock? Have you given it up altogether, Monsieur de Randol?

JACQUES DE RANDOL

I have, Madame.

MME. DE SALLUS

You are very changeable.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

No, no, I am simply adapting myself to circumstances.

M. DE SALLUS

Will you pardon me if I write a note? [Sits at desk at the other end of the drawing-room.]

MME. DE SALLUS [to Jacques de Randol]

What has happened?

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Oh, nothing; everything is all right.

MME, DE SALLUS

When do we go?

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Not at all.

MME. DE SALLUS

Are you mad? Why?

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Please don’t ask me now about it.

MME. DE SALLUS

I am sure that he is laying a trap for us.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Not at all. He is very quiet, very contented, and has absolutely no suspicion.

MME. DE SALLUS

Then what does it all mean?

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Now, be calm. He is happy, I tell you.

MME. DE SALLUS

That is not true.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

I tell you it is. He has made me the confidant of all his happiness.

MME. DE SALLUS

It is just a trick; he wishes to watch us.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Oh, no; he is confiding and conciliatory. The only fear he has is of you.

MME. DE SALLUS

Of me?

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Yes; in the same way that you are, all the time, afraid of him.

MME. DE SALLUS

Great heavens! You have lost your head. You are talking at random.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Listen – I am sure that he intends to go out this evening.

MME. DE SALLUS

Well, in that case, let us go out too.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

No, no, – I tell you there is nothing more for us to fear.

MME. DE SALLUS

What nonsense! You will end by maddening me with your blindness.

M. DE SALLUS [from the other end of the drawing-room]

My dear, I have some good news for you. I have been able to get another night at the Opera for you every week.

MME. DE SALLUS

Really, it is very good of you to afford me the opportunity of applauding Madame Santelli so often.

M. DE SALLUS [from the same place]

Well, she is very clever.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

And everybody says she is charming.

MME. DE SALLUS [irritably]

Yes; it is only such women who please men.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

You are unjust.

MME. DE SALLUS

Oh, my dear Randol; it is only for such women that men commit follies, and [sarcastically], understand me, the measure of a man’s folly is often the measure of his love.

M. DE SALLUS [from the same place]

Oh, no, my dear girl, – men do not marry them, and marriage is the only real folly that a man can commit with a woman.

MME. DE SALLUS

A beautiful idea, truly, when a woman has to endure all man’s caprices.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Oh, no, not having anything to lose, they have nothing to risk.

MME. DE SALLUS

Ah, men are sad creatures! They marry a young girl because she is demure and self-contained, and they leave her on the morrow to dangle after a girl who is not young and who certainly is not demure, her chief attraction being that all the rich and well-known men about town have at one time been in her favor. The more danglers she has after her, the more she is esteemed, the more she is sought after, and the more she is respected; that is to say, with that kind of Parisian respect which accrues to a woman in the degree of her notoriety – a notoriety due either to the scandal she creates, or the scandal men create about her. Ah, yes, you men are so nice in these things!

M. DE SALLUS [laughs gently]

Take care! One would think you were jealous.

MME. DE SALLUS

I? Jealous? For whom do you take me? [The butler announces.] Madame is served. [Hands a letter to M. de Sallus.]

MME. DE SALLUS [to Jacques de Randol]

Your arm, M. Jacques de Randol.

JACQUES DE RANDOL [in a low tone]

How I love you!

MME. DE SALLUS [indifferently]

Just a little, I suppose.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Ah, no; with all my soul!

M. DE SALLUS [after reading his letter]

Come along, then, let us go to dinner. I have to go out this evening.

Curtain

MUSOTTE

OR A CRITICAL SITUATION A COMEDY IN THREE ACTSDRAMATIS PERSONAE

JEAN MARTINEL

Nephew of M. Martinel, a painter; not yet thirty years of age, but already well known and the recipient of various honors.

LEON DE PETITPRÉ

Brother to Gilberts Martinel, a young lawyer about thirty years of age.

M. MARTINEL

An old gunmaker of Havre, aged fifty-five.

M. DE PETITPRÉ

An old magistrate, officer of the Legion of Honor. Aged sixty.

DR. PELLERIN

A fashionable physician of about thirty-five.

MME. DE RONCHARD

Sister to M. de Petitpré, about fifty-five years of age.

HENRIETTE LÉVÊQUE

Nicknamed Musotte; a little model, formerly Jean Martinel’s mistress. Twenty-two years of age.

MME. FLACHE

A midwife. Formerly a ballet-dancer at the Opera. About thirty-five years of age.

GILBERTE MARTINEL

Daughter of M. and Mme. de Petitpré, married in the morning to Jean Martinel. About twenty years old.

LISE BABIN

A nurse, about twenty-six.

SERVANTS

Time: Paris of to-day. The first and third acts take place in M. de Petitpré’s drawing-room.

The second act takes place in Musotte’s bedchamber.

ACT I

SCENE I

(A richly yet classically furnished drawing-room in M. de Petitpré’s house. A table, C.; sofas, R.; chairs and armchairs, L. Wide doors, C., opening upon a terrace or gallery. Doors R. and L. of C. Lighted lamps.)

Enter from R. M. de Petitpré, Monsieur Martinel, Madame de Ronchard, Léon de Petitpré, Jean and Gilberte. Gilberte is in her bridal attire, but without wreath and veil.

MME. DE RONCHARD [after bowing to M. Martinel, whose arm she relinquishes, seats herself R.]

Gilberte, Gilberte!

GILBERTE [leaves Jean’s arm]

What is it, Auntie?

MME. DE RONCHARD

The coffee, my dear child.

GILBERTE [goes to the table]

I will give you some, Auntie.

MME. DE RONCHARD

Don’t soil your gown.

LÉON [comes up]

No, no, not to-day shall my sister serve coffee. The day of her marriage! No, indeed, I will take care of that. [To Mme. de Ronchard.] You know that I am a lawyer, my dear Aunt, and therefore can do everything.

MME. DE RONCHARD

Oh, I know your abilities, Léon, and I appreciate them —

LÉON [smiles, and gives his Aunt a cup of coffee]

You are too good.

MME. DE RONCHARD [taking cup, dryly]

For what they are worth.

LÉON [aside, turns to the table]

There she goes again – another little slap at me! That is never wanting. [offers a cup to Martinel.] You will take a small cup, won’t you, M. Martinel, and a nip of old brandy with it? I know your tastes. We will take good care of you.

MARTINEL

Thank you, Léon.

LÉON [to Petitpré]

Will you have a cup, father?

PETITPRÉ

I will, my son.

LÉON [to the newly married couple, seated L. and talking aside]

And you, you bridal pair there? [The couple, absorbed in each other, do not answer.] Oh, I suppose we must not bother you. [He sets cup down on the table].

PETITPRÉ [to Martinel]

You don’t smoke, I believe?

MARTINEL

Never, thank you.

MME. DE RONCHARD

You astonish me! My brother and Léon would not miss smoking each day for anything in the world. But what an abomination a cigar is!

PETITPRÉ

A delicious abomination, Clarisse.

LÉON [turns to Mme. de Ronchard]

Almost all abominations are delicious, Auntie; in fact many of them, to my personal knowledge, are exquisite.

MME. DE RONCHARD

You naughty fellow!

PETITPRÉ [takes Léon’s arm]

Come and smoke in the billiard-room, since your aunt objects to it here.

LÉON [to Petitpré]

The day when she will love anything except her spaniels —

PETITPRÉ

Hold your tongue and come along. [Exit C.]

MARTINEL [to Mme. de Ronchard]

This is the sort of marriage that I like – a marriage that, in this Paris of yours, you don’t have very often. After the wedding breakfast, which takes place directly after you come from the church, all the guests go home, even the maids of honor and the ushers. The married couple remain at home and dine with their parents or relatives. In the evening they play billiards or cards, just as on an ordinary night; the newly married couple entertain each other. [Gilberte and Jean rise, and hand in hand slowly retire C.] Then, before midnight, good night!

MME. DE RONCHARD [aside]

Which is altogether very bourgeois!

MARTINEL [sits R. upon the sofa beside Mme. de Ronchard]

As to newly married couples – instead of going on that absurd and traditional thing you call a honeymoon, it is far better for them to go at once to the apartment or house prepared for them. I dare say you will think my plan lacking in fashion and display, but I cannot help that. For myself, I must say that I like absence of all ostentation.

MME. DE RONCHARD

Your plan is not according to the customs of polite society, Monsieur.

MARTINEL

Polite society, indeed! Why, there are thirty-six different kinds of polite society. For instance, take Havre.

MME. DE RONCHARD [interrupts]

I know only ours. [Corrects herself.] That is, I mean to say, mine, which is the correct one.

MARTINEL

Oh, naturally, naturally! Nevertheless, simple as it may be, this marriage is an acknowledged fact, and I hope that you have taken into your good books my dear nephew, who, until now —

MME. DE RONCHARD

I can hardly help doing so since he is my brother’s son-in-law, and my niece’s husband.

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